Wednesday, August 23, 2023

Starr Insurers pull into tie with San Diego and Cleveland in Tankathon's all-important win column

 Congrats to the '23 Butcher Bombers -possibly the worst Yank team since 1982, when managers Bob Lemon, Gene Michael and Clyde King piloted the abomination - like Slim Pickens riding the nuke in Dr. Strangelove - to 79 wins and 5th place in the AL East.

That's the last time the Yankees lost nine straight - a run that then came in late September, when the team was auditioning young prospects (Don Mattingly, Steve Balboni) instead of failing sluggers, such as John Mayberry.

Ah, remember Maybe? He came to Gotham in his final incarnation, hitting .209 with 8 HRs in 249 ABs. At age 33, he was done. - and everybody knew it, but the Yankees.

Over the years, if there's one thing Yank fans have come to know, it's the end-of-career, former slugger, scraping on his last legs.

1. Which brings me to Giancarlo. In recent weeks, watching Stanton - (33, of course) - strike out, pop up and jog the bases - (he can't run) - how could you NOT think his career is done? He's Mayberry RFD. 

If NY fans know anything, it's that once a slugger cannot turn on the fastball, his time is over. In the name of Bobby Bonilla, the last thing you need is a thirtysomething, sub-Mendoza Line DH on a long-term contract, and that's what the Yankees have. 

If they want to end this losing streak - (I'm rooting for it to continue, as you know) - one solution would be to remove the 0-for-4 who is batting cleanup. (His average over the last seven games: .056.) They should give him the Anthony Rizzo concussion test, rule him dazed and confused, and tell him to come back in spring training in the best shape of his life. Because next year, his first month of hitting below .200 needs to be his last. 

Look: It's not his fault. It wasn't Mayberry's. Or Danny Tartabull's. Or Steve Kemp's. Or all the other guys.' People get old. They break down. Stanton is baseball's version of Mitch McConnell and Diane Feinstein. He looks fried.

2. It's sorta fun to see innocent, pristine Tampa get caught in an ugly scandal, threatening the once-wide-open future of SS Wander Franco. He's accused of dating underage women - I think they're called "girls" - and MLB has put him on "administrative leave" (aka "Double-Secret Probation) - while it investigates. 

Listen: Nobody wants a 22-year-old man hanging around the middle school spelling bee, but I would like to remind MLB that it allows franchises to sign 16-year-old Latino boys to million dollar contracts, fueling an exploitative system that begins grooming kids around the first signs of puberty. 

MLB allows this in Latin countries but not in the U.S. I think MLB should put itself on administrative leave and investigate the entire system. No signings until age 18. Everywhere.  

3. Everywhere, you can feel it: Yank fans have moved on from 2023. 

Calls are growing for Hal Steinbrenner to sell the team. He won't, of course. But two names keep popping up, which could maybe save him in NYC. Think: 

Manager Don Mattingly.

General Manager Derek Jeter.

Well?  

15 comments:

13bit said...

Mattingly/Jeter, given unlimited authority and 5 years, would do it, but it won't happen. Hal doesn't care. He only cares about money. He is not a fan.

No one is coming to save us.

We must pray to the Juju gods for mercy.

Celerino Sanchez said...

You’ve got to hand to them, they are really pushing for Tankathon crown. Just started a little to late.

AboveAverage said...

Mattingly/Jeter is far superior to say….Kay/O’Neill

JM said...

If wishes were fishes, they would still rot from the head down.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

There is a small glimmer of hope.

There are two people in the front office who *could* get this done. But only if an accountant can convince HAL that it would make him more money. They were hired last winter, only to be Brigadooned.

https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/35385742/yankees-name-omar-minaya-senior-advisor-baseball-operations

Would make a serviceable team for the remainder of the season whilst contracts are being negotiated.

Renegades tonight in preparation for the wake tomorrow. Nice meeting Mildred Lopez (if that's what his name *really* is) last night in the land of the ill ungulates. The martian looked good, but is probably not ready just yet. Austin Wells has an excellent porn stache, but didn't look good. I can verify that Florial can hit a fastball just fine, but gets faked out of his shoes on breaking balls. Beeter started shaky, buy ended ok.

DickAllen said...

Speaking of Mayberry RFD, have you ever seen Barney Fife and Booooone in the same post-game press conference?

Hmmmm…

ranger_lp said...

Rufus...that makes too much sense...which is why that is not happening...

Ken of Brooklyn said...

The hardest thing about this season is that it's been impossible for me to continue my ritual of painting in the studio while listening The Master and Suzyn. The Yankees have been soooooooooo fucking bad/boring/infuriating/mindnumbingly inept that even with my newly implimented perverse reverse desire for them to lose, they still create enough agita that I have to turn the radio off. BUT BUT BUT, this means that I continue to miss out on what few precious broadcasts The Master has left. Taking the joy of these broadcasts away from me is probably the worst part of this 2023 season! I'm also aware that it will not get any better for the foreseeable future,,,,,,

At least it will be fun to commiserate with you all on Thursday!

FIRE HAL!

FIRE CASHMAN!

FIRE BOONE!

TheWinWarblist said...


Everybody dance now!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaTGrV58wec


(Zelma says so!)

TheWinWarblist said...

JM, well said. Well, fucking said.

The Hammer of God said...

Mattingly & Jeter would be great as a new direction, but it ain't going to happen. I think there is a very good chance that, no matter how much they lose the rest of the way, both Boone and Cashman will stay put. They love Boone because he's just a yes man who did everything they ordered him to do. So they know it's not his fault. HAL loves Cashman because the guy is his financial puppet. Cashman does what he's told to do financially, so it's not his fault. At most, they'll just do a little tweaking to try to stay out of last place next year. If they have a 40-122 season next year, then maybe we'll see some changes, maybe Boone gets the boot then.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


For the record, it makes me laugh -- a lot -- that this team is now being referred to as "The Starr Insurers".

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Is "You play baseball like Diane Feinstein" too cruel?

Kevin said...

IMHO Stanton trains to be a bodybuilder instead of a baseball player. In other words, his real problem is above the neck. He hasn't really had any serious injuries. If only someone could make him understand that forty "regular" homeruns look better than a few bombs.... I think that he's become too big, that the lack of "micro-flexibility" ( what doesn't show up on test) limits how much he's able to adjust his swing at the last split-second). I just can't believe that one year he hits the hardest balls in baseball one year and has lost it at 33. On the other hand, his .obp sharply dropped last year and it could be that the eyesight and/or neural circuitry has aged a bit early. I don't want to believe in that scenario. Giancarlo Stanton, a "threat off the bench". Ohhhhhh nooooo!!!!!!!

Kevin said...

Btw, Baseball Prospectus has some interesting views on the Yankees' season. In short, the Yankees really rolled too many unlikely snake eyes with injuries and player regressions. They also didn't develop (ideally) or buy enough depth like they did in the nineties. They were far more eloquent than what I wrote, and had some interesting numbers to further illustrate. I think that they have a free trial membership, I think that many of you would enjoy the read. "The Athletic" also has some insightful articles as well.