Friday, March 28, 2014

The Rhetoric

Joe:  "Mr.  Almonte….thanks for stopping by.

"I know you had a great spring, both on offense and defense.  I know you proved yourself with a successful call-up last year.  And that season in the winter league was sensational.

"You are a player we have our eyes on.

"However ( and predictably to all Yankee fans), we have concluded that it will be better for your development to play every day in Scranton, rather than to play, situationally, up with the big club."

Mr. Almonte:  "Thanks, Joe.  I know this was difficult for you.

"But I hate Scranton.  It is the pits.  Everyone there over the age of 22, knows they have no shot with the Yankees.  Ewe all know that you are just passing out, empty, meaningless rhetoric.  If Mickey Mantle showed up, you guys would stash him in the minors while you paid Bobby Abreu to play.

"The fact is I would learn more, and gain more confidence in one week with the Yankees, than in passing another dreary season with the mud-hens, or whatever the frig they are called.  I have done everything I can, starred at every level, passed every test, and yet you still go with the monied, old guys.  That is so New York Yankee.  You never want youth , energy or excitement."

Joe:  "Er, you needn't feel that way, Mr. Almonte, you will be at the top of our list when we need an outfielder, due to illness or injury.  I mean, look at Jacoby;  he is still gimping around and hit practically nothing when he did play."

Mr.  Almonte: " That's what I mean.  He is paid millions, so he'll be on the roster even if he can't play.  A fine strategy for finishing out of the playoffs, again.  But I'll do what I must, until your rights to me end.

"If anyone is looking to trade for a fleet, young, good-hitting outfielder ( switch hitter ), give them my card.

"There is no opportunity for a young Yankee prospect except to grow older."


Anonymous said...

In fairness: Spring training numbers represent too small a sample, generated under atypical conditions, to form the basis for any reliable player evaluations. Almonte is a talented player but has never put up consistently eye-popping numbers in the minors, and he tanked during an extended trial in the majors last year. He's a borderlines prospect but a valuable fourth or fifth outfielder. CERTAINLY he deserves to be ahead of Suzuki in the pecking order for that role. If the Yanks don't trade or release Suzuki, it will be just another glaring signal of front-office star-gazing.

Almonte is not destined for stardoom, but he could be a useful player on this or any team--any team with a collective managerial IQ over 90.

Anonymous said...

My typo in the last sentence is only to apt--stranded in the Yankee minor-league gulag, Almonte is destined precisely for stardoom.

JM said...

They won't release Ichiro, and nobody wants to trade for him. Next year, he will be outta here and the Z man will make the team. Will Soriano be gone after this year too? I like the guy, but this should be it for him.

Jeter will be gone. I guess the question is, will they just release A Rod already? Pay him off, take the hit. Next year could be Anna's chance to prove himself.

God, I hope they let the team get younger in 2015.

Anonymous said...

Why wouldn't they release Suzuki? Almonte is superior on offense and equal or better in speed and defense. The money will be lost on that dumbass contract extension whether they keep him or release him--then why not do what's best for the team? They can't possibly believe that anyone's buying a ticket at this point to see the league's worst-hitting fourth outfielder.

The heir-heads seem to believe that they can rescue their assets by compiling a list of fading marquee names. Last season's echoing rows of blue seats disproved this definitively.

KD said...

I wonder about those expensive empty blue seats. are they unsold? Or sold to corporate bigwigs who don't show up when the team sucks? Either way it sure looks bad on TV.

Alphonso said...

I think Goldman Sachs owns most of them. They give the tickets to their interns ( for 22 hour workdays ) and to clients.

Also, any good looking babe who has rendered a service to a Goldman employee or staffer, can get a pair.

The bigwigs only show up when it is "politic" so to do. Like, in the old days, if Rudy Guliani wanted to go.

Today, you might see General Petraius there with that babe from Harvard.

None of them ever played the game.

Anonymous said...

It's not just the expensive foamy seat that are empty. The plebeian blue plastic ones went alarmingly ass-free as well last season.

I say "plebeian" as in accessible once or twice a year to six-figure incomes.

Ordinary working stiff need not apply beyond the confines of the bleachers.Aboutgo A.

This was George's gift to the fans: kiss my fat ass if you work for an honest living.