Sunday, June 26, 2011

10 Reasons Why Arod Should Be Named "Assistant Yankee Captain"

1. With Jete on the DL, we have no captain. Thus, there is an opening for Assistant Yankee Captain. (AYC)

2. As we all know, Arod is trying to rebound from girl trouble. If he's like most guys, he could use a little rabbit juice in the pants. Being named Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC) will impress the ladies and put him back on track to net Drew Barrymore, ending the Fever Pitch curse.

3. As Assistant Yankee Captain, (AYC) he probably won't have to do anything.

4. As Suzyn often points out, Arod took Boone Logan aside and gave him captainlike advice: Always have a plan. Apparently, Boone was taking the mound without a plan. Now that he's got a plan, he's pitching well. Without Arod, Boone didn't even plan to have a plan. Now he plans ahead. Arod deserves credit for taking on the role of assistant captain. Arod, like Boone, has a plan. Naming him Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC) shows we have a plan.

5. With modern word processing technology, we won't even have to print up stationery letterheads saying Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC).

6. The Yankees have never had an Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC). It will be another career milestone for Arod. He can have AYC embroidered on his jersey.

7. When Jete returns, he can expect to find a full report from Arod on what transpired during his absence.

8. Arod will not need to discipline delinquent Yankees by himself; he can write down their names and keep a shitlist, so that when Jete comes back, there will be hell to pay.

9. AYC = another piece of Hall of Fame consideration.

10. If he does well as Assistant Yankee Captain (AYC), he could someday be promoted to First Assistant Yankee Captain. (1YAC)


Anonymous said...

He should be named "Assistant TO the Yankee Captain"

Stang said...

Also, if you'll remember, A-Rod's last official act as a Texas Ranger before jumping to New York was to become Ranger Captain.

I always thought of the Yankees as having two Captains: the Captain of the Yankees and the Captain of the Rangers.