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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Annual M*A*S*H Champagne Toast Party Turns Ugly After Release Of Super Bowl Nielsen Ratings Estimates


Taking a cue from the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins, the cast of M*A*S*H have uncorked champagne in recent years to celebrate their status as the highest rated program in television history.

The surviving M*A*S*H cast members meet annually to listen to the release of the initial Nielsen ratings estimates for the Super Bowl -- the only event that can rival the record-setting performance of the M*A*S*H series finale in 1983.
Gathered around the hotel suite radio, the cast usually erupts into a joyous cheer when confirmation of their #1 status comes. Not so this year. Early reports indicate that Super Bowl XLIV beat M*A*S*H by .53 million TV sets.

After listening to the report, a dejected Gary Burgoff turned off the radio and the room was totally silent for several minutes until an unsuspecting Jamie Farr entered from the kitchen holding two bottles of expensive bubbly and said, "What's with all the long faces? We're still #1! Aren't we? Colonel Potter?" When Farr's inquiry was met by only more silence, he too knew the news was bad.

That's when the usually happy event turned into a World Class airing of the grievances almost thirty years in the making. Some said that losing the title was inevitable eventually. Others threw spears -- saying that the show's "canned laughter" or the ill-fated spin-off After M*A*S*H were to blame. Others, such as Alan Alda,
inquired into the accuracy of Nielsen ratings to begin with. All the while, a shaken David Ogden Stiers sat in the corner, muttering quietly in the polished Boston accent of Major Charles Winchester III.

1 comment:

Stang said...

Wayne Rogers is right. This sickly little thing called the "Super" Bowl earned nothing, nothing compared to M*A*S*H, because the Super Bowl doesn't have reruns.