An Above Average Haiku Tuesday – It is High, It Is Far, It is . . . THREE !

big miss and a swing

jazz, jazz, so full of pizzazz

redefines "tweaked"

 

The Home Run Derby raised one existential question? WTF was Jazz Chisholm thinking?

Last night, the eternally unblinking eyes of the Yankiverse - which have witnessed the grandeur and squalor of countless civilizations - watched the 2025 season dangle over The Precipice.  

There it was, the image of Jazz Chisholm - barely a month out of rehab for a strained oblique - lunging desperately at pitches, doddering like a George Romero zombie, with a Flash Flood Alert issued for his forehead, in the apex predator of Junk Sporting Events: Battle of the Network Stars Celebrity Boxing  the MLB Home Run Derby.  Shades of 2017, when Aaron Judge's torturous appearance tweaked his cabbage patch and nearly ruined his rookie season.

What was Jazz thinking, competing in a contest for leviathans? Was it hubris? Overconfidence? Magic mushrooms? Doesn't matter. The first round HR totals tell everything:

Junior Camiero 21
Oneil Cruz 21
Bryon Buxton 20
Brett Rooker 17
Cal Raleigh 17
James Wood 16
Matt Olson 15
Jazz Chisholm 3

That's no typo. That's a three. Chisholm - a petite 5'11" and (supposedly) 180 - entered the contest on behalf of all who do their adult shopping at Gap For Kids. He exited - not quickly enough - as a future Derby punch line. Most noticeably, at the end of his godforsaken round, he took several pitches, square down the middle. Was he gassed? Was he drained? Or was he feeling something? 

Maybe it's me. But I saw a professional athlete gasping for breath, and - considering the absurdity of his being there - not wanting to acknowledge an injury. Again, maybe I'm just being a sissy, but Chisholm - as his round came to an end - was clearly glad it was over. He seemed to be channeling Roberto "No Mass" Duran in his fight with Sugar Ray Leonard. 

We won't hear anything for days. And if it turns out that he tweaked something, we'll probably read Epstein's diaries before the Yankees come clean about what happened. 

Still, you gotta worry. If Chisholm goes down, dear God, the Yankees would go down with him. He is Aaron Judge's best protection, and he is the key to our infield defense. And today, we have to wonder: WTF was he thinking? 

For the troubled Yankees, the first half ends with these seven questions

 

Half-time.  

If everything ended today, we'd be heading to Houston, behind Blistex Fried, Jazz, Judge, Gio, and the cast of Squid Game. Of course, everything depends on what Cooperstown Cashman does in the looming Aug. 1 Reformation, when the Yankees once again mortgage next year for a shot in October.

Seven questions about the 2025 Yankees. 

1. Is this the real Anthony Volpe? 

He isn't hitting, fielding, stealing bases - yikes. Is this it? The guy bleeds Yankee plasma, no question. But at some point, for his and our sanity, the Yankees must move on. It's starting to pinch. Right now, everyone is quietly waiting for George Lombard Jr. to swoop in take over SS. But moving too quickly could undermine Lombard's development. So the question remains, as offered by the late and great Peggy Lee: Is that all there is to Volpe? 

2. How vulnerable is Aaron Boone?  

Depends. Boston just hit the break on a 10-game win streak. Is this another one of those years? Because Yankee managers don't survive Redsock resurgences.

Right now, here are the Top 5 People Currently Looking Nervously Over Their Shoulders, Ranked. 

1. Pam Bondi
2. The disaster pooh bah in Texas
3. Rosie O'Donnell
4. Elon Musk
5. Aaron Boone

If Boston keeps going, I'm thinking Boone jumps into the Top 3. (Word to the Wise: Don't Sleep on Kristie Noem.)

3. What can we get in a trade for Spencer Jones? 

Not advocating it, as Jones invigorates our fleshy fantasies, with the idea of a bookend giant slugger in LF. But let's face it, Jones might be the Second Coming of Joey Gallo, and who wants that? Also, his trade value may never be higher. (Sports Illustrated calls him "baseball's most intriguing prospect.") 

Look: All trades depend on the details. Let's assume that Cashman is already making calls. What does "intrigue" get you? How intriguing!  

4. Whaddawe do 'bout Boston?

We beat them like a rug, that's what - in a four-game home series that begins Aug. 21.

By then, they may have passed us in the standings, and everybody will be three weeks into the Trade Deadline Facelift. The Yankees are 1-5 against Boston. That cannot stand. The Rays and Jays won't do it. Nor would I put money on the Tigers. Either we beat the Redsocks, or this lopsided millennium will get even darker.

5. Will Aaron Judge leads in HRs only three times? 

Depends on Cal Raleigh, who is NOT a flash-in-the-pan. If Big Dumpster wins the HR race - he currently leads - Judge's universal dominance as Earth's Greatest Slugger could end. He lead in HRs in 2017 (52), 2022 (62), and 2024 (58.) 

Moreover, if Raleigh brakes his HR record - he's one behind Barry Bonds in the books - it would slightly undermine on Judge's Ruthian feats. As Yank fans, we want Judge's HR record to last - well - at least three years, right? 

That, or his 62 HRs would look like a spiked total in a time when slugging records commonly fell. Judge is certifiably great. His our captain. He's a future Hall of Famer. But let's hope he beats the Dumper.

6. How high can Jazz Chisholm go? 

He's been on a tear since returning from his injury, and he seems happy at 2B. How long can he keep it up? His ceiling is - well - do we have a read? 

For years, he's been touted as a potential star. He almost put it together last fall, but he was playing out of position. Now, at 2B, he's where he belongs. And at 5'11, he is the most unlikely hitter in the Home Run Derby. 

Watch him win it.  

7. Is Jonathan Loaisiga done? 

When he returned, last month, our bullpen looked solid. Now, it's more porous than the national effort against measles. Unfortunately, he's not the pitcher we remember from 2023. He's getting pounded, and it's scarier with each appearance. Forget the Circle of Trust. He's a candidate for Scranton.

Half-time. A lotta questions.     

sunday √s 13 thread cubs (zim) game yankees july . . .

 

For the Yankees, objects in the rear view mirror may appear farther away than they actually are.

 

As we head to the All-Star break, time off from the Great Midsummer Plummet - (aside from the Seattle interlude) - let us take a moment to ponder the emerging, 2025 worst case scenario:

That Boston wins its 5th world championship in this godforsaken millennium.

If we believe in magical thought - and who here doesn't? - we should all be standing naked at the Precipice, screaming madly into the Firmament, eyes open to the vast, bludgeoning Abyss. 

I mean, check out the sequences in play.

Boston won it all...

In 2004. 

In 2007. 

In 2013. 

In 2018. 

Listen: They're overdue, like the Grand Canyon. 

And they are using the same old formula, (as the Yankees are reusing theirs, which has won - hmm, checking the numbers here - Absolutely Nothing since 2009.) 

The Redsocks are young, hungry and ascending, baseball's hottest team, soon to be bolstered by the return of Alex Bregman. They can trade for anyone, thanks to a farm system overflowing with talent, which they nurtured for four years.  

Try not to pee, as you ponder the differences between them and us: 

They get an all-star 3B, while we endure the comedy team of Oswald & Jorbit.

Today, in the kiddie draft, they'll pick 15th, while we wait until #39. Of course, we'll tout whomever we select, but let's face it: The premier talent will be long gone. 

They are harvesting one of MLB's top rated farm systems, an abundance of trade chips. We have three: Cam Schlittler, George Lombard Jr. and the meteoric Spencer Jones. (FYI: Last night, Jones went 0-5 with 2 Ks. In yesterday's Futures Game, Lombard  went 1-2 with a double and a walk.)  

Today, we sit two behind Toronto, three up on Boston. Aaron Judge is second in home runs, second in RBIS and first in Batting Average - still the game's greatest slugger, even as Big Dumpster Raleigh defies gravity. Deals are coming. The Yankees are going to trade for - well - something. A storm is coming. Boston is closing. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 

Historical factoid

Dave "Baby" Cortes died in 2022, although even his own daughter didn't know until three years later. He hit #1 in 1959 with the classic, "The Happy Organ," the title causing at least a couple generations of boys to guffaw and chuckle uncontrollably.

But in his NY Times obit, there was an odd Yankees-related connection. Thought I'd share.

“The Happy Organ” lived on as a cover tune as well, recorded by artists as diverse as the surf band the Ventures, the Jamaican reggae band the Soul Vendors and the longtime Yankee Stadium organist Eddie Layton.

Game Thread – 07/012/25 – R I N G. T H E. B E L L ! ! !

 

A night of HRs - in NY and Scranton

First, let me hereby grovel, like the microscopic flea that I am, in praise of Cody James Bellinger, son of Clay. 

Whatever I ever said bad about him - (in the heat of battle, a general sometimes must berate his lieutenants) - I take it back. Three HRs? That's a grand night! Hip hip! (!!!) Hip hip! (!!!) Hip Hip! (!!!) Forhe'zajollygoodfellow, forhe'zajollygoodfellow, forhe'zajollygoodfelloooo, which nobodycandeny! It's been a while since a Yankee brought felony-grade, Old Testament, Liam Neeson vengeance upon a former team - (I recall a shutout over the cheating Astros by Gerrit Cole) - and it's refreshing to know that other teams piss off players, too. It's not just us. 

So, in case you're scoring at home, a great Yankee night... 

1. Three HRs puts Bellinger at .285, with 16 HRs and 54 RBIs - which stacks up against Mr. Met Money (.265, 22, 54), and with a clear defensive advantage. (Remember the shoestring catch he converted into a DP against the Mets?) The moment that Juan Soto signed his mega-deal, he stepped into an ugly, joyless realm that will forever inspire unfortunate comparisons, and whenever one pops up, I shall lord over the bum and roil the heavens like Betty White after a 30-rack of Labatt's Blue. 

2. Yes, the Cubs were demoralized, but Carlos Rodon - with 8 shutout innings - wins an All-Star designation. Along with whatever bonus money is involved - which is always a thing - this should lessen the publicity burden on Rodon, due to his big contract. After a crapola first season in NY, he has quietly become a crucial cog on the Yankee staff. 

3. The Yankees have now won five in a row. They remain two behind Toronto, but the recent streak has spared them from being bypassed by Boston - which has now won 8 straight. Yank fans should be very, very afraid. The Redsocks are young  and hungry. Cross your fingers that DJ LeMahieu doesn't somehow find his way to Boston. This might be one of their years.

4. Down in Scranton, the emerging titan, Spencer Jones, hit another HR - his sixth since being promoted to Triple A, a three-run shot that broke open the game. (Note: He fanned twice, still a sucker for something.) But with each passing game that he stays above .400, the buzz becomes a roar. We are entering the Jones Conundrum: The more he hits, the more we want to see him in Pinstripes, and the more we'll get for him in a trade.  

Today, 1:05 p.m. We're closing in on the break. Last year, we crapped the bed against Baltimore - an omen of the World Series finale. Maybe this year, we stick the landing? 

Happy birthday, Bern!

And may Cody Bellinger continue the celebration Saturday.

Me, I'm going to Cologne to visit friends, so will be deprived of watching the last games before the break. And why is the break seemingly getting later and later in the season? Used to mark the halfway point, but not anymore.

Must have something to do with money. Everything does. Ask Soto.

Maybe I can catch some of the game on the Audacy app. Haven't listened to Suzyn in a while. 

By the way, I started smoking again. I know, I know. But adjusting to this move to Germland ain't easy. Serious Manhattan withdrawal symptoms.

I'm hoping to get back to New York this fall, but can't be sure of when. I'd love to see any of you guys when I'm there.

Six losses, five wins. Streaky.

FLeXeN √s RºDº'N - Fry up da Fish, Slap it on a Dish, Eat it with your Face . . . Last Licks !

                                                                                            SEE YAH!

Nixon vs. Soto

 

All But One...

 ...contributed to the grand plan ( and play ) in the last innings of yesterdays glorious victory. 

It ranged from amazing at bats ( Grisham and others )  to amazing defense ( I'll insert Ben Rice for this one ). Multiple big hits ( Wells gets the carrot, but there were several by others).  A rare game-changing deliverance by GS in a pinch hitting role.  And on it goes.

But our third base position remains a black hole.  Vivas was given a second chance ( he fanned on his first visit to the stadium ).  He had to know he was given this opportunity because Paraza was all glove and no bat.  So what does Vivas do in his first at bat?  He goes down looking at strike three. 

Even I remember that every coach who ever spoke to me said," if it is close...when you are in a two strike count...you swing at it. "  Vivas didn't get that message ( same for too many yankees ).

Vivas also looked lost on that pop up that he called for, and required Dominguez to catch.  Vivas has a glove?

So fast forward now to Paraza.  He finally gets a critical at bat, and his job is to move the runners over to second and third, by laying down a sacrifice bunt.  This is a redemption moment.  A chance to contribute and earn another shot at hitting a pitch one day.

So what does he do?  He blows it.  His bunting technique was like a foreign soccer player getting his first at bat ever in an American baseball game might do.  He stuck out the bat, and stabbed at the ball....thereby assuring a pop up or a foul ball.  Lucky for the yankees it wasn't a double play ( that's why the Yankees had him bunting.....he is a double play magnet when he doesn't strike out looking ).

I keep hoping that Paraza's glove can buy him more time. That some of those hard hit balls will go elsewhere than to a waiting fielder. 

I don't have that hope any longer.   

And Vivas ain't looking like the answer either. 

At the risk of self-luxuriating, let us brazenly bathe in last night's perfect Yankee victory.

If only life could imitate last night...

Hitless through seven. Down by five in the eighth. Facing an all-star closer. With Giancarlo's first career pinch-hit homer. A huge hit by the suddenly revived Austin Wells. An acrobatic, game-winning, Ichiro-style slide by Anthony Volpe. A video replay that, for once, goes our way. A walk-off by the captain, and a postgame shower of ice water.

Pinch me.

Oh, one other thing: Down in Wilkes Barre, Spencer Jones - the Titan of Triple A - continued his (still small sample size) rampage, going 2-4 with 2 RBIs and 2 stolen bases. 

Listenup, people. Quiet in the back. 

If we are going to spit flaming chunks of bile after every unforgivable Yankee defeat - (which, spoiler alert: is exactly what we will do) - then we owe it to ourselves to enjoy the Calgon Bath Oil Beads beauty bath that was delivered last night (at least in our memories) by the strangely hot, tightly-clothed lady who years ago on TV commercials became the human face of diarrhea and - if you remember - was a briefly beloved icon of IT IS HIGH hope. I give you... The Angry Bowel Lady. 

It's been a long time since she went away - and I hope your symptoms went with her - but last night's win conjured memories of the good old days, when our heroine proudly wove her spell of Spandex against the explosions of feces that enflamed us.

In fact, last night's great Yankee victory was tempered by the news that bikini gymnast Livvy Dunne had been rejected in her bid to buy a Manhattan condo formerly owned by Babe Ruth, proving once and for all that rich people have glass tubes in their crotches and secretly hate everything that is young. (Which is, in a convoluted way, why the Yankees are what they are.) 

But back on topic... honestly, at one point last night did you make peace with a loss, as long as we didn't have to stomach a no-hitter? Me? I bailed in the seventh, when Seattle opened a 5-run lead. I was ready for Jorbit Vivas to pitch the ninth. (I should add that I suffered a secondary wave of despair in the 10th, when Oswald Peraza failed to bunt our ghost runner to third. C'mon, man. Peraza is hanging on by a thread. This is a guy who needs to know how to bunt. He looked awful. He's scraping to stay in the majors, and he didn't bother to learn to bunt? WTF?) 

Save your bile, everyone. We'll need it. But last night might have brought the greatest single moment for the 2025 Yankees. A magnificent Yankee win. Savor it. And chin up, Livvy. If the Angry Bowel lady could make it, there's a place for anyone. 

I Hate To Go Public

 ...with this, but that pitcher we brought up to start yesterday looked good. 

I will probably call him Shitlist for a while, just because I am bad with names.  

And because that is a document upon which my name was often included.  Just ask the principal of PS number 8 in Yonkers , NY, or many of the coaches whose team I was trying to make. 

Seriously, the dude looked like he can pitch. It was one of the few times in memory that a touted prospect ( although his touting....minor league pitcher of the year ... was unbeknownst to me) has delivered, so to speak. 

I would pencil him in for a start every fifth day right now.

Praise be to someone. 

Michael Kay wants absolutely no more of Cal Raleigh's big butt

If you are Michael Kay, DO NOT LOOK.