Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Will the Astros be so bad that they cost us a shot at the Wildcard?

Imagine a team with Brad Peacock, Bud Norris and Carlos Corporan - yes, the C-Corp himself. Add former Yankee legends Jose Veras and Justin Maxwell.  Now, move this team's esteemed pitching staff from the NL - where Pavanos hit - to the AL, where the Travis Hafners and Big Papis win restraining orders against their mitts. Hey, congratulations! you've just visualized the 2013 Houston Astros, an International League also-ran that will be playing this season in baseball's toughest division - the AL West.

That's where the Angels have assembled LA's nastiest bunch of hitters - Pujols, Trout, Hamilton - since Charlie Sheen double-dated with Chris Brown. Meanwhile, Texas remains the gold standard for farm systems, Oakland constantly overachieves, and Seattle has converted the Yankees into its feeder system, based on the Kansas City Athletics model of 1958. Houston will play each of these teams 19 times. Who knows, the Astros might win 6! 

Meanwhile, the Yankees will be stuck in an AL East rugby scrum, probably playing around .500, depending on injuries to the brittle skeletons that take the field. Ninety wins could take the division. As for second place, who cares? The West could have several teams over 90.

Well well well.. Another reason for despair! What a dark winter. Has there been one positive Yankee story, aside from the YES-spun drivel from the Hope Police? Oh yes... - CC lost weight, Jeet is back, Andy is back, Mo is back, Ichiro is back - yeah, they're all back. But in the fine print of each story, it says they're all a year older and in some cases beyond their shelf life sale date. As for the kids, already, Mike Montgomery and David Adams, two of our best prospects - (and we don't have many) - are reporting bad backs... which can be devastating to careers. Last year, virtually all our top prospects ended up getting hurt. Are we doing this again?

So now we've got the Astros, who have apparently adopted the building strategy of the Washington Nationals: Finish last enough times, and eventually you draft stars from all those number one picks. They'll be tough in 2525, (if man is still alive.)

Listen: I'm not trying to be negative here. I'm desperate for a reason to be hopeful. Maybe some kid will light up the Grapefruit League. Maybe we'll score a high impact cast-off from another team. But the only rays of hope I've seen in the last 12 months have come with the meltdown of the Redsocks, and you know what? They might be turning it around. This could be our turn to implode, and if that happens, it will be Bobby Valentine times 10.

We might just find ourselves with a lineup akin to Brad Peacock, Bud Norris and C-Corps! But I'll spell it C-Corpse. Houston, we've got a match.


JM said...

I forgot this was going to happen. Houston in the AL...weird.

But how about that Pavano? What a card that guy is! Is there anything he won't do to injure himself?

I think we should start calling him 'Slapstick'. We can shorten that down to 'Slappy' now and then as warranted.

To paraphrase the grinning fat Nazi in 'To Be Or Not To Be', "Well, well, well. So they call me 'Slapstick' Pavano."

Carl Pavano said...

Thank God the meteor missed me!