He ransacked our camp, beheaded the flirty cheerleader, dismembered the frat boy and chased us into the woods with his Ronco slicer-dicer. That was 2009. We've wandered ever since.
For 15 years, we've watched bloody scenes of madness, like last night, and it finally dawned on me:
In this movie, the guy in the hockey mask is the star, and we are the extras.
Consider last night. A killer loss. An out-of-body experience. It will haunt us through September, at least -and maybe worse, maybe for years.
When you desperately rally to tie the game, you're supposed to win.
When your CF makes a fantastic, game-saving catch, you're supposed to win.
When your best pitcher valiantly returns, you're supposed to win.
And when you lose, well, you're in the wrong movie.
For the Yankees, last night exposed several existential signs that we're simply expendables in the wrong slasher flick.
Our trusty catcher, Jose Trevino, cannot throw out runners. Last night, the O's were 4-for-4 in SBs, and the winning run came on an errant toss into left field. This is a RED ALERT. Until something changes, teams will run wild on us. Every walk, every single, every HBP - it's like a double off the wall. We cannot stop their running games. In simple terms, we are fucked.
Our trusty closer, Clay Holmes, cannot throw a scoreless inning. A starter might pitch into the sixth, but that still leaves three innings for the bullpen to implode. And if we do make it into the ninth, our closer has collapsed. No lead is safe. RED ALERT.
Our trusty captain, Aaron Judge, apparently cannot hold a bat. Last night, the Fates screamed for a show-stopping appearance by the Captain. With the bases loaded and the game on the line, how sad was it to watch Jahmai Jones (BA: .200) stride to the plate, while Judge flexed his fingers in the dugout? Just how bad is the hand? Yesterday, the Yankee brain trust soft-soaped his injury - then didn't let him play. What should we conclude, other than it's worse than reported? And you know what that means? A withering slump when he does return.
Without Judge and Anthony Rizzo, the Yankees have reverted to the anemic lineup of the last five years, which goes to sleep from the 6th slot onwards. We hope Ben Rice goes on a rookie tear - last night he went 1-for-3 with a walk - but really, who doesn't feel he's a future trade chip in some horrible Cashman deal, currently lurking behind the out house, like a Kitchen Magician psychopath?
For 15 years now, we've been the odd team out, lost in someone else's movie. The saddest part? This has been a great season... until, gulp, now?
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8 comments:
The game was over when the guy ran out on the field just before Cole's final inning. You could see the look on his face. It's one we've seen before. He's pumped, he's ready, he's in a state, and then he has to wait.
Guaranteed runs for the other team.
At least he wasn't saddled with the loss.
Don't go looking for whatever is causing that CHAINSAW noise in the basement!
It's just HAL'S change purse.
Trevino has the yips. That ain't good.
"Wednesday was a winnable game the Yankees lost thanks to their manager. There have been too many of those since the start of his tenure, but none in the regular season worse than this one."
Keefe ticks off all of Boone's mistakes last night. You saw them in real time if you watched. And you knew every one of them was a mistake.
Him still having a job is, also.
Baboone strikes again!
Is it too early to start the re-runs of "Commander Ba-Boone, Yankee Cosmonaut"?
Baboone: Mayday Mayday, I got a blowout ... I can't hold her ... I can't hold her ... she's breaking up ... she's breaking up ...."
(Cut to screen shot of Yankee Titanic crashing and breaking apart at incredible speed in the Utah salt flats.) POWWWWWWW BLAMMMMMMM WHOOOOSHHHHH
(Cut to operating table scene:)
Narrator: Commander Aaron Ba-Boone, Cosmonaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can re-build him. We can make him stronger ... faster ... smarter ....
Cue to music: da da da daaa ....
I didn't watch the game. Only caught a few innings on the airwaves. Did Cole try to hit any Orioles? Box score says nobody hit by Cole.
The more I think of it, the more I think Cole should've hit their best hitter. Early in the game too. A message needed to be sent. It wasn't. (And I didn't expect him to get it done. Prima Donna, doing prima donna things again.)
I've got to hand it to the Orioles. Their manager or their pitching coach must've told them to pitch up and in on Judge and other Yankee hitters. Can't argue with the results. Judge out, probably at least a week, maybe two, maybe three. We could've used Judge's bat in the lineup yesterday, eh? Sure worked out beautifully for the Orioles, no?
This strategy, straight out of the old playbook of the Red Sox and Tampons. It's another form of cheating. Doesn't show up in the books. No one (on their side) ever gets disciplined for it. Yankees take it and don't give back. It is better to give than to receive, the good book saith. In the bean ball wars, it's the truth.
It's hard to win if you're playing straight and the other side is cheating. In western cowboy movies, the good guy always ends up outslugging the cheater or gunning him down in a duel. But that only happens in the movies. The truth is that the cheater almost always wins in real life.
And the Orioles, just like the Red Sox and the Tampons did for many years, look like they're going to get away with it.
Yanks should DL Judge for at least seven days. You watch. Cashman won't put him on the DL/IL. He'll be out of the lineup for at least a week. Cashman loves to play shorthanded. That's another thing with that jackass. One, two, three guys short? Happens all the time in Yankee Wonderland.
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