By this time next week, the Yankiverse will be ejaculating with news tidbits about so-and-so arriving "in the best shape of his career," and "primed for a breakout season," maybe even having "a whole new outlook," raising hopes among fans... and eyebrows among the hookers of Tampa.
Fake news. Might as well come from Macedonia middle-schoolers. Brace yourselves, folks. The first wave of bullshit is about to arrive.
In the meantime, we must make-do with these slippery little news-like thingys.
The Yankees have released seven minor league pitchers you never heard of and, now, never will. All I'm saying is this: One was/is named - get this - Zak Wasserman, and he had been signed last year from - get this - the Windy City Thunderbolts. I swear this is true. If I'm lying, may the Irritatible Bowel Syndrome lady appear unto my water closet. There is/was a Zak Wasserman and a Windy City Thunderbolts, but neither matters any more to the future of the Yankees. Wait. That's too harsh. Being an obscure writer, I have a thing for obscure players. Let's wish Zak Wasserman the best. Let's wish them all good luck. And if they get a chance to sit it out or dance... I hope they dance.
Newsday asks, "What's next for Gary Sanchez?" (In the competition for asking trenchant questions, Charlie Rose aint losing sleep.) What's next for Gary? My guess: He shows up for camp this week "in the best shape of his career" and "ready for a breakout season." What's next for Newsday? Clicks, I guess. Isn't that why you use questions in headlines? Because you have no answers? What's next for IT IS HIGH? That would have been a better tag, no?
Brian Cashman went on talk radio yesterday to hawk the brand - (By the way, Kellyanne could have done a better job) - and basically said the reason for signing all-or-nothing back-up DH Chris Carter was that he was... cheap. Real cheap. It's rare that the Retrieval Empire's bold and courageous flea market strategy has been so nakedly revealed. If the price is right, Cash will buy anything - maybe even a team Squatty Potty. Will we sign a last minute rag arm? Yes, as long as nobody else puts in a bid.
Now that the buzzwords of "public altercation" and "resisting arrest" have faded, New Yorkers are starting to realize that they have far more respect for Charles Oakley than James Dolan, owner of the worst-run sports franchise on planet Earth. The Gray Lady's Michael Powell writes, "The Knicks seemed to realize Friday that they had taken a sledgehammer to their brand, as N.B.A. stars such as Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Paul, as well as former players and television celebrities, rallied quickly to Oakley’s defense." Whatever Oakley may have shouted at Dolan - he claims he said nothing - there's not a Knick fan in captivity who wouldn't have yelled worse. You know those GOP Congressional oil cans who are getting screamed at in town meetings? That's nothing compared to what Dolan would hear, if he were ever put in a room with ticket-holders. This isn't over. Hashtag: We are all Charles Oakley.