Sandwiched by Jazz Chisholm and Austin Wells - two rising, independent nations - they'd bring shock and awe to the AL's most potent lineup. Oh, hopeful times...
Well, it's now a Gleesome Threesome, and the gonadal tweaks of spring have yet to find Paul Goldschmidt's 37-year-old hammy. We could soon be down to a Gruesome Twosome or a Loathsome Onesome?
The issue - surprise! - is Giancarlo Stanton, who has somehow managed to develop two tennis elbows, simultaneously, and be up for a lifetime achievement award from some surgical trade association. Yesterday, Stanton left Tampa for NYC, to have both elbows evaluated by some big, scary machine.
When a player leaves camp, unless it's for childbirth, that is not happy news. Considering that it's Stanton - age 35 - who has been injured almost constantly since joining the Yankees in 2019. (That year, he played 158 games, by far the most in Pinstripes. Last year, he managed 114, spackled over by a healthy October, when he won MVP of the ALCS) - it's barely news at all. It's just newsy normalcy.
As far as we know, the real problem with Stanton has not changed from last fall:
Guy cannot run.
Last October, it hurt just to watch him, attempting a gallop worthy of the Pope (Hang in there, Your Eminence!) Yeah, he stole 2B against Cleveland; the 1B positioned himself in RF. Even if Stanton solves his barking elbows, he remains a GIDP on any ball on the ground. You can play a hobbled DH in a seven-game series. It won't work over a regular season.
To replace Stanton, well, it's not pretty.
For example, Dominic "Sloth Bear" Smith. He's 29, a scrap heap signee, built like a water heater, can barely play 1B in a pinch, and who peaked during the first Trump administration. Last year, he belted 6 HRs, hit .233. That is Franchy Cordero territory - Jake Bauer, Willie Calhoun, Billy McKinney - love to them all! We played them in 2023, finished 4th in the AL East, two above .500. You cannot replace 30 HRs with people who should be playing in Korea.
Then there's Ben Rice, who somehow last year hit 3 HRs in one game - (forever, Ben Thrice.) He still managed to finish the season at .171. He's 25. In camp, the Gammonities have bestowed upon him the time-worn trope that he's added (apply number here) pounds of muscle!
For young hitters, that means absolutely nothing.
Then there is the runner-up to the current competition at 3B, which falls somewhere between American Idol XXL and Miss Utica-Rome. Suddenly, we must digest the idea that there will be two winners of the 3B battle: the guy who can play 3B - Oswaldo? - and the first runner-up, who will be the DH?
Basically, it all comes down to DJ LeMahieu, one of baseball's worst hitters, statistically, over the last two years. He'll turn 37 in July.
Finally, there seems to be no financial solution to this crisis. The brain trust has been whispering that Owner Hal is fed up with spending his money, that there'll be no more spring acquisitions, aside from maybe a recycled Dooley Womack or Alvaro Espinosa.
The Gleesome Threesome! Wasn't it just last month when the Gammonites projected the Yankees to win the AL East? Oh, the good old days...
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18 comments:
I’m never seen a non juiced weightlifter get hurt like this. I’m fucking 50 and rolling in bjj every day and don’t get hurt like that
Repeat after me:
There’s nothing humerus about an acute case of lateral epicondylitis.
Especially when it’s in both arms.
And both those arms belong to Speedy Giancarlo.
I just read that habitual masterbaters often suffer from a form if uh, uhm, a tennis elbow.
So that begs the question:
Is Speedy ambidextrous?
the management would like to apologize for any mistakes and/or typos in the previous comment. those responsible have been sacked
Giancarlo has been removed from this team by the moderator.
I could still run when I was 50, too. Not incredibly fast, but still.
So, Jaraxle, what is bjj?
This is what juicing can do for you boys and girls!
Forever etched in my mind as Giambi Syndrome.
Duque’s cynicism is well warranted. In spite all the clickbait articles espousing various trade scenarios/ FA signings, the Yankees have been closed for business since the holidays. Other than the occasional scrap heap signing, what you see is what you’re gonna get. Do not listen to the boot lick commentaries of the corporate shills. The team’s refusal to make obvious upgrades in order to avoid the next CBT barrier is an absolute outrage. Every word written in protest by this enlightened blog is right on target.
Regarding Stanton, the simian Boone said there were “personal” reasons for Stanton’s departure from camp and refused to elaborate further. What this means is anybody’s guess. It is fairly obvious though that he will miss significant time at the start of the season. And while DH is the easiest position to fill, the team’s shocking lack of depth means increased playing time for the Grishams and Rices of the world. There are no David Justices or Chili Davises on the roster and no further help is coming.
Woe is us.
If only Justice or Davis was on the roster. Those guys were serious ballplayers.
But then, I don't think they'd put up with Boone.
Wow, Al Trautwig died. I liked him. He didn't yell.
He may have …. at the end
I dunno, he was a pretty classy guy. He probably whistled the Goodbye song from Sound of Music.
or this:
https://youtu.be/wvEZ-bS11cU?si=vozG7kVj3b41AJEp
I’d be remiss in not mentioning how bad Dominguez has looked in LF so far.
Great piece, Duque...
...and, one POSSIBLE solution: Goldschmidt DHs and we actually put T.J. Rumfield on first.
I know, I know. I TOLD him not to shoot Cashie's dog. But man, when a beast like that just keeps stealing chickens, and Pal kept refusing to admit to it...
Boone on the growing mystery surrounding Stanton’s disappearance: “Hopefully, we see him soon”
the great communicator has spoken.
This team is Twiggy-thin. There is a Cour Four group of players that if they get hurt or underperform the season is over. Terrible management of all that money...
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