Monday, July 18, 2011

A prayer to save the Yankees

Dear Lord in Heaven, Who Art the Greatest God Ever, (and I'm not just saying this now, to buttereth Thou up)...

Please, please, please, I beg of Thee...

Help the needy children of this world, bring a lasting peace unto all of humankind, and don't let the Yankees trade their finest seedlings for some pitched-out Colorado reincarnation of Jeff Weaver (a rather forgotten creation of Yours), and destroy the garden of prospects that Your wall-climbing ward, Brian Cashman, hath tended for the last 10 years.

Save the children, end war, and -- not to belabor point No. Three -- but I'd like to elaborate, while I have Thee on the line. (And let me again thank Thee for Thy support in assembling 27 World Championships.) But grant us Thy wisdom to not sacrifice long term prospects for used-up pitchers, such as Ubaldo Jimenez (another creation of Thine). Thy Redsocks and Rays -- formerly the Devil Rays -- have too many resources for us to squander youth in a midseason bidding war that is relentlessly ginned up by phone-hacking sportswriters and bloggers seeking to increase traffic during the July-August lull -- who are, I believe, creations of the devil.

O, Lord, put Thyself in my sandals and thinketh with me:

If the Rockies of Colorado really thought Ubaldo Jimenez was their ace, they would keep him. But he's been hitteth hard, and now, after two semi-decent starts and -- poof -- they're offering him aroundeth like a hookah full of arregano. What does that sayeth? They want our Ivan Nova. If we maketh that trade, what in the name of Ian Kennedy would we be thinking?

Please, O Lord, use Your powers of persuasion, or love, or whatever - I'm even saying to break out Thy death ray, if necessary - to not let this trade come unto creation.

Good night, Amen and Good luck.

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