That's the news from MLB, in case you were wondering if "independent arbiter" Frederic Horowitz would announce his A-Rod ruling today. Nope. It won't happen until at least Wednesday, after baseball's Hall of Fame gets a chance to once again spit on Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, et al - anybody with a modern taint of Schwarzenegger juice - this, of course, from the sacred touchstone that lists those saints of public decency - Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth, as charter members.
By now, it's hard to imagine that Fred hasn't reached his decision. He must be just pacing his home in sweatpants, refusing to answer the phone, avoiding windows. It's important to shield Cooperstown from the news about Awful Al.
Supposedly, when the coast is clear, Fred will issue his proclamation through an email. Instantly, it will explode upon the news outlets, lighting up the Internet like a Siberian meteor, then hitting the blogs, and at some point - maybe a few hours later - somebody will tell me...
AND THEN I WILL RAGE AT BUD SELIG LIKE A RABID RACCOON.
Right now, I'm just warming up. Staying loose. Stretching the hammy. Next week, I'll assume the three-point stance. I'm thinking ALL CAPS, boldface, maybe even boldface italics. Alphonso, too. I'll steal his painkillers. He'll go crazy. Next week, it's going to hit the fan. As fans, we will hit back.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment