Will Middlebrooks was chasing not only curveballs, but sideline reporters

These are the dog days of the hot stove league. Think of it as Aug. 30 through Aug. 40. Everybody is signed - well, almost everybody - and nothing will happen until the first avalanche of injuries. Soon, we'll see stories about how so-and-so is reporting to camp in "the best shape of his life," (as Andruw Jones did two Februarys ago; remember how that turned out?)

So for the next couple weeks, for a change, let's be totally positive. Let's be constructive: Let's imagine how Boston could fall apart and actually be worse than us.

Here's one idea: The news is out that Will Middlebrooks has charging the mound of bubbly NESN sideline reporter Jenny Dell. This is a complete breach of journalism ethics. Call Romanesko. What if Chris Christie was found schztupping Megyn Kelly? I would lose faith in Fox News, the sister to YES.

I, for one, hope Middlebrooks is shamed into doing the right thing: He must marry her. That way, every night after sex, she can snag him in the bathroom and ask him - in at least 600 words -  how he feels and how this team is catching fire, and then coax him into recapping the big moment and try to describe what he was thinking as his gonads popped. Every night.

I can think of no better recipe for a .200 batting average and a trip to Pawtucket.

Folks, wipe Middlebrooks off the slate. He's done. One down, 24 to go.