Saturday, February 23, 2019

Sports Illustrated just peed on Giancarlo Stanton

It's only a parlor game, of course, but America's last great jock-sniffing glossy, Sports Illustrated, has ranked the Top 100 MLB players and, in doing so, hosed a few bigwig Yankees. 

Most notably, the mag lists Giancarlo Stanton as 29th, behind the likes of Anthony Rendon, Matt Chapman and Aaron Nola - none of whom could qualify for Dancing with the Stars. According to SI, if the Martians challenged Earth to a best of seven series - a la' Space Jam - Giancarlo wouldn't make our 25-man roster. He'd be in Scranton.

Normally, I wouldn't comb my hair with such a dab of Gammonitic grease. I mean, who cares what a bunch of fat old white guys in NYC think? Give us the swimsuit edition already! Still, my guess is that Stanton is enough of an egoist to check the list and feel his ears redden over the ranking. That's okay, because he needs to do something about it. 
The Bambino

Truth be told, his 2018 numbers - 38 HRs, 100 RBIs, .266 - shouldn't push him anywhere near the top 10, and my boldest memory of the bum is him flailing at three pitches out of the zone in the final inning of the playoffs - an image as seared into my head as the one of Trump's fat rump. If Stanton simply doesn't swing, if he just closes his eyes and counts to 100, he walks, we tie the game and maybe roar back the following night in Boston. Until Stanton does something noteworthy, it's the freshest memory I have.

Okay, to quench your curiosity, Mike Trout ranks No. 1 as baseball's It Girl, Mookie Betts follows, and here are the other Yankees ranked: 

Aaron Judge, 10.
Luis Severino, 28.
Giancarlo, 29. 
Gary Sanchez, 51. (I don't get this, either.)
James Paxton, 58.
Gleyber Torres, 70.

Aaron Hicks, 78.
J.A. Happ, 79.

For the record, the Redsocks score seven on the list. (The Yanks have the most, with eight.)

Yep, it's all bogus, Mel Kiperesque, time-passing, ignorant crapola. But big stars have big egos, and some Olympian gods just got b-listed. Aroldis? Not mentioned. Dellin? Nope. Masahiro? Sorry. Zach-Zack? Be serious. Even Sir Didi got dissed, though surely that's due to the injury. I hope somebody leaves a copy in the Yankee clubhouse. A lot of multi-millionaires just got ranked behind Whitt Merrfield, at #54. It's time to go to work, fellas. 

17 comments:

HoraceClarke66 said...

That is, as you say, Duque, simply senseless.

I assume they believe Sanchez was just injured, and will bounce back quickly to his old form. I'd like to believe that, too, though I don't know if I can.

But if it is the case, where's Didi?

Frankly, I would not rank Stanton in the top 100.

And here Sabremetriciousness once again flies completely off the rails:

—Miguel Andujar, a much better hitter already than Stanton, and in fact the best hitter on the Yankees: doesn't make the Top 100 because some Sabremetricians have determined that his bad fielding maybe costs the team one run every 10 games (that is literally their calculation).

—Gaincarlo Stanton, a much worse hitter than Andujar and so bad a fielder the Yankees won't play him in the field if they can possibly help it: number 29!

The now seemingly universal assumption that Stanton just needed to adjust to New York and that now he will bounce back to his Miami form continues to amaze me.

I think there's a much higher probability that AL pitchers, having taken a good look at what this guy will swing at—and what he cannot hit—will feed him nothing but sliders outside the strike zone. Good luck with that.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


I may never forgive you for posting that picture of Trump's fat ass.

Indelibly etched indeed.

John M said...

Lou Gehrig hit 493 home runs and had a .340 lifetime batting average.

To hell with these pikers. Stanton was a massive mistake, and always will be, the A-Rod of his Yankees era.

If we had five guys who could hit .300, we'd crush everybody.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Over time, I have noticed that I generally agree with John M's words.

However: Can anyone name a team now extant that has FIVE guys hitting .300....?

Or even four....or three....????

I admit, I don't pay a lot of attention to the NL.

Here are the NL average leaders for 2018:
http://www.espn.com/mlb/stats/batting/_/league/nl

...if you include Nick Markakis (hit .297), there are two teams with 2 guys each in the top nine. Only 8 guys hit .300 or better.

The AL 2018 leaders--
http://www.espn.com/mlb/stats/batting/_/league/al

....show 2 guys from Boston (#1 and #2). The 10th-ranked by average is our own Miggy, at .297. Only 8 of them hit .300 or better.

So: In all of baseball 2018, 16 guys hit .300 or better.

TheWinWarblist said...

Baseball is being played in places that are warm. Where is my Bryce? Manny has signed. That should set the price for Harper. Where is my Bryce?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, LBJ, and it's Rumpy's best feature; glad I didn't eat or drink anything before clicking in today.

Bryce is nice,

Andy is dandy (Andy-DOOO-Har, that is)

and Stanton could use a dose of Scranton (where he only gets fed low-and-away sliders)

I want some of whatever those old white guys consumed before they made up that "list"

- - omit our entire pen, indeed! LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

ENRAGING....

I KEEP READING WHERE COOP SAYS HE PROFESSED TO GEORGE YEARS AGO...

"YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM ALL"....

I WANNA KILL THE MOTHERFUCKER.

DOES HE REALIZE WE DON'T GET ANYONE ANYMORE?

WE SIGNED ELLSBURY, MCCANN, AND TANAKA ALL AT THE END OF 2013/BEGINNING OF THE 2014 SEASON.

SINCE THEN, WE HAVEN'T DONE SHIT!...IT HAS BEEN 6 YEARS NOW!!!!!

WE MISSED OUT ON DAVID PRICE (FOR BETTER OR WORSE)..

MAX SCHERZER (DISASTER)..

JUSTIN TURNER..

NELSON CRUZ ..

JAKE ARRIETA..

JD. MARTINEZ..(DISASTER)..

EDWIN ENCARNACION...

MANNY MACHAADO..

BRYCE HARPER..

DALLAS KEUCHEL..

PATRICK CORBIN..

GIO GONZALEZ..

CHARLIE MORTON..

WE HAVEN'T DONE A FUCKING THING THAT HAS MADE A DIFFERENCE IN A NEW YORK MILLENNIUM!

ALL WE DO IS PASS, PASS, PASS.

GO FUCK YOURSELF COOP.

GO FUCK YOURSELF HAL.

STOP WASTING OUR TIME, BECAUSE WE ARE TOO OLD TO BE STUCK WITH A NO GOOD LOSER LIKE YOU, YOU BUM!!! (THESE ARE THE EXACT LINES SPOKEN FROM ROCKY TO MICKEY IN ROCKY II).

WE NEED AN OLDER OWNER WHO WANTS TO WIN BEFORE HE KICKS THE BUCKET LIKE THE GREAT ROBERT KRAFT!

Anonymous said...

SORRY, THE ROCKY QUOTE WAS FROM MICKEY TO ROCKY IN ROCKY II (NOT VICE VERSA)...

Leinstery said...

Hey gang I have some bad news. According to the Post, Bird had a good game today and Bird said It's the best he's felt in a while. I think we all know that he just bought himself 4 more months of endless chances.

13bit said...

Devastating list, ALL CAPS, devastating.

And you know what? Why CAN'T you have them all? Especially when you have BILLIONS so spend. That's a horse shit line from a moron. They are all laughing at us.

Revenues are at record highs while salaries have remained the same. Wow, that sounds like the US economy since the '70s, as well as just baseball.

Oh well. I'm just a poor schmuck who bleeds pinstripes. Thanks, Hal. You have done so much for us. HOW THE FUCK can we ever repay you, little lord Halligator?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yeah, we started 2019 the same way we ended 2018—with a loss to the Red Sox. Hurrah.

ALL-CAPS, I keep dreading who Coops was talking about when he said that.

Bringing in Manny Ramirez in 2001? Damon in 2002? Ortiz in 2003? Vlad the Impaler in 2004?

Exactly which player was it who would have won us another 3-7 rings this century?

Any of the Latins we didn't even make a bid on? Aroldis the first time around? Jose Abreu? Cespedes, Yasiel Puig? Or was it Yu Darvish? Or Scherzer?

Don't get me started...

HoraceClarke66 said...

And steady on, John M.!!

A-Rod at least won us one championship with terrify clutch hitting all year, followed b a great clutch postseason in 2009.

I guarantee yu: we will NEVER see that from Giancarlo.

John M said...

I had considered mentioning that A-Rod had one great year, but that almost, on its own, said how depressing his stint was.

But you're right. We won't see that from John Carlo.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Also, BESIDES that great year, he won two MVPs, in one of which he hit 54 homers. AND he played Gold Glove-caliber 3B, though of course the sportswriters in their wisdom gave the awards to Jeter, whose career he helped prolong.

I know it was done with PEDs. But then, he was playing against who knows how many juiced up guys...and who knows if Giancarlo has been juicing or not?

I don't really approve of A-Rod's career. The PEDs are a really horrible idea, and through-and-through, he was something of a fraud and a constant irritant and distraction.

But he DID produce, and the established narrative that HE was the problem with those years—not the inability of The Usual Suspects to come up with enough pitching or role players, and not the flame outs of other juicers like Giambi (who constantly castigated Rodriguez)—still galls me.

Anonymous said...

LB(NoJ), How about AnDU Can Do? Is that his HR call? - It should be. I don't remember. Is it AnDUjar hit it far?


My Take Away From Yesterday's Game:

Speaking of AnDUjar... His range looked terrible yesterday There was a ball that he couldn't get to but Wade did by running over to the third base side of Andujar. Tulo will NOT be able to do that. Two guys without range on the same side is a VERY scary thought.

Re: Stanton

Call me Wishmael but I'm still in the great year from Giancarlo camp.

Look at it this way. Prior to last year I saw the guy play ZERO times. But he won the MVP the year prior and if he was a free agent after that year we'd be all Harper on him (and you know it's true).

I've mentioned in the past that he is a creature of EXTREME habit and last year would be very disruptive for an OCD addled person. This year should be a lot better for him.

Most of our unhappiness stems around his inability to lay of the slider outside and in the dirt. To help him the Yankees hired a pitch recognition therapist (for the minors but I think he's in camp) and a hypnotherapist. If both of those approaches fail I have a solution.

You know that golf aide that is basically a fish hook that you put under your balls so if you lift your head up during your swing it "reminds" you not to do that? I'm sure one could be created that would teach a similar lesson.

But I digress. Stanton signed the highest contract in MLB history. And, while past performance is not an indicator of future revenue, uh... performance, you don't get that contract without having the ability.

He is still in his prime and he is/was/will be a hell of a ball player.

And yes, I know I've mocked him. It's what I do. I suppose I could stick to mocking Bird. (have you heard about me mocking Bird?) Sorry.

Bottom line: 40 HRs 118 RBI .271 And fewer strikeouts. I'll take it.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

From your lips to God's ears, Doug K., and hey, Stanton did carry the team at times last year.

But that inability to lay off the slider...even with a pitcher who obviously can't get the ball over the plate, in a critical situation...

Going by the actuarial, Giancarlo should begin his descent this coming year—and as it was, his OPS dropped about 150 points last year. It also doesn't help that he's on a team that only encourages him in all his worst habits: "Swing of the fences! Take close pitches!"

I still don't know that it was a bad trade for him; all we gave up was Starlin Castro. But of course we now know we would have been better off signing Martinez. And if, as it now seems, signing Stanton meant we would not sign a big free agent again in our lifetimes, well, then, this could have been ruinous.

But hate's more on Hal than on Stanton, of course. I wish Giancarlo well. Having now seen him at length, though, I would not expect anything beyond the major-league strikeout record...

Anonymous said...

Hoss,

Fair enough. The slider issue is scary. Also, while I'm not an Arod fan I'm glad you pointed out the good years. We should only get as much from Stanton.

And yes, the no more big names is totally on Hal.

Just saw Luke hit a monster shot to center and make a nice play at first. So there's hope.

Doug K.