On that note, we won't stop whining. The Death Barge deserves fresh, daily, steaming scorn, served piping hot from the fury nozzle. This should include selective hate-watching - root for Cole and Judge, maybe a few others, and relentlessly boo those who made our Shit List. You know who they are.
Most importantly, we must continue to rip the owner and his stooges - which includes the courtiers on YES, if they they fail to do the same. I'm talking about Michael Kay, who has been beating his chest about Baltimore firing its broadcast voice, because he criticized (rightfully) the O's many years of famine.
Fine. Righteous fury is fun. But if Kay wants to hit on the O's, he better include some indignation for the Yankees ownership. The problem with 2023 was never Willie Calhoun and Franchy Cordero. It's Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman. Never forget this.
But let's face it: This crumbling franchise does not deserve our creative energies and undying loyalty. There must be consequences for shitting the bed, especially when the owner makes money off our angst and refuses to make top-level changes.
So, some alternative subjects (I will consider suggestions:)
1. Become the Internet's premier propaganda outlet for promoting Musk-Zuck - the upcoming Octagon Cage Match between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. Every day, we pour over locker room quotes, height and weight disparities, training methods and secret fighting strategies. How will this epic, hopefully bloody, battle play out?
We should also recruit an undercard.
How about if that guy who owns Clarence Thomas - Harlan "Jim" Crow - takes on "The Rebel Billionaire" himself, Richard Branson! And Rupert Murdoch v. George Soros! It's a natural. Why hasn't the world already demanded this?
Hal should fight a fellow billionaire: maybe Bruce Springsteen? Wouldn't it be great to see The Boss put a whupping on the Boss's son? Lucas v. Spielberg. Winner gets Bezos (if he can beat Bill Gates.) We need a Billionaires Bracket Death Tourney.
2. Become the preferred, national clearinghouse of information on Alabama riverfront brawls. Every week, live from the waterfront, a new fistfight, hosted by that guy who swam the polluted river to get in his licks. Boat owners v. dockworkers. With folding metal chairs and staple guns.
3. The NY Football Giants (though, frankly, I got a bad feeling about this team. They were really lucky last year. I'm wondering if that will continue?)
4. Tiffany Trump. Where is she? What's she doing? How is she doing it? When does she do it? Does she enjoy it? And why? Whatever happened to Tiffany Trump? Is she alive?
5. And of course, John & Suzyn. Listen: Nothing lasts forever. This could be their final year. (Just speculating.) In the meantime, John needs to manage a Yankee game.
Let's not let this slide. We need to become the world's foremost booster of a public campaign: LET STERLING MANAGE. There won't be any excuses, because the season is already over.
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19 comments:
My friends, this year’s Yankees team makes me think of an impossibly large silverfish disgustingly slithering its way across the slimy detritus of our long ignored bathroom floors
With a balled up wad of tushy-tissue we must crush and flush it into oblivion then scour and scrub all memory, all traces of its horrific existence off our wonderful, vintage tiles.
Start Anew.
It’s what we
Gotta do
We went to the 9th inning yesterday and Michael Kay did not say "Do they have a rally in their bones?" He didn't think so either...
I have been reduced to watching the condensed games on the MLB app. I call it "Seven Minutes To Disappointment" AKA "My Wedding Night."
I think you should spend our time working on the 2024 Season Ticket marketing program and trolling all things Hal, like his many Futbol enterprises.
Perhaps set up Nigerian Prince's season ticket accounts to foil Hal. Maybe we can buy all of the Season Ticket as Other Continent Royals and have Yanks play to an empty Stadium.
Maybe have fake Markels rent Suites.
What's a little fraud.
Maybe pose as Hunter Biden business associates?
Just pay with offshore accounts. [Hit "send" to soon above]
We could buy several thousand season tickets with fake accounts and call it the "Stanton Statue Fan Section" instead of the Judge's Chambers.
Only former Buckingham Palace guards can actually attend the games.
I can't believe we fell for their bullshit last March. Next time, we'll know better.
Charlie Brown trying his hardest to kick the football with Lucy pulling it away -- every time -- leaps to mind...
That's pretty funny, Doug! And hey...DID we really fall for it? I think we were all pretty skeptical here, which speaks well of us. For the most part, our "enthusiasm" reached only the level of "Hell, the league looks so lousy they should make the playoffs. Maybe even win the division."
I suppose we were suckers to think even that, but it was hardly a ringing endorsement.
"Why don't we stop fooling ourselves?
The game is over, over, over.
No good times, no bad times
There's no times at all
Just the New York Times.
Sittin' on the windowsill
Near the flowers...
"Time is tapping on my forehead.
Hangin' from my mirror
Rattlin' the teacups,
And I wonder—
"How long can I delay?
We're just a habit, like saccharin.
And I'm habitually feeling' kinda blue..."
How about Richard Branson vs Donald Trump in a steel cage death match? (I'll be rooting for Branson.)
We did get suckered a bit, no question. Hey, I thought this lousy team would win something like 96 games but get eliminated in the wild card round. We did, however, correctly predict that sooner or later, this shit show would collapse of its own weight. We've been predicting all four wheels coming off for the past few years now, at various points. Now, it finally has.
Which means that Dumbass Cashman had better stop pretending to be contending for the rest of this sorry ass season, and next season as well, or else we'll stop pretending to be watching this shit show. Time for a BIG ASS overhaul, starting right now and continuing over the winter.
As soon as Deivi Garcia was cut loose, the Tampons put a claim on him. But the Chi White Sox had first dibs due to the disaster reclamation rules, per Susan Waldman. Too bad for Deivi (but probably better for the Yankees). We all know how good Tampa is at developing pitchers. Had Tampa got him, we might have watched Deivi killing us for the next four years.
Maybe look to a better tomorrow
Clayton Beeter getting the beating @ SWB
Meanwhile at Somerset, has a hero emerged from the shadows? Keep an eye on Richard “Big Dick” Fitts. His stuff is excellent, if he can control location ( yeah, a big IF) he can be a top-end starter.
If Dumbass Cashman had any brains, he'd try to pick up a former Tampa pitcher and try to pry away some of their staff, try to develop the same kind of programs they use to develop their pitching. What is their throwing program like, how much do their pitchers run, what weight training do they put their pitchers through, what are the fundamentals that they stress, what are the details that they like to work on, and so on. Are these as closely guarded by the Tampons as the recipes to Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
It's excruciating to watch the struggles of Severino, Rodon, Sonny Gray, and the former fastest gun of the west Aroldis Chapman, just to name a few. If these guys had pitched for Tampa, I say there is no way, no effing way, they'd struggled like that.
Hammer -
I don't know about Tampa's pitching coaches. It seems like what ever they teach them makes them great for a short while and then their arms fall off.
Which is all too much baseball in general, Doug. Everybody flashes for a while, then falls to pieces. Or, they put in a great two weeks to four months every year, and spend the rest of the time on the DL.
The game is all out of sync. Nobody is being taught or trained to play for the long season.
Or the long career.
I’m a big fan of the Monkees (and I’m not he only one on this blog). They were proof, if you spend the money right, you can buy a winner. Hal needs to step aside for the oorpse of Don Kirschner. Maybe we can show Stanton hitting, but right behind him someone else is actually swinging the bat? At least one Monkee is still alive, unlike the Yankees line up. So let’s turn this over to a Monkees/Show Tune blog.
Try to remember… the kind of September…. when the yankees WHERE NOT A STEAMING PILE OF SHIT!
Hal Steinbrenner may snort my taint.
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