Don't get me wrong. The season won't end this weekend. No matter what happens, we'll still lead the bastards by several games. But let's bite down on these salted cashews of truth:
If we sweep them, they're done. Kaput. It's over. The vengeful Nation will demand rolling heads, and Theo will don his gorilla suit to waive and dump the culprets. The Patriots have opened training camp. Fall will mean googling Tom Brady's wife.
If we take three of four, they're likely done. They'll talk up the fact that Pedroia will soon return, but they'll be staggering toward a fall. By Aug. 31, Dice K and Papelbon will be playing for other teams. Fall will mean rooting against the Yankees.
If we split with them, they're in deep shit. They wasted a 4-game shot on us. Youkilis might not be back this year. They'll probably look to pick up a hitter on a waiver deal, but it'll be a bigger Hail Mary pass than Doug Flutie ever threw for BC. Fall will mean watching drinking.
If we win just one, we're in trouble, because we wasted our chance to put them away, just as we have piddled around this entire season. Cashman's recent trades will be questioned, if not condemned. The writers will talk about the age of this team. Relations between the players and the media will ice-up. We will have to almost immediately go on a winning streak to correct things -- which we often do after losing to Boston.
If we get swept... well, let's put it this way... To be swept at home by a makeshift Redsock club without Pedroia and Youkilis, with Kevin Cash behind the plate and Jacoby Ellsbury afraid to run hard... it would be the Reverse Boston Massacre that they have thirsted for... it would mean Mariano surely blows a game, and when Mariano blows up, we usually lose a bunch in a row. We'd still have a lead, but it wouldn't last the month. Cashman's new players -- Berkman, Kearns, Wood -- could become boo-magnets. The Giants and Jets are in camp. Surely, some have wives worth googling.
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