"Spring is here and the time is right for unrealistic goals
Last summer some hit the bottom rung,
but the new year brings high hopes"
-- "All Future and No Past," by The Baseball Project*
It's the year of "IF" for the Yankees.
IF Tanaka can stay healthy (or, probably more accurately, if Tanaka can get healthy) ... IF Ellsbury and Beltran can play a full season ... IF Bettances can pitch like last season, even though he's looked shitty all spring ... IF Teixiera can play like it's 2009 again, even though it's 2015 ... IF CC has his arm strength back now that he's eating Cap'n Crunch by the box again. ... IF ...
Shit, I can go on, but you get the gist. If everything goes right, we might just be able to make an improbable run to the Selig Bowl one-game playoff, and well, anything can happen once you get there!
Congratulations, Hal. You've officially turned Yankees fans into the equivalent of Pirates fans, Brewers fans, Diamondbacks fans, whatever.
We know that we really don't have top-tier talent, but we've got a bunch of "IFs" lined up in our head and we can cling to that "anything can happen" line to keep us delusional enough to be hopeful.
That's not supposed to us, Hal. That "All Future and No Past" song by The Baseball Project is supposed to be for fans of other teams, not us. We're not supposed to be the ones clinging to a longshot hope that if everything goes just right our team might just might sneak into the upper echelon. No, we're supposed to be the cynical bastards at the top waiting for things to fall apart.
The new view sucks, Hal.
So, what happened to our Opening Day hope?
Tanaka was ineffective. Our opponent put a good, young live arm on the mound and the middle of our lineup hit popups and flyballs into the shift. Our run production consisted of a solo home run. And we trotted out a bunch of middle relievers whom nobody has ever heard of.
Not exactly a promising start to the season.
So, Alphonso, stock up on the tequila. I'll order double my normal stock of Utica Club. We just might need it to get through the season.
* -- I'll bring one bit of good news today, though. The Baseball Project is making another Upstate New York appearance. Cooperstown again, this time at the Hall of Fame, on May 16.
Posts
6 comments:
I phone-monitored the game while drinking in a pub directly across from the London Playboy Club, watching Crystal Palace play Manchester City. Didn't see Heff or even Rob Schneider. Not one bunny. It is the bleakest set of opening day omens since the unveiling of Danny Tartabull in RF. I think Hal is onto something with this new respect for draft picks. The Yankees are going to be drafting really high one of these days. Home tonite. Primal screams tomorrow
Is it true that Didi G tried to steal third with two outs in the eighth inning of a five-run game, and later said, "it won't happen again?" Did that really happen? Tell me it didn't happen.
Sorry, Duque. It happened. John and Suzyn were aghast. John said, "It was a mistake, it was a young player's mistake." And then he went on to tell us that in his first year, Jeter did the same thing. "Now I'm not saying that Didi Gregorius is going to be another Derek Jeter..."
No, Master. No one is saying that.
Welcome home, Duque. You missed the mens' curling championships this past weekend. Best game was Canada-Norway on Saturday. Great play, some amazing shots.
I picked this team to finish fourth. BUT, we are fans, so that means we hope against hope.
Let's not write the team off until we at least get through May.
The two best Yankee teams of my lifetime looked like chumps on opening day. 1961 Yanks lost to the Twins 6-0; 1998 Yanks lost to Angels 4-1. Of course, we are at best a wild card team, but we can at least still hope for that.
IF John Sterling were Vin Scully. IF Brian Cashman only had a brain. IF Mickey Mantle could rise from the dead in 1956 form.This team will be lucky to win 79 games. IF the human race weren't going to be extinct in about a hundred years. What are you all smoking? This is the worst assemblage of washouts and incompetents and geriatrics to disgrace a Yankees uniform since 1967.
Forget it. Move on. Grow up. The dream is done.
Strat-o-Matic, 1961, anyone?
Hey, I know how to play this! If ands and buts were candy and nuts...
Post a Comment