Which is Worse: A vandal or a Redsock Fan?

I know what you're thinking: Duque, you're crazy. Vandals are worse. OK, yeah, you got me. Nobody likes a Vandal. But dammot, let's grow beyond the superficial stereotypes that turn us against each other, and get down to the facts.

Comparison I. A Vandal has a reason for smashing windows. He's a Vandal! He was raised that way. Springsteen said it best: "They bring you up to do like your daddy done." He’s pillaging the village? He’s doing his thing.

What reason does a Redsock fan have for smashing windows? His team won a game? Gimmie a break.

First round, I go with Vandals here.

Comparison II. A Vandal burns down your town, then what? He moves on to his next job. He doesn't sit around for four months fawning over shirtless pictures of Jacoby Ellsbury. Hell, he'd rather tear up pictures of Jacoby Ellsbury. A Vandal doesn't think the world owes him a job. He goes out and makes his own trouble.

A Redsock fan burns down his frat house, and then what? Mom and dad write out a check. In the meantime, he's hanging around Boston, looking at shirtless pictures of Jacoby Ellsbury and waiting for the family lawyers to clean up the mess.

Comparison III. No Vandal ever interrupts your dinner by phoning you to report the latest scandal about Arod. You know what a Vandal would do if he got a call like that during dinner? He’d go right over to the Redsock fan's house and spray-paint it.

Comparison IV: Ever have some bozo on the beach blare a boom-box five feet from your head? Really now, when that happens, don't you wish there was a Vandal around? He'd smash that boom-box into dust!

As for the Redsock fan? Hell, you already got him. He's the bozo with the boom box.

Tomorrow: A Tartar or a Redsock fan...?