Monday, May 8, 2017

The Cubbies don't wanna play us no more

I can't lie - (the juju gods have tapped my phone, anyway) - last night, I went to bed after the Yankees went down like slaughtered lambs in the eleventh. I'm not proud of the things I said. If there were racial slurs for pillows, I would today face a lifetime ban from my bed. This is some of what I said. Most is unworthy of this virtuous and respected Internet...

"How $%$# stupid were we! We're %^$# Met fans! Jet fans! Knick fans! We're $#%@ Bonehead Merkel Knick fans! It's the juju gods' oldest trick in the book: Heal the rotation, then collapse the bullpen! Get you hooked on Downton Abbey, then replace it with the fund-raiser. That's it. I'm subscribing to Hulu!"

This morning... I am speechless... humbled... numb following a six-hour erection (which, according to commercials, should have prompted me to seek medical attention)... capable of only scattered thoughts...

1. Every time he plays, Aaron Hicks makes a difference. Thank God he was still in the game last night. The guy can bunt .400. (Also, it's amazing how inept MLB defenses are in dealing with bunts.) 

2. For all their heroism, Jonathan Holder and Chasen Shreve will be rewarded with tickets to Moosic. Somehow, MLB must address this Triple A shuttle system, which churns after any extra inning game. I realize that arms must be protected, but the mass replacement of pitchers is dizzying, tiresome and sad. 

(2a) I hate the proposal to start extra innings with runners already on base. It's an affront to the history of the game. A 154-game regular season would create a few extra off-days and maybe save a few arms. But it won't cure the 18-inning game. Here's a suggestion (albeit a bad one): After the 12th, require position players to pitch. Would that be crazy or what?

3. I'm not ready to clutch my pearls over El Chapo. I will leave the worrying to every LH batter in baseball, who watched that poor guy, Rizzo get plunked on the forearm last night. (It'll be interesting to see what the MRI's say today.) The last thing opposing hitters needed was the notion that Aroldis Chapman - the man with the 100-mph fastball - is having control issues. Rhyne Duren, anyone?

4. Today, the Yankees possess baseball's best record. Over the weekend, the announcing teams of both Fox Sports and ESPN anointed us as a bona fide AL East contender and the next version of the Chicago Cubs. 

Only one problem: It's May 8. Comparatively speaking, we're still in the first season of Downton Abbey. And the fund-raisers are just beginning.


DutchFan said...

After watching this game from 4am onwards I am even more opposed to limiting innings or any tinkering with the way it is played now. This is so much fun - you almost (almost!, mark my words) start empathizing for the other side. Because no loss can be as heartbreaking as getting beaten after 18 innings, 6+ hours, way past midnight and with the clattering dentures of the Master in his subzero Sonoco-booth audible throughout the stadium.

This was really special.

Anonymous said...


John M said...

Hicks, Severino, Pinata, Ellsbury, Gardner, Headley....all of the sore spots are outperforming every expectation (mine, anyway). Is it wrong that I live in fear of this wonderful dream ending as the season grinds on? Or am I just a Yankees fan?

The mind boggles (mine, anyway).

Leinstery said...

I absolutely hate the proposal to start extra innings with men on base...BUT around the 14th inning I was praying Torre would step in and enforce it. The Yankees are shot for a few days, it would almost be better had they outright lost in the 9th. Look at the Cubs, they played 4 extra inning games last week and played like zombies against the Yankees.