We take you now to the President's address on what happened in New York baseball Saturday:
"Yesterday, August 12, 2023, a date which will live in infamy in the annals of New York City baseball, both major-league teams in the city were viciously and deliberately allowed to devolve to levels not seen since 1966.
"Yesterday, the New York Yankees once again started an "opener" because they did not have a real starting pitcher available. Yesterday, the only player to drive in a run for the Yankees was a utility infielder named Isiah Kiner-Falefa. Yesterday, Giancarlo Stanton—the acquisition that will in infamy—struck out twice more and went hitless, reducing his average to .206.
"Yesterday, the Yankees were shut down in a complete game loss and just 116 pitches.
"Yesterday, in the city, the New York Mets were mercilessly dismantled by the Atlanta Braves, by the score of 21-3. Once again, a reserve infielder was called upon to pitch part of the game, something that has become an almost weekly occurrence in New York.
"Last night, the New York Mets lost again to Atlanta, by a score of 6-0. Only a three-run homer by a corpulent, renegade softball player named Vogelbach kept the Mets from compiling a 29-inning scoreless streak. On Friday night, these Mets became the only team since 1900 to compile at least 7 hits and 9 walks, and not score a single run, losing to the Braves by 7-0.
"These games were not free exhibitions. Instead, they were presented as "entertainment," and played before unsuspecting fans charged top major prices for tickets, television, and supposed refreshments dripping with rat effluvia.
"I regret to tell you that it will be many years before we see any marked improvement from this level of play in New York. And it may well prove to be that the fate of the Mets is beyond any salvation. But always will our whole Yankee fandom remember the nature of the men responsible for the team's demise, and who they are.
"No matter how long it takes us to rectify this premeditated abuse, Yankees fans in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
"With confidence that Giancarlo Stanton cannot play forever, with the unbounding determination to trade Gleyber Torres somewhere, we will live to see a day when Brian Cashman is no longer running the New York Yankees. So help us God."
(Wild applause, stomping and whistling, cries of "Fi-re Cashman!")
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20 comments:
We attempted a Hudson Valley Renegades game today. Family Fun Day. Everyone, dog included, was welcome. My daughters were dressed as goths and rapidly overheated. The Border Collie was overstimulated and threw up. The Golden Retriever who is enormous (we believe she is a golden retriever and American bison mix) pulled my arm out of it's socket and then overheated.
I had a beer and a hot dog. My son saw two at bats. I didn't actually see any baseball; I was watering the Golden Buffalo (that'd be a good Midwest minor league franchise name).
We're headed home, air conditioner on high.
Guilty!!! Hang the bastards!
It’s exciting in Cleveland
I don't want to be accused of having watched today's game, but it appears as though Judge was made to score from first on a Stanton RBI double. Woof! His as-yet-to-be-found toe is probably somewhere in the vicinity of second base, and we'll find out soon enough that he's shut down for the remainder of the year, which maybe he should have been anyway.
What a horror show…
Fiddle dee dee! Well, just remember that it's for the best if we just lose, lose, lose!
Fucking Holmes. The same "leave him in" approach Boone had with Sweatman. Idiot.
Fuck
Fiddle dee dee!
I still say Holmes is not a closer.
And we lose one that was in the bag. Clowns.
Boone is an idiot.
Pineapple, anyone?
Rock fucking bottom.
Middleton, Cashman's big deadline acquisition.
What a f@!%€! disaster this team is
I think you have to change the Day of Infamy date to today.
But, Hal is a-okay with Cashman.
Johnny Holmes couldn’t keep it up today. It happens to the best of us.
I have the BleacherReport app on the phone. I have had it for a long time.
Now I read it for the very occasional story about the MILB teams, but I love the "community" section.
The minions are in absolute revolt. Finally saying things like don't go to games, don't buy merchandise.
Plus the usual vitriol about Boone, Cash and Hal.
Maybe our anti-HAL and the Gang telepathy is working.
I was at a 2-year-old's birthday party today, with lots of grandparents and my daughter's friends and kids, so I did not see the game.
However, a woman there who studies Wiccan, says that she will put a curse on the Cashman and Hal for me. I hope her power is real.
She is otherwise a very nice person,.
She may also be a grade school teacher which is kinda scary.
Yes, FIRE CASHMAN!!!! FIRE BOONIE!!!!
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