Tarik Skubal's arbitration contract means he will never pitch for the Yankees

POINT OF ORDER: I'd like to retract the above headline.

It's wrong. It is a mistake. My apologies.

The fact is, Tarik Skubal could someday be a Yankee. 

It would happen around 2036, when he's 39, liver-spotted, gouted and moving like Kathy Bates after a 12-pack of Genny Cream. His sinker will have sunk, his fastball won't fast, and our beacon of ownership, Hal Steinbrenner, will be hooked up to an apparatus that honks once for no, twice for yes. By then, if we're unlucky enough to still be alive, the Yankees will be finishing behind Rutgers in the chase for tabloid back pages. Ten years out. Beaten and bedraggled. A symbol of the dystopia. That's when Skubal could be a Yankee.

Meanwhile, for now, he is a Tiger, with a $32 million arbitration award that will burn a hole in Detroit's fanny pack because - as everyone knows - any pitcher, at any time, can clutch his elbow, summon the trainer, shake his head and march off the field, never again the player he was. Wanna torture Phillies fans? Ask them about Zack Wheeler. The Tigers today must be shitting themselves. They've got baseball's best pitcher, and somehow, between now and July 31, they've got to either build a huge lead in the AL Central, or convert him into more than just a future draft pick. 

So, around Aug 1, at least three teams will bid manically for Skubal. In each case, their plans will revolve around the team not in the hunt: the Yankees. 

The main bidders:  

1. The Dodgers. No surprise here. They are baseball's marquee team. They are what the Yankees once were, and - I suppose - are still supposed to be. What a joke. I wonder what Hal will think when the Dodgers buy another championship, without guilt, without remorse, and without showing the slightest financial pinch? They play to win, as Hal's father did. But, hey, Hal gets to count his pennies. It must be reassuring to stand pat, sit back, and still make billions. 

2. The Mets. They'll soon be NYC's premier baseball team. Why can I say this? Because they really, really want it - and Hal doesn't. All his life, the Yankees have owned Gotham, and what did it get him? He still has to pay the rent, and all the fans do is whine, whine, whine. His dad was one of the first to encourage Trump to run for president, but Donald won't be coming to any games, unless they buy out the stadium (like Amazon did the theaters, for Melania) to tamp down the booing. The Mets have money, a hungry owner, and they've been waiting since Mookie Wilson's grounder for this moment. If Skubal goes on the market, Stevie Cohen will be first to grab the phone. 

3. The Blue Jays. The hateful, angry, foaming, unrequited Jays. First, a fun fact: Rogers Communications owns all of Canada, except for the tar sands and Alanis Morissette. Secondly, they can mine America's "51st state" disrespectfulness and tap into a seething fury that our northern neighbors rightfully feel toward the U.S. Trading for Skubal would poke the Yankees in the eye and probably win the AL East. Also, we might face him in the postseason. Pokes in both eyes. Ouch.

Look, it's fun to pretend the Yankees care. But they won't be taking on any $32 million contracts. And come next year, if Skubal's agent calls, they'll hide under the beds. We just grabbed Yanquile Fernandez. That's your 2026 Yankees. 

Syracuse makes the Epstein files!

Woo-woo. Mentioned on the national news!

Meet "Yankee for a Week" Yanquiel Fernandez... before he's gone.

Andy Warhol famously said, "In the future, everyone will be assigned to the Yankee 40-Man Roster for 15 minutes."

Thanks to the obsessive tinkering of Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman, the Yankees continue to uphold Warhol's prophesy, making fizzled former top prospects' dreams come true, by christening them as New Yorkers for a week. 

In this case, the "Evil Empire" yesterday inexplicably grabbed Yanquiel Fernandez, a LH-hitting corner outfielder, off the waiver wire. This adds to the competition for the 4th OF slot, which now includes the Martian and Spencer "There's something happenin' here but you donno what it is, do you, Mistah" Jones. Once again, Cashman is playing 4-dimensional chess - though, unfortunately, on a Chinese checkers' board.

Everybody knows the Yankees had too many LH hitting OFs. So, of course! Cashman adds one more! 

Yanquiel (pronounced "YAHN-kee-el") is just 23, so he hasn't timed out. His arrival suggests Cash is not done tinkering, that either Jones or the Martian could go in a trade. That would apply the cherry to a "Meh" winter, when the Yankees treaded water, while Boston, Baltimore and Toronto improved. 

Ah, but who cares? Here are 10 fun facts about the newest - soon-to-be-gone - Yankee.

1. He was born on New Year's Day in Havana, Cuba. 

2. He signed with Colorado at age 16, for $295,000.

3. After missing a season due to COVID, he shot up through the Rockies' system and represented them in the 2022 Futures Game.

4. That November, Colorado added him to its 40-man roster, protecting him from the Rule 5 draft. 

5. Heading into 2023, he made several top 100 prospect lists. (Note: It's all downhill from here.) 

6. In 2024, he sorta floundered in Double A, then moved up last year to Triple A and hit decently, (.284 with 13 HRs) to be promoted to the Rockies last July 1.

7. In 2025, he hit .225 with 4 HRs in 138 At Bats. He got off to a weak start, then hit over .300 in August. 

8. He was mostly platooned. Unfortunatey, against RH pitchers, his bread and butter, he hit just .217 and struck out one in every three ABs.

9. He is said to have the 2nd strongest OF arm in MLB, with an average velocity of 97.2 MPH.

10. He won't be a free agent until 2032.

Gotta like the arm. Still, another LH outfielder? Forget it. He'll be gone by Friday. 

Another RIP: Mickey Lolich

When he was 10, his father “volunteered me to play right field to fill out a game with kids 13 to 15, and the pitcher was getting bombed,” Lolich told The New York Times in December 1975, soon after the Tigers traded him to the Mets.

“I told somebody, ‘I could do as good as that,’” he added, “and the coach overheard me and put me out there to shut me up. Except that I blew the ball right by them. That’s when I knew I had a good arm.” 

"Anthony (Volpe) is going to be a frontline shortstop in this league. Everyone’s path isn’t linear."

Boone just keeps talking...

And talking...

And talking...

One week until pitchers and catchers.

Sixteen days until the first spring training game. 

And Boone keeps going. 

Your Moment of BøøNE @ Nøøn (ish)

 REVEL in his GENIUS

HE'S not the MANAGER we NEED

BUTT, the MANAGER we DESERVE

"I’m personally excited about having the players that we do going back at it because I think there’s a hunger there after we didn’t finish the job, and I think we’re really good."

Yesterday, Aaron Boone appeared on Sports Radio to assure us that:

1. Everything is fine.

2. There is no reason to worry.

3. A great year is upon us.

4. All is going according to plan.

5. We must ignore the naysayers.

6. It's morning in America.

7. The system is the answer.

8. There is always room for Jell-o.

9. Without chemicals, life itself is impossible.

10. A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine.

11. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.

12. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

13. Coke is the Real Thing.

14. Pepsi's the One. 

15. I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner. 

The fall of America can now be blamed squarely on the Yankees

 

The implications of this fall beyond my capabilities.

 

Excitement brews to fever pitch as Yanks and Mets battle for control of France

 

By the dormant dulcimer derriere of Orestes Destrade, wake me when this one is over.

Apparently, the Yanks and Mets are going eyeball to eyeball - mana-v-mana, Cash v Stearns, Clay v Liston, Depp v Heard, Noem v Minnesota, Melania v comfortable shoes - in a bidding war over the services of Ty France.

That's right. Ty France.

Not gonna lie: Dunno who to root for. 

Ty France?

Plays 1B. Good fielder. Hits RH. Age 31. No power. Puts the ball in play. Won a Gold Glove last year. Has played for five different organizations. 

The Mets want him. 

Are we supposed to have opinions on this? 

Well, okay, here goes. If we sign Ty France, we'll have to keep him. That will be one less opening for a position, and one less competition in camp. It will mean less money to spend on a bullpen piece, less to spend on whatever spring injury threatens to derail the season. 

Ty France...

Pass.

How to destroy a Martian

Remember Ron Bloomberg? The great Ron Bloomberg. First DH in baseball history. First pick of the 1967 draft. Signed for $75,000. ($700,000 today.) Married an Elmira girl. Career BA of .293. Named to the national Jewish Hall of Fame. Had a sandwich named after him at the Stage Deli. 

And yet, when Yank fans recall Boomer, they feel that unrequited sense of... "What if?" 

He coulda been - shoulda been - much more. 

Why? Well, it's simple. 

They platooned him. 

In the minors, no less. 

They took away his bat against lefties. 

They took away his future. 

By making him a platoon hitter, they destroyed his chance to become an everyday player. Here was one of the best young hitters in baseball, and at age 21, they made him a lefty-only DH, a one-dimensional player.

They ruined Bloomberg's shot at everyday glory.  

And today, we must wonder: 

Will history repeat itself with Jasson Dominguez?

Apparently, the Yankees are rooting around for a RH-hitting outfielder, somebody to round out their lineup. They supposedly are talking with Austin Slater, whom they acquired last August, and who tweaked his gonad and missed the end of the season. They are also kicking the tires on potential trades. 

They could end up destroying the long-term future of not only The Martian, now 22, but of Spencer Jones, 25. If the Yankees sign a RH outfielder, both Dominguez and Jones will be relegated to platoon status in what could be their most formative years. Scrap them against lefties this season, and they might never get the chance to become complete players. You might as well trade them. 

If The Martian doesn't see lefties, how will he ever learn to hit them? How can you destroy a kid at age 22? 

Well, we'll see. But right now, we are facing the four most feared words in the Yankiverse.

Cashman is calling around.

As for Boomer, he's 77. His Wikipedia page says he's a scout for the Yankees in the Atlanta area. Wishing him the best. Overall, a fine career. But I believe the Yankees let him down. Is history about to repeat?

Alert! Alert ! An Above Average Transmission has just come through.

Houdini hangs it up.

 

So Dave Robertson has finally retired. The very last Yankee on the very last Yankees world championship team has hung up his spikes, which in any universe where moral order still remained would make this organization hang its collective head in shame.

He was called "Houdini," a great, old-fashioned nickname for his ability to wriggle out of the most impossible situations. I seem to have some recollection that he wasn't well-liked, for some clubhouse faux pas or another—which to me as a fan means exactly nothing. 

What was most remarkable about Houdini was his willingness and ability to fit in pretty much anywhere. He was one of the last guys out of the bullpen in 2009, just his second year in the majors, but pitched 4 1/3 shutout innings in the postseason, including wins in the 11th inning against Minnesota and the 13th against the Angels, that wild and wonderful October.

A set-up man by 2011, he went 4-0 with a 1.08 ERA. After The Great One retired, he became the closer, and if he was no  Mariano Rivera, he still had a 3.08 ERA and 39 saves. The Yanks responded by letting him go as a free agent to the White Sox. After a couple decent seasons closing in Chicago, the Yanks brought him back—in one of the better trades Brian Cashman ever made—for the 2017 stretch run, where he went 5-0, with a 1.03 ERA.

He was big again in the playoffs that year, pitching 3 1/3 scoreless innings in the comeback in the Wild Card game against the Twins, and surrendering just one run in 4 2/3 against the Indians. He did get hit hard in Game 6 of the ALCS in Houston, turning a 3-1 deficit into 7-1, but there were, let us say—cough, cheating—extenuating circumstances—cheating, cough—in that series.

The Yanks let him go again after 2018, even though he still had plenty in the tank. He had 20 saves and a 2.40 ERA for the Cubs and Phils in 2022, and as late as 2023, he went 4-2, 2.05, with 14 saves in a stint with the Mets. 

Perhaps the best indication of just how valuable—and valued—he was, was that he was on postseason clubs in 10 of his 17 big-league seasons. In some 19 October series, he had 14 excellent ones, altogether going 6-1 with a save and a 3.40 ERA.  

Yet what's maybe most telling about Dave Robertson's career is not so much anything to do with Robertson himself, but how it reflects on Cashman and the Yankees.

ranger's revealing find about the fate of Yankees' draft picks stands out most of all, I think, in demonstrating how constantly Cashie has just let useful players walk off the team for nothing, or a handful of (not-so-magical) beans. 

Sonny Gray-for-Shedd Long was maybe the most stunning example that ranger dredges up. But it's also telling that The Brain let Robertson walk—twice—without getting so much as a plugged nickel for him. When you constantly tell yourself that the playoffs are just "a crapshoot," you fail to understand just how critical a stacked bullpen is to winning a World Series in this era.  

Even more than a lack of contact hitters, a deep bench, or a punch-out starter, the Yanks' lack of bullpen depth has come back to bite them when the leaves turn. Again and again and again—in 2001, 2004, 2007, 2017, 2020, 2024—this has proved critical to them falling short.  

So long, David Robertson. We Yankees fans will always be grateful, even if the nepo nabobs who run our team probably can't remember who you are.

 

Et tu, Tischay?

 

With the signing of a 13-year-old, it's official: The Yankees are evil.

When the Death Barge recently fired Danny Rowland, its longtime chief international talent scout, who knew enough about it to take a side? 

It's not as if Rowland had signed any Juan Sotos lately. Then again, the recruitment of 16-year-olds has always been a sordid mess, MLB's version of Epstein Island. 

And the Yankees often led the way. They signed Gary Sanchez, Jesus Montero, Dermis Garcia, Hans Montero, Jasson Dominguez - to name just a few. Most soon disappeared, along with their innocence, in the haze of the minor leagues.  

Now comes this horrifying tidbit from the dark edges of the Yankiverse: 

The Yankees have entered into some sort of Satanic agreement with a 13-year-old - yes, thirteen - from Venezuela. His name is Albert Mejias. They'll pay $7 million to his family coaches handlers traffickers, at an age when most kids are finishing Little League. Check this out...  

According to the Internet, this looming payout breaks a record - $6 million to a tyke named Lucias Fox, who signed with the Giants in 2015. Fox never hit and bounced to the Rays, the Royals, the Orioles, the Nationals and finally the White Sox. He's now listed as a free agent, though he hasn't played since 2024.

Of course, none of it mattered. At age 16, Fox became a multi-millionaire (though I'd bet it's all gone, siphoned off agents, alimonies and entourages.) 

Hey, wanna build a Yankee team that, at its core, doesn't give a mosquito's crap about winning? 

Make them millionaires at 16. 

Now, we learn that - thanks to the Yankees - 16 is too old. They're signing a kid whose testicles have yet to fully drop, whose voice is still changing, and they'll bestow upon him more money than most people will make in their lifetimes - all while Hal Steinbrenner complains about the rent on his taxpayer-funded stadium. 

Obviously, Danny Rowland needed to go. As for his replacement? I'd suggest a crackerjack scout who might just be available soon, with a boost from their old pal in the White House. Her name is Ghislaine Maxwell. She knows 13-year-olds.

"The Yankees have two really high-end shortstop prospects, a big group of arms who are probably starters and then the system drops off pretty quickly..."

So says The Athletic - (aka the Gray Lady) - in its new rankings of MLB farm systems, a demeaning appraisal that puts the Yankees at 20th (out of 30), behind the Dodgers, Orioles, Redsocks, Rays, Phillies, Guardians and Mets - all our rivals, who will likely own us through another dead decade debacle.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Jeeze, Duke, what happened to you? Everybody knows these lists are crapolatta. Remember when Jeeze Montero was our future lord and savior? Remember Ruben Rivera, Brien Taylor, Drew Henson, Jackson Melian, Anthony Volpe? 

You're right. Nobody hyped Ben Rice when he was a single A catcher at Tampa. (It was 2021; he hit .210.) Now, he's our breakout hope. Both the O's and Redsocks took turns atop these lists, and neither has anything to show for it. Besides, who cares? The Dodgers (#2, on the rankings) will win it all, anyway, and in 2027, baseball is going to bid us farewell.  

Yeah, you're right, reader. As always. But chickens do come home to roost, and Cooperstown Cashman's sudden new willingness to trade youth for age - the kind of deals he once renounced - has resulted in a one-way drain flow of Yankee prospects. It started two winters ago, with the Michael King package for Juan Soto, and it ramped up full tilt last August, with the garage sales of young talent. It has continued this winter, and I believe it is setting up the Yankees for a collapse year, one of those seasons when everything goes rotten. 

All this talk about the team returning one year older and one year stronger? It belies the last 20 postseasons. If you're not getting younger, you are sinking into the mud. In this case, you might as well grab your tickets for the Melania movie, because it's all downhill from here.  

For me, one of the saddest parts about this ranking is that it seems to ignore our one true rookie candidate, the intriguing Spencer Jones. You'd think he'd get at least a mention. Yes, he looks the Second Coming of Joey Gallo, but keep in mind that old Googly Eyes enjoyed two 40-HR seasons in Texas, before he came to Gotham and crapped out in a HR-K-BB haze. The Yankees claim that Jones can play CF. If so, he'd be a low budget version of Trent Grisham. If they hadn't given Grisham that qualifying offer... 

Ah, but they did. So Jones is, what, soon to be traded? 

Donno. I suspect they'll deal Jones, probably for a bullpen lug nut. And if you're scoring at home, the Yankees will drop a notch lower on these bullshit farm system rankings. This elevator is going down. Ride it at your own peril.