Saturday, April 8, 2017

Claiming A Do-Over

I recently sent a text to El Duque, as the team was collapsing into a loss, that I wanted to re-vise my projection for the season.

My new win total is 48 games ( as opposed to the 86  I submitted).

In order for me to get official credit for my new projection, I had to invoke the " do-over " clause of the  IIHIIFIIC constitution ( and one must invoke this option before 8 official games are on the
books ), but it seems worth it.

 For others who may wish to do the same, let me advis,e in advance,  that the legal fees are substantial.  To me, however,  paying any cost is worth avoiding a horrifying humiliation due to  over-reaching optimism.  I will be drinking Seagrams VO instead of Crown Royal, but I 'll just drink more and not notice.

 I had originally posted 86 wins.  Clearly, I wasn't drinking Crown Royal when I proffered that number, I was drinking Kool Aid issued by some cult leader, wearing special sneakers, on a remote island location, dreaming of heaven.

Greg Bird is soon going to be replaced, despite the Yankee brass claims to the contrary.  It could happen today.  We shall hear that, " Greg is pressing a bit."   Yes sirs, we get the Goliath at first base.  Defense takes a day off.  But Bird looks over-matched, physically and mentally.  I am beginning to think he needs glasses.  He is missing pitches straight down the middle of the plate, as if his bat becomes a bunch of dis-connected atoms when he swings.  Invisible, and nothing but air.

Not to mention, I think Bird has been talking too much to Mark Texiera.  The shift has him flummoxed.  He actually laid down a pretty good bunt the other day, except that he got into the bunt position whilst the pitcher was still rubbing up the ball.  Thus, the Birds third baseman had plenty of time to get in position to field it and throw him out.

But here's a thought:  try it again only disguise it longer.

Sanchez is obviously a hitter, despite his slowish start, and he is starting to show it.  Judge needs a lot more time, too.  The league has already realized that ankle level pitches look good to him, and he is flailing his way to an " Aaron Hicks " sit-down.  Come on Aaron.  Adjust.

I hesitate to  even mention Torreyes who despite the surprise homer, isn't hitting a lick and does not possess what anyone would call, " a gun," for an arm.  So we have three guys in the line-up
 hitting; .063, .133, and .091.  Just remember folks, I lamented the brilliant "management" decision to pass on Wade and give the job to Torreyes.  Meanwhile, Wade, like so many, has been sitting in Hooters, downing cheeseburgers, awaiting the weather to clear.

Time to panic?  All the sages say, " of course not.  It is much too early."  Last place by a few games at this point, means nothing.

I say;  time to panic.  We could not hold a 4 run lead yesterday, with 4  innings in the book.  Our number 4 starter " almost" had a nice outing ( 1 run in 5 innings.)  But, seriously, folks, for a 23 year old ( 22, 24, 25? ) that is not a," good outing."  Seven innings and 1 run is a, "good outing."

Pineda looks like the duufuss, dumbfuck that he is.  And who knows what befell Tanaka?  Another one win and three losses run by these guys, not to mention a soon-to-be overworked Adam Warren, and Cashman will start trading prospects.

So I am projecting a dung heap collapse, based upon what we have thus far witnessed.  No pitching, little offense, and braindead ownership are a lethal combination.  Just look at the Knicks. This Yankee team would likely beat them in basketball, and the Knicks would like beat us in baseball.

48 wins, and I am sticking with it.

Note to Hal;  that will likely not get us into the one game play-in roundtable.  See you at Davos.


joe de pastry said...

Thanks for letting us know about the do-over option, but I'll stick with my 79 win prediction, which I believe was the lowest in the original round.

Anonymous said...

Lowest in the original round it was, Joe - - because I was too depressed to post at that time - - and so it shall remain, because even though I found the clause in the Constitution which alloweth me to still jump in before the end of game 8, I cannot afford the legal fees that would ensue.

I vote for Fonz and his Crown Royal for new GM in 2018 - - if his liver holds out. LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

P.S. Note to Prince Hal: I will NOT be seeing you in Davos - - or Aspen, for that matter. I couldn't even afford one French-fry in Davos - - let alone one onion-ring in Aspen. LB (No J)

ranger_lp said...

They say it's darkest before the Dawn? Where the hell is she?

Anonymous said...

Here hoping to beat the Padres for the #1 draft pick. Then again, we'd probably only end up drafting the next "Brien Taylor" and giving him 6 million plus for that honor.