If Cashman can trade Jacoby Ellsbury, I hereby forgive him for Sonny Gray

Supposedly, the once-proud San Francisco Giants have reached the point where they are peering out over the precipice, staring wide-eyed into the fiery anus of death, and pondering a trade for Jacoby Ellsbury. 

I'm talking about the team of Willie, Stretch and the planet-sized skull of Barry Bonds... the city of Bullitt, Grace Slick and Scott McKenzie. They're considering The Chief. So if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. Summertime will be a love-in there. 

To the Giants, I say... BRAVO! Securing Jacoby is a flat-out brilliant move. 

Jake is rested, tested and raring to go. Write him into the lineup, and he'll bat lead-off, play CF and ignite the West Coast offense. He's big in the post-season - important, because the Giants with the Ell Train will become the NL team to beat. He'll teach the kids a thing or two because he's seen a thing or two. He'll unite the tribes and become King of the North.

I'm not just saying this to hear myself jabber. I mean it. Ellsby's mission in New York has been accomplished. He's taught us the one essential truth about America: Money is piss, and the sparrow is immortal. It's time to move on to another city, another sunset, another adventure.

I know, I know... Some of you are down on Jake because of the contract thingy. Boo to you. If you're angry because a player signed a big contract, don't blame the player. Blame the front office. Blame the juju gods. Blame the hallucinations caused by staring wide-eyed into the fiery anus of death. Bad contracts are a part of life. So are injuries. The E-Bury didn't fake his barking lumbago last season. It happened. The guy needs a new town and another chance. The worst thing that could happen would be trying again in New York. 

In return for 'Coby Beef, the Yankees get to be a team without 'Coby Beef. They might receive an equally bad contract, if such a thing exists. The rumor mill says Johnny Cueto might come our way. He will miss the 2019 season with TJ surgery. He's 33, with three years left on a $63 million stack of larded papers. The Yankees would write him off this year and hope for comeback in 2020. 

This is where Cooperstown Cashman must earn his pay. Somewhere in the middle, the numbers can even out a trade between Dinglebury and the Cuet. Somebody needs to throw in a Shane Robinson, and everybody is happy.

Finding a happy home for Ellsy would be one of the nicest moments of this gloomy winter. It would also eliminate a bullshit Yankee excuse for not bidding on Bryce Harper: That the outfield is "too crowded." Of course, it won't matter. Everything is money. All across the nation. Such a strange vibration. People in motion. There's a whole generation. With a new explanation. People in motion. People in motion. But maybe in San Francisco, he's gonna find some gentle people there.