Rocket v. Beercan: Squattergate Hearings Near

The blood match between Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee reaches fever pitch game 7 tomorrow. The latest volleys:

Commissioner Hank Waxman benched Andy Pettitte and Chuck Knoblauch from the session, fearing they won't hit, won't fight, might quote Psalms, and, in Knobby's case, somebody in the second row could get beaned by an errant paperweight.

Some say this favors Beercan. They say Andy didn't want to go on TV and say his best bud was taking illegal super-Flintstones through the J-Lo. So the Wax Man will have a staffer quote from Andy's deposition, hopefully emphasizing the steamy parts.

The Post claims Andy made no sense anyway, a truckload of hems and haws, so maybe the Commish was just eliminating the undercard to go with the primetime gladiatorial beef. Baseball fever, inject it.

Our esteemed lawmakers have vowed not to let their kinky manlust for Rocket -- embarrassingly slobbery autograph and photo sessions --interfere with their mission, whatever it is, aside from trying to not slobber while recreating the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill horror hearings. Didn't Pedro Martinez get whacked recently for being the cutman at a cockfight?

(NOTE: We at IT IS HIGH hereby vow to pay $20.00 to anybody -- ANYBODY -- who utters the phrase "Long Dong Silver" while on the stand. )

Newsday claims Andy once saw Rocket buffed and man-boobed and exclaimed, "Break me off a piece o' dat!" It might have been a plea to God, requesting eternal peace, but it sure sounds like a pitch for Beercan to mix up an enhancement power spritizer.

Finally, Rocket’s lawyer, The Sheik, took the time to rip a no-name IRS agent for planning to attend tomorrow's knife match, warning that “Rocket will eat his lunch.”

No doubt, the agent will claim it as a write-off. Play ball.