Ha!
Then came the most demoralizing loss of 2023, a season launched with high expectations and which now stands at the precipice of infinite mediocrity.
Today, across the Yankiverse, one clarion cry can be heard:
TANK!
Collapse. Fall apart. Lose... Every. Single. Game.
At this point, nothing is gained by an occasional, outlier victory. The '23 Tankees should finish as the worst of this new millennium, the first Yankee team to finish below .500 since 1992, when they were led by Danny Tartabull and Mel Hall.
We have 46 games left. In a perfect world, we'd lose them all. What matters now is the 2024 MLB draft lottery - a complicated, mindfucking system of weighted chances that is designed to keep the worst teams from tanking. But it gives mediocre teams like the Yankees a reason to crumble - and they should take it.
We cannot finish below the A's, Royals, Rockies and White Sox, but a Yankee meltdown could vault us into the neighborhood of Pittsburgh and Detroit, giving us a moon shot chance of drafting drafting first or second. The Yankees could make something from this dreadful season.
Here are the current rankings, from Tanathon.com.
There is no reason why the Yankees can't out-lose Arizona, the Angels, Cleveland and San Diego. But we cannot sit still. Some moves must be made:
1. Aaron Judge needs surgery on his big toe. Why watch him hobble in meaningless games? Without Judge, the Yankees are an Oakland or Kansas City. Give him the last six weeks off, to be recovered by spring. More importantly, get his bat out of the lineup!
2. Bring back Jackie D! The '23 Yanks are a team of solo shots, and nobody embodied this more than Jackie Donaldson - (10 HRs, 15 RBIs). In the same way that we think of Lyle Overbay in 2013, and Chase Headley in 2016, we'll remember Donaldson this season. We need our guiding star.
3. Bring up Franchy Cordero. The guy is spanking Triple A. Keep Estevan Florial in Scranton - for eternity! Is there a way to reunite with Willie Calhoun? Bring back the Four Yankees of the Apocalypse: Bauers, McKinney, Cordero and Calhoun.
4. Luis Severino must start. Every fifth day. He needs to iron out his problems, damnit. Since when do we throw in the towel. We're paying him a lot of money. Send him back out there. And Rodo, too? And Rodo, too!
With a little guidance, I believe the Yankees could go 10-34 over the last six weeks. A 70-win season could put us within spitting distance of a quality draft. With a little luck, who knows?
The season's last three games are in Kansas City. At that point, I say we forget the campaign for John Sterling to manage a Yankee game. Frankly, he should pitch.
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22 comments:
Great plan IF the FO knew how to draft- and we know how that goes down in the end.
Love the Frank Baum obliquity….obliquity? This is the best blog
With all due respect EL.Duque, I’m with yah all the way, all day BUT I humbly and most sincerely diffah from you on one point.
The honorable John Sterling should not pitch.
He should play left field.
Everybody and their podiatrists this year pointed out repeatedly that this team was one world class left fielder away from greatness.
The Master next to Bader and Cantrun.
Beautiful. Elegant. Perfect.
Thank you all.
I think Severino should pitch every 3rd day. Let's bring back the 1910s.
They should go out and re-sign Brooks Kriske and then place him and Abreau in the starting rotation.
Also Stanton & Jackie D should bat 1-2 in the lineup. Get them as many at bats as possible.
I really hope I'm wrong but didn't we lose our first round pick because we signed Rodon or something like that. Maybe it moves back ten slots. Some bad thing.
So even tanking won't help us.
Judge should have that big toe repaired. Repaired? How about Enhanced!? Make it the Biggest Toe Ever!
Doug, we forfeited 2 picks from this year’s draft, no draft pick penalty for 2024. However, we will lose $1 million from our 2024 international bonus pool. Did you know Rodon was also given a full no-trade clause?
Carlos Rodon, the gift that keeps on giving.
bornto - thanks for clearing that up.
Inspired by today's post from Duque, I think we should all boycott the next game and instead stream the movie Tank, with James Garner and Shirley Jones.
And as Bob Hope used to sing, tanks for the memories...
El Duque, the problem in your theory about drafting high is that it doesn't matter how high or who they draft. The Yankees organization will fuck him up in quick order. And does anyone really believe that they are capable of drafting the right person?
Carl, I think you misunderstood. When Duque talks about the Yankees "drafting high," he means the entire staff that's involved in drafting players should be high when they do it.
They'd have to do a better job than they've been doing. And they can listen to Pink Floyd during meetings.
@ JM...I'd rather have Jim Rockford as GM and Angel Martin as manager than Cashman and Boone.
Ahhhh, yes, I read Duque's post before my morning coffee, JM. I do understand now.
Three factors that might move the clueless and spineless owner to make a move. 1. Out of Playoffs, got that. 2. Last Place, got that and 3. Losing Record. Will have it after Atlanta.
Why do these moron fans keep packing the Stadium to watch these losers, anyway?
Except on August 24th. When the fans will be brilliant and scathing in their critiques.
JM, I wonder myself…maybe the tix were purchased in advance?
But you know, I’m thinking the booing has been very restrained this season considering the level of pay and the fact that even the most lightweight fan can see how we’ve been ill served by the collective management. Hopefully that changes over the next 6 weeks. I’m not one to decry fans expressing their feelings.
JM, 999, I think you both hit the nail on the head.
Most of these tickets probably WERE bought in the offseason, when we were told the Yanks were sure-fire favorites to make the World Series. Nobody wants to disappoint little Bobby by selling them off.
And yes, the fans have been INCREDIBLY restrained. I think, perhaps, they are more stunned by the quality of baseball we are seeing than anything else. Like people who have just witnessed a hideous traffic accident.
No, I didn't think they were on their way to making a run at the wild card, but it was a hellishly depressing loss anyway. Very aggravating, excruciatingly painful to think that they blew a six run lead and threw another one in the toilet. Particularly to the Marlins. Another team that has turned into a Yankee nemesis.
The lone bright side of it is that these 2023 Yankees are burying themselves in last place and might even dig themselves quite deep amongst the worst teams in baseball, which might garner a higher draft pick. But I don't understand the rules lowering them 10 spots for a free agent signing, or the draft lottery, or any of this bull. And I have zero interest in trying to understand those rules. With Brainless Cashman as GM, why should I care?
Why should I care?
Whhhhhyyyyyy should I care?
OUT OF MY BRAIN ON THE FIVE FIFTEEN!!!!!
I'm with THoG. At no point did I think they had the game locked. I wasn't particularly surprised when Homles detonated again and again. And I was comforted by Boone's predictability. Of course Ma Boone was going to leave Holmes in until the winning runs were in scoring position. What else would you expect Boone to do? Exercise his judgement and pull a clearly struggling reliever? C'mon! We all know him better than that!
Agree Hammer and Winnie, and that's why I wasn't feeling yesterday's debacle as a pineapple. Even it they'd won, so what? It's simply better if they just lose anyway.
"they just lose anyway."
This is why they don't even have to tank. The come pre-tanked.
HoG, +1 for a Quadrophenia reference
BTR...On the 24th, we will be booing loudly and often. Unfortunately, only the birds will hear us. They should rename that section " The Boo Bird Seats." Hell, we could have a marching band up there, and still, no one would hear them.
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