Would you like Fries with that ? Game Thread – 04/12/26

 

The Run It Backness

 

Yep. I remember those guys. With a new standard for ugly defeats, the 2025 Yankees live again.

Before plunging into this clogged toilet nightmare - ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Ugliest Loss Thus Far in 2026! - a few words about Randal Alexander Grichuk, the RH Yankee bench wrench, 34, formerly of St. Louis, Colorado, Los Angeles, Toronto, Arizona and Kansas City, who is now 0-for-10 on the fledgling campaign. 

Last year, Grichuk appeared unto us in the ghostly form of Austin Slater, obtained in a deadline trade that the YES mouth migraines now avoid, as if it popcorned up from the Epstein files. Regarding: Grichuk in 2026... 

1. This is not his fault.

2. Last night, he happened to be a bystander, too close to the accident scene.

3. He's probably not that bad.

4. When the Yankees DFA him - they soon will, because the brain trust needs a scapegoat, and he's the lowest hanging flower on the Oleander tree - I suspect that some team will pick him up. 

5. To the Death Barge's fan base, he represents everything that's wrong with the Yankees, with America, with money ball, with capitalism, and with life in 2026. 

6. He is a Yankee because of a stat: His 2025 numbers suggested that he'd be a slight improvement over The Martian, Jasson Dominguez, from the RH side.

7. The Martian is hitting .341 in Scranton. (Last night, he went 0-2 with two walks.) He is 23 and wasting his time.

8. One of these days, the Yankees will banish Grichuk and bring up Dominguez, because their lineup desperately needs a spark. But they will still have no place to put him, because the pipes are clogged with expensive contracts.

9. Seriously, I got nothing against Grichuk. He's just the wrong guy in the wrong place on the wrong team at the wrong time, which is 2026, as opposed to 2025, and it's an honest mistake, because the two Yankee teams are nearly identical.

10. It's as if H.G. Wells spun the time machine to the wrong future date, and we have The Martian playing for the Morlochs, in the wrong book. And I am lapping myself...

This is how it goes down. The Yankees just achieved the ugliest loss of 2026. Dear God, it had everything - a come from behind, a blown lead, extra innings, blown chances and then, the finale: an inexplicable play by Jazz Chisholm, throwing to first base out of muscle memory, when the game was already lost. Bravo, everybody. 

The 2025 Yankees have arrived, and time is running out for Randal Grichuk. 

His not his fault. I hope that - in his next incarnation, with another team - he doesn't hold it against us. But of course, he will. Don't they all?  

Loser City.

 

Sorry, Doug K.  

But when it comes to sports, yes, we are.

All three hockey teams about to be eliminated.

Brooklyn Nets with another 60-loss season.

Everyone knows Knicks will not even make conference finals.

The Mets lost their fourth in a row, and now have a losing record.

The Yanks lost their fourth in a row, and are now 0-5 in one-run games. And they have a second baseman who doesn't know how force-outs work.

Nonetheless, we pay out billions of dollars in public subsidies to these bums.

Could it be the two things are connected?

RUNNING-IT-BACK out there for this game thread ººº

 TOO SOON ? 

PERHAPS A LITTLE 'BITTY' – BUT THE TRUTH MAY SET US FREE.

(HE HE HE – HAW HAW HAW)

The Yankees are floundering, but the AL is pathetic

Okay, yes, ye chickens of little, ye sayers of nay... You're right, you're brutally, horribly, disgustingly right... 

We suck.  

Nobody's hitting. The bullpen can't hold a lead. We burn through quality starts. This weekend, we're playing in a giant ping pong ball, an echo chamber of audio memes, where balls seem to splash in the fake turf, and the domed ceiling conceals pop-ups like zits on a supermodel's chin. It doesn't even matter if the crowd is on our side. We've lost three straight, squandering the Yankees' best opening weeks of this millennium.   

Yep, it royally sucks. But take a deep breath, crack your knuckles, and step away from the Abyss. Now, repeat after me:

"It's only fucking April." 

"Nothing fucking matters before Memorial Day."

"Judge will soon start fucking hitting."

"The AL East fucking sucks."

"The fucking Redsocks are in fucking last place."

Repeat, as needed. 

Yes, we will relive last year's horror. Why wouldn't we? You've heard of Trump's Project 2025? This is Cashman's. We spent $50 million just to reconstruct last year's lineup, as if it won anything. If not for the current AL Slop - only three teams sit above .500 - sirens would be blaring, and the hoary ghost of Old George, who still lives in the hearts of Yank fans - would be calling for cabbages to roll. 

And yet... here we are, best record in the AL. Soon, Judge will soon stop lunging at pitches out of his area code, and Ryan McMahon - the two-term Onondaga County Executive - will return to his Syracuse-based bureaucracy and stop playing 3B for the Yankees. 

Yeah, we suck. But cheer up. It's only April. Only April. Only April... 

Game Thread – 04/ten/2026 – Artemis II, Luis Gil and which Yankee will get a hit tonight ?

BINKY BOONE RETURNS !

 

Thank you, Mr. Cashman.

 

I'm willing to admit it.

Every now and then, my faith gets a little shaken.

Every now and then, over the course of the long season, when the Yanks go on a spree like their 7-1 start this season, a seed of doubt creeps in.

Every now and then, when they play like that, I find myself thinking things such as, Gee willikers! Could it be this team is for real? 7-1, and Judge isn't even hitting, and half the lineup's batting under .200. Look-ee that pitching, and we ain't even got Cole or Rodon or Gil back yet. Could it be...?

I'm not too proud to tell you, it unsettles a man.

Could it be that I really DON'T know more about baseball than the general manager of the greatest sports franchise in North American history? Could it be that he's been right all along...no, that can't be...all right, that he's LEARNED something in all those decades running this team? 

Could it be that it was just a matter of getting the breaks?

Then along comes a week like this one, and all is right with the world again. (At least, you know, until that world blows up.)

He is Cashman.

He restoreth my faith. He leadeth me to green pastures, where I can once again take the Yankees about as seriously as I do the New York Knickerbockers or the Rangers.  

He leaveth me to contemplate the terrifying things that the Great Humongous will do to us all.

Somehow, it's still more entertaining than watching the Yankees play the Run It Back season.

 

Ahead of schedule, anemic Yankees achieve midseason meltdown in April

Yesterday, in the 7th, against the legendary Sacramento ace, Jeffrey Springs, Yank bats suddenly awakened with a vengeance... 

Ben Rice singled to right. 

No-hitter averted. 

So ended their day. 

Also, so ended the first two weeks of 2026, with the YES channel barkers - like Fox News hosts gushing over the state of the world - declaring victory for the Yankee front office's decision to rerun the 2025 team for another season. 

Thanks to the current mediocrity of the AL East, where no other team is above water, the Yankees have maintained a priapic state of self-pleasure for 14 days and nights assuring us - and themselves - that all is fine, that the roof is not buckling, that Melania didn't know Ghislaine, and that an aging runner-up lineup, now one year older, should be celebrated, not abandoned.

What a fiasco. 

For now, here's where everything stands...

Aaron Judge comes up every three innings, briefly raising hopes, until he is walked. Increasingly frustrated, he lunges after balls and hits grounders. 

The real Final Four - yesterday it was Grichuk, Wells, Caballero and McMahon - may give the 2013 comedy troupe of Ishikawa, Cruz, Gonzalez and Romine a run for its money, as the most bottomless Yankee abyss in this millennium.   

Lately, I wonder if the Yankee Matrix glitched, switching 3B Ryan McMahon with the Ryan McMahon of Syracuse, a GOP functionary who serves as Onondaga County Executive. Can't hit. Can't field. As for McMahon, the former Colorado all-star, he's no longer working in Rocky Mountain High air, which means he might upend Zolio Almonte as the IT IS HIGH gold standard for ineptitude. Along with hitting .069, he is striking out four times in every 10 at bats. On every statistical measure, he is a candidate for Worst Hitter in Baseball. 

It's gotten so bad that we're actually marveling over Giancarlo Stanton's speed on the basepaths. (Note: He still runs like he's pulling an invisible rickshaw.)

The team finally punted on Cade Winquest, the Rule 5 pitcher who, amazingly, never got to throw a pitch. He's been designated for assignment, and we're bringing back Luis Gil. Yikes.

In every appearance, David Bednar comes closer to disaster. He's given up earned runs in three of his last four games, and left runners in nearly every outing. You can feel the confidence draining. 

Michael J. Fox is alive. ALIVE!

I won't go further. Life is too short, and Tampa beckons. But everything about this Yankee team should make us cringe. We just got beaten at home by a homeless team, which came to Gotham with a 3-6 record. The AL East is wide open for any team that gets hot. We have squandered two good weeks. Look out, below.

Who will it be???

 

Oh, the tension grows! 

Who who who who who of the Feckless Five will be the very first to homer for your New York Yankees in the 2026 Rerun Season?

Wells and Chisholm, Grisham and Caballero and McMahon/

Write it out in verse/

A terrible futility is born...

They are, together, now at 194 plate appearances without a single Ballantine Blast. Why, with any luck, they could pass the 200 PA mark in this afternoon's contest!

To be fair, the whole team isn't hitting much. Just .218 on the season. The 1968 Yankees—not only the worst-hitting Bombers team but also the worst-hitting major-league team, EVER, since 1900, batted .214. And that was when pitchers could hit. The 1968 squad's hurlers batted all of .090. The position players hit .224—or 6 whole point above Noodniks' Row this year.

To be fair, Food Stamps Hal has insisted on scheduling and playing out one night game after another, despite the Arctic weather of late. But why, again, should we be fair, toward players making millions to play a game they are no longer so good at? (Fun fact: the Yankees' position players are an average of 30.5 years of age—not only the oldest team in the AL, but also the ONLY one over 30.)

The Big Five, shown here, hit 109 home runs between them in 2025, which is no doubt why The Brain thought they would be perfect for the Season of Reruns (next on the schedule: The Bullpen That Doesn't Work!). 

That is a lot of home runs. The top five boppers on the actual Murderers' Row, the 1927 Yankees (Ruth, Gehrig, Lazzeri, Meusel, Combs) hit 139 home runs between them. 

Amongst the other great Yankees teams of yore, the Top Five of the 1961 team (Maris, Mantle, Skowron, Berra, and Howard or Blanchard) hit 186; and the 1939 squad (DiMaggio, Gordon, Dickey, Selkirk, Dahlgren) and 1977 team (Nettles, Jackson, Munson, Chambliss, White) both belted 118. Even on the 1998 Yankees, probably the greatest team of all-time, the Top Five (Martinez, Williams, O'Neill, Strawberry, Jeter or Brosius) hit "only" 121 dingers between them.

Of course, all those players did other things, such as rope doubles and triples all over the park, bat over .300, steal bases, draw walks, and play outstanding ball in the field. 

Our Fan Five is currently striking out over twice as many times as they walk (57-28), they have driven in—collectively—less than one run a game, and none of the Ferocious Five have crossed the Mendoza Line. Ryan McMahon is currently hitting all of .077, which puts him under...I dunno what line. Mason-Dixon? Maginot? 

And even their vaunted defense of late seems...more daunted than vaunted.

But I have faith. I have faith that between the five of them, they will hit a home run this year. My guess is that the first will be Austin Wells, who has proven adept at dumping what should be routine fly balls into the Yanks' Lefty Charity Porch in right field.

What are your picks? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

What's keeping the Yankees afloat? A.L. Slop

 

With due respect to Mr. Magoo and Emperor Palpatine, nothing derails a movie like a clueless, unfiltered old fogy, who is flying 30,000 feet over his head and calling the shots, and we all know who I'm talking about.

The Yankees, of course.

With their "mature" lineup - "mature" meaning "aging" - the '25-26, same-as-last-year Yankees are a boring, bumbling team that needs 10 walks per game to score runs. When they lose, as they did last night, they are particularly dreadful to watch. They are Saturday Night Live hosted by Elon Musk. Basically, you have Aaron Judge, a few anecdotes by David Cone and the NAME THAT YANKEE trivia question. After that - well - Ben Rice might turn out to be something. And Giancarlo always entertains, until he gets hurt. The bullpen cannot hold leads, and the starting rotation will only get older. 

But but BUT... we are in first.

How can sit here, farting into my back-breaker office chair, and denigrate a FIRST PLACE team? Am I that spoiled, that out of touch with the realities of baseball? If they're so old, so listless, why are the Yankees in first? 

I say, it's A.L. Slop. 

Yes, Artificial Lousiness.  

Particularly, let's celebrate the once-mighty AL East, a division that was supposed to rule baseball, which - for now, anyway - is a collection of cupcakes and canned tomatoes. 

For example, did you happen to see the throw by Boston's future superstar, Roman Anthony, the other night? He snagged a one-hop single to left field and fired a cannon shot home, with a solid chance to nab a runner. The ball bounced about 30 feet from the plate plate, halfway up the 3B line. It was beautiful. It was magic. It had the makings of a Little League HR. The Martian, lost in Scranton, would be hard-pressed to match it. 

The line on Anthony, according to my Redsock fan sources, is that he spent the winter in the weight room, bulking up so he could wow the coeds over a full MLB season. (He got hurt last year and missed the playoffs.) 

Listen, Anthony is scary. He could be great, a future Yankee killer.  But maybe, just maybe, that MVP trophy that the Gammonites bestowed upon him over the winter - could it be premature? He wouldn't be the first great prospect to weight-lift his way into mediocrity. 

So, here's my personal vendetta list of cold-ass starts. 

Of course, it's wayyyy to early to assign meaning to these numbers. (And Jose Caballero, Jazz Chisholm, Trent Grisham and Ryan McMahon  - the ballplayer, not the Onondaga County Executive - would all crack this list.) But the Yankees, for all their knock-kneed problems, have one thing going for them. 

A.L. Slop. Welcome to the new world.

Game Thread – 04/08/26 – Yanks √s A'zzzzzzz

. . . and DOOMED

Zeroes.

After all the heroics of last night's exercise in fan torture—and it should be noted that Steve Cohen bit the bullet and gave Mets fans a pair of games in the sunshine, complete with refunds (I know, I know: Uncle Stevie has more money than Hal. But then his family didn't get two subsidized stadiums from the city. And Steve Cohen earned his moolah the old-fashioned way: he stole it, fair and square.)—what remained was still a couple of chilling statistics.

After 10 games and some 184 plate appearances, over 55 percent of the Yanks' starting lineup—the Big Five, Trent Grisham, Jazz Chisholm, Austin Wells, José Caballero, and Ryan McMahon—still does not have a single home run. 

Nada. None. Zippo. Zero.

This should not be a surprise. Ryan McMahon, for instance, has played almost his entire career in Colorado, and is lifetime, .259/.810 hitter with 90 homers at home...and .215/.659 on the road. What?

Trent Grisham, before his 34 homers and less-than-HOF .235 last year, never hit more than 17 homers in a season, and batted beneath the Mendoza Line 3 times in 6 years. Jazzy is a lifetime .247 hitter who strikes out more than once a game. Who knew? 

Somehow, Brian Cashman could not anticipate any of what they are doing this season.

Meanwhile, over in Queens, the Borough of Mercy, the Metsies hung up another significant zero:  Luke Weaver and Devin Williams still have not surrendered a single run, in a combined 10 games and as many innings, while running up 2 saves, 1 hold, 1 win, and zero—that number again is, zero—losses.

Mets starter Clay Holmes, it must be said, has surrendered all of 2 earned runs this season, leaving his record at 2-0, 1.42.

Hey, I can't truly say that I miss Williams or Holmes, at least. But all three of these arms would certainly bolster our already teetering, No-Name Bullpen. 

And then there is the other big zero in the story: what the Yankees got back for them. You guessed it.

Nichts. Rien. A whole lotta nothin'. Not even a magic bean or two.

This is how Hal & Pal's Yankees operate. Acquisitions made on the basis of flawed or ignorant analyses, followed by simply letting the players in question walk off the team.

But hey, at least Volpe isn't going anywhere!

 

Amed Rosario saves the Yankees, which means that tonight, he will be Booned.

Last night, Stephen Colbert summed it up: 

“Trump has promised to deliver this civilization-ending blow tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern. So, bad news: the world might end. Good news: not until after ‘Wheel of Fortune.’” 

At times, it's hard to obsess over the Yankees - a privately-owned public entity whose owner wants to win, sorta, if the price is right - while the world turns to shit. On that note, I'm delighted to announce that neither World War III nor the first official 2026 Yankee collapse happened last night, both being postponed for two weeks, when the Yankees play Boston. We're now in a reality that turns over every two weeks, which is no way to run a baseball team, or for that matter, a planet. When world peace cannot be visualized beyond two turns of the Yankee rotation, all existential matters boil down to Wheel of Fortune, and who's on third?  

So, let's talk about 3B. Because this morning, every Yank fan in captivity knows what happened last night, and what will happen today.  

Last night, Amed Rosario hit two HRs, saving the Yankees from a soul-crushing loss to a homeless team. Thus, he will not start tonight. And probably tomorrow. He will be Booned. 

That's right. He will disappear, just like every Yankee hitter does, after a big game. It's Boone's thing. It drives us crazy, but what are the odds that we don't see Rosario, at least in a starting role, until the weekend? 

Which leaves us still wondering about 3B. The Yankees have options...

Ryan McMahon. Ever since this guy came over in a July trade, he has confused all Yankee fans from Syracuse, NY. His name is the same of the Onondaga County Executive, a perpetually grinning Republican, who sits on the giant shit pile that is the Central NY governmental bureaucracy. He fills potholes, glad-hands developers and sends workers home early during blizzards. He could probably outhit his Yankees' namesake.

Thus far, the Yankee McMahon, 31, has been awful at the bat. He's 8 for 50 with 15 strikeouts, having been among the league-leaders in Ks throughout his career. Great glove. Lousy contact. He's two years past his sell-by date, (he made the All-Star game in 2024) and, statistically, his doppelganger is Mike Pagliarulo, who should give all Yank fans cause to worry. 

McMahon will not be Booned.

He will be Trumped - that is, given two more weeks to show his stuff. 

Rosario. It's nine years since he hit the Mets as MLB's top prospect, a 21-year-old SS and future star. He was Lindor, before Lindor. In his best year, 2019, he batted .287 with 15 HRs, and led the NL in Caught Stealings, with 10. He's bounced around to seven teams, and he signed with the Yankees this winter, knowing he'd warm the bench.  

That said, in the bountiful begorra of Bill Robinson, baseball history is filled with former great prospects who figured out the secret of hitting sometime around their 30th birthday. Why not Rosario?  

Obviously, after last night, he needs a full week at 3B. That won't happen.

Booned.

Oswaldo Cabrera. There is only one Oswaldo. The smiling warrior still holds 3B in our hearts. But he's been icy cold in Scranton, rehabbing his broken foot. (Like endless wars, the Yankees have endless rehabs.) Cabrera is currently hitting .188 - 6 for 32 with a homer and a SB. My guess is that, unless someone gets hurt, he must hit his way back to the majors, and as a utility player, not a starting 3B. 

Paul DeLong (32) and Max Schuemann (28), both currently of Scranton, two serviceable infielders, who probably have OUT clauses in their contracts. Neither is hitting. But both can probably field 3B on a notch just below McMahon. 

DeLong - a member of the All-Rookie team in 2017 for the Cardinals - is 4 for 23. Schuemann - two years with the A's, with 9 career HRs - is 4 for 26. 

Then there is the domino effect of Anthony Volpe, who should return in mid-May. He'll probably take over at SS, moving Caballero to 3B? And there is the outside, far-flung, not worth mentioning chance that George Lombard Jr.- now of Double A Somerset - could bypass everyone. Right now, he's 6 for 9 with a HR. Close your eyes and dream: Volpe at 3B, Lombard at SS, and we stop hearing all that mush about Boston's youth movement.

In the meantime, we'll be Booned and Trumped. Yikes. What a twosome.  

Game Thread – April 07, 2026 – Yankees √s NorCal A'zzzzzz – Now in Twist off Bottles !

 

Wrathful Yank fans make vendetta history with Juan Soto chant

My all-time, greatest anonymous Yank fans, ranked: 

6. In 1978, Yankee Stadium crowd showers giveaway Reggie bars at Reggie Jackson, causing game to be halted. 

5. In mid-1970s, in Syracuse, NY on a Saturday afternoon, a handful of drunken fans converge on local NBC affiliate to complain that Yank game has pre-empted for golf. Police called.

4. Car filled with drunken louts chases embattled pitcher Eddie Lee Whitson home, honking horn and yelling obscenities. 

3. Mob rushes field, slamming into Chris Chambliss, after his walk-off HR wins 1976 pennant. 

2. Crowd chants "Fuck Steinbrenner" after Reggie returns in an Angels uniform, belts homer.

1. Mystery group, circa 1985, put tacks on Whitson's driveway. 

Today, I proudly add Sunday night's stadium crowd, which spontaneously chanted "FUCK JUAN SOTO," after the heartbreaking news broke that the traitor will be sidelined with a minor calf strain.

Sadly, neither Michael Kay nor the YES team acknowledged the cheers, which once again proves that Yank fans are on a par with Trump, himself, when it comes to nursing grudges.  

Soto will always occupy a cold, dark basement in our hearts. He signed with the Mets, squeezing a few extra thin dimes on a $765 million contract, because he was too cheap to buy luxury box and too petty to forgive a low-level security guard for not immediately recognizing his relatives. 

Honestly, I can't think of a nicer addenda to Sunday's rancid loss than to imagine Soto having to sit out a week or two, watching daytime TV. I don't ask the juju gods for broken bones, ligament tears or concussions. But minor calf strains? Thank you, kind sirs.

Icing on the cake: Soto was off to a hot start, hitting .355. 

Let's hope he returns in two weeks, just in time for a sweet 0-for-20.  

If you're expecting forgiveness, or grace, why are you here? Two years ago, for an entire season, Yank fans showered Soto with unrelenting love. We overlooked his paltry fielding. We cheered him through ups and downs. And he pissed on us, signing with the Mets, for a few extra pennies on a stack of money taller than he will spend in 10 lifetimes. Fuck him. If I had some extra tacks... 

A fish rots from the head down.

 

Well, that didn't take long. 

The latest exercise in fan torture yesterday, a game—on Easter Sunday, no less—played in brutal weather exposed this Yankees team for just what it is, 7-1 start notwithstanding. 

From the back-up catcher to the head honcho, the debacle revealed just how insufficient this 2026 "Run It Back" team—an expression that was actually beginning to pick up some cachet with local sports commentators and reporters, as if "Run It Back" were really a brilliant strategy instead of just the knee-jerk default of what has become an unbearably cheap and unimaginative franchise—really is.

To "run it backwards" to the top, let's start with the brilliant, ninth-inning decision by Aaron Boone to pinch-hit back-up backstop J.C. Escarra with two outs and two on, in a one-run game. One might have expected, oh, I dunno, former MVP and future Hall-of-Famer, Paul Goldschmidt to stride to the plate, thus serving one feeble, last ounce of hope to those fans who had stuck it out through a three-and-a-half-hour rain delay and wintery cold.

But no such luck.

Boone stuck instead with "the book," putting up Escarra, the Yanks' last left-handed hitter, against righty Anthony "I'm Not the Chief" Bender, for the Marlins. 

What "the book" might also have told Boone is that while Goldschmidt is, indeed, a better hitter against lefties (.323/.422/.584/1.006), he has—unsurprisingly—batted nearly over 4,000 times more often against righties, and done pretty well against them:  .277/.364/.479/.843, with 265 homers and 914 RBI.

Escarra, by contrast, in his wisp of a career, is a .171/.270/.303/.572 hitter in 89 plate appearances against righties—albeit with 2 homers and 9 RBI.  

This was a foolish decision to cap off a very long day, though hardly the dumbest thing done or said by a manager who should not be employed by any serious contender.  

That would be his statement, before the game, that he was looking for "length" from the team's one-and-only ace, Max Fried, because the bullpen had been so overworked.

Yep, that's what you need in an early April game played in the rain and the cold: pressuring your best starter to go long, just so you can save the Yanks' No-Name Bullpen. You remember all the times Casey Stengel used to say, "We gotta push Whitey, so Rip Coleman and Mickey McDermott can get some rest."  Makes perfect sense.

Moving up fish scales, what yesterday's game also exposed, of course, is just what a collection of noodniks Brian Cashman has assembled in the pen. Who could have guessed?

I mean where, for instance, was Angel Chivilli as day turned into dark on Sunday? 

Oh, laboring down in Scranton, it seems, after compiling a 12.38 ERA during spring training.

Chivilli, you'll recall, was acquired for one T.J. Rumfield, the LEFTY first baseman who Brian Cashman adamantly refused to give a chance...and who is now hitting a mere .345 for the Rockies, with a .992 OPS, 2 homers and 5 RBI so far.

Gee, think Rumfield might have been a better alternative hitting for José Caballero yesterday? 

Caballero, of course, is part of the Pacifists' Row that Cashman has also put together in the Yankees' starting lineup—a group that threatens to make the Run It Back team Running in Reverse. 

Between them, so far, Caballero, Trent Grisham, Ryan McMahon, Jazz Chisholm, and Austin Wells—who, like every other catcher the Yanks have developed under Cashman, came up looking like Johnny Bench and soon looked like one more bench johnnie—are batting a combined .154 (22-143), with ZERO home runs and all of 10 RBI; along with just 22 walks against 49 strikeouts. 

Most of the Yanks' lineup, like the pen, has been predictably awful. But don't expect to see any of them replaced any time soon. Hal, The Great Whatizzit who heads this stinking fish has already paid for this lineup, and he expects results, no matter how long it takes.

I was unfair, yesterday, accusing him of not canceling yesterday's game before it started. Apparently, the rule has been changed, and those decisions are now made by the heedless corporate entity known as MLB. Never mind the actual weather in New York, never mind the fact that on a major holiday some fans might have been eager to get back to friends and family—eventually.

No can do—because with MLB's brilliant decision to have everybody play everybody, Miami doesn't have a return trip to the Bronx, and having to reschedule anything would cause CHAAAAAOOOOSSSS!

So I can't blame that on The Heir Incompetent. But I can blame the organization he has put together for the Run It Into the Ground team. So much for the captain, Aaron Judge, telling his teammates that every game matters. For their owner, every dollar matters. Once again.

Nine games into April, it's all about the ABS challenges

Last night, after being visited by the Babadook Bullpen - aka Jake Bird - the Yankees faced baseball's new dark reality: 

Don't go into the 9th without an ABS challenge in your pocket. 

If you do, you're like a football team in a two-minute drill without any timeouts. 

Last night, having squandered their two challenges early on, the '25/'26 Yanks agonized as pitch after pitch fluttered around the plate like an Iranian drone, to be called a strike.  

The victim was J. C, Escara - (who, with the Martian in Scranton, turned out to be our last lefty batter.) Poor guy had to watch as the home plate ump, wanting to put this rain-delayed game into the books, expanded the strike zone like a peacock's plumage.  

I'm not blaming Boone, or the brain trust, or anybody, for this new reality, which has hit baseball like a blown-out upstream dam. The ABS system is here to stay, and the Death Barge better figure it out - like, now - because it's showing the world, dramatically, who owns the strike zone, and who has not a clue.  

The Yankees have been one of MLB's most aggressive teams in tapping their heads and challenging calls. They rank 10th in overall success, according to ESPN's stat tracker which is the most interesting new set of baseball stats since we asked, WAR, what is you go for? 

Some takeaways from the tracker:

Austin Wells ranks 13th among catchers, with a 71 percent success rate. He is 5 for 7. It looks as though catchers will be the most vigorous - and critical - challengers. Their ABS success - or lack of it - will compete with the art of pitch framing and release time to second base. Right now, Dillon Dingler of the Tigers has the best ABS record, by far, among catchers; he's 7 for 7. If this continues, you'll hear his name when Golden Gloves are announced.

Yankee pitchers are not jumping into this pond. Max Fried is the only one to register a challenge and succeed. He's 1 for 1. Donno what to make of this. You wanna think that, when they return, cagy vets Gerrit Cole and Carlos Rodon would exploit this system. In fact, it could be the opposite: Baseball will have had two months to learn the new reality. For ABS, Cole and Rodon will be wild-eyed rookies. Weird, eh?

Trent Grisham and Jose Caballero are the most frequent Yankee batters, thus far. Both are 2 for 3 in challenges. Obviously, this is too small a sample size to draw conclusions, but when this system was implemented, everybody thought it would help Aaron Judge, over everybody else. In SF, he successfully overturned a strike call, then hit a towering HR. Since then, crickets. I gotta believe everything will revolve around the Captain. Whatever he does, the team will follow. He will be the most influential Yankee captain in history. (But Jose Caballero, or any of the bottom three batters, should not be team leaders in ABS challenges. I mean, come on...) 

There's a trippy relationship between winning games and winning challenges. The last place Redsocks rank 23rd in ABS success, at 46 percent. But the Guardians, leaders in the AL Central, rank 30th; (being in Cleveland is challenging enough, I guess.) The NL leaders - the Marlins, Brewers and Dodgers, are all middle of the pack in ABS success. This is a massive change, and nobody has yet figured it out.  

Soon, baseball will explode with ABS analytics. I bet, as you read this, some Yankee wonk is using an entire data center, crunching the $100-per-barrel numbers. The system is already significant enough to belong in box scores (they are not currently shown.) It's a new world, a new reality. And don't get caught in the ninth without a challenge.

The Son becomes the Father and the Father becomes the . . . . WRONG ! Resurrection Day Game Thread

 Statistically Speaking . . . He's around.  He's always around.

Jazz Chisholm phones one in. Did he just summon the juju gods?

Stop me if you heard this one.

Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll'ya'have?" Guy deliberates, takes his time, slurs the reply. And the Yankees lose.

Not exactly Maury Amsterdam. But last night, if you watched the ninth, or if you looked at social media today, you know that the juju gods emerged to blemish, if not threaten, the Yankees' 7-1 start, best record in baseball. 

It happened innocently. Two No outs, Yanks up by three, nobody on. Snore. Guy hits a routine grounder to second. Jazz grabs it, deliberates, takes out his phone, texts his mom, scratches himself, checks email, wipes his ass, then tosses a rainbow to first. The Marlin, busting ass, beats it. WTF? Game should be over. Instead, the roof early caves. Seven batters later, tying runs on base, the Marlins finally lose. By now, X is a prison riot: pitchforks and Bimbofication pix. What shoulda been an enjoyable, come-from-behind win ends in an existential crisis for a critical player. 

A teachable moment? Or time to punt? Some points to ponder.

1. Chisholm is a special case of arrested development. He was born in Nassau. When he was 2, his gramma started teaching him to hit. At age 12, he was sent to a sports factory in Nebraska, where he played everything. After high school, he went to a baseball academy. You wonder. Did the Guy ever have a childhood? 

2. Two years ago, when the Yankees appeared at the Little League World Series in wondrous Williamsport, Jazz befriended a 12-year-old fan. In their conversations, captured on video, you could see the joy of a new friendship, a little kid getting a chance to meet - in this case - the little leaguer. They are said to still be in touch (though that might be p.r. myth-making.) Kids...

3. Last week, when Jazz was mic'ed for an inning on network TV, you could see his absolute delight in being out there, in front of the world. He's still a kid, taking it all in. I'm not saying this is bad. But he's not Paul Goldschmidt. And the thing about little kids: They can get down on things. They can think nobody cares. Can the Yankees afford to have such a person at one of their most important positions?  

4. Jazz hasn't exactly been lighting up the box scores. He's 6 for 33 (.194) and is tied for the team lead in strikeouts (12, with Aaron Judge.) Last night, he went 0-5, was having a certifiable bomb of a night. But he has been running wild on the bases: his 4 SBs are tied for the most in baseball. 

5. Now and then, you wonder, "What would Billy do?" (And the answer is, you donne wanna know." It's scary, what Billy Martin might have done. For starters, he might have trotted out Bobby Meachem to finish the game, forcing Jazz to leave in a rain of boos. Elston Howard might have had to separate them in the dugout. (Or maybe Reggie, wouldn't that be delicious?) That's not Boone's style and, to be honest, that's probably a good thing. Let him chew his gum. The last thing we need is a regional dispute that escalates into World War III. Especially when you're leading the AL East by three and you're five up on Boston. 

6. Like it or not, the Yankees have nobody to replace him. Technically, I suppose Amed Rosario would get the call. But if you want stress over grounders, he's your man. Anthony Volpe should return next month. If Jazz doesn't have his act together by then, there's your change. But two winters ago, we traded the guy who would fill that position: Caleb Durbin is 2-for-25, batting .080, for Boston. 

7. Today, the Marlins are throwing a RH pitcher named Chris Paddack, and his ERA is 18.00. (Exactly the kind of numbers that make you expect the Yankees to get shutout.) A righty. You'd expect Jazz to play. He will hear some boos. He needs a big game. A big game, and he will ascend. It's a big day for resurrections, I hear.