Wednesday, April 22, 2026
Breaking news! Mets cursed by The Cocoanuts!
THE CURSE OF COCOANUTS
This wholly invented: Mets cursed by Florida land development known as The Cocoanuts.
Mets fans were reportedly mollified to hear of this latest turn in the mystery of the team's 12-game losing streak, but still had serious questions concerning a duck.
News flash! Mets cursed by Sollozzo!
THE CURSE OF SOLLOZZO
New revelations from sources not far from the New York Met but not all that close, either, reveal that in fact the team has been cursed by maverick opium importer, Virgil "The Turk" Sollozzo. The Turk, who is known to be very good with a knife, reportedly wants control over "all those umpires Steve Cohen carries around in his pocket like so many nickels and dimes."
New development...Mr. Sollozzo, alleged curse holder over the New York Mets has reportedly been shot dead in a Bronx restaurant, along with an unnamed precinct captain who is known to be a dishonest cop, a crooked cop who got mixed up in the rackets.
No news yet on the gunman, who was reported fleeing from the restaurant in a pair of bright, sparkling red, "kinky" boots.
Correction to previous correction! Mets actually cursed by Bébé Rébozo.
THE CURSE OF RÉBOZO
It appears that in fact the New York Mets have not been cursed after all by either Il Duomo or Andy Cuomo. Instead, sources close to the team confirm that it had fallen under the ensorcellment of notorious Florida fixer, and best friend of Richard Nixon, Bébé Rébozo.
Mr. Rébozo, who was reached while trying to negotiate a deal to get himself out of hell, told reporters:
"Sure, I'll take that rap: if it will restore the reputation of Dick Nixon. Mr. Nixon was the greatest president this country ever had, and I was proud to serve as his gold caddy."
Asked if he thought that Mr. Nixon had anything to do with Mets' losing streak, Rébozo replied, "You'll have to talk to my lawyers."
Correction! Mets cursed by Andrew Cuomo!
THE CURSE OF ANDY CUOMO
Correcting a previous news report that claimed the New York Mets had been cursed by the Il Duomo cathedral in Italy, it has now been learned that in fact the Mets were cursed by the disgraced former governor, when he made improper overtures to the team's bats.
Mr. Cuomo, shown here on the verge of being tickled, has already apologized for his interaction with the bats, saying that, "Maybe I'm old-fashioned" but that he had hoped fondling the bats would "heat 'em up, get 'em to show a little life!"
Mr. Cuomo has denied actually French-kissing any of the Mets' lumber.
This just in! Mets cursed by magnificent, 13th-14th century cathedral!
THE CURSE OF IL DUOMO
Inside observers have let it be known that the New York Mets, losers of 12 straight game, seem be laboring under "The Curse of Il Duomo." Reportedly, the curse came about because team owner Steve Cohen, scouting the beautiful Florence cathedral told reporters that he wouldn't have hired Brunelleschi to build one of his casinos.
The Mets have reportedly approached the Vatican for advice on how to lift the curse, but their efforts have already been scorned by President Trump, who derided the pope as "soft on domes."
Rich team woes: Could Yankee roster soon be overloaded?
Meanwhile, last night, in the caustic blur of Fenway, the current Yankee SS, Jose Caballero, went 0-4 with two bellyaching Ks, including a fruitless ABS challenge, which stranded a cruise ship of runners. A "Meh" night for the Cabster, who is batting .234 with a withering On Base Percentage of .280. Considering his base-stealing prowess, if Caballero could reach base at the MLB average - .322 - he'd force Volpe to buy a condo in Scranton; there'd be no place for him.
Ah, if "its" and "buts" were candy and nuts...
Unfortunately, Caballero's ceiling - at age 29 - looks to be made of concrete. A .322 OBP looks like a bridge too far. And Volpe still has the "What if?" factor on his side. What if he hadn't been injured for most of last year? The Yankees have ridden with it now for three years. George Lombard Jr. is almost ready. But they're going to try Volpe one more time.
Soon - like, any day now - the Cashman A.I. algorithm will promote Volpe from Scranton, unleashing a roster transfiguration that, for better or worse, will reshape this team.
Volpe's return will probably mean the disappearance of OF Randal Grichuk, perhaps permanently. Thus, to complicate matters, Grichuk last night went 2-4, suggesting an awakening from his brutal 2026 start. (He is 4-for-24 - .167. - with an On Base Percentage of .192. Horrible, eh?) Still, his exile will force the Yankees to use two infielders - Cabby and Amed Rosario - to regularly play OF, while the infield becomes a logjam. They will be flying a plane with three wings and one propeller.
And, as usual, the farm system gridlock will worsen.
Last night, for Scranton, Jasson Dominguez went 3-for-4 with his 3rd HR of the season: he's batting .333, tied for 9th in the league. Spencer Jones, the lost incarnation of Joey Gallo, went 1-2 with a walk - (and, of course, a strikeout.) Lately, Jones has been on fire. He has 5 HRs - tied for 7th in the league - and is hitting .261 - (with too many strikeouts.) The thing is, Jones is supposed to be a fine defensive CF, which means he might be the first responder to a Yankee outifield injury, leaving The Martian forever stranded in the Strait of Boone.
Why am I saying all this? Well, part of it is to uphold the grand tradition of all Yank fans: When in doubt, whine! I mean, seriously, what a problem! A returning starter, and too many infielders. Woe is me! We just beat Boston. Break glass!
The Yankees are on a roll, and Volpe will soon return - with or without a place to put him. The captain has turned on the SECURE SEATBELTS sign. Hold on. It might get bumpy.
I'll just leave this here
I know, I know, and I hate to put up a too-extensive quote from another source. But this was irresistable:
Devin Williams heard the loudest boos. He faced five batters in the ninth inning and failed to record an out. After blowing a save on Sunday, he fared even worse on Tuesday. In a nightmarish outing, Williams walked the first two batters. When Kody Clemens put a bunt down, Mark Vientos’ throw to third base was too late. Then, with the infield in, Luke Keaschall hit a single to make it 4-3. After that, and with the bases still loaded, Williams walked Matt Wallner.
Tuesday, April 21, 2026
Game Thread – 04•21•26 – Hopefully we see a different kind of GIL today at Fenway
(inspired from a comment today by JM)
The real Yankee season starts tonight
The first Boston/NY battle of 2026 - our forever war - brings old and new realities. Here are 10...
1. Thursday, we'll glimpse the true Cam Schlitter. His start in Fenway, the lions' den, will attract every taunt, every threat, known to humanity and its offshoot species. It will be his second start against Boston, since strangling them in last year's playoffs. Schlittler looks like a future Yankee ace, a bedrock arm, an all-star starter. Thursday night, we will know.
2. Okay, sorry if I just heaped another payload of fertilizer onto Schlittler's shoulders, but fukkit: Pressure is the oxygen of this rivalry, and nobody gets out alive. No matter how the first two games go, Schlitter's appearance will be the Coachilla moment when Sabrina Carpenter introduces Madonna - enough raw chlamydia to douse the planet. Nobody escapes.
3. Wait: One person did escape: Redsock revenge darling Sonny Gray tweaked a hammy and is out for two weeks. Too bad. Just in time.
4. Redsocks will start two lefties, forcing Aaron Boone to gag on the Ben Rice conundrum. The Yankiverse wants Rice at 1B, but our manager is the Gene Mauch of Bobby Valentines. Gotta believe he'll go with Paul Goldschmidt. Let's hope Goldy is up to it. He chose to play in NY. He knew what he was doing. As Bugs and Daffy would sing, "This is it, the night of nights..."
5. In the lost, fun-time years of the Curse, also known as the 90s, the mighty Yankees often lost their first series against Boston. This magnified our enjoyment when September arrived, and we beat their pasty asses. Those joyful days ended 20 years ago. In this millennium, it's the Yankees who need to prove themselves. And if we get blown out this week, April meant nothing, and they have the better team.
6. Luis Gil, the weakest link in our rotation, starts tonight. You couldn't write a worse scenario, in terms of heaping pressure on Schlittler.
7. Breathe. Even if they're swept, the Yankees will still lead Boston.
8. A Redsock victory will put, as they say in the Red Bull commercials, "wings on their feet." It could also rescue Caleb Durbin, thus far, a huge disappointment.
9. This series also offers potential Yankee resets. Giancarlo Stanton can start over, with Ryan McMahon and Jazz Chisholm.
10. MLB schedulers screwed the Yankees by playing Thursday at night. No afternoon getaway. We won't see Boston again until June 5. Missing the entire month of May. By then, Cole and Rodon. And a new tweak by Sonny. Such a different world?
Monday, April 20, 2026
THE LAZY YANKEE FAN'S GUIDE TO PHYSICAL FITNESS
Well, here it is, folks. Time to get off your fat ass, get off that damned couch and do something physical. Word is that, if you're a sedentary couch potato, it doesn't take much to improve physical condition. That's the good news. The bad news is that, if you're already in excellent condition, it will take a tremendous effort to improve even slightly. But I'm writing this for the former class. Am I right in assuming that you're sedentary, that the only "exercise" you typically get is walking to the refrigerator for a beer?
Well, no need to waste any more time. Just do this and you're on the way: (1) 10 goblet squats; (2) 10 pushups; (3) 10 goblet squats; (4) 10 pushups; (5) 10 goblet squats. Rest for a minute or two between each set. If you're struggling to complete the ten with any set, don't cheat, just do whatever you can manage without maximum effort. For example, 5 pushups is perfectly okay, even 2. Just do each repetition with perfect form. That is the key. If you cannot even do one pushup, that's okay. Do the "lady" style pushups, with knees on the floor instead of your feet. No judgments here. It's not where you begin, it's not even where you end up. It's the journey itself that matters.
To check on perfect form, I suggest youtube, as a video is worth a million words. But I think most people know how to do a correct pushup: you start from a horizontal position, with arms straight (elbows locked), hands underneath your shoulders. Lower yourself until your chest is an inch above the floor, then push up to the starting position. That is one rep.
The goblet squat is also easy: just stand feet about shoulder width apart, hands lightly clasped in front of you like you're holding a goblet, then lower yourself, keep the back straight, until the tops of your thighs are about parallel to the floor, then raise yourself to the starting position using the power of the quadriceps. That is one rep. You can position the feet pointing slightly out, as that can better align the feet with the angle of the hips, reducing strain on the knees when lowering yourself.
The first workout, you're aiming only to get things going. Do not work too hard. Only work enough for a slightly tired feel. There should be no maximum exertion. Rest two days, then repeat. If you feel aches and pains after a day or two, you did too much. If everything feels good, you can do 2 more repetitions in each set the next time. For example, if you did 10 goblet squats in each set and feel great two days later, you can now raise the reps to 12 squats.
The goal is to get to 25 reps, 3 sets of each. Once you get there, you're on your way. You will be able to add numbers to adjust to your body. When I was about 20 years old, I could do almost 100 pushups in one set without stopping for rest. I wouldn't recommend that for most people, but you get the point. I think the maximum pushups that I'd recommend would be about 50-75 in one set.
As always, with physical exercise, there are risks. You could have a heart attack and drop dead. You can get hit in the head by a tree branch going for a walk. You can attacked by a rabid rabbit in the woods. All the more reason to start slowly and know your physical condition. If in any doubt, it's good to get a routine physical from your physician before doing any demanding training routine.
Whenever you do repetitive movements, as all physical fitness exercises are, you should watch out for repetitive stress injuries (RSI) to tendons and ligaments. That's one reason why using correct form is vitally important. It lowers the risk of RSI. You also have to know the difference between "good" pain and "bad" pain. Typically, good pain is a slight achiness in the belly of a large muscle: it indicates that the muscle will build up and get bigger over the next day or two. Bad pain is anything in or near the joints. If you feel bad pain, you have to shut down that exercise until the pain is gone. Then you have to figure out why that pain is happening and how to keep it from happening again. Was it bad form? Was is too much, too soon?
This is a good time to get physical. We'll play the Red Sox tomorrow. That means frustration, excruciating losses, anger management. We'll need the exercise!
What to do about Ben Rice? Play him. Every day. Somewhere. Damnit.
Check out the numbers on that chart. Stat porn! That's what it is. Keep your hands above the keyboard! Only Yordan Alvarez - a great DH from Houston - comes close to Rice's beautistics.
So, of course, we wonder:
Will the Yankees Bloomberg him?
I refer you to the great, bittersweet Ron Bloomberg, history's first DH, a Yankee top draft pick, who flirted with .400 at times during the 1970s, while the Yankee front office systematically turned him into half a player.
The brain trust platooned Bloomberg, even in the minors, ensuring that he would flail at lefty pitchers, and leave Yank fans forever wondering what coulda, mighta, been? As it was, he finished an eight-year career with a respectable lifetime BA of .293. Also, he married a girl from Elmira. (Anybody deserves points for that.)
But this is about Ben Rice, another lefty bat who has invigorated the Yankiverse.
Please, please, please... tell me the Yankees won't Bloomberg this guy.
Because they might.
Late this winter, the Yankees signed Paul Goldschmidt - a veteran, stand-up guy and possible future Hall of Famer. His role: To platoon with Rice at 1B and, thus, keep the young player from becoming what he might be.
Listen: Goldschmidt is a quality human being. Any other player with his credentials - and there are few - could be publicly demanding more playing time. Goldschmidt wants a ring, and let's hope the Yankees take up his challenge, when the August trade deadline balloons the budget.
Meanwhile, Rice has done his share.
Against RH pitchers, he is currently hitting .333. with 5 HRs.
Against lefties, where the Yankees limit his chances, he is batting .353 with 3 HRs.
Damn. He needs to play. Every day. And not just until he cools off.
The Yankees are reaching a crisis point with young hitters. Last year, Jasson Dominguez - aka The Martiain - finished at .257, a BA that, considering the carnage of modern free swingers, was hardly reason for him to be disappeared to Scranton. But that's what happened. The Yankees decided he can't hit lefties, so Dominguez was shipped out, and unless somebody in the OF gets hurt, Dominguez might waste another season at Triple A. Not many teams in baseball would let a prospect with the ceiling of Dominguez languish in the minors, where he is currently hitting .309.
Ben Rice has earned the right to play every day, even if it means displacing two borderline candidates for Cooperstown - Goldschmidt and Giancarlo Stanton. And I'm not talking about putting him at catcher, where he'll just get beaten up.
Rice is the future of the Yankees. Keep playing him, dammit.
Sunday, April 19, 2026
The most hateful Yankee rivals have yet to wake up in 2026. That could soon change.
Of course, it's a trap. Trip-wires, everywhere. Their future Hall of Famer, Roman Anthony, is batting .236; their LF Jaren Duran is at .172; and the gritty, micro ex-Yank speedster, Caleb Durbin, is humming along at .133 - he has yet to steal a base. It sure would be nice to hang an 0-for-30 on them, but who across the Yankiverse does not fear an inevitable breakout?
It's been more than 20 years since Boston reversed the Curse - so long ago that the Redsock frat boys now stream Tucker Carlson, when not clamoring for John Henry to sell his team. I never thought I'd live that long. But beginning Tuesday, the mere sight of pinstripes will unite the tribe and reanimate every Redsock revenge dream.
All of which makes this week more perilous than ever.
If the Death Barge has one thing going, it's that Toronto and Boston have spent the first month crapping their beds. For the Blue Jays, George Springer is hitting .185 with two HRs, and Max Scherzer (ERA 7.16) looks spent.
Add that the Mets have now lost 10 straight, and we're better off than we maybe deserve to be. That's okay. I'll take it... that is, if today we can summon The Man.
Saturday, April 18, 2026
Will the Dodgers win 130 games? Is there really a pennant race? Is the Singularity upon us?
After four years of a systematic avalanche of spending - annual payrolls that created the most lopsided advantages in the history of sports - the Los Angeles Dodgers have become baseball's one true story.
They have won 15 of their first 19 and - for now, anyway - are enroute to a 127-win season. This will not beat the Cincinnati Red Stockings of 1869, who went 67-0. (Shout out to Harry Wright, the great 2B and prelude to Altuve - all 5'9" of him.) And let's not forget the 1906 Chicago Cubs, who won 116 games out of 152, in the "Modern Era," (though they lost the World Series to the dreaded White Sox.)
Today's Dodgers - with a $416 million, 40-man roster payroll - will outspend the Yankees this year by $78 million. They will outdo the Tampa Rays - currently atop the AL East - by $307 million.
When the Dodgers play Tampa, it's like Thumbellina fighting Katy Perry.
MLB's six best teams, according to today's standings, are in the NL. Two others are tied with hateful Tampa in the AL. Eight teams have better records than the Yankees, who have struggled through the cupcake section of their 2026 schedule.
This year, the Dodgers will outspend the Mets - second in all of MLB - by $37 million.
Of course, throughout baseball history, the joke was always on the rich codgers with glass tubes for genitals: They spend outlandishly, yet their erections still flitter and flop, leaving us to rejoice in the vagaries of the game. You cannot buy the championship, we say, sagely, while Boonie brings in Camilo Dotel to pitch the eighth.
Well, the Dodgers have won 15 of 19 despite their best hitter/pitcher, the Japanese Babe Ruth, batting .265, and with Mookie Wilson still below .170. Kyle Tucker and Freddie Freeman have yet to hit their weights. Fifteen of nineteen, and the team is just warming up. You must wonder: Will this be the year when everything collapses, when money becomes money?
The Dodgers, of course, are what the Yankees used to be, and our lost tribe has no right to whine about Hal's refusal to dive into the shallow end of a spending pool. He'd be a fool to do so. Today, the AL East looks like the Mid-America Conference in women's volleyball. All we gotta do is finish 2nd, and our wild card ticket is probably punched.
So, let's all do join in on the obligatory "IT'S ONLY APRIL, TRA-LA-LA..." mantra and hope the Dodgers get bored, and lose a few. They need the Phillies and Mets back in the mix, to maintain the illusion of a race. It's a long season, and nothing that happens in April will seem to be on the same planet in September.
But the Dodgers Singularity may be finally here.
By the way, we'll see them in mid-July. Any bets on where we'll be?
Volpe's comin'
Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl
Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpes comin', hide your hopes, girl (Hide 'em)
You better, better hide your hopes
Volpe's comin', he might walk
Walk but he'll never get a hit
No, he'll never get a hit and he's not good at fieldin'
I walk to the Citi by the bay
Everytime he's here
Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Volpe's a-comin', and he's comin' to sink us (He'll walk, but, he'll walk, but)
Cash down on his knees (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Volpe's comin' (Hide, hide, hide)
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide
Girl, Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl (Hide 'em)
You better, better hide your hopes
Volpe's comin', he might walk
Walk but he'll never get a hit
No, he'll never get hit and he's not good at fieldin'
I walked to the Citi by the bay
Everytime he's here
Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Volpe's a-comin', and he's comin' to tank us (He'll walk, but, he'll walk, but)
Boone down on his knees (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)
Cash down on his knees
No-no, no-no
Lord, I said no-no, no-no, no
Friday, April 17, 2026
For the Yankees, it could get late... early.
Jeepers, Duque, who died and made you Pope? It's just April, and you're already Chicken Littling? Everything is groovy. Gerrit Cole and Anthony Volpe will soon return, the Captain is hot, and Ben Rice is not an optical illusion. The Martian is crushing Triple A, and Tampa's lead will not hold. If we sweep KC - who has lost four straight - we'll be back in tall cotton, and why are you clutching your pearls? Everything is okay...
For starters, you people are fools.
The glass isn't half empty. It's dusty. The Yanks just split with the Angels - the Mets of LA - after flopping against the Oakland Sacramento Vegas A's. The schedule is about to turn nasty, as we head to Fenway. April offered a chance to get out in front, to put some wins between us and axis of evil, the hateful Rays, Jays, O's and Redsocks. That's not gonna happen.
A coupla things here...
1. Against LA, ex-Yank Oswald Peraza was our returning Babadook, homering and playing 3B - still our positional black hole - and reminding the world of how this organization eats its prospects. Three years ago, the Yankees threw Peraza overboard in a haze of false hope, as they anointed Volpe as the next great Yankee. Not only did they squander Peraza, but they foisted homecoming bullshit on Volpe, creating expectations that would crush any young player.
I still wonder if Volpe can ever star in NY, overcoming the hype that preceded him and - thus far - has defined him.
That said, let Peraza remind us of all the ex-Yankees out there, waiting like sleeper cells, to take revenge on the team that long ago popped their virginity. This week, in Boston, specifically, beware of Caleb Durbin. He's been terrible thus far - .127 - but so has been the entire team. I say, launch a blockade. Don't let him get on base.
2. Trout's five HRs against us should remind us that a bunch of major stars have not awakened from winter hibernation. There's no place for a breakout like NYC. On that note, beware Bobby Witt Jr., who has yet to homer in 2026.
3. An interesting aspect of Volpe's rehab in Somerset - televised last night on YES - is the yin-yang with top prospect George Lombard Jr. In his first rehab start, Volpe played 3B, with Lombard at SS. Last night, they switched, with Lombard at 3B, (Volpe went 1-3, and Lombard - who is absolutely crushing it - hitting .415 - went 2-4.)
The Yankee infield is a jumbled mess. Ryan McMahon cannot hit. Amed Rosario cannot field. Jazz Chisholm cannot think. Volpe is coming. Lombard could follow. Crazy world. But May is coming.
Thursday, April 16, 2026
We Shoulda Lost All Four
One win came from a wild pitch, allowing a Yankee runner ( who had stolen third ) to score from third.
Another came from an infield pop up ( would have been two outs, no one on base in bottom of ninth ) that dropped in the SS dirt between two players, giving the Yankees life.
Both, "walk off" wins for the Yankees.
Otherwise, our pitching staff gave up 13 homers in four games, including 5 to Mike Trout alone.
So we break-even on the series, 2-2, but the Angels clobbered us.
Except in the raw luck department.
When you look in this Yankee closet ( starting pitching; relief pitching, basic baseball, defense, and keeping the ball in play, hitting for average, dingers) this team is pretty much an empty blue suit and a pair of scuffed up, brown lace-up shoes.
And we think Cole and Volpe and those other post surgical starters are going to make a difference?
It as if we really don't even understand the game.
The glass is half-full!
Good news!
Jazz "50-50" Chisholm is well on the way to attaining half of his 2026 goals for a 50-home run, 50-stolen base season!
Jazz, seen here preparing for the FIFA 2026 World Cup, already has 7 stolen bases in just 8 attempts. Projected over a full, 162-game season, that would give Chisholm 63 total stolen bases in 72 tries, thereby smashing his own projection all to bits.
Whoa, we're halfway there!
As for the home run part, well...we did say, "glass half-full."
Perhaps we need another goal? Maybe, say, 50 hits?
Whoa, livin' on a prayer!
Volpe is coming. But can Jose Caballero win the shortstop battle?
He'll lace them up tonight through Sunday in Double A, then maybe drive to Scranton - the Anthracite and Yankee Prospect Capital of Pennsyltucky - to face Triple A grist. The former Great White Volp could be ready for the Bronx around May 1, which leaves the Yankiverse pondering the unponderable:
What then?
As you know, Volpe is rehabbing from surgery for a torn labium, which happened last May and is blamed - a bit too conveniently? - for his dismal 2025 season. He ended up hitting .212 with 19 HRs, a wretched OBP of .272, and 19 errors at SS, most in the AL. Statistically, through age 24, his statistical doppelganger is Rey Quinones. Whether we should be awaiting his return is a debate worthy of the Pope and J.D. Vance.
Still, Volpe remains a great Yankee hype - a former future plaque in Monument Park - and I submit that, for nearly all Yankee hardcores, there remains an unquenchable dream in our hearts for his success. Remember "Volpening Day," three years ago, when he seemed on the same trajectory as Bobby Witt Jr?
What if he figure it out? What if he finally becomes a star? Do we want that to happen in another city? He needs one last shot, right?
Hummina, hummina, hummina...
Last night, for the second time in three days, our current SS, Jose Caballero, had a huge hit in a walk-off victory. He scored the winning run Tuesday, scrambling from third on a WP, and last night's single ended the game - a veritable Christmas gift from another former Yankee hope, Oswald Peraza, who co-bungled a pop-up, unleashing the hounds of Hell. This all happened barely an inning after Cabby made a great defensive play, snaring a grounder and throwing perfectly to first. It brought him a postgame ice-bucket shower from the captain.
It had to be Caballero's greatest moment as a Yankee.
Trouble is, Caballero is still hitting .186, with an OBP of .238 - completely unacceptable. At 29, he shakes out as a statistical twin to Nick Green, Terry Shumpert and Jeff Kunkel. UNCLE.
Okay, just for the record, let us all recite the current mantra.
a) It's still April.
b) The Mets have lost 7 in a row.
c) The Redsocks look bad.
d) Volpe's return helps everybody.
Wednesday, April 15, 2026
We interrupt this deep dive of New York baseball teams into the sludge to bring you...
...basketball. Or at least the reasonable facsimile of it known as the New York Knickerbockers.
The player featured here is, of course, OG Anunoby, the power forward whose acquisition has made the Knicks (something of) a contender for the last three seasons. I don't know much about basketball, but I do know that Anunoby can be an absolute force on the court, offense and defense.
And as the Knicks prepare to head into a postseason full of the highest of hopes, he is...injured. Of course.
Anunoby, great as he is, gets hurt a lot, maybe because his play is so passionate and unrestrained. Hey, I ain't knockin' it. He is a joy to watch on the court.
But since the Knicks are a New York team, their big acquisition must have some fatal flaw. And it will be fatal. At least, that's what the 146 NBA players asked to pick which team—aside from their own—will win the championship this spring.
Not a one picked the New York Knicks. More picked their first-round opponent, the Atlanta Hawks, who have not won a championship, I think, since they played in St. Louis.
So it goes for the Knicks, 53 years now and counting.
Remember when they had another can't-miss, big man? Yep. Ol' Kristaps Porzingis, the Latvian Lummox. He got hurt, too. Though as it turned out, he WAS "can't miss"...just for the Boston Celtics, the Knicks' great rival.
The Celtics, it seemed, figured out something that no present New York team cares to learn, which is that you need to build an entire championship team, complete with players who boast different skills and can fill in and take over when the one, random superstar you've signed merely to fill seats, goes down.
Sigh...
This is how the spring playoff season is playing out here in Loser City, once again. The other basketball team in town, the Brooklyn Nets, had a 62-loss season and failed to make the playoffs for the third year in a row. In 50 tries, they have NEVER won an NBA title.
That's a combined, 0-103 basketball titles for NYC since 1973—and 2-130—for those of you keeping score at home.
Meanwhile, in an NHL where half the teams make the playoffs...no local hockey team did. That's the first time that's happened since the o.g. Colorado Rockies came east and got stuck in the mud somewhere in the swamps of Jersey.
First time in 44 years no local hockey team has made the playoffs.
Of course, how much good did all those playoff appearances do? The New York Rangers have won 1 Stanley Cup in the last 86 years. The Islanders have not won in 43 years. The rechristened New Jersey Devils—is "rechristened" the right word for a team named the Devils? Maybe the anti-Christ in the White House could tell us—after some initial success, have now gone 23 years without sipping from the cup of busted teeth and answered prayers.
(The Rangers, of course, have their own wonderfully-monikered, can't-miss stars every few years. I think the last was young Kaapo Kakko, who of course was not going to be a star in New York with a name like that. He now plays for the Kraken, naturally, a team where all those Ks feel at home.)
Meanwhile, both local football squads are looking to a draft that will get them back into the playoffs—someday. Been 15 years without a postseason spot for the Jets, which makes them the leader in all North American sports at present, not to mention the 57 years since they won a championship.
And then there's our baseball, which I will spare you anymore analysis thereof.
More than coincidence???
I don't think so.
As a great man once said, "Luck is the residue of design," and the design of our local teams is to make money, hand-over-fist. They are enabled in this always by our local politicians, who freely shower them with tax and rent breaks, largely free stadia, and other, unearned benefits.
All because—we're told—that if they don't get what they want, our sporting idols will leave the largest and richest market in the country for...where, exactly? The West Coast, like our renegade Dodgers and Giants, 58 years ago?
Those venues are full. So is pretty much everywhere else the runaway grifts known as modern pro sports teams might wish to abscond to.
It is time to stop subsidizing failure. It is time to call their collected bluff. Go if you want to. We will replace you.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled Yankees loss.
Not sure what to make of it, but four Yankees are crushing it at Double A. And one happens to be George Lombard Jr.
Behold the current batting leaders in the Eastern League.
Four Yankees.
A coupla things...
It's only April.
It's only Double A.
Lombard, the Yankees best prospect, got off to a hot start last year, then fizzled.
Torres is 32. But he won the Mexican League MVP last year. This is his transition to USA.
Gladney is 24, out of the White Sox organization.
Luciano is 24. Last year, he played at Triple A.
Ah, but the world is new, and the future is limitless.
Despite MLB's best hitter - (not who you're thinking) - the Yankees look dead in the pond
Not today.
In fact, Judge is hitting, sorta. In all of MLB, he is tied for 3rd in HRs and 25th in RBIs, though his BA sits at a Volpean .234. Also, he fails the eye-test, lunging at balls off the plate. He hasn't yet figured out the ABS system, which was seemingly added just for him. He doesn't challenge called-strikes that arrive by way of New Jersey. But he will. Soon. I'm sure of it. Yes. He will. Uh-huh. Excuse me. I can't get the Luger taste out of my mouth. Humina-humina-humina....
It's not Judge's fault that the floundering, flailing, flobbing, flatlining, flapping, flatulent, flucking Yankees are now tied for 2nd in the AL East, behind the Hateful Rays. The problem: A massive chasm, a Continental Divide, that occurs after No. 5 in the order - triggering a two-inning cigarette break. If you're watching at home, it's time to check out the Turner Movie Classics channel and figure out the evening's theme. (Last night, it was SON OF LASSIE, followed by SHE-WOLF OF LONDON. Any ideas?) Once the meat of the meat of the lineup turns over, spare yourself the frustration, waiting for Ben Rice to return.
Statistically, right now, he is baseball's best hitter. Moreover, there are reasons to believe it's no fluke. Last year, as we're tired of hearing - his exit-velos and bat-barrel rates were among the highest in the game. He beat the shit out of balls and often got nothing. This year, the juju gods - in the form of random sequencing - may be paying him back.
Look at those numbers. Fukkinay. If the All-Star balloting were held in April, he'd be the AL starting 1B and probably hit leadoff (in front of Judge.) That said, there are some caveats to popping the corks.
1. The All-Star balloting is not held in April.
2. It's April.
3. It's mid-April, not even late April.
4. Soon, opposing teams will start pitching around Rice.
(At this point, I'd like to pause this righteous prosecution of the universe for an observation of Yankee Truth Social.
GARRY FUKKIN SANCHEZ!
He's still going. He's now 33, five years out of pinstripes and playing 1B for the Brewers. His 5 HRs leave him among the MLB leaders. It's been a lifetime since the Kraken was cast out by Brian Yahweh for the crime of not living up to hype, and everybody assumed he'd fade into the Heartland and never shadow our doorstep again. He didn't. He dusted himself off, went to Minnesota, moved to the Padres, the Mets, the Brewers, the O's, and then back to Milwaukee. He's still going. Who'da thought?)
So... ahem... Ben Rice? The Great Yankee Hope. This could be his breakout. But if the Yankees don't start hitting at the bottom of the order, I'm not sure it will matter.
(BTW: Last night for Scranton: The Martian 1-for-3; Mr. Jones 1-for-4. Not that I'm following them. Why would anyone do that?)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
