Live game chat tonight @ 8

Live game chat tonight @ 8
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Thursday, November 17, 2016

The Yankees must emulate Trump!

Ollie-ollie-in-free. It's a whole new ballgame! Nothing that ever happened - (except for a certain 27 world championships) - matters any longer. Donald Trump will be President, the 2nd most important position in the world, after Yankee Captain.

Who knows what's ahead? Maybe they'll reopen the old TV picture tube plants, bringing back good-payin' jobs. Maybe we'll go extinct. Either way, ratings through the roof! What matters is that we - adult children of the Yankiverse - learn from The President, The Donald.

I've taken the liberty of compiling a transition list.

1. Drain the swamp. It's time to toss out the East Coast elites who have turned the Yankees into the Brewers of Milwaukee. We must prosecute Crooked Hal, Lyin' Randy, Little Brian and their chummy, front office bureaucrats. The Bronx needs to be wiped clean, all the way down to the cleaning ladies who are paid to be wiping the place clean. Don't we have empty cells at Gitmo? Check their e-mails, you Wiki pals in Macedonia. Round them up. What do we gotta lose?

2. Relieve and Replace. That was once Joe Girardi's bullpen mantra. It should be ours with Bindin' Joe. Listen: He's a fundamentally good man. He's had a fine run. It's now been eight seasons, and these September breakdowns - some of the worst in our history - have clearly left him with PTSD. Last year, he was flat-out terrible - crushed by the weight of those binders and seasons upon seasons of failure. He doesn't need jail time. He needs a year of scrap-booking. He's only 52. A 12-month sabbatical would add 20 years to his life. He can come back and manage until he's 70. But we - and he - need a change. What do we gotta lose?

3. Lock 'em up! I'm talking about John and Suzyn. Lock them up to lifetime contracts or - better - until the Yankees win one more championship. I don't know how long The Master can go before his heart explodes during a win-warble. But he can't just walk away after another meaningless early October game, when we're playing the Zolios. Ma and Pa need one last burst of glory, and this notion of retiring them after 2017 - if it's true - needs to be scrapped. Lock 'em up! What do we gotta lose?

4. Throw in with Putin (Boston.) Let's end the cold war and give the Redsocks proper credit: They've become more evil that us. Last summer, they got caught bundling bonuses to 16-year-old Latinos, so they could beat the spending limits imposed by MLB. Some people call that "cheating." And some people think that if you cheat once, you probably do it all the time, right? Maybe it's time for us to join our friends - blow up all the trade agreements and spending caps that have been put in place to tie our hands. If we both do it, we'll surely be soon joined by Assad (the Dodgers) and Kim (the Cubs.) No more Evil Empire. We'll form an Axis of Evil. We can rule the world. What do we gotta lose?

5 comments:

John M said...

In further baseball mirrors Trumpian reality news, Verlander got the most first-place votes for the Cy Young...and lost. To a Red Sockian, no less.

Verlander's girlfriend Kate Upton is very upset. I know how she feels.

Anonymous said...

TRUMP'S ADMINISTRATION IS BANNING ALL LOBBYISTS......HOW COULD ANYONE NOT LOVE THAT?
YOU ARE RIGHT, THE YANKS SHOULD DRAINNNNN THUUUUUH SWAMMMMP CONSISTING OF CASHMAN, LEVINE, AND THE LOVABLE LONN TROST.......ONE MORE SEPTEMBER SWOON, AND WE SHOULD INCLUDE GIRARDI TOO....... LETS MAKE THE STADIUM GREAT AGAIN.

Alphonso said...

Lets re-build the old stadium.

Anonymous said...

Right on, Duquito!! Not only that, you got 'em in the correct order of importance: by all means, FIRST DRAIN THE SWAMP!! (Lock THEM up someplace); then, proceed to #2, and on down the line - - all the way (with LBJ)(how's that for currency & nostalgia??)

ALL-CAPS: If your man actually does that, it will be laudable - - but we shall see....that would mean no Rudy, for starters - - and no most of the hangers-on and sycophants around him....but if he does, you bet I would support it. Lobbyists are the lowest creatures outside the swamp - - and some of them come from same.

Fonz, you're right too - - if only - - but we really NEED the giant Playland, and all those breast-pumping staions (what they hey, though, I bet they would find plenty of volunteers for that - - including "mois"....) and did I mention those fab luxury-boxes?? With those, I'm not sure why we need breast-pumps, OR wanking-stations. LB

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