Friday, February 1, 2008

Twins made us incredible last-minute Santana offer

From the Times today, slightly buried.


The Yankees soon pulled their offer and never made another, resisting again Tuesday when Minnesota asked for Cabrera, Kennedy, Marquez and Chien-Ming Wang.

Wow. What pals, those Twins! That call must have been a piece of phone sex:


TWINS: Hey, Bri, before we deal Johan, we wanna give you one last chance. As a favor. Out of respect. As your friend.

NY: Mighty kind of you. But we decided not to trade Phil Hughes.

TWINS: Understood. No problem. So, instead of Hughes, how about Ian Kennedy and another player? A nobody.

NY: Ian Kennedy? Ouch. Who else do you have in mind?

TWINS: Ohh, nobody big or anything. Maybe a pitcher.

NY: Name?

TWINS: Ummm... (cough).

NY: Who?

TWINS: Chien (cough) Ming (cough)

NY: Jimmy who?

TWINS: Wang.

NY: Jimmy Wang. I don't know any...

TWINS: Chien-Ming (cough)

NY: Wait. Did you say Chien... Ming... Wang?

TWINS: Oops, my secretary just walked in and wants me to-

NY: Are you serious?

TWINS: Hey, how about that stock market! Have you been-

NY: YOU'RE ASKING US TO THROW IN CHIEN-MING WANG?

TWINS: Whoops, I think I got another call-

NY: OUR ALL-STAR PITCHER, CHIEN-MING WANG?

TWINS: CHSSSS... bad connection. CHSSS- getting static-

NY: YOU WANT OUR ACE PITCHER?

TWINS: I think we're having a tornado-

NY: YOU CALLED TO HIT US UP FOR CHIEN-MING WANG?

TWINS: Gotta go. Bridge collapsing-

NY: I can't believe- (Click)

2 comments:

Prince Frankenstein said...

They didn't want Jeter? This seriously devalues him...

Dr. Whitey Fraud said...

"Twins" denotes schizophrenia to me, and this reinforces the notion.