Starters, starters, everywhere, and not a drop to drink

Yesterday, the Yankiverse celebrated the return of Ivan Nova with a standing O and a pile of conjecture over our towering bong bowl full of starters.

We now have seven. It is the best problem the Yankees have had since Phil Linz and Tom Tresh were duking it out for shortstop and Harry Bright - the 15th strikeout - was learning his trade.

But a pitcher - like a Yankee fan blogger - is only as good as his (or her) last outing. Right now, for everyone but Super Nova, that's not so good. So... seven starters! What do we do? Should we hold 'em? Should we fold 'em? If so, who? And for what? And why? And how? And when? And where? Is that all their is to the circus? Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friend, then let's keep dancing...

The Malificent Seven.

1 and 2. Tanaka and Pineda. Not much to say. We pitch them and hope they don't bark. If either barks, we sink. It could trigger a horrible, all-in, raft-of-Buhners trade for the likes of Cole Hamels, or some recycled animal bedding from Cincinnati. Otherwise, we stand pat. Fingers crossed.

3. Sabathia. Not much to say. His contract - aka "the national debt" - does all the talking. At what point would Girardi drop him from the rotation or move him to Scott Proctor land? Maybe August 15. Nobody - not even Canada - will take him in a trade. We just slog on, every fifth day, and hope he figures it out. (It's now been three years since his ERA was below 4.00.) He probably won't figure it out. He won us a World Series once. So we should just shut up, right?

4. Adam Warren. Not much to say. Mum's the word. He's outpitched the rest, but the poor guy falls into that David Phelps category - never good enough - so the Yankees always keep one of his feet in the bullpen. (This, by the way, is one of the most frustrating aspects of being a Yankee fan: The sense that overachievers are seldom appreciated, in favor of a team of underachievers.) He's earned a slot. Oh well...

5. Evaldi. Nothing to say. He's the key to Cashman's "Winter of 2014 Strategic Plan," thus, they'll stay with him at least through July. He been erratic, to say the least. Also, if Larry Rothschild was going to straighten him out, wouldn't it have happened by now? As a fifth starter, he's not terrible. He's like Forest Gump's box of chocolates.

6. Nova. Obviously, unless his arm hurts, he's in the rotation. But which Ivan do we get? My recollection is that the guy ran hot and cold. As soon as he seemed ready for stardom, Nova slid backwards. He's older now, and I believe TJ surgery adds 10 years of maturity to a player. Is he for real? Keep in mind... yesterday was the Phillies.

7. Capuano. Meh. Ugh. Ouch. Mediocre starter, worse out of the bullpen. I'd have more hope watching Bryan Mitchell or Kevin Long's kid, up from Scranton. When the best aspect of a player is that he was willing to sign a one-year deal... is that a good omen?

8. Severino. Surely, he won't come up this season as a starter; he'll have thrown too many innings. Then again... if he is our premier pitching prospect. Do they want to tamper with him, by having him throw out of the bullpen?

We have options. But we're going to need them. Matt Moore returns to the Rays next week. If he's what he used to be, well, Nova better be for real.