Hooray for Jazz Chisholm, striking a blow for father's everywhere: HE WILL NOT CUP-ITULATE

Friday night, NYC sports fans took a stark turn from their wild celebration of the 2026 Knicks, as Jumbotrons and phones across the globe suddenly showed Jazz Chisholm, writhing at home plate like a 5'11" slab of bacon.

He had just taken a foul ball to the bilge pump, a pain that withers the hearts of all men everywhere, except in the Yankee dugout, where his teammates were nervously grinning. 

The poor fellow could barely hobble to the clubhouse, where he'd spend the next 12 hours icing down his joystick. 

T'waz a moment frozen in time - and pain. Today, of course, the nattering nabobs of the nanny state want every player, everywhere, to immediately don plastic cups, clamping down on our God-given freedom to romp across fields of blooming nipples. It raises the ultimate question for modern man:

To cup, or not to cup?

Do you wear personal armor, knowing it might protect your billiards from a seeing eye grounder, or a surgically applied tag at home plate. But nothing can save you from a Paul Skenesian 102-mph direct hit? In simple terms, the system will not protect you.

So, do we go free, assigning the safety of our precious family jewels to the whims of the fates and juju gods?

For me, it's all about the C-word.

The Chafing. 

Yes, in the matter of cups, the unspoken question down the ages remains: 

How much chafing can a guy endure?

I'm talking about fiery rings of redness that no ointments or baby powder can sooth. I'm talking about pure, unadulterated chafing: With each step, each movement, the region where your groin intersects with the outside world becomes a volcano of spouting pain, until the skin around your domain seems to be bathing in acid. 

Yes, I suppose if you endure the chafing long enough - until the skin is like the underside of a Naugahyde recliner - the pain will subside. Maybe.

Honestly, I don't know. I was never able to make it.  

It's the chafing, Mr. Kurtz. And I hereby nominate Jazz Chisholm for some award in the Manoverse. He has chosen not to run the bases in a plastic codpiece the size of a bear trap? No way. He is going to let his spirited onions run free. And he is sending a message to us all.

Life, my friends, is not meant to be lived in a cage. You cannot protect yourself forever. Get out and expose yourself to the world - discreetly, of course. Let your seeds be sown where they are not planted. And in the case of Jazz, steal more bases! 

And happy Father's Day to all. 

Game Thread - Swoon da Twentieth – 2026

 OK – OK – OK

THIS ONE IS THE LAST ONE

UNTIL SWOON 25TH

Those were the days...

 

Shout out to our happy warriors today, and a message to HAL

I see AA has preloaded a game thread. This is not it.

If this were a World Cup, the Yankees would be advancing to the knockout round. Ten ponderings of the current reality.

 The Yankees enjoy a two-game lead (loss column) over hateful, jealous, petulant, frugal, ever-scheming Tampa, which squats in its putrid dome, awaiting the next hurricane.  

But but BUT... compared to the World Cup events, which bring gigantic walls of noise, Yank fans seem almost indifferent to the team's success. What's behind this nonchalance?

Fear, of course. And existential dread. 

Ten reasons to hold your cards close.  

1. We been here before. Midsummer meltdowns have become commonplace in modern Yankee lore. Last year, right about now, we lost six straight, tumbling into 2nd place, where we languished into October. 

2. The Knicks have sucked all the optimism from NYC. Didja hear Mamdani's speech? My God. It was beautiful, full of memories for a team he's supported all his life. It's comparable to Joe Torre's three-Kleenex, 2014 Hall of Fame induction speech. 

3. Secretly, we want to freeze Cam Schlittler into cryonic suspension. That way, he could emerge for Game One of the playoffs. We're three months away. Plenty of time for a tweak or a twiddle. Too much time, in fact.

4. Our success comes from beating tomato cans. We have MLB's best record against losing teams. Not so good against the cream. Bad omen.

5. We're over-stretched with injuries. Somehow, we filled the void left by the loss of Judge and Grish. In a strange way - for example, Goldy's golden opportunity - the injuries may have helped. But we're at our limit. 

6. And the injuries never stop. Especially for a veteran team. Just sayin...

7. It's too early to draw conclusions about Spencer Jones and Jasson Dominguez. Neither has sucked - (and we worried about The Martian in RF) - but it would be nice to see one go on a tear. 

8. Lowly Boston is still in the race. They are 13 games below .500 - but only 6.5 out of the postseason wild care. So profound is the state of mediocrity in the AL that the Redsocks are still alive. That scares me. It should scare everybody.

9. Our bullpen canl blow any lead. The Circle of Trust is Fernando Cruz, David Bednar and Brent Headrick. After that, you've got a better chance of sailing a redneck Trump flotilla through the Strait of Hormuz.

10.  In Scranton, George Lombard Jr. strained a finger and will miss a few weeks. Damn. He had just started hitting. But Oswaldo Cabrera, in his last three games, is 8-for-13, boosting his average 20 points, to .260. It would be an emotional moment if he returns. I really hope he doesn't get traded. A fan fave.

After this weekend, the days start getting shorter.  Enjoy the sunlight.

Remembering Lou Gehrig, born on this day, 1903. Pictured here in his audition for Tarzan, 1936.

[image or embed]

— TCMFanatics (@tcmfans.bsky.social) June 19, 2026 at 7:44 PM

Game Thread – Hopefully Schlittler Silences Lowder – 06/19/26

 FELLOW FELLOWS:

THIS WILL LIKELY BE THE LAST

GAME THREAD FROM ME

 UNTIL

THE 25th OF SWOON

PLEASE 'O' PLEASE

PLAN ACCORDINGLY

 

Jazzy signage

 

Let's Be Hopeful for Jazz

 When I was a sophomore in college,  a senior teammate at a Lacrosse practice took a hard shot to the gonads from a midfielder.  My teammate ( we later learned ) was not wearing a cup, similar to Jazz Chisolm's lack of protection last night. 

I can tell you this;  that injury required surgery and cost him the entire season. 

We always tend ( or try ) to laugh off these embarrassing "dings" and usually that works. Most often the injury is painful and debilitating, but fleeting.  Not in the case of my teammate. 

We can only hope that Jazz's " ding" will be of the fleeting nature. 

Thoughts and prayers for our second baseman. 

Close Enough for Jazz

 The Yanks have a slugger named Jazz

A second baseman possessed of pizzazz
An inaccurate swing
Racked a ball in his bling
Now he's shopping for cups, rumor has.

Last night, as Jazz Chisholm writhed in pain, the Yankee announcers surrendered their rights to free speech

Last night, enroute to a bullpen meltdown - (Cam Doval? Are you serious?) - a terrifying glimpse into the state of free speech in America played out at Yankee Stadium home plate. 

As Jazz Chisholm lay writhing in the dirt, victim to a foul that clipped him square in the balls, pearl-clutching YES announcers Ryan Ruocco and Paul O'Neill simply refused to say what happened. 

Remember the old rules about swearing on TV? They're gone. We now occupy a world where politicians say "fuck," and nobody bats an eye. Good grief, yesterday, the President nicknamed U.S. Sen. Jon Ossoff from Georgia - Os-jerkoff.  Are you worried about the loss of decorum? Listen: That ship has sailed. Yet the two Yankee announcers danced around Chisholm's situation like ballerinas, taking for a solid five minutes without ever saying aloud what happened. 

Moreover, when Chisholm left the game, still in agony, both announcers acted surprised, denying verbal comfort to a fellow human being, one who was clearly suffering a pain that links modern man to prehistoric Neanderthals, and which - now and a million years ago - cuts to the heart of the male experience. 

They could not bring themselves to speak any of these words...

Balls
Testicles
Gonads
Cojones
Nuts
Bollocks
Genitals
Ballsacs
Ta-tas
Nads
Crown Jewels
Giggleberries
California Raisins
Weather Balloons
Seed bags
Cosmic Cubes
Queenmakers 
Happy Chandeliers 
The Straits of Hormuz

Free speech? What's that? Instead, they talked about talking about what they couldn't talk about - what Ruocco later called a "region" they could not discuss. And remember: This is cable TV, where even white bread Anderson Cooper has been known to swear. Of course, they showed video replays of Chisholm being neutered. They showed Boone, smiling through a grimace. They showed teammates laughing. They showed Chisholm's face, a mask of bottomless anguish. The poor guy took one square on the oysters. Today, those ping pong balls must be as flat as beer coasters. I'm feeling it, just writing the words.

Let's hope Chisholm doesn't sing falsetto for the rest of 2026. And come on, YES: How about joining the modern world! If a ball mashes some poor soul's testicles, for God's sake, say what happened. 

And by the way, bringing Doval into any close game is like kicking yourself in the nuts. I didn't think that was possible. But what do I know? Excuse me, just thinking about it, I gotta ice down my "region." 

Game Thread - 06/18/26 - Your New York, uh, like, you know - Yankeebockers !

The Yankees are baseball's hottest team, and nobody cares

Today, the Yankees can wake up in the city that never sleeps and see, firsthand, what it's like to be king of the hill, A-number one, top of the heap.

Tomorrow, they can watch how America coalesces around a national team that isn't - in its essence - another sporting manifestation of megalomanic money.  

Today, the Knicks will parade down the Canyon of Heroes for a rally at City Hall, and the world's little town shoes will be melting away. 

Tomorrow, the USA soccer team plays Australia in Seattle, showing the Yankiverse what unconditional fan loyalty looks like.

As the Yankees grow their lead in the AL East - now three up on Tampa - diehards are beginning to whisper the most perilous question of all: 

Dare we dream?

I mean, we're winning without Judge. Without Grisham. Without Giancarlo. Cole and Rodon are pitching well. Rice and Bellinger are for real. Goldschmidt is a Godsend, Clarke Schmidt will eventually return, and even Volpe has played well, lately...

Dare. We. Dream?

The answer, my friends, is... NO. 

They'll blow it. Of course, they will! This mini-winning streak - even without Judge - will simply lead into a devastating collapse, as soon as we stop playing AL Central cupcakes. 

I refer you to the most important Rule of Juju:

IF YOU HAVE GOOD FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR TEAM, KEEP THEM THE FUCK TO YOURSELF!  NOTHING IS EVER GAINED BY TALKING UP YOUR TEAM. ALWAYS STAY NEGATIVE.

Think of it this way: Speak ill of your team and, if they collapse - (as Yank teams have done since 2009) - you've merely burnished your reputation as truth-talking doomsday prophet, who sees through all the fake positivity. 

And if your team happens to succeed, you can claim that it was your caustic negativity that sparked the game-winning juju. 

One unspoken part of today's parade will be the unbridled belief - no, the absolute certainty that OG's game four put-back happened all by itself. Not a chance. Everyone knows his hand was guided by a million doubting Knicks fans, all of whom never stopped believing that their team would lose.

Today, along the Canyon of Heroes, the Yankees get to see how New York responds to greatness. Tomorrow, in Seattle, and throughout the entire World Cup, they can learn how whole countries react. 

But remember: Stay dour.  

A Tardy Game Thread - 06/17/26 (whoopsie)

 

Last year's most intriguing Yankee prospect is this year's most intriguing Yankee

Forrest Gump famously compared life to a box of chocolates: 

Ya never know whatcher gonna git... 

Hardy har har. Fetch me a new Depends. Somehow, such crapola masqueraded as folk wisdom back in 1994, seven years before the birth of Spencer Jones.

These days, when Jones comes up, ya always know whatcher gonna git: 

The Second Coming of Joey Gallo. 

In other words - a walk, a strikeout or a home run. 

In 53 plate appearances this year, Jones has 30 times achieved what stat-focused Gammonites call "the three true outcomes:" a HR (Jones has two, belting one last night), a base on balls (he has seven, adding two last night) or a whiff (he has 21, adding one last night.) In his brief flirtation with MLB pitchers, Jones has brought the three true outcomes 56 percent of the time. (Up slightly from his output at Scranton; in 185 plate appearances, he had 13 HRs, 25 walks, 60 Ks - 54 percent.)

Last night, Jones' 2nd inning homer tied the game. His 3rd inning, bases-loaded walk (after an unsuccessful White Sox pitch challenge), seemed to unhinge the Chisox pitcher. In the 4th, his walk helped push us to a 10-1 lead. Honestly, who cares what happened later? The game was a joke. 

So, let's get to the central question: Is Spencer Jones what the Yankees need?

Spoiler alerts: 

a) I dunno.
b) It's too small a sample size to draw a conclusion.
c) At the July 31 trade deadline, we'll probably have bigger needs.

This we know: When Jones steps up, nobody runs to make a sandwich. 

Last night brought Jones' first HR at Yankee Stadium. You sense that, if all he does is hit mistakes, he could blast 30. (Last year, in the minors, he hit 35.) He can play CF, a slot that will almost surely be open next year. (Trent Grisham will probably sign elsewhere.) But do we need another HR-hitter? We already have at least four (Rice, Judge, Goldy, Giancarlo, when he returns.)

So...  we end up back with Joey Gallo. Why? Why? Why? In his final days - as a Yankee, at only age 28, Gallo was certifiably rancid. Over two years with us, he fanned 194 times in 501 plate appearances. His three true outcomes ran at 58 percent. He was booed at home. His fielding suffered. He was a human reflecting-pool algae outbreak. When he came up, it was Sandwich Time.

But but BUT... in his prime, at age 23, with Texas, Gallo was an All-Star. Twice! Over two seasons, he hit 80 HRs, with an OPS well over .800. The strikeouts didn't matter. In fact, Gallo had a reputation as a grinder, a guy who drove pitchers deep into the count, running up their pitch totals, and so what if he struck out: An out's an out, right? 

If Jones gets hot, over the next three weeks, while Grisham recovers from his tweaked gonad, he could easily become the most interesting Yankee. By Aug. 1, he could be massive trade bait. Or a massive disappointment. 

I say, what if he's for real? The guy can play CF. I say, pick a chocolate, any one in the box. Maybe it's not the cherry that you wanted. But is there such a thing as a shit-filled? Try the kid. How bad can it be? 

– Your Official June 16, 2026 New York Yankees Game Thread ! –

 

Aren't those just the two sweetest things !?!

"If the Knicks did it..." could NYC be this year's city of champions?

It's too soon to say whether the Knicks' championship will usher in a new winning reality for New York , as a "City of Champions" (TM). But not long ago - like, 30 days ago - in the category of world sports domination, NYC was right up there with Peoria, Elmira and Gary.

Back then - four weeks ago - the Yankees and Mets seemed forever cursed, the Jets and Giants remained permanent abominations, the Rangers and Islanders perpetually sucked, and the Knicks were - well - not the Nets. 

Today, as the city prepares for a ticker-tape celebration - is there such a thing as ticker tape anymore? - a harmonic convergence has propelled Jim Dolan over Hal Steinbrenner, Jalen Brunson over Aaron Judge and the other Knicks into iconic territories once roamed by Mariano and Jete. 

Get used to it. The Knicks will be New York's Number One team for at least the next year. It won't matter if they fall apart in 2027. It will be a long, long time before another local team inspires the crazed love and loyalties that are abundant across the city.  People are singing on subways and while standing in lines - which is what New Yorkers do for most of their tortured lives. The cast of Hamilton burst into "New York, New York" following the show. The city is going nuts, as Bill Murray said in Stripes - "dogs and cats, living togehter!" Not since Bucky, Reggie, Thurman and Catfish has a New York team wrought such happy bedlam. 

 So, you gotta wonder... 

Are the Yankees taking notes? Because they could make a similar playoffs run. Could Volpe become a worthwhile SS? Could Judge come back with a great autumn? Could Giancarlo contribute anything? Ben Rice? Cam Schlittler. The Martian. Homer Jones. 

Is there anybody out there?

While Kay and Cone pondered Chappell Roan, the Yankees finally take a series in Toronto.

 First, let's say it aloud: 

The American League is a disgrace. 

It is the Atlantic 10, the USFL, Double A, straight-to-home video, "Dark Horse" (the Nickelback tribute band), Pauly Shore, low-dose Sildenafil, and cauliflower-crust pizza.

It is socks-in-crocks, vintage Naugahyde, Kirkland Vodka, Mar-a-Lago eyebrows, hair extensions, sneaker lifts, and every Brentwood B-lister who suddenly won't leave the house without a Brunson jersey.

If the season ended today, two sub-.500 teams would make the expanded AL Playoffs, where nearly contestant gets a participation prize, as Peter Marshall used to say, "the home version of Hollywood Squares."

Nearly halfway into 2026, Boston - 11 games below .500 - should be contemplating a trade deadline teardown, yet the Redsocks sit comfortably, a mere five games down in the wild card race. They can pleasure themselves through July and still have time to get hot and win a championship.

Never has an MLB regular season seemed so irrelevant. Baseball has become the NBA, without the adrenaline shot of the Knicks. Right now, two AL teams - the Royals and Angels, (neither making the above chart) - are true lost causes - the worst teams in the worst divisions of the worst league in its worst year. 

The outcomes barely matter. Yesterday, at one point, a tight game in Toronto became so irrelevant that cultural historians Micheal Kay and David Cone carried on an extensive conversation about the singer, Chapple Roan. This came after Kay - heretofore a notorious debunker of the pop scene - proudly identified the song "Pink Pony Club" as a walk-up clip. This prompted Cone, an expert in the eighties/nineties punk scene, to ponder the amazing cultural revelations from his broadcast partner. 

Michael Kay is onto Chappell Roan. What's next? Wet Leg? Clavicular? 

Wait. I've gone off topic. What were we discussing? O, yeah... the quality of the American League. Well, it's not a glitch. It's a marketing plan. We know how the owners feel about selling substandard products: It's great! Send out lousy teams, have them play in Sacramento, force other cities to build new stadiums, and use the regular season - from April to October - to cull a few teams from the race. You've got parity and profits. So... keep on dancin' at the Pink Pony Club. 

gAmE tHrEaD – sWoOn fOuRtEeEnTh, 2o2sUx –CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS kNiCkS !! !!! !!!!

 

The Yankees have taken first place in the AL East. And nobody cares.

As everyone knows, the Miss America First-Runner-Up must serve as a year-long backup to the pageant's victor and - God forbid! - if something happens to the reigning champion of charm, the First-Runner-Up shall immediately assume the icon's backbreaking roster of duties, whatever that is. 

Today, the world champion 2026 Knicks own the heart and soul of New York City. 

Rightfully.

By a mile. 

In fact, sometime next week, they will transverse that mile, more or less, along the Canyon of Heroes, a stretch that hasn't been fully toasted since 2012, when the Giants, under Eli Manning, shocked not only the world, but Tom Brady. 

Frankly, the explosion in Knicks popularity is staggering. Who knew that Taylor Swift is a rabid fan, living and dying on each Knick free-throw! Travis Kelsey better watch out. If Jalen Brunson calls, the wedding could be off. The Knicks have overwhelmed the mysterious manhole sewer squads and could even replace Pizza Rat (in a good way) as Gotham's greatest icon of survival. This is their year, maybe their decade. Brunson is the new Jeter, the new Manning, the new Reggie - dare we say it - the new Mick. Every other NY team can only watch and see what mayhem looks like. 

It's a battle for First-Runner-Up.

Even if the Yankees win the '26 world series, they probably cannot chase down the Knicks in the race for tabloid back page supremacy, as shown the left. For posterity, here's how they ran it today.

Note: If the Mets could somehow catch fire and win it all, they could out-Cinderella the rest of the field and win a shitwad of back pages. But the Knicks will still be popular next fall, when their season begins. The Giants and Jets? They won't come close. And the rest of the field is desolate.  

Here are the unofficial 2026 midyear rankings for New York's Team, including their most recent world championship. 

1. Knicks (1973 - no, 2026!)
2. Yankees (2009)
3. Mets (1986)
4. Giants (2012)
6. Jets (1969)
6. Rangers (1994)
7. NJ Devils (2003)
8. Islanders (1983)
9. Nets (Never)
10. Liberty (2024.)

(Note: The WNBA's explosion in popularity came after 2024, when Caitlan Clark graduated from the NCAA. The 2024 Liberty didn't get the attention they deserved. They only won three tabloid back pages, all year.)

So, the Yankees are in first, Giancarlo is newly tweaked, the Martian has landed, and - who expected this - hardly anybody cares. How 'bout them Knicks!