Thursday, May 11, 2017

The Giovanni Gallegos Era is about to begin

I never claim to be a scout. You'll never catch me fulminating about "bat speed," or "ball rotation," or "tit amplitude." What do I know about tit amplitude? Back in high school, I couldn't a hit a 60 mph beach ball, and my greatest moment in organized sport came in Little League - (an opening day, two-run HR off Bill Holiday, the league's toughest pitcher.) It's been all downhill from there. My obsession with the Yankees stems from watching and/or listening to countless games, and pouring over endless box scores, and thereby somehow imagining a psychic link to the team. This allows me to live the delusion that, by rooting for the Yankees - even in my obscure, dingy molecule of the universe - I actually matter. 

In other words, I'm a fan. 

Listen: This is why we vote. This is why we argue politics. It is why we get up in the morning, put on our stupid shirts and pantaloons, and go about another day in our ridiculous lives, thinking that - maybe this time, even though it's never happened before, we will change the world. We are ants on a log rolling down a river, and somehow, we convince ourselves that we are steering the log. This is the goddamm truth: I know turdysquat about baseball. 

That said, GIOVANNI FUCKIN' GALLEGOS! 

That's right: I said it last year! I said it in spring training! 

GIOVANNI FUCKIN' GALLEGOS! 

Who's yer daddy! huh? huh? Who's yer daddy! Woo-woo! Forget McMurphy. I'm the bull-goose looney around here, hah? hah! Who's yer daddy!
Today, Internet outlets - assuming they are not fake news from those pesky kids in Macedonia - say the Yankees have called up Gio Gallegos for this weekend's series against Houston. The fact that he is from Mexico could make him a magnet for attention, but it has nothing to do with my interest.

Last summer, I watched Gio throw an inning in Syracuse - striking out the side on maybe five pitches - the most the dominant performance I'd witnessed since - and Alphonso will back me on this - I claimed in 2002 that Randy Choate had developed an "unhittable pitch." (At the time, Choate was Triple A Kleenex, fresh from being butchered by the Diamondbacks in the 2001 World Series. The guy ended up pitching for 15 years.) Gallegos came in and crushed the Syracuse Chiefs, prompting everyone in the Syracuse crowd to break the solid ice veneer and exclaim, "W.T.F?" 

So... who is Giovanni Fuckin' Gallegos? He's a 6'2", 210-pound, 25-year-old right-handed bullpen lug nut, who's been in our system for five years. In 2015, he leaped from Tampa to Trenton and then to Scranton. Last winter, he made the jump to our 40-man roster after ruling at Trenton (1.09 ERA) and then Scranton (1.40.) This week, his ERA at Scranton stood at 3.86, because of two HRs in 10 appearances. Other than those blips - which I am noting, as a way of covering my ass - the guy has struck out 26 batters in 14 innings. His name, translated to American, should be Filthy McNasty.

Again, I'm a Sgt. Schultz here: I... know... nothing. But mark my words: Gallegos is a gritty, hard-throwing grunt who will help Yankees over the next three to five years. He won't replace El Chapo. But every great team had a Jeff Nelson, a Ramiro Mendoza or Mike Stanton. Take this for whatever it's worth. I say Gio Gallegos is going to make a difference to this team. And it has nothing to do with his fine tit amplitude. 

9 comments:

DutchFan said...

Time space continuum.
Rosebud.

When our hooligans, totally pissed on Heineken and high on captagon (known in Holland as jihad-pills) try to pronounce the name of our Feyenoord manager, it comes out something like "Fahbrongors" Now compare that to Gallepos. But it gets even creepier.
This post, about this player, today.
The full name of our manager is GIOVANNI van Bronckhorst.

el duque said...

Holy crap! We just found the obelisk on Mars!

Leinstery said...

http://nypost.com/2017/05/11/espn-host-jeter-beside-himself-angry-over-interview-with-a-rod/

Can we talk about how Jeter behaves like a 13 year old girl when it comes to A-Rod?

Leinstery said...

http://nypost.com/2017/05/10/cellino-sues-barnes-to-dissolve-injury-attorney-firm/

And who's going to sponsor consultations to the mound now? This is a crisis that will rock tonight's broadcast.

Anonymous said...

I WANT TO BELIEVE IN GIOVANNY G!....BUT!
MY PROBLEM WAS I WATCHED HIM MORE THAN ONCE ON SPRING TRAINING TELECASTS...
I WAS LEFT DISAPPOINTED.
THERE WAS A FASTBALL BETWEEN 91 AND 92 (THE FASTEST READING WAS 93 BUT NOT OFTEN).
THE SLIDER/CURVE LOOKED GOOD, BUT ON THE GAMES I WATCHED, IT WAS BEING HIT.
I KNOW SPRING TRAINING IS A FART IN A BREEZE, BUT I REMEMBER WANTING MORE.

GO GIO GO!!!!

Alphonso said...

What does this mean for Chance Adams?

John M said...

Having grown up in the historic section of a 17th century Dutch town upstate, I have to say that the connections with DutchFan are amazing, down to the last Giovanni.

Anonymous said...

duque, I hope what you "poured" over those old box-scores (while you were poring over them) wasn't too sticky - - otherwise, they're now virtually useless.

My Dutch connection is through my wife - - pure Dutch extraction, from about 2 or 3 generations ago (And, from South Holland, IL) - - this gets weirder as we go along, indeed....but I do know from things Dutch, believe me....and Heiniken is responsible for my favorite-ever YES-network commercials. HA!! LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

P.S. Orson Welles woulda' loved it!! LB (No J)