Tuesday, March 27, 2018

The world awaits: “This one is so different. It’s an Italian phrase that rhymes. I don’t know if anyone will get it. I’m really worried. Well, not really worried. In fact, I’m not worried. Let’s say I’m mildly concerned. Boy, I hope it works. It may not.”

Long long ago, in a Yaniverse far far way, this was the lone site on the burgeoning Information Superhighway that measured and treasured John Sterling's readily evolving WinWarbles and Homer Hollers. Other sites generally treated The Master as an embarrassment, a lab experiment gone wrong, who should be replaced by a cheap Newhouse School graduate - some suited ESPN dust mite who would joylessly announce Yankee home runs like newly discovered intestinal parasites. 

Well, today, the Gray Lady himself devotes 20 inches of manicured ether to the great burgeoning mystery of 2018: How The Master will call Giancarlo Stanton's first Yankee home run. In the meantime, world dictators will suspend their meddling, Donald Trump will cease to tweet, and the lone rival mystery - who bit Beyonce's face at that Hollywood party? - must wait. (Ooh! Ooh! Jumpin' Jehovizat! What if John Sterling bit Beyonce! That would be incredible! And it would be even crazier if he bit her because she dissed his Giancarlo home run call!) The world is waiting. When Stanton pondered the pressures of moving to New York, could he have possibly imagined the need to belt a homer on Opening Day, just to get the Sterling monkey off his back and render unto bitten Beyonce the stage that is rightfully hers? 

In July, Sterling turns 80. He enjoys reminding the world that he called every pitch ever thrown to Derek Jeter. He surely hopes to do the same with Aaron Judge. But without artificial intelligence full-brain downloads, that won't happen. His time in running out. Today, though, he - not Greg Bird's bad paw - is the Times' Yankee story of the day. He's come a long way from "Bern Baby Bern." Sterling has achieved full critical mass: He has become the story. 

But what about that mystery call? 

Obviously, it rhymes with Giancarlo. My best guess: It's an obscure show tune that mentions Monte Carlo, akin to "Something Sort of Grandish," a South Pacific ditty that he tried with Curtis Granderson. (Nobody got it, so he replaced it with the more popular "The Grandyman can.") There's a song called, "The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo." You've never heard it. I've never heard it. Hell, nobody beyond Sterling would know it. But he'll have his Stormy Daniels moment by using it, to be googled everywhere. That will spur suggestions from across the Yankiverse, from which The Master can pick the best. 

In simple terms, this completely non-digital, non-web-savvied 80-year-old is about to crowd-source the call. Who'd a thunk it? 


HoraceClarke66 said...

Always the innovator!

My favorite Sterling call is and always will be the one he used for Lance Berkman's one and only, regular season, Yankees home run: "C'est lui! C'est lui!"

Listening to this while out running, I thought maybe he had suffered a stroke.

My wife had to explain it: he was referring to a tune in "Camelot" in which the Lancelot character keeps saying, "C'est moi!" or, "It's me!" Our hero changed it to, "It's him."

You don't come across genius like this very often.

Combined with the story on Bird, this gave the Yanks 2 NY Times articles today, and, despite a piece about Morocco's World Cup bid, cut the margin to Soccer 47, Yankees 32.

Carl J. Weitz said...

When he turns 80, I hope they don't have his cake and ice cream celebration at the stadium:


Anonymous said...

It's Gone-Carlo.

JM said...

Actually, I know "The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo." It's a jolly old number, most notably sung by Peter O'Toole as Lawrence of Arabia in the middle of a North African desert, listening to his voice echo off the rock cliffs until Omar Sharif, I believe it was, interrupts him.

Given the Master's age and musical proclivities, that song is a lot more likely than "Stand and Deliver" by Adam and the Ants. Although hearing him warble "Stan--ton Delivers" would be worth the price of admission.

Anonymous said...

Stantoni so boni.

Der Kaiser said...

O'Toole's Lawrence is interrupted by the sarcastic clapping of another British officer who has been listening to his approach:


Great film, great song. But it's not exactly an Italian phrase that rhymes...

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Why is it that John Sterling's quote in the headline to this piece reminds me of Hank Kimball the County Agent on Green Acres?

     Good Morning, Mr. Douglas. Well, it's not actually morning.
     Come to think of it, it's not very good either.

     The chief told me to help the area farmers and I heard him loud and clear.
     Well, not very clear. But he was loud!

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I scooped the Times on this topic here, days ago. I was also the first to bring you news of John’s cataract surgery. Everyone else is a follower.