Saturday, March 10, 2018

The Case of the 75-Year-Old Umpire

The Times' sports page was largely given over to the Paralympics today, which is at least a good and worthy subject.

No soccer, but then barely even a hint that baseball or the Yankees exist, which is extremely weird, as both local teams look like they might be ready to burn down the house this year.

Yeah, why run even wire-service copy on that, when you get all those exciting local basketball and hockey reports?  ("Rangers Drop 37th in a Row"; "Knicks Lose Despite Late Run.")

There were a couple of wonderfully enticing wire-service headlines today, including, "Browns Are Said to Make Trades Galore," something that sounds like the fashion editor was left in charge of the sports section for the weekend.

And this one:  "Umpire Blames Fall for Husband's Death."

It seems that, back in 2012, the 80-year-old husband of Lois Goodman, then a 70-year-old, top tennis tournament umpire, was found dead in their L.A. home.

After careful investigation, it seems, she was arrested at a ritzy hotel in NYC, and dragged back to the City of Angels, charged with beating her hubby of 49 years to death with a broken coffee cup found near the body.

Well, a few months after that, L.A. abruptly dropped the murder charge and let Lois go, because of a few little problems with their case, such as a lack of motive or evidence, including the fact that the coffee cup didn't have any of the husband's DNA on it.

I know, weird, huh? Since when does L.A. County screw up a big murder case like that?

Anyway, poor Ms. Goodman is now suing the super sleuths of the left coast, claiming she can't get work anymore because of the publicity. Some might suspect that a 75-year-old tennis umpire is a little past her sell date, but never mind.

Goodman also offered up her own theory of the case, which is that her husband, who was nearly blind, stepped on a family cat that loved to sleep on the stairs, and took a fatal fall.

We can now look forward to the City of Los Angeles presenting a mock-up of kitty and the stair in question:  "If the cat don't fit, you must acquit!"

Anyway, we remain, Soccer 37, Yankees 19, Deadly Stairs Cats, love.


Leinstery said...

John called a "Stantonian homerun" today. I heard that he planned to keep the call a secret until the regular season so let's pray that's like the in production call and not the real deal.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm not even sure what that means...

Anonymous said...

It means nothing, of course, HC66 - - ergo, it is in the true spirit of our very own Jean-Paul duque-Sarte - - nothing to NO one, I tell you - - just as a double negative.

Methinks, many of our brethren in the pinstripes are bored, right out of their existential nothingness. LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

The Ghost of Al Camus called: he said to tell duque he approved - - this blog now officially has the Camus Stamp of Nothingness. LB (No J)

HoraceClarke66 said...

He needs to full Lina on the Giancarlo calls, as in Wertmuller.

"That ball is swept away by an unusual hitter into the deep blue sky of August/July/June whenever..."

"Seven beauties could not describe that home run!"

"Mimi, my my, that ball is gone!"

"Love, anarchy, and three-run homers! That's what wins ballgames!"

Esoteric, you say? Weird, you say? Hey, this is the man who greeted a Lance Berkman home run with, "C'est lui! Chest lui!"

NEVER underestimate the master!