Ghosts exist, flying saucers are real, money is piss, and Brian Cashman is the Yankee anti-Christ.
Every winter, every summer - every stinking year - the unstoppable force of Cashman's hubris erodes what - once upon a time, long, long ago - could have been a successful career as Yankee GM.
He rode high in the '90s, survived the 2004 disaster, won a ring in 2009, and now faces his 18th year of bad deals, every one of them worsened by the YES channel's cheerleading, which instantly proclaims every Cashman move as a work of genius.
From Alex Verdugo to Michael King, from Scott Effross to Joey Gallo, from Harrison Bader to Jordan Montgomer, from - gulp - Caleb Durbin to Devin Williams... the Mulligans just keep coming. (Heliot Ramos and Henry Lalane have entered the chat.) And Durbin - a gritty, balls-to-the-wall fireplug - might turn out to be one of the worst.
Ten sighs...
1. Three years ago, Durbin - a 5'6" Yank farmhand - tore up the Arizona Instructional League with the most stolen bases in its history.
2. Enamored with Josh Donaldson at 3B, Cashman dealt Durbin to Milwaukee for closer Devin Williams.
3. In Milwaukee, Durbin became a finalist for NL Rookie of the Year.
4. In NYC, Williams and Donaldson crapped their beds.
5. Last winter, the Brewers sent Durbin to Boston in a six-player deal.
6. Sunday, Durbin won the AL Gold Glove at 3B.
7. For Boston, Durbin - age 25 - batted .248. That's 35 points higher than Yankee 3B Ryan McMahon. He topped McMahon in every key metric.
8. Durbin's numbers are deceptive, because he endured a terrible start - (.228 in the first half, .274 in the second.)
9. Durbin cost the Redsocks $796,000. McMahon, in the final season of a six-year contract, will cost the Yankees $16 million.
10. This winter, Cashman will desperately seek to trade McMahon, while finding a 3B.
And the bonus kicker...
In mid-September, Cashman waived Oswaldo Cabrera. He was quickly snapped up by the Reds.
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3 comments:
Randy "The Biggest Turd in the Toilet Bowl" Levine just went on record as saying, "Yeah, we fucked up with Caleb, but we're still making tons of money, so piss off."
Okay, I'm lying. So what? Lying has become the norm in America 2026.
But remember the concept of "truthiness?" Again, so what? Thanks for the breakdown on Caleb, El Duque. I stopped keeping track of the trades and Brian's fuckups, in general. I don't have enough bandwidth these days.
It's always safe to assume, though, that he made the wrong move. He's like Wile E. Coyote, but without the charm, Willy Loman without the pathos, Willie Mays without the talent. Brian is just another PIECE OF SHIT NEPO BABY SHLEP, FAILING UPWARDS IN LIFE while everybody else is pinching pennies, skipping meals, losing healthcare, and getting fucked by the oligarchs.
Brian gets accolades from his personal media, like Kim Jong Un, and the rest of us get data centers shoved up our ass. Brian says the dumbest things and still gets the girl while the rest of us have PornHub. Brian was born on 3rd base and thinks he hit a triple while the rest of us are begging for the garbage bags that hold half-eaten Yankee Stadium fecal franks.
Fuck these assholes. I'm so tired of his shitty attitude. What about some contrition and remorse for his horrible moves and his shitty teams? Oh yeah, I forgot, we had a successful season. Watch me jump up and down and clap with one slow hand.
So done with these assholes, with MLB, with shit in general. As the immortal Joe Strummer once sang, "I'M SO BORED WITH THE U.S.A."
Good commentary, 13B. And thanks for the idea regarding my next get-rich enterprise now that my crypto investments have disappeared: Yankees/sports Porn!
They dumped Durbin because he wasn't a home run hitter. They went with others hoping that the esteemed coaching staff can fix that launch angle to hit more homers...we all can see how that went...
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