The Dodgers are coming. The Dodgers are coming. Everyone, hide. The Dodgers are coming.

 

By now, you surely know that the mighty Dodgers - aka the new Yankees - will appear Friday in NYC - the new home of the Knicks - to play the Yankees, who are the current Washington Generals. 

They'll feature the great Shohei Ohtani, the modern Babe Ruth, though he'll miss a matchup with Aaron Judge, the new Giancarlo. The Yankee captain will spend Friday getting MRIs - the new X-rays - of his fractured rib, the new torn hammy. 

Pitching will be Yoshi Yamamoto, the new Pedro, against Cam Schlittler, the new Gerrit Cole, (unless the old Gerrit Cole returns.) 

Yankee manager Aaron Boone, the new Gene Mauch, will send out Ben Rice, the new Tino, and Jazz Chisholm, the next Juan Sojo - that is, unless 2027 becomes the new 1994. If that happens, Rob Manfred becomes the new Nero, and baseball becomes the new Edmund Fitzgerald. 

Either way, over this all-star break - the new era of soccer - the world is changing. Travis & Tay are the new Joe & Marilyn, Netflix is the new Standard Oil, Elon Musk is the new Cornelius Vanderbilt, and Mitch McConnell is the new asparagus. Truth is the new lie, war is the new peace, and we are the new barbarians. 

Friday, it's the Dodgers. The new season begins.

Before we celebrate Hunter Dietz, this year's Yankee top pick, let us ponder the whereabouts of Dax Kilby

Last weekend, the Yankees selected Hunter Dietz - a giant lefty stalk of Arkansas asparagus - in the MLB draft, and immediately booted up the YES crapola machine. "We're ecstatic!" gushed Damon Openheimer the Yankees' Vice President of the atom bomb  lost youth domestic amateur scouting, over Dietz, the 35th pick of the draft. According to various Mel Kipers and Booger MacFarlands, Dietz ranked 17th in the overall MLB draft class. Thus, a steal! Right? 

Listen: I aint lookin' for no trouble, okay? The Yankees chose - and quickly signed - a 21-year-old, legit sandwich-round stallion, big as a bus - (6'6", 235) - and who already has had elbow surgery (stress fracture, 2024). It's not like he suffered an aortic dissection. But the Yankees say he might not throw a pitch this summer, so tender are the tendons that separate an Andy Pettitte from an Andrew Brackman. Deitz could be a factor late next year, assuming there is a 2027 season. 

Immediately, Deitz becomes one of the Yankees top-ranked prospects - maybe even No 1. That would mean supplanting last year's purveyor of Oppenheimian ecstasy, the 6'2" (Jeter-sized) SS, Dax Kilby. 

Last year, Kilby - like Dietz, a sandwich-rounder- became the breakout sensation of the Yankee draft.  

At Single A Tampa, "Killer" Kilby - age 18, and with an unforgettable name - hit .353 over 19 games and 81 at-bats. (No HR, though.) In most prospect rating pools, he vaulted into the top three. In a few, he even topped George Lombard Jr., the reigning Yankee hope.

Unfortunately, 2026 has not been kind.

Kilby tweaked a hammy in spring training and missed three months. Then, on May 28, in a Florida rookie league, Kilby came to bat twice, went 0-2, and re-tweaked himself. He remains at large. Look for him on the milk cartons. 

We hope to see Kilby soon - at least a photograph, smiling like happy toddler Mitch McConnell, with yesterday's sports section. Proof of life! Check! Because following Yankee prospects - especially this time of year - is a zero sum game. For every Ben Rice and Cam Schlittler, a dozen lost souls disappear. Who knows the future of Spencer Jones? Not even Cashman, I suspect. But don't bet the Polymarket  on Jones playing CF for the Yankees again. 

In this millennium, the Yankees long ago ruined what used to be one of the most enjoyable aspects of rooting for this team: following kids in the minors. (One of them actually grew up to be Aaron Judge; can you believe it?) Meanwhile, our arch-rivals - Boston, Tampa, Toronto, Baltimore, the Mets - have chosen to build with youth.  

Obviously, it doesn't always work. But inevitably, the Yankees pay a price for treating the next generation like a 5-cent bottle deposit. Three weeks ago, in fearful Fenway, the Redsocks ate our Lunchables. Ever since, Cooperstown Cashman has been trolling for trade fodder. Let's just hope it doesn't mean the forever disappearance of Dax the Max. Yeesh. Oppenheimer barely got to know him. 

96 down, 66 to go

 

Corey Seagar?

Lombard, Jr.?

Shelly Duncan?

Jeremy Pena?

Ryan Jeffers?

Hunter Goodman?

Higgy?

Skubal? (Surely you jest)

It's a long season. Given Cashman's track record, it's about to get a lot longer.

At the break, this we know about the 2026 Yankees.

 

1. The Yankees are Ben Rice's team. When he slumps, they lose. When he hits, they win. 

2. Upcoming scans on Aaron Judge's rib will dictate the entire Yankee trade deadline strategy.

3. Jasson Dominguez shows flashes of talent but does not look like a budding superstar. 

4. Spencer Jones will be traded at the deadline.

5. The Yankees are ready to move on from Anthony Volpe. 

6. Barring an injury or deep slump at Scranton, George Lombard Jr. will be our SS in September.

7. After Tampa, Boston is the team to fear.

8. Giancarlo Stanton is a complete non-factor. There is no reason to expect him back. Ever.

9. Throughout history, every great Yankee team had a great catcher. They currently have one of the worst in baseball.

10. The Yankees have so many needs - and so few trade chips - that Brian Cashman will not bother to chase a 3B at the deadline.

11. The Yankees have once again been handed the keys to NYC this fall, because the Mets are a complete bust. 

Sunday's Game Thread - Will on The Hill in Capitol Hill - Whatta Thrill, Whatta Thrill

     BRIAN CASHMAN

     He's the Man, the Man with the Midas Touch

     A Spider's Touch 

     Cashy words he will pour in your ear

     But his lies can't disguise what you fear

     For a cashy-boy knows when he's kissed him

     Its the kiss of death from Mister

     BRIAN CASHMAN 

Another come-from-behind victory. Can the Yankees finish the first half in style?

 

Short belching of bile today. Can't complain after two comeback wins. It's a pleasure to see ex-Yankees collapse against us, rather than pitch lights-out. Also, before we gush over the Death Barge's first-round pick, Hunter Dietz, as a great steal, let's remember: By the time he was chosen, Tampa had already selected twice, including the second pick overall. Boston, too. Every draft day, the Yankees get killed. The front office tries to make up for it with hype (which generally does the young players no good.)  

Short stack of ponderings.

The brain trust is said to be on the verge of promoting George Lombard Jr. (Or not.) We've been hearing about the last desperate gasps of Anthony Volpe for more than a year now, and the YES team still talks about his looming breakout, as if it's Christmas Eve and you can hear pattering up on the roof. Lombard was hitting well when he strained a finger and went on the IL. I would think he'll need several weeks - or a hitting streak - before he gets the call. But July 31 could well be Volpe's last day in pinstripes. (Can we really be thinking of such a thing?)  

Everything depends on the trade deadline, Yesterday, for Scranton, Spencer Jones went 3-6 with a HR in a doubleheader. (Two Ks.) I suspect he's run out of rope with the Mother Ship. But this we know: The minute Jones goes out the door, somebody in the outfield will go down, and we will be using another infielder out there. But Jones is probably our best trade chip. So, the HRs yesterday? Maybe it adds to our haul.

It was great - and reassuring - to see Cam Schlittler shake off his lone bad start two weeks ago. He's regained his perch as the AL Cy Young leader and the Yankees ace.  Now, if Max Fried can heal, with Cole still coming back, we have a three-man rotation? 

Still contemplating Jazz Chisholm's ridiculous, self-pleasuring pose Friday night, admiring himself while watching his HR. It went way too long for any old-time fan's comfort levels. But I'm going to give him a pardon. Jazz is what he is. (The way his cap flops, I still can't figure out how it stays on his head.) He turns the double play with more vinegar than any Yankee 2B in this decade. Yes, he's streaky. Yes, he's sorta nuts. His time with the Yankees is probably coming to an end. Cashman won't give him the contract he wants. (The Mets might, though.) I wonder how the end of his Yankee career will affect him. For better or worse, we're about to find out.

The Redsocks are streaking, thanks to our complete meltdown in Fenway. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

So, one more day. Could we get a Ryan...?

" 7/11 Schlittler-Slurpee-Saturday in our Nation's Capital ••• Game Thread "

 

  

   Every shiny toy that at first brings you joy
   Will always start to cloy and annoy
   Every camera, every phone, all the music that you own
   Won't change the fact you're all alone 

   (All alone !)
   Every piece of land, every city that you plan
   Will crumble into tiny grains of sand
   Everything you find that at first seems to shine
   Always turns into the same old grind 

   (Same old grind !)

 

Who the eff is Max Schuemann? And why is he leading the Yankees over the last two weeks?

Yankee stats over last 15 days

Maxwell Smart. 

That's what we need to start calling Max Schuemann... because, not only does he play smartly, but the way the Yankiverse overlooks him, you'd think he bats inside the Cone of Silence. (Note: This is a generational joke from the brilliant sixties TV series Get Smart; if you are younger than 70, you probably don't get it. Sorry about that, Chief.) 

But but BUT... I'm talking about Max Schuemann's recent hitting spree: Two HRs in 18 ABs, and a .333 average over the last 15 days. 

This can't last, right? He'll soon crash - a Zolio Almonteian 0-for-32 awaits him, right? 

Well, in the meantime, wouldja believe that this guy never posts a bad plate appearance? Wouldja believe he never embarrasses himself? Wouldja believe the next Cabby? How about the next Clay Bellinger? The next Oswaldo...? 

So, who is Maxwell Carter Schueman? Ten fun facts about the Yankees most mysterious utility widget.

1. He's 29 and was born in Kalamazoo, Michigan. In 2014, his junior year, he was named to the Kalamazoo area high school "Dream Team."

2. He attended Eastern Michigan University for three years.

3. Oakland selected him in the 20th round of the 2018 draft. 

4. Like everybody, he missed a year in the minors due to Covid.

5. He has played for the Midland RockHounds, the Las Vegas Avaiators and - my fave - the Lansing Lugnuts. He set a Lugnut record by stealing five bases in one game.

6. He reached the majors in 2024 after an injury to Brent Rooker. 

7. For Oakland, as a rookie, he played in 133 games, hitting .220 with 7 HRs. 

8. He was Oakland's nominee for the 2024 "Heart and Hustle Award," given to the MLB player who most embodies the "values, spirit and traditions of the game."

9. Last year, he regressed. Badly. Over 101 games with the A's, he batted a below- Mendoza .197 with 2 HRs. 

10. Last February, the A's waived him, then traded him to the Yankees for a Dominican pitcher named Luis Burgos. (He is 20, currently of the Stockton Ports, with an ERA of 8.57.) 

But I like that 2024 Heart and Hustle thing. About three weeks ago, he walked on a 3-2 count, shedding his batting armor and jogging to first, while the catcher and umpire awaited the Ball/Strike replay challenge. The pitch turned out to be ball four. By then, Schuemann was halfway to first. Maxwell Smart. Wouldja believe it?

Its Friday - No Volpe - A Puke-Free Weaver – Rosario Leading off and BOONE REMAINS OUR GUY !!!

  

Yellow Matter Custard

Dripping from a Dead Dog's Eye

Crabalocker Fish Wife

Pornographic Priestess

Boy you've been a naughty girl

You let your knickers down

(rinse / repeat)

We are deep within the most terrifying month on the Yankee calendar

You've heard of Hope Week, right? When the Yankees spotlight heartwarming stories of humanity? It's a nice event, I guess, even if - say - Hideki Irabu comes to hang himself, in a house outside of LA, without a note, 14 Hope Weeks after debuting before 52,000 in Yankee Stadium. Nope. Things don't always work out. But there's always hope, right? 

This year, Yankee Hope Week came and went in June. Thus, this is Despair Week, the last flicker before the All-Star break, the scariest time on the Yankee calendar. It's a week full of land mines, capable of ruining not just 2026, but the next decade. This is Fear Week, with its share of Babadooks ready to terrorize Yank fans everywhere...

1. The last series before the All-Star break. (That's tonight by the way.) Last year, the Yankees had won four straight, as they faced the Cubs. They won the first game 11-0 and were poised to catch Toronto by the break. Then - poof - eight hits over their last two games. 

For a veteran roster, the Yankees annually seem to smell the steaks they'll soon be grilling over their three-day vacation. They want to the all-star break by a few nights. Tonight, they face Washington, a young team that just nudged itself over .500. The Yankees have looked awful against National League teams this year. Will they start their vacations early?  

2. The Home Run Derby. Lately, we breathe easier knowing that Judge will not subject himself to this fake event. (Everyone remembers 2017, his rookie year, when Judge swung himself madly into a second-half slump, which eventually cost him the MVP award.) Ever since, we've gleefully let the Schwarbers and Polar Bears have their way. (Last year, it's worth noting that Judge was hitting .355, going into the break. Dear God, the Yankees are soooo screwed without him.)

But last year, we sent Jazz Chisholm into the grinder. 

Last July, Jazz inexplicably decided he could be a home run brute, akin to the human kitchen appliances like Cal Raleigh and Junior Caminero. He ridiculously signed up for the derby, and went out early in the first round, hitting three (3) HRs. 

He came into the break with 17, and managed 14 the rest of the way. Then, last winter, he vowed to hit 50, a prediction that has dogged him ever since.

This year, we're sacrificing Ben Rice, and I speak for the Yankiverse is saying ,with due respect... NOOOOO! DON'T DO THIS. STOP! NOW! YOU WILL WRECK A SHOULDER. THE DERBY IS PISS! DON'T GET SUCKED INTO IT!

3. The Cashmanic Trade Deadline. It falls before midnight, July 31, though the torture wrack rumor mill has already begun. 

The Yankees have a long list of needs and a short list of prospects to spackle over last year's mistakes. This year, we have two glaring leftovers from the 2025 deadline - Jake Bird and Camilo Doval - neither of whom has bonded with Yank fans. 

The Gammonites will go hog wild with speculative theories of who the Yankees will obtain. It's all crap. We've got three weeks of it. You'd think it was Hope Month. And we're at the end of our rope.

Thursday Game Thread – Every Day Should Be √s Tampa Bay !

A few more losses, and the Yankees should consider selling at the trade deadline

 

It won't happen, of course. 

The Yankees never look at the long haul - not in July, anyway.

Nope. Three weeks from now, Cooperstown Cashman will do what he always does: bundle prospects, along with home and car insurance, and trade the Yankee future for a few bullpen lug nuts who have already thrown more pitches than in any previous summers of their careers. 

When you buy a used Mustang, you come to own every mile, every storm, every pothole, that it's been driven through. You own the leaking oil, the twitchy turn-signal and the strange scent of the compartment. You own the elbow, the rotator cuff, the hamstring. You buy it all. 

But Cashman will do what Cashman does: Trade youth for age, tomorrow for yesterday, the future for the past. He'll land a mid-thirties RH catcher and some bullpen stopgaps, and he'll be hailed by YES as baseball's version of Peter Minuit. Then the wheels will start creaking.

What if the Yankees did this... 

1. Trade Anthony Volpe. (This might actually happen, as he is being booed at home.) The problem: They won't get much, trading a guy in the pit of his career. Also, you can't help but think Volpe could blossom, once he escapes the hometown hero bullshit that the Yankees piled onto him.  But George Lombard Jr. is coming, and it's time they started destroying the next kid on Lucy's chocolates conveyor belt.

2. Trade Giancarlo Stanton. Or release him. Or something. This won't happen, because over the years, the brain trust has made peace with Stanton playing 50 games per season. If they paid part of his $29 million salary - the Marlins are already coughing up $10 million - they might get a low-level lottery ticket. 

3. Trade Jazz Chisholm. I feel bad suggesting this, as I have come to enjoy Chisholm's antics. The foul to his balls. The lollypop. The embarrassing pitch call challenges. The cockeyed way he wears his cap. Guy's always up to something. I believe he plays as hard as any Yankee, and when he gets on base, he runs wild. He could lead MLB in stolen bases (he's currently third.) And he would fetch a decent haul. 

4. Trade Paul Goldschmidt. Again, he's a fan fave, a great player and a future Hall of Fame cusp candidate. He can help any team. Trouble is, he's 0-for-34 and has struck out 10 of his last 12 plate appearances. Has any player been more in need of a week off? 

5. Frankly, trade anybody over 32 who is not named Aaron Judge. I think we've seen enough to know that the 2026 Yankees are not a Team of Destiny. It's fun to imagine Judge returning and magically rallying the lineup. But why kid ourselves. When he does come back, he'll need to DH, rather than subject his tender rib to the rigors of right field. That leaves the Yankees with four DHs - Stanton, Judge, Goldy and Rice. 

Seriously, I think we've seen enough. Play The Martian. Play Spencer Jones. Bring up Lombard and Elmer. Let's see what happens. It can't be worse than this.

Afternoon game today. Beware. 

Sing-a-Long with the Crøønin' Bøøne – Game Thread !

 

K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K. Seventeen K's, as Yanks set all-time record for squalor

Seventeen K's on Monday...

Seventeen K's last night...

Seventeen K's... First AL team ever to fan 17 times in back-to-back - (and belly-to-belly!) - nine-inning games. 

Seventeen K's... Franchise record over two games. 

Seventeen K's... Most whiffs in baseball since June 18. 

Seventeen K's... And not one walk. 

Seventeen K's... At one point, Jose Caballero laid down his bat on a 3-2 payoff pitch and started jogging to first, well before the call. Strike three, of course. But points for style? 

Seventeen K's... Against Koufax and Drysdale, right? Well, how about Garrett Clevenger, Ian Seymore, Bryan Baker, Cam Booze and Kevin Kelly. The greats...

Seventeen K's... And the K-Man himself, Spencer Jones, never touched a bat. (He's in Scranton, which won last night 18-3, though Jones somehow went 0-4 with two K's.)

Seventeen K's... Only two Golden Sombreros - Goldie and Cabby. The rest of the lineup chipped in. A team effort.

Seventeen K's... "A little bit of a funk," said manager Boonie. (One of these days, I swear he's going to give us a "Liberty-biberty.")

Seventeen K's... Mitch McConnell had a more sentient night.

Seventeen K's... Hey, ya can't win 'em all. right?

Seventeen K's. Five games behind Tampa in the loss column... seven above Boston. 

Seventeen K's. And tonight, 17 more?