Whether you're Miss Universe or Miss Utica, your team needs a "First-Runner-Up," who can emerge from the bikini bullpen and throw a solid seven.
With reigning Mr. Yankee Ace, Gerrit Cole, out of the picture, the following "First-Runners-Up" will rise within the YES narrative command.
Please note these personnel changes in future discourse:
Yankee Ace. Until further notice, Max Fried will assume this coveted role, which involves "leading" the staff and appearing regularly on YES to assure fans that everything is okay.
Thus far, Fried has pitched 2.1 innings, and surrendered 2 earned runs, for an ERA of 7.71. We wish him good luck.
Enduring Workhorse and Staff Lug Nut. This post, also formerly held by Cole, now belongs to Carlos Rodon, as he begins his third season with the team. Who expected such longevity? His current spring ERA is 10.13.
Staff Spark Plug and Potboiler. The role of last year's plucky overachiever, played by Nestor Cortez, will now be handled by tumultuous Marcus "I'm a Starter" Stroman.
Staff Clarke Schmidt. This remains Clarke Schmidt.
Note: All current positions are subject to change, depending on health considerations.
Posts
15 comments:
Again I submit my plea for a staff full of knuckleballers, impervious to injuries and the laws of gravity.
BTR - I agree. It would actually be more consistent than what we have now. And it would be good entertainment. Yes, baseball is a business, but the "product" is entertainment. If everybody knows that EVERY BALL COMING DOWN THE PIKE IS A KNUCKLER, it would be hugely entertaining. We'd also be following in the tradition of Bill Veeck and the White Sox. And we could do worse than that. We are now like a really, really shitty, depressing daytime soap opera.
Maybe Carl Pavano can be talked out of retirement.
Alan Winans is going to save the season. And he was so funny on In Living Color.
I'm JM, and I approve this message.
I hear he's injured. Javy Vasquez, though...
Okay, please allow me to throw some water on the fire. Yeah, the loss of Mr. Prima Donna Cole is a small setback. But he didn't even have the best stuff on the staff last year. (That would be Luis Gil.) The Gil injury is really devastating. Mr. Prima Donna? Not so much. We'll miss him (or should I say the Mutts will miss him) when the Yanks play the Mutts. They won't have Mr. Prima Donna to kick around for 10 runs in 3 innings like they usually do. Ditto with the Red Sux, the Tampons, etc. etc. etc.
Did I not say years ago (was it 2023?) that Prima Donna should be traded? At the latest, he should've been traded that winter. Preferably, he should've been traded at the deadline in 2023. Would've brought back a nice big haul of prospects. Now, he's not even worth a bag of balls. He'll be our pitching version of Giancarlo Stanton until his contract finally expires. And even then you never know. Cashman might re-up him to another 3 year contract.
It's too bad that our memory of Mr. Prima Donna will be the classic Chuck Knoblauch pointing pose. Way to go there, Mr. Prima Donna, may I have your autograph on this here photo of the pointing moment? Unlike the Knoblauch pointing, this one will never be laughed off by Yankee fans.
I do think Fried will be real good. Somehow, methinks he'll eschew advice from our resident pitching genius, Lt. Gen. Mattius Blakehead. I saw on the highlights that Fried was getting advice from Roger Clemens (Rah-jah). An indication of superior intellect on Fried's part. Plus, he showed up in shape. No Coors belly on this dude.
Draft a young guy with great command, spot-on control, decent slider, above average curve and change up, very good mechanics but he only throws 92. Work with what he has and maybe get a Tom Glavine type or draft the guy who's been throwing as hard as he can possibly throw for his entire baseball life and "coach him up" to throw even harder? Analytics says you want what's behind door number 2.
The average length of a pitcher's career in 2000, 10 years before velocity became king of all kings, was 10.97 years. The average length today is 2.7 years. Position players have dropped in the same span from 5.6 to 2.9 years. So what's good for the game statistically is bad for the players? I guess it is, but it's sure good for the owners.
This is a quote from Keith Meister, the Rangers' team physician:
“It’s like NFL running-back numbers,” Meister said. “Cynically from the ownership side of things, they’re never going to have to pay big bucks to any of these players. Forget about them becoming free agents. They’re never even going to become arb-eligible.”
Fuck Hal of course, but maybe use a little lube with the Brain. Dumpster diving in 2025 isn't nearly as productive as it was back when he first started nosing up and down the alleys.
Trade everyone.
And: sell the team!
A good debate. But I gotta put in a word for Flouncy, much as he has often annoyed me. A Cy Young, three other Top Tens for Cy Young, 59-28, with a 5-2 record in the postseason (where he deserved at least 2 more wins.). I don't know how much more we could have expected for him—including an injury at 34.
The trouble wasn't Cole, just as it wasn't Judge. The trouble is Cashman thinking two stars are enough. He seems to believe he is running a basketball team.
Post a Comment