Sunday, July 31, 2011

He Stayed The Course, While Theo Repaved His

Nice Work, El Duque !!! Congratulations on Nothing.

El Duque and Brian Cashman embrace in congratulatory hug, as trade deadline passes and no Yankee prospects are sent to hell.

It was through the incredible pleas, protestations, reasoning, and begging that El Duque, almost single-handedly, assured General Manager Cashman that the Yankees would be better off in 2011, and for future years, by protecting and preserving our prime assets.

Apparently it worked. This year's trade deadline has passed.

It is a huge sigh of relief for us all.

Editors Note: in the accompanying photo, the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

But it is El Duque and Cash.

A Scene From Jeter's HBO Show, Lead Off Empire

If you watched the show you learned that Minka knew very little about baseball before meeting Derek. Supposedly her education in that regard has been left to his dad.

A Scene From This Morning's Brunch At Jete's House

Derek is referring to Alphonso's dire prediction on Friday.

Open Letter to Brian Cashman: Stay calm and carry on

Dear Madam or Sir,

Over the next few days, many bloggers and radio call-in blatherers will rip you for not emptying the Yankee jewelry case for Ubaldo Jimenez, a pitcher that might, at best, be a number three starter in the AL East.

These people are fools.

Stay the course, Sir. Stay the course.

Do not trade Jesus Montero. Do not trade Dellin Betances. Do not trade our future during this deadline madness, when sellers have all the advantages.

There is a season, sir, for such trades. But it is not now.

To every trade there is a season, and a time to every pitcher under heaven.

A time to start, a time to relieve, a time to throw, a time to reap that which is thrown;

A time to bean, a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to be lifted by 12 runs in the first inning;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to cast away catcher's signals, a time to gather bullpen arms together;

A time to shave, a time to paint, a time for cheese, a time for control;

A time to love, and a time to hate, a time of war, and a time of plunking Redsock batters.

Sir, you are doing the Lord's work.

Do not be swayed by the doubters. Stay the course, and this shall be our finest season.

Yanks Beat Colts 17-3

Yanks Beat Colts

Guess Who Came To Dinner At Jete's House?

A still from the Jeter 3K movie. Evidently Derek is not a big reader, but notice the book on his shelf.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Jose Canseco, Love Philosopher, Part II

Happy Birthday, Bud Selig!!!!

Guess who is 77 years old TODAY!!!!

What Does It Say When.....

1. Boston is 10-1 against the Orioles and averaging about 12.35 runs per game against them?

2. The Yankees score 1 run last night against the Orioles, coming off a day of rest following the loss to Seattle where we also scored 1 run. Did I mention that Seattle was 0-17 when we lost to them at home?

3. Boston is 8-1 against the Yankees so far ( is that right?) and the games aren't close.

4. We are going to be without A-Rod for another month or so?

5. Tex is hitting about .235 YTD ( though his defense is worth 50 points )?

6. Jorge might get votes to Cooperstown by hitting into more double plays than any other human on the planet?

7. Our best pure hitter is a one pitch out 90% of the time?

8. This team almost never comes from behind to win, no matter who we are playing?

It says to me we need offense.

It says to me we need Jesus and Vasquez, not Jorge and Pena.

It says to me that starting pitching is not the issue.

It's Cash-and-Trade Weekend, and the stench of defeat lingers upon our dealing fingers

Listen: You can recover from a broken heart, bankruptcy and teen acne. But you can never reclaim a loss to the Baltimore Orioles. It endures for eternity, like Betty White.

A home defeat to Baltimore - with Buck "I hate the Yankees" Showalter - brings the anguish of the entire trapped Chilean miners ordeal, without the happy ending. It meanders at the pace of a bad Meryl Streep movie, and nobody comes out unchanged. I went to bed crying last night, weeping the tears of unbridled Yankee shame, and now -- 12 hours later -- I still fear the nightmare spit-shower of news that could come at any time: 

We'll pull the trigger on some bad, horrible, decade-killing Yankee deal.

Please, God, no. Just send the meteor. Don't make us endure another Ken Phelps trade.

Listen: This was supposed to be a rebuilding year. We figured no staff based on Bartolo Colon and Freddy Garcia could take their team into October. We have exceeded expectations. But still, it's a rebuilding year. And if we dump our future into Ubaldo Jimenez (the next AJ Burnett) or somebody not yet on radar, everything will be wasted.

We have kept our farm system intact. Even though some kids flopped (Brackman) and others failed to have the breakout year we fantacized (Sanchez), we still have more top 50 upper-level prospects (Jesus, Banuelos, Betances, Romine) than any other team in baseball, and they are beginning to emerge in waves, as keys to the future (Robertson, Noesi, Nova, Gardner, Nunez...)

We went through the last 10 years trading our youth at the deadline, generally getting to the playoffs and then collapsing.

We can get there this year, without trading the farm. October is a crapshot. Who knows what pitchers will be hot, or what hitters will be slumping? Lance Berkman did nothing for us last year. And we gave up Mark Melancon to get him. Please, no. Stay the course.
Today is the toughest 24 hours of the year. And dammit, we better beat Baltimore.

Final note: Brett Gardner is starting to scare me. Is there something mental about leading off? He's a holy terror batting ninth. Batting first, he's Omar Moreno.

Scene From The Next Jeter HBO Documentary

Friday, July 29, 2011

Obama, Boehner, Mattingly?

Scientific Pie Chart Indicating Yankee Deadline Strategy Options

Jose Canseco, Love Philosopher

Super evil Walmart has done gone too far

I'm taking my business to K-Mart.
In my bikini.

Unctuous Trade Deadline Poem

At Bardball...

By Stuart Shea

When the Giants added beltin’ Beltran,
Bruce Bochy said, “Now I’ve got enough!”
Buster struck a curious Posey
And Aubrey walked out in a Huff...

Laura Says She Has New Solution To Wake Jorge Out Of His Slump

She said, "It's hard to admit that with my assets I can't do the job alone, but this should do the trick."

Hideki To Get Revenge

Barry Halper Is Not To Blame For Perpetuating The Sick Rumor That Jose Jiminez Is Related To Ubaldo Jiminez

Classic Video...Comedian Bill Dana from steve henslin on Vimeo.

Someone on this blog wrote about the questionable journalism (a redundant term) of the NY Post in printing a smear job by Peter Nash about Barry Halper that some other person on this blog foolishly passed along on this site. Perhaps it was Nash who suggested the above in regard to a pitcher that the Yankees may acquire.

Sorry about Kiljoying, but I'm totally bummed out about Irabu's death

It's supposed to be Yankee Hope Week, that pleasant stitch in the season when we beat a few tomato cans and watch our players actually earn their pay, doing something nice for humanity. So why is Hideki Irabu, who killed himself the other day, getting to me?

Listen: Part of rooting for the Yankees is to feel no remorse when savaging the occasional bum who passes through our syncopathic lives. Millionaires, they are. Prima donas. So we get to say anything about them, boo the sound of their names. They found Irabu hanging... like his curveball! Punchlines for life, that's what they deserve. Even during Hope Week.

Damn, though...

And Irabu was a great mockout. Boo-Boo, they called him. Fat Toad. He came to America claiming he would only pitch for the Yankees. He held out against Bud Selig's Clown Court, which claimed San Diego owned him, and he outdueled George Steinbrenner in negotiations. At one point, Irabu was AL Pitcher of the Month. You can look it up. Then he crashed. And that was his sin:

In NYC, you must never talk big and crash. Never. If you do, God help you.

Ian Kennedy talked big. We traded him. Kei Igawa brought big headlines. He'll never escape Scranton. In NYC, never draw needless attention to yourself, because you'll get enough anyway. (Hello, Nick Swisher...)

Irabu wasn't the worst pitcher we ever overpaid for. Good grief... in terms of bloated contracts... well... Carl Pavano. Randy Johnson. Ed Whitson.  Rick Rhoden. Pascal Perez. Mike Witt. Help me here... I'm pulling these off the top of my head... Bob Shirley. Rawley Eastwick. The Internet isn't big enough for the whole list. And yet, Irabu always caught the ultimate shit.

They didn't bring him back for Old-Timers Day. He would have been booed, of course. Out of sight, out of mind. Now he's gone. Very sad. We lost a great punchline. We lost part of our past, a former AL Pitcher of the Month. We wanted an arrogant fat toad, immortal and unbowed, whom we could mock forever, without remorse. We got a sad old guy who ran out of money and rope. On Hope Week.

No... not Hope Week, anymore. Rope Week.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

How Could You Spend $12 Million On Hideki Irabu?

Did Larry David, friend of John Henry, write the line that did in Hideki?

In Memoriam

Even George Steinbrenner would be sad, today.

The Toad is dead.

At 42.

It is a moment for reflection.

He was better than Kevin Brown.

Hideki Irabu, former Yankee punchline, is no more

He was only 42. That's old enough to be our fifth starter.

Hope it wasn't something we said.

Now, For a Larf, We'll Bring the Tenor of the Site Way Down

So much anxiety fills the air lately, as notepads are filled and shredded on the eve of the trading deadline, politicians play chicken with world financial health, and heat indexes rise higher than Adam Dunn's batting average.

I think at times like these, it's essential that we find time to laugh at the misfortunes of others, witnessed at a Tigers-White Sox game last week.

Foul Ball, Section 18, Comerica Park, July 16

These are the saddest of all possible words:
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.
Flew up like a hawk and fell back like a turd.
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.
Ruthlessly pricking my gonfalon testes,
Causing me pain from my east to my westies,
Never again will I be at my besties:
Foul ball bounced up in my nuts.

Coming Up This Weekend

You can see it unfolding.

Ivan Nova, still hobbling on a bad ankle, will pitch a game in Baltimore on Saturday.

Even though he hasn't faced a live AAA batter in three weeks or more, he will be showcased.

If he does poorly, Ivan will be a thrown in on a deal for Umberto ding-bat, and Cashman will have his justification for adding him to the mass giveaway.

Colorado, meanwhile, will salivate knowing that they have dumped an over-paid pitcher who will soon need arm surgery; added a 24 year old star in the making; signed his battery-mate and the Yankee's best hitting prospect in two decades ( Jesus ); snared our best pitching prospect since Andy Pettitte (Banuelos); and our next 6 first round picks in the amateur
draft ( not much to lose here, given our track record ).

If Nova does well, Colorado will want him more and make the negotiations even tougher.
Because they know, being a Tea Party State, that Cashman is like President O'Bama at this time of year. No matter what decision he makes; he gets nothing in return, gives too much away and alienates everyone. We all know that Cashman does not have the guts to stand tall and call Colorado's bluff.

The oncoming train hurdling straight into this mess is the likely activation of head-case, Raphael Soriano.

I will again say that this guy does not have his head together, and there is no way he will ever help the Yankees. Quite the opposite, in fact, will be the case. Tampa Bay knew what they were doing when they dumped him for nothing. And it wasn't to save his salary expense.

I have said this from day one, and no one cares.

He wasn't injured when he went away for a rest. He was never injured. Did he go see Dr. Andrews? Did he have an MRI?

No and no.

He was put on the DL because he was seeing things that frightened him.

Perhaps, butterflies in his closet. Eggs and Hash in his glove. Crawly things on the baseball. Remember, this is the guy who, in spring training with a new team ( the Yankees, no less ), refused to pitch against the teams in the AL East. The same AL East teams against whom he had pitched for the last 5 years.

His re-introduction to the Yankee bullpen will screw up more than David Robertson, mark my words.

Be prepared, then, for a greater Yankee train wreck this weekend than even our esteemed leaders in Washington can organize for the nation.

On the other hand, maybe Barry Halper wasn't a fraud ...

Just to update a post on our site yesterday, which linked to a New York Post article which described a long list of alleged frauds by Barry Halper.

Well, it seems that maybe, just maybe, the Post story was a bunch of bullshit.

We lose to the losingest of losers

You could see this coming. Everyone could. King Felix on the mound. Hughes still reformulating.

To celebrate Hope Week, allow me to crack-up my newly enhanced pessimism machine:

Boone Logan stinks as a LOOGY. Therefore, we’ll trade prospects – including Manny Baneulos – who might someday be a LOOGY — for various parts of Ubaldo Jimenez. Not that he will do any good. Colorado is dangling him, so we must bite. It’s that simple. We cannot stop ourselves. Crack cocaine to an addict.

We’ll overpay, obviously. We’ll send Jesus Montero, Dellin Betances and Ivan Nova. And when Ubaldo gets hammered – it’s not the National League anymore, remember Denny Neagle? – the fans will boo as loudly as they can.

This is because, unlike smaller markets where nobody follows prospects, the New York crowd has watched Jesus for four years. So Ubaldo turns all those postive hopes into a 3-inning, 8-run outing, he will get booed, if not Ed Whitsoned — setting up a perfect negative feedback loop. He’ll hate New York, and New York will hate him. In two years, after countless bad outings, coupled with Montero’s success in Colorado, we will have no choice but to trade Ubaldo for whatever we can get, which won’t be much. Then he’ll turn it around and pitch decently.

(This is what losses do to me.)

Will Yanks' Bouncy House Help?

After being undressed by the 1-17 Seattle Mariners, who danced joyfully on the stadium turf as though they had just won the world series, a major question of character faces the Yankees.

CC can pitch professionally and win when his turn comes, no doubt.

AJ is always an unknown.

Bartolo and Freddy have to continue winning, despite the frowning face of reality.

Hughes earned another shot.

But what if we have to face another 1-17 team?

Yankeetorial: To solve debt crisis, America should follow the lead of the 2000 Arizona Diamondbacks

It's simple: If we're going to default anyway, why not first shell out for some new bullet train projects? It worked for the Diamondbacks.

Yes, whenever you're in financial hot water, look to the paragons of pro sports conservatism! Did you know that the Diamondbacks annually donate more money to the GOP - or, for that matter, either party - than any other pro sports franchise? (They gave $217,900 last year to the GOP, nothing to the Democrats, according to the Center for Responsive Politics.) And that’s fine. The Diamondbacks have every right to exercise free speech. And their fans can take pride when the team's ownership poormouths about player salaries -- while pouring money into Republican politics.

But I digress.

In 2000 and 2001, the Diamondbacks – facing debt – shelled out to acquire Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. And it worked. They won the 2001 World Championship, and they got to play "New York, New York" on the loudspeaker while their team celebrated on the field. They got to mock New York City -- patriotically, of course, because patriotism is important to them - shortly after the city had been attacked. The patriots of Arizona know NYC makes a great symbol for patriotism, but it's a sinkhole of debt.

Anyway, the Diamonbacks couldn't pay their players, so they just "deferred compensation" and traded them. Yep, they sold Curt Schiling to Boston for a bucket of fried chicken, and saved the rest of their money for the GOP. Hah! They sure socked it to those Chinese creditors. They won a championship, dammit.

So let’s do the same. Let’s shell out for some bridges — remember: we won't pay for them anyway — and later, when our pockets are empty, we'll sell them to China and let them figure it out. Hell, if everything collapses, just put "New York, New York" on the loudspeaker and have everybody sing "USA! USA!"
Works in Arizona.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Hughes Fails Big Test

The afternoon followed the scenario Alphonso envisioned

God screws CC Sabathia out of perfect game, and why isn’t the media reporting the connection between Amy Winehouse and the Yankees?

Evidently, a Certain Deity just can’t stand the notion that one of His mortals would achieve perfection down here on the planetary surface.

How else do we explain last night’s multiple rain delays, which sapped CC Sabathia’s strength and let the Seattle Marooners wriggle out of the perfect game that was otherwise fated to happen?

Twice, God performed His little Biblical book of Revelations reenactment, causing the game to be delayed. That Noah’s Arc crap may go over well in Kansas City, where the congregation is passing snakes, but it sure doesn’t carry weight in New York. All He did was ruin CC’s night and get a lot of people wet.

Not that I’m complaining. Whatever God wants is OK with me. He’s God. I’m nothing. But He wouldn’t respect this blog if He thought we were pulling punches, simply to curry favor. I figure He’s a big God. He can take a little good-humored ribbing. Because He knows I wouldn’t say anything out of line.

Also, the Yankees have 27 world championships – that’s the same age as Amy Winehouse. Everybody has been talking about the 27 Club — Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendricks and Amy — how come they’re not mentioning the Yankees’ 27 world championships?

If it were Boston with 27 world championships, you know ESPN would be all over it.

With All Due Respect To John: Why Mel Allen Was #1

Can you imagine John, Michael Kay, or the likes of Tim and Buck doing that? btw they should have used his "Going, Going, Gone" call and not "How About That" for the poll.
Also Mickey Vernon belongs in the hall of fame.
For more on Mel:
A video about a biography

More on his life story

An interview with a biographer

Maury Allen on Mel Allen

Phil Hughes' Big Test

The Seattle Mariners are the worst offensive team in baseball, right now.

They are setting records for an extended losing streak in the AL.

No team wants to be the one that let's them break out of it.

The Red Sox swept them. The Rangers swept them.

The Yankees have taken the first two games; we scored a lot in game one and we had CC in game two.

Now we have Phil Hughes on the mound.

Remember; Ivan Nova was sent to Scranton with an 8-4 record and three consecutive outings of excellence to make room for Phil Hughes coming off the DL with an undiagnosed, "dead arm," and a lack of control/command.

Nova then turned an ankle and is now on the DL.

Hughes has basically sucked since his return to the Yankees. Two starts; one mediocre and one flop ( couldn't last 5 innings with a 12 run lead, remember?)

This is the moment the Yankees usually give to a struggling opponent;
- Want a cure for a slump? Play the Yankees.
- Have to pitch some dude from AA ball today? Play the Yankees.
- Big Pappy batting .122? Play the Yankees.

Can Phil Hughes put a lid on today's game and the Seattle series? Can he show that he is going to be a solid starter for us the rest of the way?

He is going to have to pitch great, because the top pitcher on a quality Seattle staff pitches against us today. This will be a low scoring game for us.

Or; is the dead arm and missing command all Phil has to offer?

Has he ruined the rhythm of our pitching staff by forcing Nova into oblivion?

This is the moment we learn about Phil Hughes.

And it isn't even a meaningful game.

Memorabilia King Barry Halper Is A Fraud

Barry, seen above, with the real Kevin Youkilis and the fake one he recruited for the Socks for banned substance testing occasions. You may recognize him as Lee Arenberg, who played Mike Moffit on Seinfeld.
In 1985, five New York Yankees gathered at the Stadium to pose with George Steinbrenner for The Sporting News, each wearing an old-time Hall of Famer's vintage jersey and paste-on handlebar mustache.
The gimmicky cover story would hail the renowned collection of memorabilia king Barry Halper, whose $40 million cache of cards, balls, bats and prized antiquities was on par with Cooperstown's, according to top baseball experts.
Halper, also a 2 percent owner of the Yankees, stood by in a tan overcoat, his hand resting on the shoulder of all-time steals leader Rickey Henderson, who had put on a rare Ty Cobb uniform. Manager Yogi Berra sported a 1905 New York Giants jersey of legendary skipper John McGraw. Two more players and a coach donned uniforms once worn by Cy Young, "Shoeless" Joe Jackson and Pud Galvin.
"What a collection!" crowed the headline.
They were all fakes.
"That picture is the Mount Rushmore of uniform fraud," said authenticator Dave Grob.
Six years after his death -- and on the day the Hall of Fame inducts Roberto Alomar, Bert Blyleven and Pat Gillick -- Halper and his remarkable legacy as the country's top collector are being hit as hard as a Babe Ruth moon shot.
The vaunted dealer, with a wing named after him in Cooperstown, has been unmasked as a con artist who hawked replicas and forgeries as one-of-a-kind gems.
But Halper didn't just buy fakes and pass them off as real.
He allegedly paid people to back his lies about how he acquired some pieces, and he's the primary suspect in a notorious heist of the New York Public Library's Fifth Avenue branch, where $1 million worth of letters to baseball pioneer Harry Wright and other scrapbook entries vanished in the 1970s......
update: evidently this story has a new wrinkle

Jesus homereth againeth

As the Yankiverse breathlessly gins up deadline trade scenarios, Brian Cashman is being pushed to fix problems easily solved in our own system. Take, for example, the open drain at DH, where "Hip-hip-Jorge" has become, "Hip-hip-double play!"

Last night, Chickenbone Chavez arrived from the dead unit to spell Nuni at 3B and become the lefty DH down the road. Meanwhile, Jesus "I am bored" Montero hit another HR down in the coal mine. We are sitting on perhaps the best DH prospect the month of September could deliver - that is, unless we listen to the infield chatter and trade him for the star pitcher of early 2010, Ubaldo Jimenez.

If we trade Jesus for Ubaldo, I will personally drive to New York City and strangle  Cashman with my bare hands, metaphorically speaking. No. I take it back. I will wear my blue potato peeler gloves, the punishing Tater Mitts, from the "As Seen on TV Store." They contain little embedded stones, which will amplify Cashman's pain, along with his personal shame. Not only that, but the last sight his bulging, humiliated eyes will see shall be my vintage Hideki Irabu "Typhoon Irabu" T-shirt. I will wear it to browbeat the security forces into letting me into the front office.  I will dishonor and soil him, metaphorically speaking.

I have no choice. My life for millions. The Colorado Rockies have seen enough of Ubaldo to know his future is a straight downward descent into Atlee Hammaker Land. They talk about wanting a Herschel Walker deal. They'll accept a Johnny Walker deal, if it includes Jesus.

Two nights ago, Ubaldo pitched against the dreaded Arizona Diamondbacks, yes, the powerhouse of that Triple A National League West. He went five innings and gave up five earned runs. What a stud. Can you imagine the outrage across the Yankiverse on the day after he gets brutalized by the Redsocks? Can you imagine the screams when Montero develops into an all-star? This is the kind of deal that could derail an entire decade. This would be Cashman's legacy, and he'd be better off dying rather than have to live through it. (In the afterlife, I'm sure he'd thank me, though I suspect I'd get some negatives about the potato peeler gloves.)

We don't need Ubaldo. We already have six starters. We need a DH in October who doesn't deliver ground balls directly to shortstops. Jesus Montero might have one brief incarnation as a Yankee: The DH this October. After that, if we feel he cannot be our catcher, then trade him. Do it in the offseason, when we put him up for bids -- it's our deal, not Colorado's. 

We need a DH. We have the answer right in front of us.

Don't make me use those potato peelers.

Rizzuto Wins "My Nine" Poll For Best Yankee Call

John came in a close second. Unfortunately Michael Kay didn't come in last. He beat out Mel Allen, my number one choice, for third place. Ruppert Jones! I had totally forgotten about him. I think Cedric Tallis is to blame for this lousy trade.

Nov 1, 1979 - In separate deals‚ the Yankees acquire OF Ruppert Jones from the Mariners and C Rick Cerone and Tom Underwood from the Blue Jays‚ giving up 7 players‚ including popular 1B Chris Chambliss‚ SS Damaso Garcia‚ OF Juan Beniquez‚ and Ps Jim Beattie and Paul Mirabella. Chambliss will be with the Blue Jays a month before they swap him to Atlanta.
Actually, Steve Lombardi has another version of the Jones trade.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Can the Redsocks win 100?

From the Boston Herald.
They must have hacked Peter Gammons' phone.

Disregard the following post

Nine more outs, and the Yankees will be faced with the task of hoisting CC Sabathia onto their shoulders and carrying him off the field

He's throwing a no-hitter.

Ooops. Did I just jinx him? Nah. Internet doesn't count.

Unless he surfs while in the dugout.

Here's A Guy Who Isn't Worried About Debts

But I am.

The national debt is being treated like a ping pong ball in a game of " beer pong."

And while the debts are piling up daily for the US, the small businesses of this country have no escape either, including right here at IIH,IIF,IIc.

No one seems to care whether we are going to have to fire some or all of the unpaid staff come August 2nd.

No one is concerned that as many as 20% of our staff are currently unemployed.

All the blather is focused upon locking-in a non existent tax rate on their yet to be funded salaries, and then legally securing their seemingly unlimited beer benefits.

People are racing around here signing pledges to take no action on any issue, for god's sake. Don't they understand that an iron-locked pledge is idiotic in an environment that is constantly changing?

What if Columbus had signed a pledge saying he would never sail out of the sight of land? We wouldn't even have or be these idiots.

Many of you do not know, or care, that IIH,IIF,IIc has been building up huge debts to keep this site afloat. In effect, we have been printing our own money and buying useless crap with it.

In addition, we are maintaining two wars with middle eastern, anti-Yankee blogs while, simultaneously, conducting covert work against Red Sox bastions, population centers and churches, which we know to be fostering lies and distortions about us. None of this work comes without huge payments to Halliburton, Blackwater and every Mormon representative in Washington, D.C.

The sad but true story is; we need revenue, and we need it now. We can cut out a beer or two to help on the spending side, but we need some fat cats to pay their fair share, or we are going down like Greece.

A former partner of Arthur Anderson has advised me that our deficit as at today was $14.44 and climbing. Do we want to become a laughing stock ?

For how much longer do we intend to "piss ourselves?"

It's tempting to feel sorry for Seattle, but let's not forget how they screwed us last year at the trade deadline

Last year, around this time, we had a deal in place to obtain Cliff Lee. We would trade Jesus Montero, infielder David Adams and a third prospect to Seattle. Then they pulled the rug. They prefered Justin Smoak from Texas -- trading within their own division -- and merrily dealt Lee to the Rangers, laughing at how they stuck it to the mighty Yankees. Ha ha ha.

At the time, the 20-year-old Montero was hitting .253 for Scranton. Now, he's had a full year of seasoning at Triple A, improved his catching skills markedly, he's hitting about .290 and he's hot. Since returning from a minor injury, he's hit four HRs in 14 games. If stays hot, as he did last summer, Montero could be our DH in the month of September.

Right now, Smoak is horrible. He might turn it around, or he might be the kind of star that never ascends, destroying the young team that counted on him. Seattle made the choice. No sympathy here. Sweep the bastards, and send them on their way.

Newsflash: ESPN stops pretending it's impartial, openly roots for the Red Sox

Note the headline. To ESPN writers, the redsocks are "our" team.

It's official. The ESPN folks can openly declare their love for the redsocks, and admit to the world that they are part of redsocks (abomi)Nation.

I know, I know, the fact that ESPN stands for the "Everything Sox Programming Network" is something that most Yankees fans have long known. Still, it was refreshing to see that the guys at have decided to lift the cloak, end the charade and stop the silly pretending that they are impartial.

Any day now, expect the Baseball Tonight folks to start wearing their redsocks lapel pins ... because being a sports journalist doesn't mean they can't declare their patriotism to redsocks Nation.

Say It Ain't So Larry, Say It Ain't So

HBO Comedy Will Find Discomfort in Baseball
Larry David was fretting about Derek Jeter. “What do you think?” he asked as he arrived at breakfast in Manhattan on Thursday, when Jeter’s career hit total was 2,997. “Do you think he can do it?”
But then came a neurotic thought. Jeter, David said, fares better when he doesn’t watch him. If he were to go to Yankee Stadium, he contemplated the karma of leaving his seat whenever Jeter batted.
“Maybe I’ll call him up and see what it’s worth to him,” he said.
“Curb Your Enthusiasm,” which begins its eighth season Sunday night, does not often delve into sports. If any sport matters in the series, it is golf. Early this season, when a newly spiritual Jewish friend tells him he will not play golf with him at a tournament on the Sabbath, David complains, “You’re Koufaxing me!”
But baseball was the focus of an episode in 2004 when David found a way to use the carpool lane to drive to Dodger Stadium by picking up a prostitute. This season, David turns to baseball again in the ninth of 10 episodes — and Bill Buckner, the former Boston Red Sox first baseman, offers empathetic counsel after a ground ball rolls between David’s legs at a key moment of an important softball game.
“I wrote the outline and then called him,” he said of Buckner. “He’s a very quiet guy. It’s not like you’re talking to one of your friends. He’s quiet. He has a cowboy quality. You sense that he’s a decent guy.”
Without giving much away, Buckner hears familiar taunts from louts on Park Avenue, attends a hastily assembled minyan, is shouted at by the show’s foul-mouthed character Susie Greene and becomes a goat again.
The ending is weird but sweet vindication for Buckner. “He’s such a good guy,” David said. “What happened to him should have happened to a jerk.”
David is an eclectic sports fan. He grew up in Brooklyn loving the Yankees, but he doesn’t mind the Mets.
“It’s one of my few instances of magnanimity,” he said.
He roots for the Jets but tolerates the Giants.
He said he wept at age 13 when Bill Mazeroski hit the home run to beat the Yankees in Game 7 of the 1960 World Series. Then he changed his mind about the recollection. Another, different memory of weeping came to him, when the Yankees blew a second-inning 6-0 lead to the Dodgers in Game 2 of the ’56 World Series, and lost, 13-8. (At least the Yankees won the Series.)
David loathed the Dodgers in Brooklyn, and his animosity only grew when Walter O’Malley moved them out west. When Fox acquired the team, the hatred swelled; he does not like Rupert Murdoch, he said. Now he doesn’t root for the Dodgers but doesn’t hate them, either. A Yankee bias mellowed him. First Joe Torre managed the Dodgers, then Don Mattingly. “I was a Mattingly freak from ’84 to ’94,” he said.
But he was displeased when the Yankees did not hire Mattingly to succeed Torre as manager.
“It was a mistake not to hire Mattingly, 2009 notwithstanding,” he said. “I was very disappointed.”
As for the Boston Red Sox, a team he should detest, he said, “I don’t hate them as much as I used to.”
Indeed, he attended the recent wedding of John Henry, the Red Sox’ principal owner. “He’s my favorite Yankee fan,” Henry said. Henry said he and David had mutual friends on Martha’s Vineyard.
“And I like their politics,” David said of the Red Sox ownership. “They’re Democrats.”

So What If I Made Up That Story ?

I've received a few complaints about the " as yet unproven " story about Damon and Matsui going to Boston.

If I fabricated a tale of fear to get you to read and respond, how is that different than Fox News?

If I lied to manipulate a reader base, how is that different from the elected leaders of the Tea Party?

Sitting at the, " all drinks for two bucks, " joint on 1oth Avenue yesterday (the $2 happy hour is from 9am-11am, Monday-Thursday), I began reflecting on how we are all being manipulated.

Brian Cashman talks to us about the irreplaceable value of "home grown talent," and then he trades our touted prospects for some dude with a $50million contract.

The leaders of this fine democracy ( referring to the country, for those confused by the context of this phrase)....both sides....could give a shit about the country. If you are not contributing at least $100,000 each six months to some Senator or Congressperson, you are considered a dirt bag. The bridges you drive across can fall into the Mississippi and they will send a twitter of condolence while flying over in their customized choppers.

But as long as there are propagandists like Roger Ailes making up the party rhetoric ( is this the term Goebbels used? ) and distributing it through one-sided, brainwashing media outlets, the populace sits happily at home stabbing themselves in the gut while the billionaires get tax deductions for their private jets.

And so it continues.

I still think the Red Sox are going after Matsui, minimum.

Jesus has heateth uppeth

His bat is sending us cryptic messages.

Sort of like Nicholas Cage, but without a script.

Rumor: Arod Will Return Early Tonight To Face Doug Fister

a h/t to seattlesportsnet

Yankeetorial: Three trades the Yankees must make before the deadline

As Yankee fans, our winning thirsts must be sated. It's time for Brian Cashman to get off his cushioned, patsy-watsy ergonomic office swivel chair and down to the business of trading human flesh.

Three moves that must be made.

1. IF prospect Brandon Laird to Scranton for 3B Eric Chavez. Yes, it's tough to deal a young hitter like Laird, but he has no future as Yankee 3B. If Chavez stays healthy, he'll hold 3B until Arod returns and then become DH. He's the best hitter out there.

2. Steve Garrison to SWB for RP Rafael Soriano. Again, we hate to see Garrison go, but Scranton is out of the MLB Wild Card race, and Soriano could be this year's Kerry Wood.

3. If Phil Hughes or anyone falters, move him to the bullpen and trade Hector Noesi or Benny Ayala to SWB for Ivan Nova. The key is Nova: He's 8-4, and his last three starts were primo. He's had a rest, so he won't be pitched out by September.

Avoid the Ubaldo Jiminez "Herschel Walker deal" scenarios.

Remember: The Herschel Walker deal only worked for the Cowboys, which traded Walker. It killed the Minnesota Vikings for four years.

The Melkman Goes 4 For 6: Helps Deliver Loss To The Sox

Monday, July 25, 2011

In What Inning Will We Be Sorry?

Matsui and Damon Head To Boston As Bench Depth

The Boston Red Sox, knowing that signing Matsui and Damon would kill all remaining spirit and hope of Yankee fans, and knowing that these guys always perform best in playoff baseball, have signed them both.

The details are not all revealed, but it is known that in addition to picking up their contracts, the Sox get the top picks of both Oakland and Tampa next year, as well as three players to be named from any levels of their farm systems.

Oakland and Tampa asked for nothing else but dollar relief.

Jorge Blaming Batting Woes On Laura's Bizarre Ritual Practices

In a move similar to the one that Marc Anthony is invoking against J-Lo, Jorge Posada is blaming his batting woes on his wife's ritual sacrifice of old crow bobbleheads.
J Lo's dirtbag ex husband is now saying that Lopez practiced santeria with him. He says "we participated in sacrifices of chickens and hens".  He claims that in an effort to save their marriage, Jenn was cleansed with the blood of a hen. This coming from the same guy who is threatening to release a sex tape when there is actually no sex in the tape.

Yanks Making Big Moves Before Trade Deadline: Happy Thames Are Here Again

Who needs Carlos Beltran when we have Marcus at the ready to take Andruw's place as a RH DH. That should make Jesus feel even more insecure.

NFL settles: Giants fans can anticipate another collapse

As a Giants fan, I figured our best shot would be a canceled season. Now, it looks as though the Coughlin Collapsers shall play to implode once more!

Do you realize that, as a kid, I thought the Giants would be the Yankees of the NFL? Ouch.

Congratulations to Seattle Mariners for at one point actually coming within two runs of Redsocks' lead Sunday

It was the fifth -- (the Daily News Fifth, had it been a Yankee game) -- when those pesky, meddlesome Mariners actually pulled within two runs of Boston, making the score 5-3.

Seattle has now lost 15 in a row, bad news for the Yankees, because no team keeps losing forever. Visits to Yankee Stadium are like healing balms to pitchers who cannot hold down last place teams. We've seen it, time and again. Expect career days for pitchers we've never heard of and will never hear from again. 

On the other hand, Boston keeps winning... but can't seem to shed us from its rearview mirror.  Will Adrian Gonzalez really bat .350 this year? Is Jacoby Ellsbury really the best CF in baseball? Is Beckett really back? Will they ever lose?

Michele Brackman

Yankee prospect Andrew Brackman
and Tea Party prez prospect Michele Bachmann.

Brackman outduels Wang in epic 4-inning Moosic marathon

Chien-Ming Wang dueled Andrew Brackman yesterday in the mudflats of Moosic, with the Scranton Yankees proving once again that size does matter.

Brackman, the enigmatic former No. 1 draft pick, threw four innings and only gave up one run, though he walked five and gave up three hits, which would have killed most Yankee fans with heart conditions.

Wang, the former Yankee pitcher and pinch-runner, went five innings and gave up eight hits and five earned runs, a Kevin Millwoodish outing that wouldn't get him a call-up with most teams. Fortunately, he's with Washington. Godspeed.