If the Yankees are kidding themselves, maybe we should, too.

Today, with temps firmly below zero, I gazed out the window, saw my shadow, and thought a thought: 

This Yankee Winter of Despair cannot last forever. 

And maybe we're handling it all wrong.

Maybe we should follow the Trumpian model of governance: Never admit a mistake, never acknowledge a defeat, always accuse your critics of lying, always say everything is great, and if it's not, just claim everything is rigged. 

Why can't we apply that mindset to the Yankees? We don't need to sit around and mope. Screw the wind-chill index; damn the polar vortex. Let's merrily assume - as the Yankees are willing to do - that last year's runner-up, trotted out again, will win in 2026. Fukkit. Let's climb aboard the bandwagon and claim that everything will work. And if doesn't - well, shit, it's just a baseball team, right?  

From now on, I'm simply going to assume that...

Cam Schlittler is the pitcher who shut down Boston in the playoffs, which means he'll replace Max Fried as our ace and challenge for the Cy Young award. Moreover, our farm system will churn out more Schlittlers, boosting the rotation and bullpen. We have nothing to worry about, but worrying-about, itself.

Aaron Judge will have an injury-free season and win another MVP award. Why do I think this? Because he will be protected in the lineup by Giancarlo Stanton, who will have an injury-free season and challenge for another MVP award. Together, they will anchor a batting order, which has an injury-free season and collects awards like Bad Bunny at the Grammys.  

Gerrit Cole and Carlos Rodon will return from injuries as the pitchers they were before surgery. They will suffer no problems, whatsoever. And Cole will always cover first base on grounders to the right side.

Anthony Volpe will NOT return as the player he was before surgery. He'll finally become the Yankee SS of the future, who settles the infield and hits.  

The Martian will start his season at Scranton, devote himself to the Zen of fielding, and return to refresh the Yankees in July, for the stretch drive.

The Yankees will receive their rings in the newly opened Trump White House Ballroom, after a parade down the Canyon of Trump. Next winter, we'll look out of our windows to see roses in bloom, while smiling ICE agents stand guard.  

Not a good morning for Lindsey, bad crash

This is beyond sad. You could hear her screaming before anyone could get to her. Helicoptered off the mountain, no injury report yet.

Really shocking watching it live. 

Submitted for your approval...

 

...A tale of two first basemen. Both great pros. Both world champions on National League teams. Both just turned 32 years of age. And both eligible to sign as free agents with the New York Yankees.

That's right. The Yankees. The team that plays in...

The Cashman Zone.

One of them is Anthony Rizzo. Plucky, courageous cancer survivor. First baseman for the Cubs when they won the World Series for the first time in 108 years. After hitting a mere .222 in the Covid season, he is picked up for a bag of magic beans in 2021, when first sacker Luke Voit begins to flounder. 

Despite being a lefty, he hits all of .249 in 49 games, with 8 home runs—a mere three of them at the Stadium they call, "Yankee."

He does hit a solo homer in four at-bats, in the team's pathetic, one-game elimination from the playoffs up at Fenway Park.

Lifetime—10 years in the Wrigley Field bandbox—he is a .272 hitter, with 242 home runs and an .861 OPS.

Now consider another, first-baseman free agent. 

His name is Freddie Freeman, and he is just over one month younger than Mr. Rizzo. 

Freeman has just capped a career with the Braves by leading them to the World Series, in a year when he hit 31 homers, batted .300/.896, and led the NL in runs scored with 120. In the World Series win over the Astros, he hit .318 with 2 homers and 5 RBI in 6 games. 

Lifetime—12 years in the roomier Atlanta stadiums—the lefty is a .295 hitter, with 271 homers and an .893 OPS.

The choice now falls to Mr. Cashman—and to his boss, a mysterious figure named Hal Steinbrenner, who is rarely seen in public, preferring to spend his time rolling nickels on his yacht, the Corporate Welfare.

Who will Cashman, a reputed genius, pick? 

Freeman...merits not even a moment of consideration. Instead, the Yankees will go with Rizzo.

Freeman will sign with a team on the West Coast formerly of Brooklyn, known as "the Dodgers," taking a six-year deal for $162 million.

Cashman will sign Rizzo, for a minimum of four years, and $56 million.

Rizzo—impeded in part by the managerial decision to continue to play him with obvious concussion symptoms—will finish his Yankees career with 60 homers in 370 games, and a .234/.326/.409/.735 split. He will miss almost as many games—327, including the entire 2025 season—as he plays. He is retired.

Freeman becomes a doubles machine in L.A. (a home run machine in Yankee Stadium?), leading the NL with 47 (2022) and 59 (2023). He also leads the league in runs, hits, and OBP in 2022. After four years, he has 180 two-baggers, 96 homers, and a .310/.391/.516/.907 split with the Dodgers. He is still the first baseman for a world champion team.

The Dodgers have won two World Series since Freeman arrived. When their teams met in the Series, in 2024, Anthony Rizzo had two singles and no RBI in 16 at-bats, and committed one of the most embarrassing fielding gaffes in World Series history.

Freddie Freeman hit a walk-off, grand-slam home run, and had 4 homers, 12 RBI, and a .300/.364/1.00/1.364 split, en route to being names the Series MVP.

Submitted for your consideration: who got the better of these free-agent deals?

Obviously, it was...the Yankees, because Mr. Steinbrenner, the Man Who Never Smiles, had to pay $106 million less than the Dodgers.

Minus, that is, the $17.5 million they will have paid a certain Mr. Goldschmidt to replace Mr. Rizzo (and play nearly as badly) in 2025 and 2026, which reduces their savings to $98.5 million. 

Minus whatever they will have to pay to replace Mr. Goldschmidt in 2026-2027.  Minus the reduced playing time and development for the promising young Mr. Rice.  Minus—

Never mind. It's simply minus. You are in...the Cashman Zone.

Above Average would like to remind EVERY Yankees Fan out there that "YOUR-IN" CONTROL !

 THE 

GOLDEN

SH, SH, SH, SH, SHTANDARD

It's no surprise that the Yanks re-signed Paul Goldschmidt. What's shocking is that he wanted to come back.

As most of the Yankiverse mutters "Meh!" let's be among the first to say what should be shouted.

WELCOME BACK, GOLDIE.

Yes, he'll run hot and cold. Yes, he'll bust a dweezle and miss July and August. Yes, his range has shrunken to the length of a Toyota Corolla. That said, he's our Golden Oldie! our Olden Goldie!, and let's welcome him back to Hell. 

In case you missed it, Paul Oldschmidt Goldschmidt is re-upping with the Evil Employer in 2026 for $5 million, which is what Hal Steinbrenner annually spends on clam dip. He's 38, old enough to appear in the Epstein files, but nobody sweats Goldie's rep. He brings to Gotham a veteran glove, a RH bat and a positive cosmic clubhouse presence.

Okay, let's not lie here. We all wanted more than Year II of Goldie. And he might be done. (Last February, who thought DJ LeMahieu's game would so totally collapse?) He'll platoon at 1B with Ben Rice, our great hope, who showed such promise last year, who might hit everyday, and who might even become a frontline catcher.

So, here comes Goldschmidt, for another slice of the Bronx. 

At least he knows what he's getting into. 

Last year, Goldie started hot and fizzled, ending at .274 with a meager 10 HRs - worst power output in his 15 season career. In October, he went 4-9 - nothing but singles. At 38, he makes a case for Cooperstown. (Check the list: four of his 10 doppelgangers are in the Hall, with Votto on the cusp.) 

Listen: We all have doubts about doubling down on the 2025 team, the same lineup - one year older. You have to wonder if this isn't going to be a complete bust of a season. 

But let's give Cashman one credit: 

It's ballsy as hell. 

And if it fails, shit is gonna fly.

So, welcome back, and go-go Goldie!

Tarik Skubal's arbitration contract means he will never pitch for the Yankees

POINT OF ORDER: I'd like to retract the above headline.

It's wrong. It is a mistake. My apologies.

The fact is, Tarik Skubal could someday be a Yankee. 

It would happen around 2036, when he's 39, liver-spotted, gouted and moving like Kathy Bates after a 12-pack of Genny Cream. His sinker will have sunk, his fastball won't fast, and our beacon of ownership, Hal Steinbrenner, will be hooked up to an apparatus that honks once for no, twice for yes. By then, if we're unlucky enough to still be alive, the Yankees will be finishing behind Rutgers in the chase for tabloid back pages. Ten years out. Beaten and bedraggled. A symbol of the dystopia. That's when Skubal could be a Yankee.

Meanwhile, for now, he is a Tiger, with a $32 million arbitration award that will burn a hole in Detroit's fanny pack because - as everyone knows - any pitcher, at any time, can clutch his elbow, summon the trainer, shake his head and march off the field, never again the player he was. Wanna torture Phillies fans? Ask them about Zack Wheeler. The Tigers today must be shitting themselves. They've got baseball's best pitcher, and somehow, between now and July 31, they've got to either build a huge lead in the AL Central, or convert him into more than just a future draft pick. 

So, around Aug 1, at least three teams will bid manically for Skubal. In each case, their plans will revolve around the team not in the hunt: the Yankees. 

The main bidders:  

1. The Dodgers. No surprise here. They are baseball's marquee team. They are what the Yankees once were, and - I suppose - are still supposed to be. What a joke. I wonder what Hal will think when the Dodgers buy another championship, without guilt, without remorse, and without showing the slightest financial pinch? They play to win, as Hal's father did. But, hey, Hal gets to count his pennies. It must be reassuring to stand pat, sit back, and still make billions. 

2. The Mets. They'll soon be NYC's premier baseball team. Why can I say this? Because they really, really want it - and Hal doesn't. All his life, the Yankees have owned Gotham, and what did it get him? He still has to pay the rent, and all the fans do is whine, whine, whine. His dad was one of the first to encourage Trump to run for president, but Donald won't be coming to any games, unless they buy out the stadium (like Amazon did the theaters, for Melania) to tamp down the booing. The Mets have money, a hungry owner, and they've been waiting since Mookie Wilson's grounder for this moment. If Skubal goes on the market, Stevie Cohen will be first to grab the phone. 

3. The Blue Jays. The hateful, angry, foaming, unrequited Jays. First, a fun fact: Rogers Communications owns all of Canada, except for the tar sands and Alanis Morissette. Secondly, they can mine America's "51st state" disrespectfulness and tap into a seething fury that our northern neighbors rightfully feel toward the U.S. Trading for Skubal would poke the Yankees in the eye and probably win the AL East. Also, we might face him in the postseason. Pokes in both eyes. Ouch.

Look, it's fun to pretend the Yankees care. But they won't be taking on any $32 million contracts. And come next year, if Skubal's agent calls, they'll hide under the beds. We just grabbed Yanquile Fernandez. That's your 2026 Yankees. 

Syracuse makes the Epstein files!

Woo-woo. Mentioned on the national news!

Meet "Yankee for a Week" Yanquiel Fernandez... before he's gone.

Andy Warhol famously said, "In the future, everyone will be assigned to the Yankee 40-Man Roster for 15 minutes."

Thanks to the obsessive tinkering of Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman, the Yankees continue to uphold Warhol's prophesy, making fizzled former top prospects' dreams come true, by christening them as New Yorkers for a week. 

In this case, the "Evil Empire" yesterday inexplicably grabbed Yanquiel Fernandez, a LH-hitting corner outfielder, off the waiver wire. This adds to the competition for the 4th OF slot, which now includes the Martian and Spencer "There's something happenin' here but you donno what it is, do you, Mistah" Jones. Once again, Cashman is playing 4-dimensional chess - though, unfortunately, on a Chinese checkers' board.

Everybody knows the Yankees had too many LH hitting OFs. So, of course! Cashman adds one more! 

Yanquiel (pronounced "YAHN-kee-el") is just 23, so he hasn't timed out. His arrival suggests Cash is not done tinkering, that either Jones or the Martian could go in a trade. That would apply the cherry to a "Meh" winter, when the Yankees treaded water, while Boston, Baltimore and Toronto improved. 

Ah, but who cares? Here are 10 fun facts about the newest - soon-to-be-gone - Yankee.

1. He was born on New Year's Day in Havana, Cuba. 

2. He signed with Colorado at age 16, for $295,000.

3. After missing a season due to COVID, he shot up through the Rockies' system and represented them in the 2022 Futures Game.

4. That November, Colorado added him to its 40-man roster, protecting him from the Rule 5 draft. 

5. Heading into 2023, he made several top 100 prospect lists. (Note: It's all downhill from here.) 

6. In 2024, he sorta floundered in Double A, then moved up last year to Triple A and hit decently, (.284 with 13 HRs) to be promoted to the Rockies last July 1.

7. In 2025, he hit .225 with 4 HRs in 138 At Bats. He got off to a weak start, then hit over .300 in August. 

8. He was mostly platooned. Unfortunatey, against RH pitchers, his bread and butter, he hit just .217 and struck out one in every three ABs.

9. He is said to have the 2nd strongest OF arm in MLB, with an average velocity of 97.2 MPH.

10. He won't be a free agent until 2032.

Gotta like the arm. Still, another LH outfielder? Forget it. He'll be gone by Friday. 

Another RIP: Mickey Lolich

When he was 10, his father “volunteered me to play right field to fill out a game with kids 13 to 15, and the pitcher was getting bombed,” Lolich told The New York Times in December 1975, soon after the Tigers traded him to the Mets.

“I told somebody, ‘I could do as good as that,’” he added, “and the coach overheard me and put me out there to shut me up. Except that I blew the ball right by them. That’s when I knew I had a good arm.” 

"Anthony (Volpe) is going to be a frontline shortstop in this league. Everyone’s path isn’t linear."

Boone just keeps talking...

And talking...

And talking...

One week until pitchers and catchers.

Sixteen days until the first spring training game. 

And Boone keeps going. 

Your Moment of BøøNE @ Nøøn (ish)

 REVEL in his GENIUS

HE'S not the MANAGER we NEED

BUTT, the MANAGER we DESERVE

"I’m personally excited about having the players that we do going back at it because I think there’s a hunger there after we didn’t finish the job, and I think we’re really good."

Yesterday, Aaron Boone appeared on Sports Radio to assure us that:

1. Everything is fine.

2. There is no reason to worry.

3. A great year is upon us.

4. All is going according to plan.

5. We must ignore the naysayers.

6. It's morning in America.

7. The system is the answer.

8. There is always room for Jell-o.

9. Without chemicals, life itself is impossible.

10. A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine.

11. It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.

12. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

13. Coke is the Real Thing.

14. Pepsi's the One. 

15. I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner. 

The fall of America can now be blamed squarely on the Yankees

 

The implications of this fall beyond my capabilities.

 

Excitement brews to fever pitch as Yanks and Mets battle for control of France

 

By the dormant dulcimer derriere of Orestes Destrade, wake me when this one is over.

Apparently, the Yanks and Mets are going eyeball to eyeball - mana-v-mana, Cash v Stearns, Clay v Liston, Depp v Heard, Noem v Minnesota, Melania v comfortable shoes - in a bidding war over the services of Ty France.

That's right. Ty France.

Not gonna lie: Dunno who to root for. 

Ty France?

Plays 1B. Good fielder. Hits RH. Age 31. No power. Puts the ball in play. Won a Gold Glove last year. Has played for five different organizations. 

The Mets want him. 

Are we supposed to have opinions on this? 

Well, okay, here goes. If we sign Ty France, we'll have to keep him. That will be one less opening for a position, and one less competition in camp. It will mean less money to spend on a bullpen piece, less to spend on whatever spring injury threatens to derail the season. 

Ty France...

Pass.

How to destroy a Martian

Remember Ron Bloomberg? The great Ron Bloomberg. First DH in baseball history. First pick of the 1967 draft. Signed for $75,000. ($700,000 today.) Married an Elmira girl. Career BA of .293. Named to the national Jewish Hall of Fame. Had a sandwich named after him at the Stage Deli. 

And yet, when Yank fans recall Boomer, they feel that unrequited sense of... "What if?" 

He coulda been - shoulda been - much more. 

Why? Well, it's simple. 

They platooned him. 

In the minors, no less. 

They took away his bat against lefties. 

They took away his future. 

By making him a platoon hitter, they destroyed his chance to become an everyday player. Here was one of the best young hitters in baseball, and at age 21, they made him a lefty-only DH, a one-dimensional player.

They ruined Bloomberg's shot at everyday glory.  

And today, we must wonder: 

Will history repeat itself with Jasson Dominguez?

Apparently, the Yankees are rooting around for a RH-hitting outfielder, somebody to round out their lineup. They supposedly are talking with Austin Slater, whom they acquired last August, and who tweaked his gonad and missed the end of the season. They are also kicking the tires on potential trades. 

They could end up destroying the long-term future of not only The Martian, now 22, but of Spencer Jones, 25. If the Yankees sign a RH outfielder, both Dominguez and Jones will be relegated to platoon status in what could be their most formative years. Scrap them against lefties this season, and they might never get the chance to become complete players. You might as well trade them. 

If The Martian doesn't see lefties, how will he ever learn to hit them? How can you destroy a kid at age 22? 

Well, we'll see. But right now, we are facing the four most feared words in the Yankiverse.

Cashman is calling around.

As for Boomer, he's 77. His Wikipedia page says he's a scout for the Yankees in the Atlanta area. Wishing him the best. Overall, a fine career. But I believe the Yankees let him down. Is history about to repeat?