Yankeetorial: To build 2010 team, Yankees must keep lying

Last December, nobody in the Yankiverse believed Brian Cashman could sign CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett and Mark Teixteira.

Why?

We believed Brian Cashman.

In terms of candor, he was worse than the dirtiest, lyingest, snake-oiliest, lobbyist-owned congressman -- thank God!

Because the Yankees wanted to win in 2009 -- as opposed to being praised for integrity on "The View" -- they thought enough of us fans to poormouth... doubletalk... forktongue... jellylip... fecesthroat... grubword... yes, to lie!

Thus, everywhere, you heard how CC was staying on the Coast, how Mark was going to Baltimore, how AJ was under the radar. The source of all those jellylipped grubwords? The Yankees.

Because we want to win, dammot!

Good grief, if they outed themselves, every blog in creation would spill our the team's plans like SuperFrankenstein firing off creamseed over a racy photo of Bea Arthur.

Embrace it! Yankee fans.

Love it! Yankee fans.

WE ARE BEING LIED TO! THANK GOD!

So... where do you get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? WELL, YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT, BRONCO! And the truth is this.

IF WE SIGN JOHN LACKEY, WE WILL WIN THE 2010 WORLD SERIES.

Too expensive? Maybe. Better uses of money? Maybe. Other options? Maybe. But think this:

Keep this team together, sign Johnny and Andy - maybe let Hideki go, as they say, though they may be lying! -- that's $13 million a year in savings. That's John Lackey. That's lower payroll. That's our second starter. That's Boston gasping for air. That's the Angels and Redsocks in a bidding war for Halladay. That's us sitting back with Joba, Hughes, Jesus and Jackson. That's us waiting for Josh Johnson. That's us in the Canyon of Heroes, November 2010.