Monday, January 22, 2024

The NFL must stop games from being decided by referees. Here's a plan.

After watching 16 hours of football this weekend, I am sick of...

a) TV insurance commercials 
b) Betting parlays
c) games decided by penalty flags, (which, as it turns out, is every game.) 

Again and again, game-breaking plays get called back because a ref spotted something - usually a hold. But the replay shows nothing, or the kind of minimal violation common to every play. (The announcers generally side with the refs, unless the call is so awful that even they jump ship - and that happens several times per game.) 

In the violent pandemonium of the NFL, refs can throw a flag on every play. 

Next week's conference playoffs - and later, the Super Bowl - will be decided by a few flags so questionable that some fans believe the outcomes rigged. 

What can the NFL do? It could build a massive A.I. system, a Forbin Project that watches every player, every moment, every play. That would mean constant penalties - hardly a play without multiple flags thrown. 

Or, better... eliminate holding. 

That's right! When a WR breaks from the line of scrimmage, the DB should be allowed to grab him. The skilled receiver will free himself via a forearm chop or some other MMA-inspired, bone-breaking move. No more zone defenses. Man-to-man coverage. Holding allowed. On every play, let the big dogs fight!

I know what you're thinking: This means it will take longer for WRs to break free. No problem - because offensive linemen will be holding, too! They'll latch onto the DLs, or each other, and strengthen the pocket. With everybody holding everybody, the QB will have several extra seconds to find somebody open. Generally, the only person not holding or being held will be holding the football. And no flags!  

Okay, I know what you're thinking: Duque, this is - well - brilliant! You've cracked the code, you've hacked the system, you've saved the sport... but, um, won't this take some, you know, getting-used-to? 

Of course, it will, dammit! And that's why we have a pre-season. Jeez Grice, do I have to spell out everything? But think of this: Suddenly, for Giants' fans, there's hope at the end of the Daniel Jones tunnel. 

Free the holders, NFL. Free us from the refs. Yes, it will change the game. But at least the Super Bowl won't be decided by another flag. 

Next up, no more "Liberty biberty."

21 comments:

ranger_lp said...

So someone leaked this...

https://www.the-sun.com/sport/10155397/super-bowl-script-nfl-leaked-49ers-ravens/

Saved you 7 hours next weekend...

Celerino Sanchez said...

The Refs are the target to alter outcomes of games. Player make too much.

JM said...

Ranger--a tale of nefariousness that would become moot if the Lions win. Which is what I'm still rooting for.

And WTF was that play calling during Buffalo's last series? All passes? ALL?

Whoever did that should be fired.

Doug K. said...

Duque - I REALLY like that rule change. Too bad it won't happen because it might actually work. Maybe they could try it in the Spring League or NCAA Division IV.
Like the baseball independent leagues and the moving the pitchers mound kind of stuff.

Doug K. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug K. said...

Ranger -

Thanks for the link. It's an interesting theory.

Don't know if you knew this, but JFK was shot by the mob because he was opposed to the NFL/AFL merger.

It's all there. AFL founded by Lamar Hunt from Texas, personal friend of LBJ...

"Sonny" Werblin buys the Jets in 1963... Nineteen. Sixty. Three. Does that year ring a bell?

Can you think of another "Sonny?" Was he with the Corleone family perhaps? And don't give me that "What about Sonny Fox?" crap. He was dirty as hell. Wonderama was just a big mob money laundering scheme.

Oh, and what AFL team was the first one to win a Super Bowl? Yeah that's right, the Jets. The 1968 season. Anyone else get killed in 1968? Someone who might have fulfilled JFK's mission? A brother perhaps?

It all becomes so clear.

Oh and... Paul is dead! Ha! Just wanted to work that in.

Doug K. said...

JM -

The play calls from that last series was baffling but Josh Allen had the guy open in the end zone. He couldn't get enough on the ball to get it to him which brings me to the major difference between the Bills and the Chiefs.

Allen gets pounded all game. He is tough and at times is a pure running back. He has to put 100% of his body out there in order to succeed and pays a heavy price. By the end of the game he has very little left.

Mahomes on the other hand plays a relatively clean game contact wise. He'll scramble, he'll take a hit or a sack or two but he in no way endures the punishment that Allen does.

When they reach the end of the game Mahomes always has more left in the tank.

Even if the Bills kicker tied it up you have to think the Chiefs would have driven the field in the time remaining and won anyway. After all, the Super Bowl "logo" has already been chosen and might I add, Paul is dead!

Ranger: I hope you don't think I'm making fun of you. I'm not. I really liked the link. It's fun to screw around with stuff like that.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/ymBCzMS5LQvZ8ZHS7

BTR999 said...

The real problem with the officiating in NFL games is that there is no real solution.

The nature of the game with its constant, close contact yields inconsistencies in calls. I’m in favor of an AI solution (if there is one) that would at least establish consistency. It’s my same argument for implementing an ASZ in MLB, which is a much simpler more clear cut case. A consistent, unchanging strike zone that is fair to both batter and pitcher.

The only other practical solution to penalties is an offense unpleasant one: make then reviewable, which would slow down the pace of the game even more.

Publius said...

Widen the field, ban the three point stance, and introduce weight limits by position.

Speed and athleticism at every position will be prized, andnd positional interior middle of the field grappling will give way to sweeps and dashes and laterals and reverses. Violent collisions will decrease dramatically.

The scourge of arbitrary penalties deciding outcomes will then wither away to near nothingness, and the game will be more fun to watch...ahletes performing dexterously and creatively, not behemoths and technicians producing according to a narrow formula created by a middle aged control freak and his exhausted staff.

JM said...

Good point, Doug.

I'm also scratching my head about the 4th down fake-punt play. WTF? Really?

There were a few coaching decisions I didn't get. Another one is, why didn't the Bills sign a veteran kicker to replace the kid in key situations? You know, someone with a success percentage well above 50.

el duque said...

One thing we should all agree on:

Even if that poor Buffalo kicker had hit the field goal, the Bills were never going to hold Mahomes and KC from marching down the field and scoring in the last few seconds.

Actually, it was easier, less stressful, to simply lose on the missed kick.

AboveAverage said...

Excuse this interruption but I’m obligated to ask…….Which Paul is dead?

I’ll take my answer off the the air.

Doug K. said...

AA

McCartney. Dead since 1966.

Other dead Pauls of note.

Gabe
Lynde
Paully Shor's career
Paully from Rocky
Hogan
and Revere.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Let ChatGPT watch the replays and make the calls. AI can't be any more incompetent than the refs and, unlike NFL referees, AI learns from its past decisions and experience.

ranger_lp said...

Paul is not dead...he was switched...1966 in California at the end of their last tour...debate if it was LA or SF...it's really the worse kept secret...

Carl J. Weitz said...

Sonny Fox? Do you know the REAL story? Of course, by now, it's been wiped from t h e internet. But Bob McCallister planted kiddy porn in Sonny' s office desk. A week later, he takes over the hosting on Wonderama on Sunday morning. Sonny knew too much and was about to blab.

BTR999 said...

Chuck McCann was the ultimate groomer. He groomed kids like a hostler grooms horses..

Carl J. Weitz said...

Ahhh, Chuck McCann! Did you know that he was an agent of the Japanese? Sure....remember that he hosted all those Japanese puppet animation kiddie shows where you could see the strings holding the puppets and the eyebrows on those puppets were always moving. Like Baron Barracuda. Well, it turns out those eyebrows were flashing secret code.

Doug K. said...

Big Diver Dan fan. Baron Barracuda and Triggerfish were my screen saver for a long time. Gotta love fish that can smoke cigarettes underwater.

TheWinWarblist said...

I have no words, and I've never thrown a flag.



Wait. No. That's not true. I do have a few words: Fuck fuck fuck you Hal!!

ranger_lp said...

@Doug...also have to love Miss Minerva...