Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Bud Selig Honored in Milwaukee With Lifelike Statue

As a tribute to one of the wealthiest owners in baseball and eternal Grand Poobah of MLB, the citizens of Wisconsin have finally erected a permanent tribute to this native son.

Having worked his way up in the family from total nerd to favored son to esteemed trustee, Bud ( who adopted this name "of the people" so that his given, family name would offend fewer Republican fans who work in gas stations, car dealerships, and such ) took his inheritance and built a fine office.

After several interviews in this fine office, Bud assured all the other MLB owners that he would always favor money over fans. Shortly thereafter, and because he had nothing else to do, he was named "Commissioner of Baseball."

His accomplishments so far include;

- taking payroll tax money from the Yankees and re-investing nothing in his team;

- supporting the exploitation of pre-teen baseball wannabees in numerous Latin sovereign nations;

- promoting new stadiums with lethal security, luxury boxes and high definition TV rooms for Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, and Sarah Palin.

- bringing the first $84 steak sandwiches to the ballpark;

- insisting on "yellow mustard" at all condiment stations;

- promoting the 12 ounce, $14 beer from Wisconsin breweries ( allowing Coors only in the Colorado Rockies' stadium);

- threatening to sue You-Tube for hosting John Sterling "Yankees's Win" warbles, invented by "It Is High, It Is Far" geniuses who, formerly, were members of the free press.

Soon, I think, one of the Fugazy Brothers will begin offering a bus tour that starts at this statue in Milwaukee and ends in the badlands.

So here's to the super sausage of the year.

Topped off, of course, with yellow mustard.

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