Wednesday, October 29, 2014

New York City has a new Jeter, and his name is Taylor Swift

We now know who must throw out the first ball in Yankee Stadium next opening day. Last month, some fools would have suggested it be Derek Jeter. Pttuui. Not anymore.

It's gotta be Ms. New York, none other than Taylor Swift.

Same with the next enshrinement in Monument Park. I'm not saying the Evils should drop Bernie Williams from their plans. They merely must add space for the Swift plaque... or maybe a statue of Taylor, walking the streets she so loves in one of her dazzling mini-dresses.

Yesterday, presumably around the time that Jose Canseco was accidentally shooting himself, Taylor Swift was surfacing as New York City's new global ambassador. 

Apparently, Artie Lang has lost a step.

I can see the reasoning. The NYC brain trust realized that Taylor Swift - with a new album and a cruise ship full of micro-minis - has a huge following, and the suits said, "We can get a piece!" They missed out on Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus. They botched Lady Gaga. But here comes Taylor Swift - like the free agent pitcher whose spent her last five seasons in Kansas City. This is bigger than bringing A-Rod to New York. By signing her, New York doesn't even need to surrender a top pick in next year's celebrity draft.

If Brian Cashman can find one more light-hitting speedster to match Jacoby Ellsbury and Brett Gardner, the Bronx Bombers can become the City Swifts - sort of like "Steinbrenner's Striders," back in the Omar Moreno dead ball era.

Yep, this is perfect. Whenever you think of NYC, you picture the icons: Bagels, skyscrapers, dog turds, Taylor Swift! 

From now on, after every win, the Yankees need to ditch Sinatra's "New York, New York." They should play, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." Her new album is titled "1989." Quick! Can we retire another number?


Alphonso said...

Please note: If Cashman finds another light-hitting, swifty to play the outfield with Brett and Jacoby, the Yankee outfield will still be slower than that of KC Royals.

I'm just saying.

joe de pastry said...

The only place for her at The Stadium is in my lap, but she'll have to pay for the ticket because I can't afford to go there anymore.

KD said...

I'd like a piece of that too...