Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Jolly good show? British Sterling? Yanks v Redsocks in London

In 2019, MLB wants the Yankees and Redsocks to play a two-game series in London, boosting the global market for swag and video rights on the telly machine. I say, "Tickety-boo and pip-pip! Tally-ho, mates!" 


Some highlights:

1. In huge disappointment to local fans, Yankee CF Jacoby Ellsbury will miss series due to a bit of dicky tummy collywobbles. 

2. Confused Brits rooting for Boston will cheer for "Red Thunder," later to learn that Clint Frazier is a gobby arse Yank.

3. In pregame ceremonies, Queen Helen Mirren will accidentally bestow knighthood onto Sir Didi Gregorius.

4. Fans will deride Yankee leftfielder Bryce Harper's knackered 0-8 performance as a dodgy load of bollocks. 

5. Despite sellout crowd and incredible games, New York Times will prefer to cover nearby soccer matches.

6. Rabid London sports fans will be stunned to learn that Yanks no longer have Reggie Jackson.

7. John Sterling home run calls: "GREG GETS GOBSMACKED! BIRD'S YET UNCLE!"

"JUDGE GOES DOWNTON. IT'S AARON'S ABBEY." 

Tyler Austin... "IT'S T-TIME!"

Damn... there has to be other British Sterling calls. I'm tapped. Who's balls-up on this? 'Cause we won't come back 'til it's over over there!

16 comments:

pepitone said...

After a thrilling walk off homer by Machado, the master channels Churchill and says: If the Yankee franchise and their fan base last for a thousand years, men will still say, “This was their finest hour.”


Local Bargain Jerk said...


Those fans throwing a wobbly should know that we're chuffed to invite the less dodgy of the NY and Boston fans who've lost the plot over this damp squib of an idea to be grockels for a fortnight and watch the matches over here. We'll serve some cold, scrummy bangers and warm ale to make it a proper Colonial do. Cheers!

JM said...

Do we get crumpets at the concession stands? With clotted cream and jam, please.

I just want to hear the stadium PA guy announce John Carlo Stanton.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


While we're on this subject, anyone who's not familiar with the awesome online comic "The Oatmeal" should butcher hook this.

Anonymous said...

Toreyes - "Blimey. did not see that one coming."

Greg Bird "This Bird has flown!"

Stanton "Head for the shelters that was a massive blast by Stanton! Give Me Shelter!"

Sir Didi: My Liege gets mile-age.

Generic: That one would be out of the yard if they we're on the metric system.

Generic: The sun wont be setting on that one. He just hit that ball around the world.

Drury: There's a new resident on Drury Lane! A baseball. Drury is no Muffin Man!

Generic: That one knocked humpty dumpty off the wall and just kept going! Somebody call Sherlock Holmes because is a mystery why they're leaving this pitcher in.

and last for now... I'll tell you Susan that ball was hit so high and far it knocked a German bomber out of the sky...

Doug K.














Generic: Mind that it is high! Mind that it is far. Mind the gap.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Another, idiot MLB idea to emulate basketball and football, in their global quests that never go anywhere.

But I love it, Duque, particularly the "Christmas Carol" reference! Yeah, I'm your huckleberry:

"He tea and CRUMPETED that ball!"

MIND the gap? Judge blasted that ball ten miles over it!

"WALK-er!" (Brit slang for basically, "In a pig's eyes!")

"Stanton is veg-a-MIGHTY!"

"This happy breed of men, this little world, these YANKEES!"

"And the Yankees' roster today is as familiar in my mouth as household words: Judge the King, and Sir Didi, Sanchez and Bird, Red Thunder and yes, the Gleyber, and Severino and e'er e'en Toonces, be in their flowing cups remembered, this story—Suzyn—shall the good man teach his son, we few, we happy few, we band of brothers...take the field."

Anonymous said...

Lbj thanks for the link. Good stuff there.

doug k.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Doug K:

It's a pleasure. One could waste an entire day there.

Be sure to look at the piece on his dog Rambo. If you can't find it let me know and I'll post a link. It's on his "Most Popular" page.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Of course, since it's England, our fans will need a song to sing when we're winning:

"And did Lou's feet in ancient time,
Walk upon Bronx's field so green?
And was the holy Babe of God,
On New York's pleasant pastures seen?

And did Mick's Countenance Divine,
Shine forth upon our harried flocks?
And was Jerusalem builded here?
Despite these Red Satanic Sox?

Bring me my Judge of Burning Gold;
Bring me my Didi of Desire:
Bring me my Bird: o clouds unfold!
Bring me my Tanaka of Fire!

I will not cease from JuJu Fight,
Nor shall my scotch sleep in my hand:
Till we have flown another flag,
In Bronx's gray and pleasant land!"

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Dellin is the Minister of Silly Walks!

Bob's you're uncle, but call the Yankees "Daddy"!

Never mind the Red Sox, here's the Yankees!

"Suzyn, I need to go splash the boots between innings"



P.S., theoatmeal is fantastic. And the muffin man reference by DK is also top notch.



ranger_lp said...

The stadium concessions would sell meat pies. Probably Pukka Pies:

https://www.pukkapies.co.uk/

I hear that they are good.

The only living boy in Wishaw said...

I am really excited about this

My only real chance to see the Yankees as I dont have the money to got to the USA and also I am scared of flying!

So this will be a dream come true

I will be the one with the loud Glaswegian accent shouting 'Gaun ra Yankees intae these Boston middens' :)

HoraceClarke66 said...

How selfish I have been to ridicule this idea! Of course, this is great for our Scottish—and Dutch!—fans.

And for the rest of us? Well, I have three little words: chartered cruise ship.

Huh, huh?

JM said...

Cripes, Horace, you made me laugh out loud. I was drinking coffee and almost did a Danny Thomas spit-take.

Thanks.

HoraceClarke66 said...

You're welcome! And watch that coffee!

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