Alphonso reports...
Lost in the Dominican cockfight frenzy of Congress today is this, well, ACTUALLY FREAKIN' IMPORTANT story in the Times.
"A surprisingly tough fourth quarter and a gloomy outlook for the United States market prompted General Motors to offer buyouts Tuesday to its entire unionized work force. G.M.’s latest “special attrition program” covers all its 74,000 hourly employees and underscores the challenges it faces in its turnaround effort."
Nice. They want to buy out the entire experienced workforce.
It's like a team waiving all its players.
One question: WHO IS GOING TO MAKE THE CARS?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
General Motors: The Florida Marlins of Cars
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3 comments:
Not me.
Who's going to make Jesus H. Montero's giant catcher's mask?
Dear Prince F....
As recently discussed at a location not to be disclosed, the masks will be forged at an auto parts plant in Evansville, Indiana. The process is not unlike the manufacture of steel frame undercarriages for your typical Kenworth 18 wheeler cab.
Before anything can be manufactured, however, scientists and phrenologists will gather at the Sweetbriar
( Hotsprings, West Va.) to work with the subject ( Jesus ).
Photos, crowns of thorn and laser guided head measurements will chart projected Jesus head development, season by season.
Dieticians will also be consulted, as there are certain food sub-groups which accelerate head size development ( a quick look at G. Bush's diet over the last decade will show the danger to the nation of a swelled head ).
Once the scientists' forecasts of relative growth rates of key Jesus head-plates are completed, an external mold will be made of a "pliable plastic Army surplus
compound" ( does C-4 ring a bell )?
Each mask mold will represent a six month period of projected head development ( and use ) for this top prospect, and will self-adjust for wet weather/dry weather playing conditions.
The hollow molds will then be stuffed with what I can only describe as a " human head " filler compound, and set to dry in a temperature controlled wine cellar.
The filled head molds( once fully set )will then go by surface transportation to the foundry, where skilled
craftsmen ( e.g. some of the
74,000 recently " packaged "
union workers from GM ), will create masks, see-through steel wedge bars, and secure fastening devises with easy , "flip release" features for handling pop ups.
Excess steel bumbers from 1950 vintage cars will be super-heated and bent to stretch from " ear to ear," providing an unusual level of protection from back swings and foul tips.
The last step in the process is sand-blasting the human head filler material out of each external mask mold, so that the form fitted catchers' device will be available in quantity for whatever happens to Jesus' head during the course of the 2008 season.
This sand blasting process is dangerous and will be closely monitored. To insure communal safety,it is likely to take place, under controlled conditions, at an abandoned sugar factory somewhere in the deep south.
Finally, NYY logos will be applied at an air force facility, located on the outskirts of Chicago. When completed,the 2008 "special order " masks will be sent by flatbed truck to wherever Jesus is playing.
It goes without saying that Jesus will need superhuman arm and neck strength to use this gear in a game.
I have been advised by some reputable Tennessee mountain snake handling preachers that this is the least of our problems with respect to Jesus.
See you in Tampa.
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