Monday, February 6, 2017
Posted by el duque at 7:44 AM
The worst thing that could happen... is upon us.
Meanwhile, we are watching the Knickification of New York sports. Our former rivalry with Boston - let's not kid ourselves any more - has disappeared along with Hal Steinbrenner... the boy owner who is now cowering under his bed, counting the days until his luxury taxes end. Boston can walk away with the 2017 AL East, and we will be expected to celebrate how Hal saved a few shiny thin dimes. Shall we hold a parade down the Canyon of Deductions? Instead of a pennant flag, shall we fly his spreadsheet over Yankee Stadium? Will we simply lie down while Boston wins multiple championships?
Oh, wait... maybe the Cubs can stop them! Or the Mets, or Cleveland... some team with an actual five-man rotation - as opposed to our three-man weave. Who needs a fourth and fifth starter anyway, when you've got the city of Scranton on retainer? Maybe Bryan Mitchell will emerge out of nowhere to win 20! And Chad Green will be the Surprise of 2017! Let's write in "TBA" and go drinking. While Boston parties, we'll go to the movies. Let's see what's on. A new Matt Damon flick! And Ben Affleck! And Casey Affleck! How many fucking Afflecks are there? They'll fight with Mark Wahlberg and Dennis Leary over who plays Brady. The loser will be Andrew Benintendi. Meanwhile, we can watch TV - like, huh? - Rachel Maddow? WTF? THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS MOVING TO BOSTON!
For the record: I'm not suggesting the Yankees trade prospects for a pitcher. Screw that. It's simply time for Prince Hal to do something more than making cringe-worthy statements about Aroldis Chapman's personal choices.
Travis Wood is out there. Doug Fister is out there. Jared Weaver, CJ Wilson, Jonathon Niese, Chien-Ming Wang - yeah, none is a Cy Young, but they are out there, trolling our Facebook pages like Ted Nugent, begging for a one-and-out. Meanwhile, Hal struts around like that red-haired lady who plays Irritable Bowel Syndrome on the TV commercials, pretending our rotation is secure in just the way the Falcons last night started planning their victory dance videos. Last week, Hal said Yankee fans should forget El Chapo's domestic abuse. What he meant was that we should forget that we have a three-man rotation followed by the cast of Stranger Things II.
We are at least one veteran starter shy of challenging the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM.) I mock them with that phrase, hoping they won't be as good as they think they are. But it sure would be a shame if, for all their stumbling, they still walk away with the AL East... because we were left to cheer Prince Hal's frugality.