Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Congratulations to Gary Denbo, new Yankee Vice President of (cough) Whatever

The Yankees yesterday promoted Gary Denbo to Vice President of Somethingorother, replacing Mark Newman, who is retiring after 100 years, or at least it seemed like 100 years. Denbo will the Yankees 15th vice president. (They have more vice presidents than pitchers.)

First, on behalf of the Yankiverse, let us say: Congrats, Mr. Denbo! Best of luck, sir, in your new vice presidency!

Second, let's all breathe a sigh of relief, knowing the Yankees didn't have to go outside the organization to find a vice presidential candidate, so their waves of recent success will not be impeded.

Finally, while we at IT IS HIGH would never try to tell Mr. Denbo how to do his job, we do want to offer a few pieces of advice. Sir...

1. Always keep a supply of freshly sharpened pencils. You never know when Hal Steinbrenner might walk by the door, and you want to look busy. Remember: A sharpened pencil is a sharpened mind!

2. If you scratch somebody's Hummer in the lot, while moving into your new, upgraded, vice presidential parking space, make sure you leave a note on their windshield and pay full shot on the repair. Best to come clean fast, rather than spill your guts during the lie-detector tests.

3. Buy an expensive clipboard. Don't skimp. As a vice president, you'll need to employ the latest gagetry known to humankind.

4. Keep the shoes shined, fingernails trimmed, hair combed, and put away the joy-buzzer. You're in the bigs now! You're one of only 15 vice presidents.

5. Bring bagels or fancy donuts to executive conferences. Yes, it's expensive. Consider it an investment. Remember: The vice president who brings the most bagels can never be fired.

6. Don't buy one of those little click-clack silver ball devices that sit on your desk, making click-clack sounds all day, like the other vice presidents. Separate yourself. Buy one of those magnets that have the globe suspended a half inch from the desk top. You'll be amazed at how the other vice presidents come in and watch it all day.

7. Remember to reserve every 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. for the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show, then it's Hannity for the rest of the afternoon. It's important to stay informed.


KD said...

and remember that only Randy Levine gets to play with those ball-returning indoor putting machines on company time.

Alphonso said...

Nothing like promoting another hanger on to failure.

If this dude was worth spit, we wouldn't have such crappy players. What they needed to do was hire the personnel director from the Royals, or pretty much anywhere, given that we have the worst farm system in the league.

How will this dildo help?

John M said...

Well, he is a dildo. So he can help in the usual way that dildos do.

Yeah, Jennifer, I'm looking at you.