Yanks are waist deep in the Big Muddy, and the big fool says to push on.

DATELINE, NYC: Police say Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, a hand and paw clasped in unity, leaped from atop the Empire State Building to grisly deaths, stopping midtown traffic for 45 minutes Wednesday. Mayor Eric Adams called the dual suicides "the worst supernatural tragedy visited upon New York this year, after the Yankees and Mets..."

Yesterday, the lone ray of hope for the Yankee franchise -  that the epic meltdown of 2023 would signal an end to Brian Cashman's regime - began to flicker. 

The ancient scribe Bob Klapish - a card-carrying Gammonite since 1983, now scribbling  for some forgettable corporate logo - quoted an anonymous Yankee oil can to say that Cashman will - like Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers and Meg - return next year to wreak more havoc. In fact, the source told Klapish, "the idea (of firing Cashman) isn't even on the table. It's not up for discussion."

Shoot me.

Thus, the man most uniquely tethered to this disaster - the Oppenheimer who built this $270 million bomb - will face no consequences for his butchery. Klapish's inside source - (Cashman? Hal? You gotta wonder) - said the verdict is still out on Aaron Boone, the most ejected manager in baseball, who might serve as prime scapegoat if the Death Barge finishes, as it sits now, dead last in the AL East.

So ends the one hope that accompanied this recent Yankee death spiral: That someone would face a set of consequences... that changes would be coming in how the Yankees do business... that a housecleaning could happen... that a long-term plan could be hatched... that the future might look different from the agonizing past. 

Despite their complete collapse in 2023, the Mets have at least given fans an indication that changes are coming, that they will not simply carry on the same strategic blunders that ran their ship aground. The Yankees, on the other hand, have created a management that cannot move, and a clubhouse that cannot win and for all of this, they will simply double-down. 

Either owner Hal Steinbrenner cannot fire Cashman - (the GM has photographs?) - or he simply doesn't give a fuck how the team performs, as long as the money rolls in. It's a version of "FORD TO NY: DROP DEAD," the famous Daily News headline from the era of Abe Beam. Hal is telling us to find another pastime; the Yankees are his to run, even if he doesn't want his soft fingers to touch their rotted scent. 

So, some relevant stats from this year's masterpiece of mismanagement:

Luis Severino - 2 wins, 8 losses, 8.06 ERA. 

This will almost surely end the Sevy Era in NY. He'll be 30, a free agent, and the Yankees will probably say goodbye in an email. Of course, we know what will happen: He'll go to Boston, or Tampa, or some city where hating the Yankees is a source of local pride, and he'll turn into Nathan Eovaldi. And for the rest of his career, he'll kill us. 

Josh Donaldson - .142 BA, 10 HRs, 15 RBIs.

I do believe Jackie is gone from Pinstripes, and probably the game itself. The Yankees will buy him out for $6 million, and at age 38, he'll try to catch on with somebody, anybody. His near Hall of Fame credentials were crushed by his time in NY, and he's lucky to not have been canceled by the Tim Anderson dust-up, for which he will be unfortunately remembered. 

Giancarlo Stanton - .204 BA, 18 HRs, .278 OBP

Nothing will happen. The coastal cities will flood, the A.I. Skynet will declare war on humanity, the aliens will attack, and he will still be the Yankee DH. Get used to him jogging. It will only get worse. He's only 33. When he's done with us, he'll be 38. 

Oswaldo Cabrera - .202 BA, 4 HRs, .266 OBP

What a sad fate. He'll go back to Scranton and play under the name "Estevan Florial Jr." until he is voted to the Moosic Town Aldermen board  in 2028. A year ago, he looked like a future star. Now, he's almost cringeworthy. Last night, 0-for-3, two Ks. 

Waist deep in the Big Muddy. And the Big Fool says to push on.