Monday, February 25, 2019

Searching for meaning in a meaningless universe...

Ah, the first butter-flaked signs of spring! Zolio! I'm crying the name of Zolio Almonte, who used to rule in these games. In these pre-March ejaculations of power, Zolio wowed us with homers. He was Mr. February! ZOLIO!

In 2014, the Empire launched an experiment to see the effect of turning 16-year-olds into millionaires. This was wasteful, if you think about it. All they had to do was look at Hal Steinbrenner, himself a veritable Koch brother at puberty. They bestowed about $25 million on a dozen strapping Latino honeypots, the biggest being a clunk named Dermis Garcia, who - like most of the bunch - hasn't yet shinnied above single A. 

Of that mutant international class, one lesser payout has become the last Yankee hope. His name is Estevan Florial, and he could be a star someday if only he stops whiffing in one of every three at bats. Florial had a terrible 2018 - didn't hit, got hurt, returned and didn't hit - yet moved up in the prospect rankings, which shows what kind of year it was for the farms. And yesterday, Florial showed why the book is open. He stole two bases in two attempts, and also struck out. He'll probably start 2019 at single A with Dermis and the rest of the Ameritraders. ZOLIO!

But but BUT...  there were moments to notice in yesterday's victory.

Tyler Wade is this year's Zolio. Raise your glass if you thought he had fallen into a pit or been traded to the Miami Dolphins. Wade whacked two doubles yesterday, playing outfield. Meanwhile, our regular SS Troy Tulowitsky has yet to see a down. Maybe today. Also, DJ LeMahieu - the man who never strikes out - struck out. 

Linebacker Luke Voit homered, and Johnny Lasagna - aka Jonathan Loaisiga - pitched two scoreless innings. We beat the damn Rays, showing that in February and March, we remain Tampa's team. ZOLIO!


TheWinWarblist said...


Fuckers ... sigh ...

13bit said...

Did we just extend Hicks?

Anonymous said...


Yes. Seven years. $70 Mil. Players must be freaking out right about now. Stars unsigned. Established players taking long term deals for less to avoid free agency. Hicks deal is 10M per. That used to be chump change.

I guess, since he never had a real payday and spends his time with multimillionaire teammates he saw which way the wind was blowing and 70M is still a LOT of money to earn in seven years. At least in the real world.

Now what happens to Florial? I know he has not been good but he was the heir apparent in CF. So after next year Frazier in LF and Florial is the back up CF?

Doug K.

JM said...

7 years? Really? But 9 or 10 is too long for Cano, Machado, or Harper? And we can take on Stanton's ridiculous contract for, what, 7 years?

These guys really are assholes. Incredible.

JM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JM said...

Oh, and Ellsbury.

By the way, I don't want all my carping to overshadow the feel-good story of Spring Training. I hope the guy makes it all the way back.

Anonymous said...

John M,

I don't think that the number of years matter that much as far as the deal goes. They are paying him slightly more than Brett Gardener per year to get according to some metric I read at RAB the third most productive center fielder in baseball. I'm not so sure this is possible but to be fair I only watch the Yankees.

It's kind of like the Gary Sanchez love. I guess ability is relative to the competition. As far as the deal goes...

Let's say Hicks falls off a cliff for the last three years and they have to release him. It's only 30M or, in baseball financial terms "One and a half Ellsburies, or a single A-Rod. That's bupkis.

It's these stupid metrics. A year of Hicks at 10M >>>> A year of Harper at 30M because Harper's production isn't 3X Hicks production. But they forget that a Harper at bat is 4X as entertaining as a Hicks AB. It sucks.

That said, it's kind of a steal for the Yankees and says volumes about how far the scales are tipping towards the owners in terms of player compensation. That sucks too.

Doug K.

Leinstery said...

No one, and I mean NO ONE wanted 7 more years of Hicks. He's 29 now and has never been more than a good defensive player and an inconsistent hitter. Cashman thought it was prudent to lock down this average (I'm being generous) player until he was 36.

Vampifella said...

Met fan fav Lee Mazzilli is on the team and playing 2B? He does fit the team's playing old cheap players. Has to be his grandson or something.