The day after Baseball's Convention of Nothingness: Five takeaways

Okay, as the late Mr. Wolf would say, Let's go to the videotape! 

1. Are we being played? The Information Superhighway is ripe with trade rumors that make no sense. Supposedly, the Yankees are in on Colorado's Gold Glove CF Brenton Doyle, and I'm thinking - great, a Ryan McMahon for the outfield. WTF? They already have a logjam. Acquiring Doyle would kill their imaginary chase of Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger, as well as clobber plans for The Martian and Spencer Jones. This 4-D chess match is giving me a headache. But this we know: Pull one thread on the Yankee sweater, and the varsity letter falls off. I think they're running a massive psyops campaign. They say anything, knowing that across the Yankiverse, all that matters is pitching, pitching, pitching content, content, content.  

2. The Mets will gorge themselves at the free agent buffet. Stevie Cohen has not yet begun to spend, and I imagine him holding two large platters as he goes through the line, loading up on burnt-end cutlets (Bellinger), bang-bang shrimp (Tatsuya Imai) and the prime rib (Bo Bichette). We're going to get the mystery meat leftovers. (Michael King, Jordan Montgomery.) Food Stamps Hal is always looking to collude - remember his talks with Cohen when Aaron Judge went on the market? In today's America, corruption is not just legal, it's preferred. The Mets will spend their money, then leave the store. That's when the Yankees will enter.

3. Are the Yankees really listening to deals for Jazz Chisholm? Or is this just a way of telling players that nobody is safe? This would be a sea change, and it would open a gaping hole at 2B. Chisholm's 31 HRs - and 31 SBs - were nice last year, but he sucked in the postseason, when he tried to hit every ball to Yonkers. Also, I wonder if he can withstand another year of being pummeled at 2B? He's a tough player, and I think the Yankees like him. So, again, in these rumors, are we being played?  

4. There remains a huge void at SS, in the rotation and on the truth. A general rule of Yankee fandom is to never believe their target date for a player's return from injury. Doesn't matter who, or where, or when. If the Yankees say he'll be back in May, he'll be back in June. If so, Anthony Volpe and Carlos Rodon will miss major blocks of the regular season. Also, there's no guarantee for either. Volpe has yet to show any stardom, and they're saying that Rodon, at the end of September, could barely lift his arm, due to the chips floating in his elbow. 

5. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I cannot shake the feeling that, when the 2027 labor strike ends - maybe in 2028? - Hal will be looking to sell. Massive changes will be coming to MLB's financial structure, and the Yankees are already descending into a mid-upper tier dingus. Meanwhile, the richest men in the world - what comes after trillionaires? - will be coveting cultural versions of penis extensions, and what better way to advertise your manhood than by hanging with celebrities in the owner box? (Something Hal does not do.) Somebody - a Musk, a Bezos, a Trump - will make Hal an insane offer, which he cannot refuse. I'm not sure whether to look forward to this, or to dread it. But the Yankees should be owned by superhuman wealth, with an ego to match. Hal has never filled that role. (Except when performing in the Broadway version of KINKY BOOTS. He was sooo liberated.)