Last night, the Death Barge won, the YESers cheered, Boonie preened, the bullshit machine self-greased, and in the almighty final Wild Card berth standings - basically a participation trophy for adults - nothing changed: Nobody gained diddly-squat.
There are too many teams above us, and we are running out of chances to make a move.
Against teams ahead of us, we have...
Seven games against Boston
Three games against Toronto
Three games against Tampa
Three games against Houston.
We gotta win - say - 10 of 16? Maybe 12?
What about our beloved tomato cans? Can we count on mediocrity to rescue us? We have...
Seven games against Detroit
Three games against KC
Three games against Washington.
We gotta nearly run the table.
The rest is a mixed bag - Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee... Forty six games and a magic number that is, in essence, uncalculatable. And now, this...
So long, Nestor.
Hate to be a Robert Downer Jr., but I can't help but wonder if the Nasty Nestor Era, a wondrous period when a colorful nobody became a Yankee great, has run its course.
Cortes strained a rotator cuff, an injury that whispers the worst, and he's done for 2023. Last year, he was the breakout Yankee, a sprig of flowery hope rising above a bed of garlic. This year brought only 12 games, a 5-2 record and an ERA of 4.97. He stumbled last fall and was never the same.
Moreover, this ensures that Luis Severino - despite recent felony-grade performances - will stay in the rotation as a continuing symbol of Yankee mismanagement. (U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland should appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the franchise. Isn't there a law somewhere that says a Yankee GM cannot continue, if convicted?)
Of course, we know where this will go: In the season's final game, Sevy will throw a masterful, 2-hit shutout. This will prompt the Yankees to agonize and go one more year with Sevy, rather than let him sign with Boston or the Mets. This is the prison the Yankees built for themselves. The walls are padded, and we just bounce off them.
Volpe, at last?
Our iron man SS - poor guy's played in every game this season - homered last night, prompting a post-victory gusher of happy talk that rivaled anything Beaver Cleaver ever sputtered about his first erection. The chorus basically went along these lines: At last, Anthony Volpe has figured out MLB pitching, ending our long national nightmare.
For the record, Volpe is...
.212 on the season
.150 over the last seven games
.227 over the last 14 games
.181 over the last month.
Listen: We all want this guy to succeed. If Volpe suddenly got hot, if he could hit, say, .300 over the last seven weeks, it would almost make this team watchable. But we've been here before: He gets a few hits, and the confetti cannons come out.
This looks like a gap year for Volpe - that time between high school and college, when a kid works at Pizza Hut. (It's been a totally Burger King year for Oswald and Oswaldo, neither carries the hope that came last spring.) Next year, he's on double-secret probation. If he doesn't hit - well - let's not think about it.
So, we won last night, and the grease taps flowed. Now, what?
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Here's a list of staff that we don't usually hear about. Some of them should be fired...check that...maybe all of them should be fired...but that's not Hal...
Eric Cressey Director of Player Health and Performance
Michael Schuk Director of Sports Medicine and Rehabilitation
Tim Lentych Head Athletic Trainer
Steve Donohue Director of Medical Services
Alfonso Malaguti Assistant Athletic Trainer
Joe Bello Major League Physical Therapist
Christopher Ahmad Head Team Physician
Brett McCabe Major League Strength and Conditioning Coach
Matt Rutledge Assistant Major League Strength and Conditioning Coach
Chad Bohling Senior Director, Organizational Performance
Drew Weisberg Major League Dietitian
Douglas Cecil Massage Therapist
"Christopher A. Head"? Hmm, wonder if these names are made up...
Sooner or later, somebody is going to "point out" that while Derek Jeter had "only" 10 home runs in his rookie season, Volpe already has 15.
I will then reach for that individual's throat.
I heard on TikTok that Cashman got hit in the head in 2010 and they just discovered he has post-concussion issues.
Apparently it was Fernando Tatis , Sr. that hit him.
If you read the indictments against him, Archie, you'll see that he must have got hit in the head sometime around 1998. Or maybe George was, to hire him.
We won a game. Whoo.
When assembling next year’s roster, we should proceed on the assumption that Cortes will never pitch again.
Those 16 games against Boston, Toronto, Tampa, the ASS-stros, we'll do well to win five. You know they'll lose 6 out of 7 to Boston. They might win 2 of 3 against Toronto. They'll win only 1 against Tampa, and only 1 against the ASS-stros if they're lucky. There's a good chance they get swept by Tampa and the ASS-stros. And I bet you Boston can't wait to play us. The only thing wrong with the Red Sux is that they don't play the Yankees 162 games a year.
The only teams remaining on the schedule that the Yanks might kick around are KC and Pittsburgh. And even there, I think that's only 4 out of 6.
Yanks are very good at playing down to their competition this year. Playing against losers is no guarantee of success for this team (look at what happened against the terrible Chi White Sox). Like a lot of bad teams, the Yanks got up to play the ASS-stros recently (splitting the four games), then fell on their faces against a lousy team. You can look for more of the same against lowly scavengers like Detroit and Washington.
We have seven games remaining against Detroit? Wow, say it ain't so. That sounds like another 1-6 or at best 3-4 there. Detroit always gives the Yankees all kinds of problems.
I thought Volpe would hit around .260 this year. So he's actually hit fifty points less so far. But factor in that he was swinging for the fences for most of the first half. He's the #8 hitter in the lineup. If you need offense from Volpe, that only tells you how bad the #3,4,5,6,7 guys have been.
Hey, it can take a few years for a player to develop. And no, leaving a guy to stew in the minors for that same period of time does NOT mean that he'll come up here three years from now and rake. Most likely, you would just push back his time to develop by another three years.
Volpe has actually outperformed Arch Stanton and Rizzo, if that's any consolation. Yes, that's right, he's already a better player than those guys.
For the first half year and - presumably - Volpe's minor league years, the clown in charge of his offensive development was Dillon "hit strikes harder" Lawson. So, if he came up swinging hard at everything and striking out a bunch, who should be blamed?
But I'll bet Dillon writes a great office memo and references some well-cooked statistics to impress the front office. It's obvious that paper pushers succeed in the Yankee organization, not teams or players.
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