Tuesday, February 21, 2017

The $21 million part-time coach

Today, the great Alex Rodriguez will grace Tampa with his sainted presence, the first of three days in which the beloved Yankee special life instructor will impart his vast base of experience to the less-evolved mollusks of humanity.

“To extend the knowledge he has about how to play the game, talk to the young kids and some of the expectations: how to deal with some of the different positions and how to hit, how to hit in the middle of the order,’’ Girardi said when asked what was planned for Rodriguez. “Those are the things we want him to offer insight to our young players and to the older players as well.’’

Amen, brother Joe. Spoken like a pope reading from his binders.

Hence, we get to embrace three golden, never-to-be-forgotten days with the human vortex of delight known as A-Rod. The things he will say! The wisdoms he will bring forth! O, come let us adore him.

In fact, if I were granted an audience with The Great One, I would try to distill my essential hopes and fears into one burning question: 

How the fuck did you pull this off? 

Three days? Last I looked, A-Rod is on the clip for the full $21 million, a year's worth of playing time, if he could still hit. Where I come from, that should also mean a year's worth of coaching time, or announcing time, or Scrantonian time - or something, anything, that will add to the Yankee fruit plate. Three days? Are you kidding me? He'll show up for a few selfies and a news conference, then disappear back to the boat?

Beyond the haughty words and embraces, I can't help but wonder if A-Rod remains a pariah within the Yankee brain trust. Three days? That's ridiculous. This guy should be a full-time coach, if not with the Yankees, with their minor league system - as a roving trouble-shooter. My guess is that if he worked with a Dermis Garcia or a Blake Rutherford, it might turn out to be the best $21 million the Steinbrenners ever pissed down a well. But he should be there every day, 24/7, like the wise-ass ancient masters in martial arts movies, who can still kick the karate kid's butt, if needed.

A three day resurrection? Crazy. My secret hope is that A-Rod glad-hands his way into the Yankee front office, and eventually repeals and replaces Brian Cashman. All that vast knowledge of baseball - plus, he sure knows how to cut deals as a coach. Three days. Wow. Ring the victory clock.

4 comments:

Tom said...

I am sure A-Rod will also provide invaluable services to the Yankees during the season, jetting in perhaps to tell Aaron Judge that he misses the ball too frequently when he swings. Please resist the temptation to look at these three days and the $21 million payout and think that he's making $7 million a day. That would be wrong. If you factor in Old Timers Day and other nostalgic events, along with the troubleshooting coaching assignments, I doubt he'll be making more than $1 million a day -- and a lot less than that when you factor in taxes and all the agents and groupies who get a slice of his pie. Sad situation for a guy who's in his final year of Big Money for the rest of his life. I have no doubt, though, that Alex will soldier on.

I'm Bill White said...

If you piss in a well, doesn't that mean someone else ends up drinking your piss? Wait. Wait. Are we the people served by this metaphorical well of yours? Does this mean that we've been drinking Hal's piss? Am I going to be OK?

John M said...

There's an article on ESPN.com today about the possibility of A-Rod becoming the Yankees manager at some point in the future. According to the article, Hal loves him, and his rehabilitation in terms of p.r. is complete. I wouldn't object. As long as he doesn't have binders. For whatever his faults as a player, watching him on Fox is a primer in why Joe Buck should be announcing Demolition Derbys in Pedoink, Iowa. Smart, articulate, encyclopedic knowledge of the game, doesn't look like the Screaming Skull like some binder lovers....yeah, I could enjoy manager Rodriguez. Plus, he would be the best coach on the staff. Of course, Joey B is still the odds-on favorite to be with us next year after he signs a new contract, so there are still years to suffer through before it could ever happen.

Alphonso said...

Hal loves him because;

A-Rod is pretty damn rich and qualifies as a 1% er;
No athlete ever spoke to Hal either in HS or college ( or elementary school, I'm sure );
He would like make a terrible general manager, or coach, thus extending the Yankee tradition of incompetence.
A-Rod has many discarded babes who, for the right price, might have a hamburger at Hooters with Hal.
He could, with a new contract, become the highest paid manager , ever.

On we go, into the valley of death, this flailing and failing Yankee franchise. Ride on.