Saturday, October 25, 2014

Will someone please step up to the plate and take the job of Yankee batting coach?

Let's accept the fact that no rational human being would want the job.

You travel for 80 games, get blamed for every Yankee strikeout, and nobody - not even guys hitting .210 in their final incarnations - listens to a word you say. Then - poof! - George King writes that you've just been fired!

And what was your job, anyway? To "talk hitting" around the clock with Yankee players? That's what they loved to say about Kevin Long: "He'll talk hitting around the clock and never get tired." Seriously... how much "hitting" can anybody talk? After five hours, what is there to say?

Watch the ball. Square the shoulders. Drop the elbows. Guard the dish. Hey, don't worry about it, man! You'll get'm next time!

There... see? I'm Yankee hitting coach! You can be, too! The question is, why bother?

Two weeks ago, the Yankees ditched Kevin Long and first base coach Mick Kelleher, who has retired. The reaction of the Yankiverse seemed to go along two lines: 1) "Who cares? and 2) "Good riddance to anyone associated with last season."

Then it sank in. Every manager comes with a group of hangers-on, drinking pals and old roommates, who form his posse. Hal Steinbrenner just fired two of Joe's Entourage buddies - (think "Turtle" and "Johnny Drama.") to send a message: Manage harder.

So now, the Yankees are still searching for their 2015 whipping mule. They lost Chili Davis to the Redsocks, decided Dave Magadan talks too much to reporters, and they've been stiffed by Eric Hinske. Is Sidney Ponson available? Billy Crystal? Didn't Jenny McCarthy get dropped from The View? Can we buy a drone? Or will the team simply replace one old buddy with another?

Next up could be Dante Bichette Sr., one of Joe's oldest and best-est friends. Why not? Dante's son is a Yankee farm hand, just as Kevin Long's son is a Yankee farm hand. Dante can beg hitters to go the opposite way, just as Kevin Long begged hitters to go the opposite way. Dante can get fired, just as Kevin Long got fired.

Nobody wants the job. Come on, world. Send somebody to the plate.


Celerino Sanchez said...

Luis Soho, por favor?

Alphonso said...

I'll do it.

I'd get to see more games and I can bullshit " hitting" with anyone.

On my CV ut states, "I taught Derek everything he knows, when he was a kid in Michigan, or New Jersey."

You could look it up. Even better, ask Derek, for pete's sake.

Yes, I'll do it. I'll take the job.

If the pay and benefits are right.

A Wise Man said...

Perhaps we don't need a "hitting" coach. We couldn't be any worse, could we?