Thursday, July 28, 2011

Yankeetorial: To solve debt crisis, America should follow the lead of the 2000 Arizona Diamondbacks

It's simple: If we're going to default anyway, why not first shell out for some new bullet train projects? It worked for the Diamondbacks.

Yes, whenever you're in financial hot water, look to the paragons of pro sports conservatism! Did you know that the Diamondbacks annually donate more money to the GOP - or, for that matter, either party - than any other pro sports franchise? (They gave $217,900 last year to the GOP, nothing to the Democrats, according to the Center for Responsive Politics.) And that’s fine. The Diamondbacks have every right to exercise free speech. And their fans can take pride when the team's ownership poormouths about player salaries -- while pouring money into Republican politics.

But I digress.

In 2000 and 2001, the Diamondbacks – facing debt – shelled out to acquire Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. And it worked. They won the 2001 World Championship, and they got to play "New York, New York" on the loudspeaker while their team celebrated on the field. They got to mock New York City -- patriotically, of course, because patriotism is important to them - shortly after the city had been attacked. The patriots of Arizona know NYC makes a great symbol for patriotism, but it's a sinkhole of debt.

Anyway, the Diamonbacks couldn't pay their players, so they just "deferred compensation" and traded them. Yep, they sold Curt Schiling to Boston for a bucket of fried chicken, and saved the rest of their money for the GOP. Hah! They sure socked it to those Chinese creditors. They won a championship, dammit.

So let’s do the same. Let’s shell out for some bridges — remember: we won't pay for them anyway — and later, when our pockets are empty, we'll sell them to China and let them figure it out. Hell, if everything collapses, just put "New York, New York" on the loudspeaker and have everybody sing "USA! USA!"
Works in Arizona.

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