Apparently, the Yankee brain trust wants Boone to be tougher on the employees.

According to today's Internet, the Death Barge wants Aaron Boone to return as manager next season, but in a Dark Brandon sort of way. 

Reportedly, Hal and Cash want Boonie to instill more discipline into the hired hands. Be tougher. No talking. No gum-chewing. No cell phones in class. No eating or drinking near the deep end. And watch that facial hair, dammit! Apparently, some people seem to think their mustaches are more important than the rules. The number one rule will be:

Obey. All. Rules.

Speaking on behalf of the Yankiverse... 

We. Are. Screwed.

I mean it. Screwed. This franchise is brain dead. It just suffered the most embarrassing season since the 1990s, and its apparent reaction will be to post inspirational bumper stickers in the showers. I can imagine conversations on the mound, when the newly reprogrammed Boone walks out with his hook.

"Skip, if you give me a chance, I can get this guy."

"Clay, if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas."

"Uh-huh? So..."

"It's a short walk from the penthouse to the outhouse."

Yeah, discipline. That's the ticket. Tell the hitters to start hitting. Maybe yell at them. Call them "sissies." That's what the outside audit will demand. 

The Yankees are like a 50-foot electric cord so knotted-up that it looks like mating orange snakes. It'll take hours to untangle, by moving the ends backwards through the knots. It will take the Yankees two years to untangle this wretched $250 million mess. And nobody is coming to the rescue - not The Martian, not Drew Thorpe, not Anthony Volpe, and certainly not a newly re-engineered Aaron Boone. 

All we can do is root for MLB  to experience a full-on disaster: A world series between the Diamondbacks and Twins, the ratings equivalent of a new Ace Bigalow movie. Maybe then, the Powers That Be, who have spent the last 30 years trying to undermine the Yankees, will somehow secretly cut us some slack. This franchise is good at making knots. It doesn't have a clue how to untangle them.

I have one thing to say....

 Eppler did the right thing. Why not Cashman?

As October baseball continues, the Yankees foster mockery and disdain

Check out today's headline from the Athletic. Can you find the dig?

Yep, not hard to miss: "Baseball's best rivalry?" 

Well, I'm onboard. Why not? T'wuz a time when the Yanks/Redsocks might have quarreled with such a claim. Not anymore. 

In fact, MLB's other "greatest" rivalries probably include Dodgers-Giants, Rangers-Astros, Cubs-Cardinals and Rays-Jays.  

Boston v NY? 

War of the tomato cans.  

The battle for 4th in the AL East. 

Less of a draw than the Cortica Jug Game between Ithaca College and SUNY Cortland. 

Two big market franchises run by shoe salesmen, who desperately pinch pennies as they piss away vast fortunes, along with the dwindling expectations of fans.

Then there's this.

Of course, you didn't need a headline to hear what everybody knows: 

In the bidding war for Ohtani, who once seemed destined for NYC, the Yankees won't even make a rubber ducky squeak. If "the Japanese Babe Ruth" comes to Gotham on a free agent tour, Hal Steinbrenner will don a fake mustache and disconnect the phone. The Bryce Harper treatment. 

We all know the bitter truth: If Ohtani has any interest in the East Coast, he'll probably end up with the Mets.  

And then, the cruelest headline yet...

Well, in the immortal words of Kevin McCarthy, I say, "Bring it on." Let the spit shower begin, because the Yankees - under Shallow Hal - have done the impossible: They have reincarnated his dad's "worst team money can buy" designation from the late 1980s. We are reliving the Second Era of Danny Tartabull and Sid Thrift.

So... a dead October. We missed the postseason - an expanded set of playoffs. We spent $250 million to just barely win more games than we lost. We're so tied up with bad contracts and misplaced hubris that we have almost no cards to play this winter. And don't expect changes at the top.

Used to be, they talked about Yankee "mystique and aura." Now, it's mockery and disdain. 

And let it rain. LET IT RAIN!

The Hammer of God has spoken: Judge does not belong in the two-hole

From commenter Above Average

From IT IS HIGH Commentator Hammer of God, who hereby ends the debate on Aaron Judge batting second...

I finally completed my bean counting for the #2 hitter strategy. How many times did batting your "best hitter" in the #2 slot get him one more at bat? Here are the results for the 2023 Yankees:

The #2 hitter got up as the last potential Yankee out of the game a total of 23 times. It happened twice in the same game on 9/10/2023, 9th inning and 11th inning. It was Judge 14 times; Rizzo 3 times; Stanton 3 times; Torres 2 times; and Cabrera 1 time (as a defensive replacement hitting for Stanton).

It happened 16 times when it "mattered", meaning the score was plus or minus 3 runs. But one of the 16 times, the #2 hitter had been relieved for a defensive replacement (7/15/2023 Cabrera for Stanton).

Out of the 23 total times, there were 9 walks and 14 outs. Yes, that's right, not once did the strategy result in a hit!!!

Out of the 16 times when it "mattered", there were 7 walks and 9 outs. 5 of these 7 walks were intentional walks.

So all of the things that we talked about were on exhibition. In big situations, the other team was not likely to pitch to our "best hitter". The intentional walk was a huge weapon. In late game crucial situations, the other team was likely to pitch its best relievers, which resulted in a big ZERO for us at the plate. It exemplified why it is more difficult to hit in clutch situations. It showed the importance of taking the lead earlier in the game.

There had been talk about the #2 hitter getting 50 more at bats over the course of the season. That didn't happen here in 2023. It was only 23. But for those 23 at bats, of which only 16 were "important", you reduced the chances of your best hitter coming up with men on base in the 1st inning over 162 games!!!

So how much did this strategy hurt them in the 1st inning? Well, I only bothered to count the home runs by the #2 hitter in the 1st inning. There were 13 home runs by Yankee #2 hitters in the 1st innings. 9 by Judge; 2 by Stanton; 2 by Torres.

Of Judge's 9 homers, 7 were solo. 1 by Stanton was solo. Both Torres homers were 2 run homers.

It only illustrates the stupidity of putting your biggest home run hitter in the #2 slot. 7 out of 9 homers by Judge were solo!!! I don't know how many 3 run homers Yankee hitters got this year during any part of the game, but it couldn't have been many. That's a lot of wasted power in 162 1st innings, turning potential 2 or 3 run homers into solo homers. And this is just counting the home runs, not the base hits.

Sad day: The author of "The Devil Wears Pinstripes" has died.

Remembering Seattle sportswriter Jim Caple, who lambasted us back in better times. 

The Yankees used to be somepin. 

Six reasons why Yankee fans face a long, dreary, oppressively cold winter.

Three days into the offseason, we're watching excuses grow like sales of Travis Kelce's jersey. Fans of the Death Barge face a miserable and terrifying winter, and weather has nothing to do with it. Wanna be depressed? Taylor sang, Welcome to New York, it's been waiting for you, but I'm channeling a great 80's rocker... 

Here's a half-dozen reasons why...  

1. With each passing day, it becomes clearer that the Yankee front office algorithms will return. Okay, maybe they'll jettison some weight room flunky or a hamstring whisperer - blame them for everything and throw them out as chud. But the architects of this wretched 2023 team, like the Starr Insurance arm patches, are here to stay. (Can't we get a cooler uniform sponsor? How about Saw 5! Jigsaw Meets Chucky! Now, that would be a patch.)  

2. In every analysis, the Yankees have few, if any, moves to make. Nobody wants our albatrosses. Rodon? Here to stay. DJ? Here to stay. Giancarlo? We might as well build him a tower on Times Square. Guy hasn't hit above .211 in two years. This season, his On Base Percentage was - gulp - .275. That's not batting average, people, that's ON BASE PERCENTAGE. He vows to retool his swing. Yeah, right. Old dogs love new tricks. He turns 33 in November. He can't play OF, can't stay healthy, can't even run to first. Five more years.  

3. I suppose they can maybe trade Gleyber Torres, our only position player to have a decent season, in terms of stats, despite the Mitch McConnell mental lapses. Could they get fair value for him? Maybe a LF, or a 3B? Or a pitcher? Whatever. They'll just create one hole to fill another. Whackahole. Good luck with that. 

4. The Yankees won't rebuild, as other teams do, making Hal Steinbrenner's so-called "audit" sort of farcical. If Hal wonders how Baltimore built such a powerhouse, maybe he should ponder the six straight years that the Orioles finished in the cellar. Meanwhile, after realizing they weren't going anywhere, Boston strategically tanked in August. Watch them rise next spring with a remade roster. The Yankees, on the other hand, plowed onward through September, winning meaningless games, so the team can tout its streak of winning seasons.  

Listen: If you find any Yank fan touting our streak of winning seasons, slap them. 

5.  Last night on ESPN, David Cone marveled over the loud, crazy, delirious Philadelphia crowd, saying there's nothing else like this in baseball. 

Well, there used to be - in the Bronx. 

But Coney is right. We can lord over the Tampa Rays' sad attendance records - they drew 20,000 yesterday, horrible - but if the Yanks had somehow made this year's wild card round, sellouts would not be guaranteed. In recent postseasons, I recall empty blue seats in October. 

The Yankees have destroyed whatever links remained to the great teams of the 1990s, and will take years, not months, to build a legitimate contender.  

6. Which brings me to the 80's. When I think of this offseason, the late and great Warren Zevon comes to mind: Send lawyers, guns and money; Dad, get me out of this.  (Check out this compilation of his appearances on the David Letterman Show.) 

Hal is caught in a bind, and nobody's coming. He's already squandering $200 million in payroll and now, when a free agent comes available, he must outbid the Mets, Redsocks, Dodgers, Giants, Phillies, Padres et al. When Gammonites link the Yankees to - say -Juan Soto or a Japanese pitcher, they're doing it out of muscle memory. 

There is no reason to think Hal will ever outbid Steve Cohen. Nope. Rest in Peace, Mr. Zevon. For Hal: The shit has hit the fan. 

Audit This!

 

So now that we know that your New York Yankees' promised organizational "audit" is a farce, surprise, surprise—instead of bringing in some impartial agency to actually audit the Yankees, the team will take a look at some other, unnamed organization and, I'm sure, learn oodles—it is time that we here at IIHIIFIIC initiate our OWN audit.

Item Number 1: 

Giancarlo Stanton is DONE.

It gives me no pleasure to write this. Stanton seems like a good enough sort, and surely it can't be pleasant for him to know that he is washed up at 33.

But he is.

Sorry, but for all the hopes he raised, Big G has never lived up to anything like the promise he showed when he came to the Yanks in 2018 at just 28.

Going by OPS, Stanton has never reached the heights of his four best seasons in Miami; never managed to reach an OPS of .900. The closest he came was .894 in 2019—when he played all of 18 games.

The injuries, we all know about. Stanton has missed 321 games—or nearly 38 percent of all Yankees contests—since coming over. Figures that would have been even worse without the Covid season.

When he can play, his career has been on almost a straight decline in New York, his OPS averages going from .852 to .894 (18 games) to .887 (23 games) to .870 to .759 to .695.

One might have thought that Giancarlo hit rock bottom last year, when his game completely fell apart after May, and he wound up batting all of .211.

Nope. Turned out it was just a ledge—from which he tumbled down to .191 this year.  Has there ever been a Yankees power hitter—I mean a guy counted on to be one of the one or two big boppers in the middle of the lineup—who has hit .191 in over 100 games?

Don't bother looking it up. The answer is no.

Since coming up from Florida, every aspect of Giancarlo's game has crumbled. A credible outfielder in Miami, now he can barely move in right field. An occasional base stealer—he swiped 36 in 50 attempts in the Sunshine State—he has only 6 since coming to the Bronx, none since 2020.

Once Stanton was able to carry the team with occasional binges, and most notably in the playoffs. But that was always overrated. His postseasons in New York have mostly been distinguished by his failures: that .222 ALDS against the Red Sox, with no homers, no ribbies, and his awful Craig Kimbrel at-bat in 2018; the 2019 ALCS against Houston where he begged out of the lineup even though he'd been able to homer AFTER sustaining said injury; his 2020 game in Boston, where he stood and watched his single plunk off the Green Monster.

The man is done, and he ain't coming back. Hey, it happens. What the New York Yankees need to do is figure out what to do about this hideous mistake.

Stanton still has 4 years and $118 million to be paid by the Yankees (though $20 million of that will be picked up by Miami). Even worse, he is taking up valuable roster space.

Pay him some discount to leave? Why should he take it? Pay someone else to take him? Maybe—but it's doubtful HAL would ever do that. Play him in the outfield until he breaks, and the Yanks can get the insurance money?

I dunno.  But the results of the first IIHIIFIIC Audit are clear:  Hey hey, ho ho, Big G Stanton's got to go.

Searching for shame in a shameless universe: Yesterday, the Yankees dueled Tampa for being the most humiliated

Essay question: Who was more embarrassed yesterday, the Yankees or the Tampa Rays?

The Starr Insurancers did their part by reliving the 2022 trade of Jordan Montgomery for Harrison Bader-Ford. Monty pitched six shutout innings for Texas. He would have been our Number 2 starter, if Cashman hadn't traded him.

Tampa made a statement for its incredible Game One home attendance: 19,704 - that's nineteen thousand, seven hundred and four - which, fun fact, is a few more bodies than the population of Owego, NY, a town famous for being driven by on Route 17, when heading to Binghamton. It's as if the Rangers and Rays played before the entire town of Owego, plus a few gate-crashers from, say, Endicott. The excitement had to be so intense that the Tampons forgot to bring their bats. 

Of course, there's good reason for Tampa's low attendance: All the biddies stayed home, to go through the high school history texts to make sure "slavery" doesn't get a bad rap, while their hubbies were suing Disney World for treating gays like everybody else, and gramma worked on new recipes for python steaks spiced with red tide. 

Another dome? Yikes.

Nineteen thousand for a playoff game. Yikes. Lowest attendance for a non-Covid playoff game since 1919, year of the Black Sox briberies. 

But don't worry: The political oil cans of Tampa-St. Petersburgh have a new scandal of their own.

Yesterday, the Saint Pete town fathers raised a Rays flag at City Hall, signifying the new 30,000-seat stadium that shall be built for the franchise by the same taxpayers who balk at student lunch programs. The team will put up $600 million. Saint Pete and Pinellas County will cover the rest, figured to be at least another $600 million. If costs run over, the taxpayers will come to the rescue.

They still must figure out a set of secret hotel taxes to fund the monstrosity, but - hey - when the wheels of progress are greased by Randy Arozarena, the money will be found. (Of course, the Rays will soon probably dish off Arozarena, who is about to turn 29 - too old. And someday, when he turns, say, 36, he'll be a Yankee.) 

The Tampons hope to break ground on the new stadium this year, shortly after the Rays raise their world championship flag. I wonder if they'll draw another Owego? Maybe they should shoot for an Elmira! 

Phantom stats.

 

Watching David Stearns announced as the Mets' new president of baseball ops yesterday, my feeling was that for all his easy confidence, this guy is going to last five minutes in this town.

But who knows? 

At least the Mets have a plan. The Yankees have denial.

As Alphonso, our Dauntless Leader, pointed out yesterday, the Yanks' vaunted Youth Movement has proved less than thrilling. In fact, as far as movement goes, it's more like a compost dump truck backing up at a high rate of speed on a crowded street.

None of the Young Yankees thrown into the breech to rescue Brian Cashman's job this September looked like they had any kind of major-league future, with the possible exceptions of Jasson Dominguez and Austin Wells. And as we know, the Yanks' crack(ed) coaching and training staff has already ruined The Martian for next year—and possibly forever.

But even before that, you had the the Oswaldii, Peraza and Cabrera taking giant steps backward all season long. And how about those promising minor-league hurlers, huh? Why, once again, it looks like...all right, once again, the Yankees don't have a promising minor-league pitcher in sight. Why should this season be different than any of the last 25 seasons or so?

All of which brings us to The Denial. 

During what little I could stomach of the Yankees' last game of the year, Michael Kay and the happy apologists at YES were busy flashing a graphic claiming that our new shortstop, Young Anthony Volpe, had a 3.4 WAR—better than almost any Yankee rookie on record. Better, even, than Derek Jeter's 3.3 rookie WAR in 1996.

Here we go again.

First, it's not at all clear that Volpe's WAR was, in fact, 3.3. Baseball reference puts it at 3.2. Though baseballreference also puts his OWAR (offensive WAR) at 1.7, and his DWAR (defensive WAR) at 2.4, so shouldn't that add up to a WAR of 4.1 and HEY LADY!

Ahem. But I digress.

According to the self-same baseballreference, Jeter's WAR in 1996 was a tad better, at 3.3. (An OWAR of 4.4 and a DWAR of -0.1, which should add up to a total of 4.3 AND DON'T GET ME STARTED!).

Hmm, which is right? And who cares? Because obviously, this is bunkum.

Here are Anthony Volpe's hitting stats for 2023:

62 runs, 113 hits, 23 doubles, 4 triples, 21 home runs, 60 RBI, 24 stolen bases in 29 attempts, 52 walks, 167 strikeouts, and a slash line of:

.209/.283/.333/.666—the devil's number!

Here are Derek Jeter for 1996:

104 runs, 183 hits, 25 doubles, 6 triples, 10 home runs, 78 RBI, 14 stolen bases in 21 attempts, 48 walks, 102 strikeouts, and a slash line of:

.314/.370/.430/.800.

Please don't try to tell me these numbers are even vaguely comparable. 

So how can Young Anthony have close to or better overall numbers than Jeets? Well, the fielding, right? Everyone knows that Derek Jeter was the worst fielder whatever was, unable to get to any ball not hit directly at him. Right?

So, Volpe's fielding average for 2023?  .970.  560 chances, 186 putouts, 357 assists, 17 errors, and 63 double-plays.

Jeter's?  .969.  710 chances, 244 putouts, 444 assists, 22 errors, and 83 double-plays.

Come again?

That's right: Derek Jeter, oh slothful of field, had 150 MORE chances than Volpe did.  He made 5 more errors—but turned 20 more double-plays.

Huh.

Now I know what you're thinking! Yes, the game has changed. Yankees pitchers in 1996 gave up 102 more walks and struck out 300 fewer batters than they did in 2023 (610-508, and 1,139-1,439, respectively).  

Still, that would mean out of 402 balls more hit into play, Derek Jeter snagged 150 of them, or over 37 percent. Are 37 percent of all balls hit into play hit to the shortstop? I don't think so.

All of which would imply that Derek Jeter had at least as much range at shortstop as Anthony Volpe. If not more.

So, let's review: Jeter was a vastly superior player in "offense" (that is to say, "hitting"), and at least the same if not better on "defense" (that is to say, "fielding"). 

Frankly, I'd say this was another, classic case of lying with statistics. But I can't even tell where they're getting these stats from, never mind what they supposedly add up to. 

Bottom line: Anthony Volpe was nowhere near the sort of player Derek Jeter was as a rookie. That's no knock on him. But a .209 batting average and 167 strikeouts, IS.  

I'm sorry, Doug, who didn't want me to diss Volpe. I don't want to diss him myself. He's a likable kid with loads of potential. But unless he makes a big turnaround, he's looking more like, say, Amed Rosario, the young Mets shortstop who also seemed to have unlimited potential himself just a few years ago—and is now a back-up on his third major-league team.

Who can turn Volpe around? The instructors in THIS organization? He would be better advised to follow Aaron Judge's lead and seek out his own coaches, before it's too late.

The Top Ten potential Yankee embarrassments in the postseason

Hey, it's October - the season of pumpkin spice - and, of course, the Yankees are init to winit. 

Ex-Yanks and shoulda-beens dot the postseason rosters, which begs The Essential Question: 

What players, by having a big October, could most embarrass the Yankee brain trust? Whoa. That's a tall order - embarrassing the unembarrassable. 

Nevertheless, here's the Top Ten Potential October Yankee Embarrassments.

10. Ezequiel Duran. At age 24, he hit .276 for the Rangers. Looks like their long-term 3B. (Imagine that: A long-term 3B.) We traded him for - gulp - Joey Gallo.

9. Joey Gallo. Gulp. To fully embarrass the Death Barge, Barney Google would have to go on a huge hitting spree, and we all know that he won't. Still, his 2021 acquisition launched Brian Cashman's incredible downfall. Joey rouses memories. Remember "The Big Package?"  

8. Jorge Mateo. Starting SS for the AL's best team. As a kid, the Yanks touted him  - he was a Martian before The Martian - until the day they suddenly announced he was gone, and he'd never really been in their future plans. (A common theme in our steady decline: The prospect who was always secretly going to be traded.) Fun Fact: We dealt him for Sonny Gray.

7. Josh Donaldson. Hard to say whether he embarrassed the Yankees as much as he did himself this year. If he got hot and led Milwaukee to a world series, his every plate appearance would wound Cashman. It would almost be fun. No matter what, though, glad to see him gone.

6. Nathan Eovaldi. It's been a seven hard years since the Yankees gave up on him. But they had him for two seasons - long enough to assess his character. And they didn't. Nope, they let him go to Boston, where he won a championship and became one of the toughest pitchers in baseball. With every October outing, he should remind Cashman of his mistake.

5. David Robertson. Has fashioned out a sturdy, 15-year career. Dear God, he was ours. He shoulda been a lifelong Yankee. Again, they couldn't see what they had? They couldn't recognize his character? I remember one time when the benches cleared, and Robertson sprinted in from the left field bullpen - (the others jogged) - because he is a teammate. Why has no one ever been held accountable for letting this guy go? 

4. Jordan Montgomery. Ow, hey - this is starting to pinch. Another of Cashman's greatest crappings of the bed. He's spent his GM career chasing what he calls "the white whale," dominant starting pitchers, and yet he traded Montgomery for an injured, light-hitting OF. From the minute the deal was announced, Yank fans shouted WTF? His every appearance this October will be an embarrassment.

3. Aaron Hicks. We'll pay him $20 million over the next two years. Don't get me wrong: Guy had to go. But sometimes, you just have to wonder: How did we get to such a wretched place? And why is no one ever held accountable?  

2. Sonny Gray. We traded Mateo and Kaprielian for him, and then suddenly decided he didn't have the fortitude to make it in NYC. It's that common theme: If a guy gets off to a bad start, announce to the world that he's a wuss, and trade him for whatever. This, by the people who jettisoned Eovaldi, Robertson, et al. He should be runner up to Cole's Cy Young. He's an ace. Whatever chances Minnesota has this month, they rest on Gray's shoulder. Cashman traded him for Shed Long, Jr.   

1. Bryce Harper. A great hitter, a great teammate, a leader, a fan favorite, and a future hall-of-famer. In 2019, as a free agent, he visited NYC, begging for a chance to fulfil his childhood dream and play for the Yankees. They hid under their beds. Imagine Harper batting next to Judge. Instead, billionaire Hal counted his pennies and didn't answer the phone. For as long as Harper plays - five years, 10? - he should always embarrass our owner and his favored lackey. 

Boone: "Take a little bit of solace in just how these guys continued to show up, continued to prepare, continued to compete all the way until the end. They played well down the stretch when it wasn’t necessarily an easy thing to do."

No solace. No, no, no, no, NO... 

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 

The Long Painful Drama of Self Knowledge

 Now comes the winter of our discontent. 

Ignorance of Boone and Cashman is ignorance of the Yankees.  We must know their art and their wonder, their minds and their hearts, and most revealingly,  their lust for mediocrity to know our future.

The great PR machine is already spinning. 

 I saw an interview with our .207 hitting shortstop, and how he believes his at bats are getting more productive.

I saw Michael Kay ignore the nine strait whiffs at cutters in the dirt, by our top three prospects ( Cabrera, Pereira, Peraza)  to end the season.  They had 6 K's combined, for the day.  That is Yankee baseball. 

The 2 run barrier remains a trophy to the new hitting coach and, let's be honest, to the former one as well. 

Rodon has established himself as a teammate no one wants. All for $164 million. 

Michael King should never have pitched the last game. The illusion he had created as a starter turned back into the homer factory he was known for. 

The Florial experiment remains a goof.  

And the hitting coach is said to be returning.  Boone said so. And Cashman just finished the first year of his four year deal.  Stanton will outlast him.  What more can we ask for?

If you pile together all the new talent, including Florial, Wells, and Volpe you have a Mendoza jar of preserves.  Each player will go 1-5, strike out twice and hit into double plays with the remaining at bats. 

There is no accountability and less reason to believe. 

King Hal will start a war to distract the unhappy serfs, and then run from it. 

Peace be among you.

Farewell and good night. 

The Flying Dutchman sails on.

 

One of the favorite shiver stories of old, Dutch New York was that of the "Flying Dutchman," a ghost ship whose master was cursed—for some crime or another—to sail about the world forever, appearing now and then to desperate mariners.

I like to think of poor old Buck Showalter as the Flying Dutchman, cursed to wander the baseball world forever for one, "criminally" bad decision.

Back in 1995, in the wild ALDS against Seattle, Buck—the 1994 AL manager of the year—left David Cone out on the mound to throw 147 pitches against the Mariners and their monster lineup. By the 8th inning, Connie was clearly gassed, surrendering a homer to Junior Griffey, then giving up a single to Jay Burner, and two walks to load the bases.

Still, with two out, Showalter left him in to pitch to Doug Strange, a journeyman infielder. It didn't have to be that way. Mariano Rivera, who first emerged in that series, throwing 5 1/3 scoreless innings of relief, was primed and ready to go in the pen.

Buck stuck with Cone, the veteran. A good decision in most circumstances; not a good one when your ace pitcher has already thrown over 140 pitches and is no more than ordinary (something Bobby Valentine would learn 5 years later). Conie walked in the tying run. Mo then entered the game and blew away Mike Blowers. But it was too late. Seattle won in 11, and Buck was fired soon thereafter.

Showalter with former Yankees assistant GM G. Costanza

Hey, maybe it didn't matter so much. I don't know if those 1995 Yanks could have got past Cleveland or Atlanta, and failure to do so could have been a firing offense to Mad King George in any case.

But somewhere, in one of the alternate universes that our cinematic industry assures us exist, there is a Buck Showalter who made the bold move, and brought in The Great one. A Buck who went on managing the Yankees to triumph after triumph over the next 20 years, getting all the glory he deserved.

In this time-space continuum, of course, Buck Showalter moved on to help build the embryonic Arizona Diamondbacks, and become their first manager. He led the Snakes to 100 wins and a division title in 1999, just their second year of existence—but Arizona was upset in the NLDS by the Mets, when Randy Johnson got shelled (He always did in the playoffs, except when he was pitching against us.)

It was always something, it seemed.

Buck was fired after the 2000 season, just missing his chance to wreak vengeance on the Yanks in 2001. He was picked up by Texas in 2003, and turned the Rangers around in short order, improving their record by 18 games in 2004, and winning AL manager of the year again.

But it didn't last. By the end of 2006 he was 50, and out of a job again.

This time, the gap between managerial positions was longer—maybe a tribute to his often dour personality. In any case, he wasn't hired again until the Orioles inked him, for 2010.

Once again, he made a difference in a hurry. In 2012, his Birds came within a beak's breadth of beating a depleted, Mariano-less Yankees team in the ALDS. But C.C. Sabathia manned up for Game 5, throwing a complete-game, 3-1 victory, getting two outs with the bases loaded in the 8th.

By 2014, Buck was manager of the year again, the O's were AL East champs, and this time he made it all the way to the ALCS at last—only to get skunked in 4 straight, excruciatingly close games by the Royals.

In 2016, Baltimore was back in the playoffs. But this

time there was an even more inexplicable, managerial decision, the Orioles losing the one-game, wild card play-in game, 5-2 to Toronto in 11 innings. Buck let Ubaldo Jimenez—a starter with a 5.44 ERA—give up the winning runs, while his ace closer, Zack(h) Britton sat in the bullpen.

By 2018, the Orioles were losing 115 games, and Buck was 62. It seemed like the end—but when it seems like the end, there's always the Mets. In 2022, there were 101 wins, a fourth manager-of-the-year award...and then another playoff flop, another collapse this season.

Now 67, it seems likely we won't see Buck again until his Cooperstown induction, but who knows? Maybe he'll have a Dusty Baker turn of luck. Maybe the Curse of the Flying Dutchman will finally be lifted, and Buck Showalter will finally be able to overcome the fatal mistake he made one crazy night in Seattle.

Those of us who are old enough remember him as a solid-hitting, outfielder-first baseman in the minors—he hit as high as .362 in low A; a lifetime, .294 hitter in nearly 800 games—who lacked both power and speed and had too many people ahead of him at both positions in the Yankees' systems. 

He quit playing at 27, the smart decision—but then, Buck was always smart—and led his teams to four straight seasons in the minors. Just 36 when he took over the Yankees, Buck was surely going to the top.

Well, smart doesn't always overcome luck, and the smallest bad moves can trip you up, even in a lifetime of smarts. Here's hoping Buck Showalter gets one more chance, and that he finally goes all the way.

  

Our long national nightmare has ended. And the WinWarblist wins, as our top sayer of sooth

Sleep, children. It's over. 

The bad men have gone away. 

They can't hurt us any more. 

Autumn is here, and you are safe. We won't have to endure another October meltdown.  

Gone - for now, anyway - is Giancarlo. And Rodon. And Michael Kay. And Frugal Hal. And Boonie. And the strikeouts. And the exit velos. And the rally-killing DP grounders. And the bullpen. And the one-man batting order. And the one-man rotation. And the Gammonites - no more whispery proxies of Cashman. AND OMG! NO MORE CASHMAN! At least for now. They're all gone, until February, anyway. And just maybe, some are gone for good. 

Sleep. Dream of 2024. O!, it shall be a wondrous year, full of harmony, peace and prosperity, and political good will! Nothing brings out the goodness in us more than a presidential election - except perhaps a Yankee championship! Go ahead, children, dream, dream, dream of better times to come!

Okay, that's enough. Wake up, assholes. It's time to see who among us are the soothsayers and who are the slobbers of sooth. 

Last March, we predicted the number of wins the 2023 Yankees would record. Here's what I said. Read it and weep.

This is what you, the bold commentators of IT IS HIGH, predicted. 

The Yankees won 82 games. Aaron Judge hit 37 HRs. Anthony Volpe batted .209 (and no matter how it's spun, nobody imagined he would be so ineffective.)  

THE IT IS HIGH Predictions for 2023

Name                   Wins                Judge HRs        Volpe BA

The Idiots
Stang                     102                        74                          .241
JM                           101                         55                          .262
Platoni                  101                         52                          .287
ME, EL DUQUE  100                        63                          .238

Eaters of the Crap 
Ken of Brooklyn  98                       49                         .248
Mattingly’s Mustache  97           60                          .273
Dave Murray        97                        54                          .262
Ranger_lp            96                        47                           .273
Hammer of God   96                       37                          .260
PgPick                      96                       52                         .257
Doug K                     96                       47                          .301
Jaraxle (form Dantes)  96            52                          .282
Gary Frenay          96                       55                          .277

Hopeless Romantics
Zachary A               95                       43                          .253
Carl J. Weitz           94                       45                          .271
Kevin                        94                       52                          .274
Vampifella             94                        18                          .225
HoraceClarke66  93                        42                          .244
Hinkey Haines     93                        44                          .272
BernBabyBern     92                         36                          .276
AboveAverage      92                        48                          .281
David Bellela        92                         x                            x
MildredLopez       91                        44                           .251
Lieber                       91                        50                           .282
Rufus T. Firefly    90                       44                           .256
RtotheE                   90                       50                           .250

Dopeless Romantics 
Borntorun99        89                       36                           .248
Urban Farmer      89                        28                            .231
DickAllen               89                        54                            .241
Scottish Yankee fan   88               44                           .245
Archangel             88                         49                           .280
13bit                        86                          51                            .271
CelerinoSanchez  86                       39                           .269
WinWarblist        85                          52                           .242

The Angry One 
Alphonso              77                          47                            .289

Frankly, even though Winnie came closest in wins, I consider Alphonso to be the rightful Grand Oracle of IIH. Only he captured the hideous, odious state of the 2023 Yankees - (though he is known to veer toward excessive negativity as a method of reverse juju.)

Somehow, Alphonso blew through the hubris and the bullshit, and predicted the looming clown car of the '23 team.

So, sleep, children. The playoffs are here, and I don't even care if Sonny Gray pitches Minnesota to a ring, or if Aaron Hicks leads Baltimore to the promised land. They can't hurt us anymore. February is a long, long time away... 

Catsup Curt Strikes Again

Today brought the sad news that Tim Wakefield, a pretty good knuckleballer and all around nice guy passed away at age 57.

There's nothing to like about the Red Sox but knowledgeable Yankee fans can and should recognize the good ones.  Wakefield was a good one.

Let's focus for a moment, however, on one of the bad ones.  Catsup Curt Schilling is a notorious blowhard whose sour disposition and big fat mouth have combined to throw a no-hitter vis-à-vis his chances of entering Cooperstown.  

He's managed to put his foot in it again.  Apparently, almost no one was aware that Wakefield was seriously ill.  That was until a few days ago when Schilling made the announcement -- without the family's permission -- on his podcast.  Below is just one of many similar reactions:

Please bring this up next time some horse's ass of a Blosox fan tries to make the case that Catsup Curt should be in the Hall.

Rest in Peace, Tim Wakefield.  You were good against us.

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

 

Sing, O Muse, of the Man of 31 straight winning seasons (many of which he did nothing to bring about himself, but never mind.) 

Yup, 31 straight years it is. And—somebody was claiming on the local news the other day—second only to the longest streak of winning seasons in all of major league, North American sports...the Yankees' 39 straight winning years, from 1926 through 1964.

(Which could have been 46 straight, save for Babe Ruth's Big Bellyache in 1925. But I digress.)

So how do the streaks compare? 

During those 39 years from 1926-1964, your O.G. New York Yankees won 26 pennants and 19 World Series, with a postseason record of 94-54 .635.

They never finished out of the first division (that is, lower than fourth) in this period, and repeatedly set attendance records in a tourist-attraction ballpark they built entirely with their own money.

They were undoubtedly richer than most teams, but for much of this streak enjoyed no TV revenues, and stocked their team overwhelmingly with players they developed in their own, extensive farm system.

(They also were very late in signing Black and Hispanic players, and crudely fired some of the men most responsible for building their dynasty.)

Your 1993-2023 Yankees?

In those 31 years (and counting), they have won 7 pennants and 5 World Series, going 25-13 .658. Overall, in the postseason, they have gone 121-91 .571. 

They enjoyed enormous monetary advantages during most of this time, including the only owners who would not obey the sport's self-imposed payroll limits, and their own television network.

The Yankees finished first 16 times, were in the playoffs 24 times (one postseason, in 1994, was canceled), and repeatedly set attendance records in their two, publicly subsidized stadiums—one of which they intentionally downsized, in order to have more luxury boxes.

(They also passed on numerous star free agents, gave out disastrously large and overlong contracts to broken down, useless players, and crudely fired some of the men most responsible for building their dynasty. But never the man most responsible for its demise.)

 

YANKS CLINCH! UNLEASH WORLDWIDE CELEBRATIONS!

 Victory over KC clinches winning season! 

London

Paris

Australia

New York

To learn what went wrong in 2023, Hal Steinbrenner has commissioned an outside auditor. Why wait? Here are the 10 future conclusions.

The Yankee Triple Crown battle continues

Hard to believe 2023 is cooked. Seems like yesterday that New York's Gammonitic scions of scripture were rejoicing over the looming Yankees-Mets world series. 

Crazy times, back in March. The House GOP was learning the joy of pissing on McCarthy, DeSantis was discovering the taste of his feet, and Hunter Biden! Hunter Biden! Hunter Biden! Now, here we are - as expected - with Carlos Rodon and Frankie Montas anchoring the rotation, Estevan Florial in CF and Oswald Peraza at 3B. 

A can of tomatoes with a pitching staff of one, and an owner so clueless that he's commissioned an "outside auditor" to count paperclips and suggest changes. 

Yes, it's the famous, old school "outside auditor" strategy of denying corporate incompetence. Pay some Harvard bean-counters to investigate what happened and - wait, oo-oo, jumpin' Jehovisat! I got a idea! A plan! That's what we need! Let's plan to come up with a plan!

Here's  writer Bob Klapisch - the pride of Leonia, NJ - who has been covering the Yankees since 1983... 

[T]he investigation will begin in early October, although interestingly, the company conducting the audit will not recommend personnel changes. The analysis will instead focus on process and how the Yankees compare to other clubs.

I can save the Yankees, YES, the Klap and the Yankiverse a shit-ton of time and money. Here are the audit's future findings. 

1. Golly, after everything that happened, the Yankees just missed a wild card berth.

2. The front office performed valiantly in the face of bad luck.

3. If not for pesky injuries, the team would have won.

4. The real problem is people: They just don't appreciate how hard it is to reach the playoffs year after year. 

5. Frankly, Yankee fans should thank the ownership for his devotion to the city. He could move to another town, where nobody would ever complain.

6. If the Yankees fired Brian Cashman, he'd be quickly snatched up by another franchise, which would be headed toward greatness.

7. Considering the Yankee youth movement, this team looks to be on a path to the 2024 world series.

8. The Yankees don't get out their message well enough. Particularly, the YES announcers and the radio voices - they just harp on about wins and losses. Let's ask these Negative Nellies to provide some good news for a change! 

9. Aaron Boone is a national treasure. That HR he hit against Boston - show it more often.

10. (NOTE: THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT) The auditors have detected one voice within the Yankiverse who has consistently and correctly predicted problems. He writes for an obscure fan web site, and he calls himself "Alphonso." We don't know what he knows, but it is far above anything we can discern. Whoever he is, he should be snatched up and given an office at the Stadium, before Boston or Tampa gets him.