Thursday, June 30, 2011

Ryan Braun Comes To New York But Fails To Get Special Help For The Brewers

For those in need of a translation of "landsmen"

The Reason Why We Can't Get Rid Of Sergio Mitre

Who says the wet head is dead?

Some John And Suzy Highlights

sterling-highlights (mp3)
I think this should be the prize giveaway instead of the OMG. It's an excerpt from a Boomer and Carton June 21 broadcast
Plus this is a gem from Neil Keefe

Yankees Save " Clean Throw" Ball For Nunez

Eduardo ( "Yip Arm" ) Nunez, the worst fielding shortstop the Yankees have ever had, and second only to Chuck Knoblach, the Yankees all time, all position Yipster, will be awarded a ball and a trophy ( see replica, on right ) if he ever cleanly gathers a ground ball and throws to first base in time for the out.

There are some major, negative indicators for this 24 year old wild card, who is presently boasting a .467 EEP.

EEP is a new statistic which stands for: Everyday Error Percentage.

It is the fielder's equivalent of OBP, which is the new tell-all of baseball statistics. At this .467 level, Nunez creates an error nearly every other game he plays.

Said another way; Nunez,, the key chip in the trade we could not make for Cliff Lee, is the worst fielder in the history of the Yankees. Even that one-armed guy who played in the 1940's ( or some century ) was better.

Said yet another way; this is not Derek Jeter's replacement unless we never want to win anything, ever again.

Not only that; Nunez can't hit. I think he is at the .230 level, at the end of today's 0-3. So, after a solid trial, we have learned that Kei Igawa would have done at least as well filling in for DJ.

Can you believe it? Our infield defense and offense will vastly improve when the 37 year old returns.

And the next time Nunez's name comes up as a "deal breaker " in a possible trade....... send him with bells and whistles. I pledge to send a bottle of Crown Royal Black to seal any such deal.

By the way, if Ramiro Pena could hit above .138, he'd be the better choice for a position player on the Yankees, despite his 3 errors the other day.

And Mitre, too!.... 6.30.11: A nearly perfect Yankee day

Let us count the reasons...

1. We beat Milwaukee, 14th win in 18 games.

2. Boston loses to Phily in Supermega Series of Champions.

3. Phil Hughes shows signs of old form in Trenton rehab.

4. Bartolo returning.

5. Russell Martin busts out.

6. Jeet running the bases!

7. Jorge alive and adjusted to DH role.

8. AJ Burnett pitching to form.

9. CC going today for sweep.

10. Mariano now 12th in all-time games pitched.

11. Manny Baneulos and Dellin Betances named to Eastern League All-Star game.

12. Gary Sanchez, deep in minors, hits 2nd home run in three games.

13. In Gulf Coast Rookie League, next superstar Yankee shortstop (spoiler alert) Claudio "Clean-up Man" Custodio, now batting .450.

14. Redsocks so desperate they tried Big Papi at firstbase.

15. Papi went 0-4... now 0 for last 16.

16. Peter Gammons says John Lackey may be heading for Tommy John surgery.

17. Yankees re-sign Sergio Mitre!

New York Yankees Quiz: Phil Hughes edition!!!

1. Phil Hughes hit 94 on the radar gun in Trenton Wednesday. This means:

A. His arm strength is coming back
B. He'll be healthy for the Yanks' stretch run
C. They apparently use kilometers per hour in New Jersey

2. Phil tossed six strong innings and allowed just one run. This means:

A. He's comfortable in game situations
B. He'll soon be ready to jump into the Yankees' starting rotation
C. He's got a good start chasing Kei Igawa's minor-league career records

3. Phil Hughes, who abandoned his old blog, now has started a Twitter account! This means:

A. He's eager to connect with his fans
B. We'll get regular updates on his rehab progress
C. A strained thumb will land him on the DL by September

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Sox Get Shut Out By A Lefty In Game 2 Of World Series ............ Again

Manager Joe Cronin did not put first basemen Rudy York in Right Field

Antonio Bastardo's Message To Big Papi

Un hijo de puta


Open letter to Bud Selig: To realign baseball, it's time to consider the Dominican Summer League model

Dear Madam or Sir,

You've suggested a dramatic realignment of Major League Baseball -- eliminating the divisions and moving all teams into National and American leagues, so they can compete equally for post-season glory. Dammitall, it's your best idea since the one about decorating the bases with webs for one special summer weekend to promote the opening of Spider-Man 3. (Why won't those geezers accept change?) I can see why you're paid $16.5 million a year, more than Albert Pujols. Dammitall, you're thinking every minute of every day.

Realigning baseball is a long overdue move, like ending Medicare! And the recent red-hot rivalries between the Yanks-Cubs, Yanks-Reds and now Yanks-Brewers show how much the world needs the Yankees to move into the always-tough NL Central.

I know what you're thinking: But what about the other teams that only sell out stadiums when the Yankees come to town? Don't they deserve the Yankees, too? Once again, Mr. Bud, you show the pluck of a thinking man, who is also a statue.

The Yankees should be split into two teams, like in the Dominican Summer League, so they can play in both Central Divisions. At the end of the season, they should merge both to form an all-star Yankee team, which will compete in the playoffs.

If the Yankees win both AL and NL Central Divisions, they'll play a ceremonial exhibition series, with the all-star team moving into the next round.

Yanks-v-Royals! Yanks-v-CardinalsShould the Yanks play in every division? (Maybe that's what the Dominican Summer League should consider?) And how about putting Transformer icons on the bases? Has anybody thought of that?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Old Managers' Comics

The Least You Can Do

I was lying awake last night, waiting for your call
But if the rumours are true, that won't bother you at all
I'm trying hard to understand
What it takes to be your man
Now I don't have to wonder anymore
Least you can do is say you're sorry
Least you can do is to beat those sox
Just go out and beat those sox

Looking Back: Cliff Lee Tells Brian Cashman He Is Signing with the Phillies

2011 World Series Preview: Legendary ’27 Redsocks v. Famed Big Phils Machine

Holy crap! It’s the World Series of June! Imagine Tornado v. Volcano, the Irresistable Force verses the Immovable Object, Paul McCartney fighting John Lennon, Peanut Butter against Jelly. This is it. Stop the presses, Internet! It’s the Super Bowl, ten times over. Boston is playing Philadelphia.

It’s Cliff Lee against Josh Beckett, the battle of the Yankee Killers. Hell, it’s Sonny Rollins against Kirk Cameron, cheese steak against milk-based clam chowder. Nobody’s even going to care about the Yankee game tonight. The world will be watching the clash of the titans.

It’s Kraken v. Cyclops! It’s the Osmond Brothers against the Jackson Five! It’s Celine Dion against Barbra Streisand. It’s big. Understand? It’s bigger than big. It’s everything. It’s the world, the future, the past, for all the marbles – for marbles that have never even been made and for marbles that were long ago lost. It’s you. It’s me. It’s your mom. It’s Boss Town vs Philly. It’s now, it’s forever. God, I’m so erect I gotta go sit in a bucket a ice water. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Opt-Out Turncoat Millwood Pledges Allegiance to Redsock Evil

Well, there's just no judging humanity anymore. I give up. From now on, let God do it.

Nobody in the free world promoted Kevin Millwood's future as a Yankee more than we did. Nobody. Not Millwood's mom. Not Millwood's therapist. Not even John Sterling. So what happens? He signs with us, goes to Scranton, pitches like Betty White, opts-out and scurries right to our enemies, like the double-agent snitch he always was.

Surely, Pawtucket now knows every secret bunt sign and sure-thing party girl in the Scranton phonebook, courtesy of our friend, the Millmeister.

But now this: He starts pitching well for Pawtucket, reaching his opt-out deadline of June 25, and gets passed over for another minor league spitballer, and what happens? He tells his Redsock soulmates/masters that he'll stay, he'll remain a Redsock until humankind's urine flows backward and Lady Gaga's crotch grows a ZZ-Top beard.

Arod should receive that kind of loyalty from his next Hollywood IT girl. Jeter should get that kind of comfort level from his 15th bathroom.

What did we do? Where did we go wrong? Are we guilty of loving too much? Is it us? Were we too coddling? Were we too demanding? If we had it to do over again, could we - would we - have done right by the Millster?

Alas, he's a Redsock. Maybe it was in his DNA. I don't care. He's God's to judge now. (Pssst, Hey, Big Guy: Don't trust a word he says.)

Jesus healeth selfeth

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Cy of Scranton sets another career record

From such stuff, Yankee Employees of the Month are formed.

To Commemorate Old timers Day, An Excerpt From The Book Of Waste

Good Morning.

I was born just after the dinosaurs died out in Iowa, about 300 years ago according to Iowa's new soon to be first Lady, Michelle Bachman.

I can't hit or run.

If balls are hit to me I can still catch them.

My arm is sore, my calf hurts, and I need Tommy John surgery in my elbow and knees.

I did hit a home run once, which IIH,IIF,IIc still honors with a sidebar labeled, " Making my bones."

It should be amended to read, " Making a bone once."

I am hiding in the dugout.

I think I have been forgotten, which would be best.

I get paid a lot more than any of you do for what I once did.

Now, I do nothing, contribute nothing, think of nothing, and still get paid.

A lot.

Do you all love me?

To commemorate Old Timers Day, an excerpt from The Book of Joe

St. Tino

During the 1996 Series of the World, the lifelong covenant between Tino Martinez and his kingly bat fell into sickness and disrepute. After many fevered swishings and empty half-swings, the great and earnest keeper of First appeared unto Joe and spake:
“Hear me, o, Joe!
“My once-vengeful sword sags meekly in my hands, and my wallops bear no scoreboard fruit. With each visit to the plate, my average furrows deeper berries of dingle into my bottomless bottom.” Continue....

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Buck Showalter Hates Us: Five Ways We Can Return the Love

For starters, no surprise. Showalter should come clean and admit to being the guy who - during his time with the Arizona Diamondacks - played "New York, New York" on the public address system following the 2001 World Series, an act so mean-spirited that it was criticized by Peter Gammons.

No sir, we will never forget. The Diamondbacks are on our shitlist, (which is why Cashman delivering Ian Kennedy on a silver platter is particularly offensive.)

We can't go back in time and keep Buck from playing his victory music, but we can send him some flowers in Baltimore.

1. Refuse to take Vladirmir Guerrero off his hands. Whenever the Yankees get within 500 miles of Baltimore, the sportswriters start ginning up rumors that the Yankees would trade Jesus Montero for Vlad. Yeah, right. Sorry, O's. He's all yours. Enjoy.

2. Matt Wieters? Wanna be a Yankee? Not sure we need a catcher, but hey, I think this guy will be a player in two years -- and you know what? You can never have enough catching. If not Wieters, surely, Baltimore can come up with at least one young free agent worth us signing. They want a Boogeyman? Let's give them one.

3. The hell with their crabcakes. Nothing beats playing Baltimore in Baltimore with a crowd of New York fans. Let's not change that. But let's pack our lunches. Let's boycott their stadium food, because we don't fund the people who hate us. We, as Yankees and Americans, are tired of sending our money to people who express hatred for us.

4. Beat their asses like a kettle drum. This should go without saying. Sixteen and oh would be sweet.

5. When he's done, when he's fired, when he's an old, coughing lung of a memory, invite him back. Then, we forgive. We always do. Let the Redsock fans harbor hate. We forgive. After crushing.

10 Reasons Why Arod Should Be Named "Assistant Yankee Captain"

1. With Jete on the DL, we have no captain. Thus, there is an opening for Assistant Yankee Captain. (AYC)

2. As we all know, Arod is trying to rebound from girl trouble. If he's like most guys, he could use a little rabbit juice in the pants. Being named Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC) will impress the ladies and put him back on track to net Drew Barrymore, ending the Fever Pitch curse.

3. As Assistant Yankee Captain, (AYC) he probably won't have to do anything.

4. As Suzyn often points out, Arod took Boone Logan aside and gave him captainlike advice: Always have a plan. Apparently, Boone was taking the mound without a plan. Now that he's got a plan, he's pitching well. Without Arod, Boone didn't even plan to have a plan. Now he plans ahead. Arod deserves credit for taking on the role of assistant captain. Arod, like Boone, has a plan. Naming him Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC) shows we have a plan.

5. With modern word processing technology, we won't even have to print up stationery letterheads saying Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC).

6. The Yankees have never had an Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC). It will be another career milestone for Arod. He can have AYC embroidered on his jersey.

7. When Jete returns, he can expect to find a full report from Arod on what transpired during his absence.

8. Arod will not need to discipline delinquent Yankees by himself; he can write down their names and keep a shitlist, so that when Jete comes back, there will be hell to pay.

9. AYC = another piece of Hall of Fame consideration.

10. If he does well as Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC), he could someday be promoted to First Assistant Yankee Captain. (1YAC)

The Missing Mickey In 1963

Why he wasn't in the doubleheader win against the Sox of June 30, 1963, despite "Jane Leavy's" comment
an excerpt from sports illustrated
Mickey Mantle came out of the tunnel from the New York Yankees' dressing room and walked along the dugout in front of the crowded bench. There was no place to sit, and at the far end he put a foot up on the step, rested his arm on his knee and looked out at the rain. Another Yankee player said, grinning, "You'd think one of you writers would get up and let a $100,000 ballplayer sit down."
The rain finally slowed and stopped, and the game started, more than an hour late. The night before, when Baltimore had beaten New York 3-1 to take over the league lead, Mantle had hit a home run, two outfield flies and a single to center and had been on third base, waiting to score, when the game ended. Now, this wet night, he singled to right in the second inning and walked in the fourth. In the sixth he doubled to left and scored when Roger Maris hit a home run to put New York ahead 3-2.
Then in the last half of the sixth inning Brooks Robinson of Baltimore hit a ball high and far toward the center-field fence. Mantle turned and raced back for it, running at full speed in his choppy, high-stepping sprinter's stride. He looked up over his right shoulder as he ran, and as he neared the ball he lifted his glove to catch it. But the point of juxtaposition of glove and ball that Mantle anticipated was theoretical—it lay a few feet beyond the seven-foot-high wire fence bounding the outfield. There was no cinder warning track in front of the fence, as in most ball parks, and as the ball went over for a home run Mantle ran into the fence. His left foot hit on the downward stroke of its stride, and his spikes caught in the wire mesh. The front part of his foot was bent violently up and back. The momentum of his run smashed him up against the fence and he seemed to hang there for an instant. Then he crumpled to the ground.
Roger Maris ran over to him and Bobby Richardson ran out and the players in the Yankee bullpen in right field streamed along the fence toward him. Other players ran out and joined the uniformed throng massed incongruously in the deepest part of the outfield. A Yankee came out of the tangle and signaled to the dugout, making a wheelbarrow-pushing motion with his hands. "They want a stretcher," said a writer in the press box.
The stretcher went out and disappeared into the crowd. When it appeared again, it bore Mantle. He lay on his side, half sitting up, supporting himself on his right elbow, somber and quiet. "He looks like a warrior being carried on his shield," said the man in the press box.
Beneath the stands in the corridors behind the Yankee dressing room the sportswriters were held at bay by polite but adamant guards. The writers argued. "You can't go in," a guard said flatly, and the writers waited. They saw New York players come back through the tunnel from the dugout—the Baltimore half of the inning had ended—and go into the dressing room: Ralph Terry, Bobby Richardson, Roger Maris, others. They looked tired. They were in the dressing room with Mantle for only a moment or two, and then they filed back along the tunnel to the dugout. The game went on.
Beneath the stands a door opened and a wheeled stretcher rolled out. Mantle lay on it, flat on his back now, a blanket covering him. He was rolled quickly to an ambulance waiting in the dark at the curb outside the stadium. The stretcher was lifted and slid in. Mantle stared up at the dark ceiling of the ambulance, his face expressionless. Then he lifted his hands and pressed them against his cheeks and held them there for a long moment. The ambulance drove away.
Mick wouldn't play again until August. He only played about 90 games that year.

Happy Birthday Derek: You May Be Old.......

Thanks Jeff

At least our NL exile team can get the job done

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The human face of hate

In Days Of Old When Knights Were Bold And The Yankees Swept The Sox: June 30, 1963

The Yanks beat Earl Wilson in the back end of a doubleheader sweep. Maris and Pepi homered. But where was the Mick? He didn't play in game one either.

More Tales Of Bulger's Boys And America's Team

From Friends Of Ours
Howie Carr, the unofficial biographer of Winter Hill gangster James "Whitey" Bulger, has just released Hitman about former Bulger enforcer Johnny Martorano, and he is running excerpts from the book over the next four days in the Boston Herald. In today's first excerpt Carr discusses the relationship between Martorano and Boston Red Sox team member Earl Wilson who in June 1962 became the first African American to pitch a no hitter after an alleged night of debauchery at a Roxbury night club run by the young gangster. By 1999 Martorano reached a plea deal with federal prosecutors pursuant to which he confessed to twenty murders in exchange for a 14-year prison sentence, and he now is retired and living in Boston, MA.
As for the way the Sox treated a great talent like Wilson
.....It was during this season that the Boston Red Sox began to notice the young ballplayer. The scouting report sent to the team’s head office is indicative of the racial bias that Wilson had to overcome in his early years as a professional ballplayer. It stated, “He is a well mannered colored boy, not too black, pleasant to talk to, well educated, has a very good appearance and conducts himself as a gentleman.”
That same year the Red Sox signed Wilson. Elijah “Pumpsie” Green, the first African American to play a game for the Red Sox, wasn’t signed until 1956. These two were the first African Americans ever signed by Boston.
Wilson was drafted into the Marines in 1957. Although he continued to play military ball his opportunity to become the first black player to crack the Red Sox lineup was delivered a setback.
In 1959, Green had hit .400 during spring training with the parent Sox and was named “Camp Rookie of The Year” by the press. Even with those accomplishments, Green had not secured anything. When writers asked owner Tom Yawkey if Green would make the team, he replied, “The Sox will bring up a Negro if he meets our standards.”.........

Early 1966 saw an event occur that had a monumental effect on the rest of Wilson’s life. During spring training, while in Lakeland, Florida—the spring home of Wilson’s next team, the Detroit Tigers—Wilson and a couple of his teammates, Dennis Bennett and Dave Morehead, decided to go to a local bar named the Cloud 9 for a drink after a day at the park. In Bennett’s words he describes what happened that night: “The bartender asked Dave and I what we wanted. He then turned to Earl and said, `We don’t serve niggers in here.’ So we all got up and left the place. Earl was upset at first as he had never been refused service before.”
Author Peter Golenbock, in his book Red Sox Nation, wrote that incidents such as this tended to bring negative publicity to the team rather than to the racist attitudes in the South. Wilson understood this was the case and although he revealed the incident to Boston writer Larry Claflin, he asked that the writer keep it to himself and not write about it. Claflin agreed but another writer found out about it and instead of exposing the racism of the incident focused his story on the Red Sox players going out drinking.
Most observers—including Wilson, according to his son—felt this incident was the reason the Red Sox decided to deal him. To Earl the writing was on the wall when on June 13, the Red Sox acquired two black players, John Wyatt and Jose Tartabull. That night, Earl told his roommate Lenny Green, who was also an African American, “There are too many black players on the team, someone will have to go!”
The next morning manager Billy Herman informed Wilson that that he and a black outfielder, Joe Christopher, had been traded to Detroit. Earl at the time had appeared in 15 games with the Sox that season and had a 5–5 record with an Earned Run Average of 3.84.
Although upset at first, Earl quickly rebounded and went on to post a 13–6 record for the Tigers to finish the year with 18 wins overall and a sparkling Tigers Earned Run Average of 2.59.
For Wilson, though, 1967 was without doubt his finest season. He appeared in 39 games and led the Tigers with 22 wins against just 11 defeats. Detroit finished the season just one game behind the Red Sox.

Screw 'Em

Enough with the romancing of this big jerk. He doesn't play here anymore and he helped beat us last night. The fans remember the good times . They should remember these too

Medical Updates and Questions

It doesn't matter what Phil's AA work amounted to unless he was throwing heat. I heard he wasn't. What have you heard?

Colon seems further ahead of Hughes on the " road back." That is good news. Although I worry that they are rushing him too quickly.

Eric Chavez is walking again. Soon, they will ask him to try on shoes.

Pedro Feliciano is still pretending that he won't need arm and shoulder replacement surgeries. Oh, that we would have left him a Met.

The Soriano head case was last seen gathering acorns beneath a coconut tree in Florida. Get it?

Derek is trying to use each of the 33 bathrooms in his new house before beginning the, " walk on the beach, " therapy for his calf. He'll still go to the all star game.

Damaso Marte has had a setback in his rehab, and is not expected to call until next summer.

Joba was last seen with his pitching arm in a sling, drinking lefty in a Nebraska bar. See you in 2013 Joba, and we can all wonder if you will qualify for the 6th or 7th inning job.

Only, by then, will there still be a need for a "bridge to Mariano?"

Same Tired, Old Sandwich

Stale bread.

Crusty cheese slices.

Discolored mayo.

A dab of sticky jam.

The same old Yanks showed up to do nothing last night.

Fall behind early.

Miss early opportunities to score big.

Flail away the rest of the night.

Show no life.

No ability to rally, to put pressure on the other team, to do anything.

Mediocre starting pitching.

Excellent and wasted relief efforts.

Puny offense.

Another "L" to open another home series.

Last Friday Night

Last Friday Night
There's a Rockie in my bed,
There's a pounding my head
Men left on base all over the room
Giambino's in the pool
I smell like a minibar
AJ's passed out in the yard
Jorge's on the barbeque

'27 Redsocks reveal "Murderers Row" in Pittsburgh

Yankeetorial: In the late innings, must everyone swing for the fences?

Witnessing last night's excruciating defeat was like watching the latest Marvel comic CGI movie fiasco: We've seen the same big-budget plot 20 times now, and it's gotten stale:

Yanks down by two, and our only plan is to get somebody on and hit a homerun.

Last night, in the final, draining innings:

Russell Martin pounded a lonnnng fly to right. Russell jusssst missed showing muscle.

Curtis Granderson hit a lonnnnng one to the warning track. Oh, it was almost sort of Grandish!

Mark Teixeira blasted a long one to deep left field. He was nearly on the mark, Teixeira!

Jorge nearly juiced one to left!

We went down like lambs.

Martin swung at a 2-0 count, after Jimenez threw two pitches not only out of the strike zone, they were out of the time zone. He couldn't even take the next pitch?

Is Girardi so cowed by the Yankee payroll that he can never give the take sign at 3-1 or 2-0?

We lead MLB in homeruns. Whoopie.

We've seen this movie before.

It ends in early October.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Breaking news: New York state approves same-sex marriage ... but same-person marriage still banned

Sorry, ARod


Teixeira goes googoo over Gaga

Man wishes he didn't bring "girly" umbrella to Yanks-Reds rainout

Is Eduardo Nunez the new Mr. Yankee?

On father's day, man claims to be Jeter's real Dad?

Cubs-Yankees literary dustup

War over truth over Ruth.

Will Giambi wear his Golden Thong?

Tonight, the prodigal thong returns.

Let us remember our call to action,

Yanks Make Use Of Off Day To Help Protest For Gay Rights Bill In Albany

At least we still own Jersey

Somewhere, probably below Anarctica, there is a fantasy world called Quinnipiac University, where the Quinnipiacians - for fun - phone people during dinnertime to talk Yankee baseball. Yes, they're much like Alphonso, but I digress.

A few weeks ago, these pollmeisters showed the Yankees to be the most popular team in white-bread, Vince McMahon/Joe Lieberman Connecticut.

Yesterday, we learned the Yankees control also Tony Soprano/Danny DeVito New Jersey. We beat Philadelphia by more than 20 percentage points, with the Mets coming in third, out of the running for even a Wild Card.

This should be no surprise. In 2008, a keg-shaped stubble-chin named Ryan Ward supposedly bagged 100 women in the Jersey/Philly area by impersonating Joba Chamberlain in bars. At one point, he signed autographs while Joba was pitching on TV. That's the stuff of legend! He eventually was arrested for impersonating a Yankee, which may be a crime in Jersey.

When we have that kind of talent combing the landscape, do we need polls?

Your move, Quinnipiac. What can you tell us about Vermont?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Jesus Needs To Rise

the above, unadulterated pic from Andrew Marchand's interview
below, an excerpt from Kevin Goldstein's column
In nearly any other system, Montero would be a big leaguer and multiple scouts who have seen Montero play during his disappointing .291/.336/.414 showing at Triple-A say that there is a frustration and lack of effort to his game this year, with one talent evaluator just coming out and saying, “He looks like a player who knows he’s stuck in Pennsylvania.”

Be Thankful That We Don't Have Mets' Physicians

Looks like Ike Davis could be out for the year.

Will The Bosox Be Affected By Whitey's Arrest?

from WBUR
As our colleagues at WBUR in Boston report, the now 81-year-old Bulger "led the violent Winter Hill Gang, a largely Irish mob that ran loan-sharking, gambling and drug rackets in the Boston area. He was nicknamed 'Whitey' for his shock of bright platinum hair."
And WBUR's David Boeri reminded us on Morning Edition today that there are already FBI agents in jail for their role in both giving Whitey information about his rivals and then tipping him off 16 years ago that he had better hit the road because he was about to be indicted.
"This is what makes this such a treacherous story," David said. "It is corruption within the FBI."
Whitey is a legend back in Boston, said David: "In Boston, where the first two planes on 9/11 left and hit the buildings in New York, Osama bin Laden and Whitey Bulger were equally notorious."
"This guy, used to look out at Boston from Southie — the old town — and say, 'I own this town,' " David added.
Was Whitey also responsible for making the Bosox baseball's whitest team? Was he, with the FBI's cooperation, the real brains behind Theo Epstein? Is that why the Sox had their pal George Mitchell investigate baseball for drugs? Was the media influenced to make the Sox "America's Team?"

Yankeetorial: Ten Reasons Why Joe Girardi is doing a great job

A few bloggers and terrorists are ripping Joe "Taco Bell-Bring in the Closer" Girardi for his announcement that Derek "The Edge"Jeter will retrun to the top of the order, despite the hitting of Brett "No Endorsement" Gardner.

These people are fools.

10 Reasons why Joe has been a great manager this season

1. He somehow held the team together after losing six at home to Boston.

2. Before continuing, let us re-ponder the magnitude of No.1.

3. He's handled the pitching loads of Bartolo Colon and Freddie Garcia. Colon's injury was pre-destined. And he seems to have figured out/resurrected AJ Burnett.
4. Despite a huge number of injuries, he has yet to overuse anybody in the bullpen. He has done this with bailing twine castoffs and Triple A youngsters, and he has done this without a lefty specialist.

5. He has no choice but to put Jeter back at leadoff. He's an icon, chasing 3,000. You cannot show lack of confidence in such a player.

6. Last month, he sent a shot across the bow to Jorge Posada, and it was received. No problems with Posada since. He's adapted, making the most of chances, and it's hard to imagine Jorge having another blow-up this year.

7. He stuck with Cervelli through a tough period when everyone - me included - wanted Montero up from Scranton. Cervelli is struggling, but Jesus clearly needs the Triple A at bats. And we did not tank the team. 
8. He navigated Brett Gardner through a terrrible spring, and he may be doing it with Swisher now. Both players could have suffered lost seasons. Or worse (and Cashman needs a tip of the hat here) we could have traded them while at their lowest value.
9. He has kept the team afloat despite a near month of horrible clutch hitting, when we failed to drive in key runners in critical game situations. No manager can hit for his players.
10. There have been no substantial Arod controversies. That kind of silence doesn't just happen. It takes work.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Jon Stewart disses the Yankees

In his latest tirade against Fox News, Jon Stewart took an offhanded shot at the Yankees that almost has me ready to go doorknocking on behalf of Sarah and Todd Palin.

He called Fox News, and I am holding my nose during the quotation process...  the "New England Patriots of lies."

He is a fool. 
For Fox News to be considered remotely credible as a lie-making machine, the network should be called "the New York Yankees of lies."

Is Jon Stewart saying Fox News has won the Lying Super Bowl 27 times?
Does Fox News get into the lying playoffs every year?
Does Fox News spare no expense to bring to its team the greatest liars in the world?
Is Fox News merely good at lying because it has Wayne Brady, or whatever the hell his name is, at quarterback?

Hell no.
Fox News should be the New York Yankees of lies. They're based in New York, damnit. They have Arod (Hannity) and Jeter (O'Reilly) -- and Yogi (Greta), and on retainer they have Sarah Palin (John Sterling.) with her home run calls (Drill, baby, drill.) They are run by a fat guy, Roger Ailes, (Hank Steinbrenner.)

Let's get this straight, once and for all:

Fox News is the New York Yankees of lies.

Or the Washington Nationals of truth.

Remember Him?

Let Us Now Praise A Kosher Man

NoMaas discusses the achievements of the miracle worker

A Lesson On Fake Vs. Real

Brian Gordon may be the Jackie Robinson of synthetic gloves, but Christina is the gold standard of boobies. Christina recently said, 'I'm learning to celebrate what I was born with'...... Having larger breasts has made it harder for me to shop throughout the years, but I’ve learned to love it. It’s so bizarre that people are constantly asking if my breasts are real or fake,’ she adds. ‘They’re so obviously real that anyone who’s ever seen or touched a breast would know.’

Scientific Pie Chart Showing Reasons for Yankee Joy

Damaso Marte is throwing in Tampa

Breaking _ The Yankees today announced that Damaso Marte is throwing in Tampa. The news that Damaso Marte is throwing in Tampa superceded previous news that Damaso Marte was not throwing in Tampa, and gives the Yankees hopes that, with Damaso Marte throwing in Tampa, Damaso Marte will continue throwing in Tampa.

If Damaso Marte continues throwing in Tampa - (and there is no guarantee that Damaso Marte will continue throwing in Tampa) - the prospect of Damaso Marte throwing in Tampa would leave the Yankees with Damaso Marte throwing in Tampa.

For more news, see Pedro Feliciano is throwing in Tampa, Rafael Soriano is throwing in Tampa, and Phil Hughes is throwing in Staten Island.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Now they're trying to pawn Mark Beuhrle on us

What is it about these websites that constantly gin-up possible Yankee trades?

Seriously, does every moth-eaten salary bloat in major league baseball have to end up on the Yankees?

Yeah, Mark Beuhrle pitched a no-hitter. But would we really get more from him than we would from Adam Warren or David Phelps? (And we probably have to give up one or both of them to get him.)

Around this time of year, why do so many bloggers play matchmaker?





Brian Gordon is the Jackie Robinson of synthetic gloves

The leather ceiling has been shattered.

Brian Cashman Bizarro World?

Will I have to stop calling this guy an idiot? Colon, Garcia, Russell Martin, Curtis, Swish, Brian Gordon, Cory Wade.  Not trading Nova, Nunez or Jesus. Not wanting to sign Soriano or give Jete the big contract. Is the theater really dead, can analysis be worthwhile?

This Plan Always Works

The Real Reason for Your Slump

Your sluggers are all whiffin’.
Is there anybody to reproach?
Why wait for their resolve t’ stiffen?
Better fire the hitting coach.

Most of the old game’s half-mental
(On Yogi’s turf do I encroach)
Best not get too intellectu’l,
Just fire the hitting coach.

The star himself’s not to blame–
That thought we can barely approach!
The real problem is old what’s-his-name,
Our replaceable hitting coach.

From today's edition of Bardball.

Josh Beckett Suffering From Intestinal Turmoil

He won't be able to pitch tonight. Dice K, Bucholz and Saltalamacchia have all suffered from it previously. Looks like Gammons is next.

10 Reasons why we been doing a rope-a-dope on the Redsocks

In his 1974 victory over George Foreman, the Rumble in the Jumble, Muhammed Ali used the famous "rope-a-dope" strategy: Let the other guy beat the shit out of you for the first three rounds, then attack when he can't lift his arms.

This year, Boston has kicked us around like a soccer ball -- and yet, they only lead us by 1.5 games. They surely remember 2009, when they murdered us in the first-half, then fell apart.

Here are 10 reasons why they have to be more scared of us than we are of them.

1. Big Papi hitting .320. Come September, the only 300 he'll see is on a bathroom scale.

2. They're banged up. (So are we.) Pedroia's knee. Youk's whole ugly body. Buckholtz's back. Lowrie's shoulder. Gonzalez? I hereby put an injury juju move on you.

3. They're ancient. Scutero at shortstop is practically as old as Jeter.

3. Papelbon. Lights out in April. Not anymore. Too much emotion. He hurts his face.

4. We have more depth at Triple A. Montero is hitting. Hughes is coming back. We don't need to make a bad deadline trade. We can bring them up.

5. Carl Crawford still hasn't hit in Boston. Now he's hurt. Smelling a lost year.

6. Lackey. Never been the same in Boston. Maybe he never will be.

7. Either Jacoby Ellsbury is MLB's greatest player, he's going to hit a slump.

8. They have more holes (catching, shortstop, fifth starter) than we do.

9. Cano hasn't yet enjoyed his AL Player of the Month stretch.

10. In their heart, they know we're coming. They can't hit any harder, and we're still standing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Jon Stewart Calls Chris Wallace Insane

Why Is Andruw Jones Still A Yankee?

A Cure For What Ails An Aching Shoulder: Eva Longoria

Yeah, that would be my ticket and it would be a step up, IMHO, from Madge, Kate and Cameron. El Duque mentioned how Arod toughed it out most recently with his previous popcorn dispenser. The only problem is, according to certain sources,  Alex and Cameron are still together.

Traitors In Our Midst: Say It Ain't So, Suzyn

Ever notice how Suzie does these really warm and fuzzy pre-game interviews with opposing players and managers? Of course we all know about her Boston roots. Yesterday she wished a happy father's day to her dad in Boston. She also went on and on about how cute Alfonso Soriano and his boy were during the pre-game warm ups. Yeah, Alfonso must be a dynamite dad.  Then she went on to jinx the Yanks by saying how Sori "owns" CC. Seconds later Soriano homered. Both she and John (especially Suzy) were incensed that ARod was called safe because Starlin Castro did not have his foot on the bag on what should have been the usual "in the neighborhood" call. John was waxing poetic all game about how great Starlin is. Hey, if we want this kind of broadcasting we can listen to Buck and McCarver.