"Sir, will you pee in my beaker?" Questions for Arod at today's news conference

1. Truthfully now, have you ever thought of breaking into Derek Jeter's house and trying on his clothes?

2. Considering the dismal state of the economy and team, would you be willing to forego your excessive salary and play the 2009 season for $1?

3. When you went on 60 Minutes, but how did you manage to evade the incredible truth detectors of Katie Couric?

4. At times like this, do you wish you had not been so quick to dismiss the spiritual and emotional healing capabilities of Kaballah?

5. Is the damage to your reputation worth the money, fame, beautiful women and material possessions, and a follow-up: Can I join your entourage?

6. In the wake of scandals, Puff Daddy changed his name to P-Diddy, and Blackwater changed its name to Xe. From now on, would you like us to call you A-Diddy?

7. Will you be willing to make public all emails, phone records and correspondence so that we can see if there are any other scandals worth writing about?
8. Jose Canseco's wife... thoughts?

9. There are 103 players who tested positive in 2003. Considering the way you are being treated, wouldn't you advise them to come forward and identify themselves publicly?